a-bagel-with-anxiety

[a-bagel-with-anxiety]

In one misfortunate year I ended up getting into several car accidents. It cemented my general fear and anxiety in cars, because in each case I was either in the car but not driving or driving safely when suddenly something hit me.

One was my ex driving in an unfamiliar city and cutting someone off on accident that resulted in a sideswipe. Another was getting rear ended when I came to a required stop.

The last was when I had a green arrow at an intersection. I turned and was smashed into by someone running a red light, T-boning my little car.

Dazed and in shock I tottered out of the car to behold a crusty older man eating a donut step out of the offending vehicle. A fire truck arrived to block us off from traffic since my car could no longer move under its own power.

“Were you on your way home from work?” The firemen asked me.

I shook my head, struggling to focus on them, “No,” I said vaguely, “I was on my way home from volunteering at the animal shelter.”

In an instant they were closing ranks around me, glaring at the ambivalent donut man who would dare to hit a tiny frail angel who volunteered at the animal shelter. They asked if I needed to get anything out of my car. I did.

“It’s… uh. It’s a little weird though.”

They gestured for me to proceed. I grabbed a bag with snacks and books and filled it with things I couldn’t just leave in my car. Last out I pulled my cutlass.

“Is that a sword?!”

It was. They were instantly like giant puppy dogs, excited and delighted but trying to mind their manners. The bravest said, “Can we…?” I held out the sword. They whooped with delight, unsheathing and marveling at it.

“Why do you have that in your car?”

“I honestly don’t remember, it’s just a fun thing to have at a party now.”

“Is your wrist okay?”

My shock was wearing off and I realized I was cradling my wrist to my chest. “Oh.” I rummaged into my bag and pulled out a wrist brace.

“Wh….why do you already have that?” I was starting to confuse the firemen. I volunteered with cats, had a sword offhand, and kept a wrist brace in my car bag.

“Sometimes I try to hold books in a way that sprains my wrist? So I have this in my car just in case.”

They stared at me. Maybe, like my wife, they assumed it was for masturbation induced injuries. They handed my sword back as the tow truck arrived and thanked me for letting them play with it. They gave donut man one last glare and drove their big truck away.

[a-bagel-with-anxiety]

[a-bagel-with-anxiety]

[a-bagel-with-anxiety]

squinting at the 'fix it fic' tag on any given story on Ao3, trying to discern if it's intended in the sense of:

I genuinely think the story had bad writing and I am taking my toolbox and improving it [and i the reader agree]

I genuinely think the story had bad writing and I am taking my toolbox and improving it [and i the reader disagree]

The story's ending was Tragic and I Respect that but also i just want to read about my faves having some kind of joy and fulfilment okay?

The story's ending was Tragic and I do Not Respect That please God Damnit Let Them Be Happy

We Are Literally Fixing The Canon With The Application of Time Travel or Reality Warping or some other Wild Plot Device

I am going to fix one obscure detail or plot element that 95% of the fandom has never thought about in their life

(because these are all extremely different vibes)

[a-bagel-with-anxiety]

🐺 moon-moon4w00 Follow

Friendly reminder that asking your lycan partner to turn you is incredibly insensitive! Seriously can we retire this trope already? Not only is it just offensive, but no one would ever actually choose this life! Lycanthropy is a curse. Full stop.

🐾 superhowllock69 Follow

Ok user "moon-moon" as if that original meme wasn't created to mock pack nomenclature 🙄

Anyway I'm not gonna touch that internalized lycanphobia with a ten foot pole. Being turned by your partner is something that can be incredibly intimate as long as both parties are consenting and the one being turned is 100% sure they want it. Literally the only downside to transforming once a month is the pain, but midol works just fine. No one with these "lycanthropy bad" takes ever wants to discuss the legitimate positives that come with this "curse" lmao.

🐺 moon-moon4w00 Follow

I'm literally reclaiming moon moon but go off I guess. Anyways turning your partner is absolutely disgusting and morally reprehensible and anyone who does it should be muzzled permanently.

