aceywacyyy
my brain on tumblr
thoughts. hip hip hooray
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its been a year??? since i've started this blog??????? what the fuck
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the shit i post on here is fucking embarrassing omfg someone shoot me
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vent again what a surprise
its getting to the