🌜 impawssible Follow

lmao my wife literally saved my life when she turned me but i guess she should be muzzled huh? we run through the woods hunting deer together and can each haul in groceries in one trip now, but nooo she's obviously a danger to society because she cares enough about me to help me when insurance wouldn't cover my medicine

also it was confirmed that the creator of that meme literally makes and sells silver bullets so if you still wanna use moon moon for yourself that certainly is a choice. source: (X)

🦴 pupperoni Follow

I love that instead of naming the more common benefits of lycanthropy, you mentioned that you and your wife can carry all the groceries in one trip. I think that's definitely a positive that gets overlooked far too often and I commend you for speaking your truth, sir

🌜 impawssible Follow

lol thanks but I'm a woman 😅

🦴 pupperoni Follow

🦇 count-fuckula Follow

Plus werewolf blood tastes way better and is as filling as 10 humans 👍

🐺 moon-moon4w00 Follow

Oh my GOD you vampblr freaks will just flock to anything. It clearly says "vamps DNI" in my bio!

🐾 superhowllock Follow

lmaoooo of course you're a vampire exclusionist

🌕 daddy-fenris Follow

wasn't OP the same guy who said fursuits were offensive to lycanthropes and doxxed a werewolf fursuiter?

🐺 moon-moon4w00 Follow

They ARE offensive and harmful to this community and I'm tired of pretending they're not. They perpetuate harmful depictions of what a humanoid wolf is actually like.

🌜 impawssible Follow

me when I dox someone for making candy colored animal costumes that look nothing like what a real werewolf does

🦴 pupperoni Follow

K

🌕 daddy-fenris Follow

U

[a-bagel-with-anxiety]

“can anyone hear me” and “its so dark in here” and “who said that” have got to be some of my fav things to say on a post because it brings to mind being locked in a room or lost in a cave, probably because of what youve said. not being called out in desperation, but in much calmer yet still resigned-to-your-fate way. in the case of “who said that” you’re saying something out the side of your mouth or under your breath, sometimes just fully out loud, then feigning bewilderment to whip around and look behind you. Sometimes in this case you’re in a vast and empty wheat field with no audience anyway. In all cases you’re definitely some sort of madman or loon or otherwise totally bonkers. just a glimpse into how my Posting Interpretation is.

[a-bagel-with-anxiety]

#my girls <3 #<3 #cute #puppy #doberman #animals #animal photos

[a-bagel-with-anxiety]

entering the timeloop willingly so i can spend all the time i want on my phone and it will never affect my life or sleep habits ever. this can only be a good thing the internet is so fun

#literally think about this all the time #put me in a time loop right now #i would take an awesome nap

[a-bagel-with-anxiety]

there’s comedian funny and there’s lunch table funny, and I imagine that most comedians would also be lunch table funny, but there are a lot of peoples who are witty in conversation that wouldn’t be good at writing a comedy sketch or doing stand-up

[a-bagel-with-anxiety]

I don't care what your sexuality is if we start doing kiss marry kill or smash or pass for people of a gender you're not actually attracted to you can have some gosh darn imagination. Make a choice. Pick. Imagine. Open your mind to creativity.

[a-bagel-with-anxiety]

unsung benefit i think a lot of ppl are sleeping on with using the public library is that i think its a great replacement for the dopamine hit some ppl get from online shopping. it kind of fills that niche of reserving something that you then get to anticipate the arrival of and enjoy when it arrives, but without like, the waste and the money.

[a-bagel-with-anxiety]

[a-bagel-with-anxiety]

Made the worst brownies ever created just now

#i second the topsoil comment

[a-bagel-with-anxiety]

Mods? Take him to the stump of his favorite childhood tree.

[a-bagel-with-anxiety]

in kung fu panda, po is the dragon warrior because unlike tai lung and tigress, he worked customer service and won't become tyrannical with power

[a-bagel-with-anxiety]

[a-bagel-with-anxiety]

SEMEN RETENTION-- WRAPPED!

You conserved 137ml of fluid!

You didn't jack off 140,346,824 times!

The thing that got you most horny was... The rich loam by the river delta!

Your warrior essence grew by 84%! WOW!

The thought that kept you from masturbating the most was... The hard red clay of the valley!

Your male spirit takes the form of the Conquering Lion, and its element is the Roaring Thunder!

If you jerked off now, you could save all of us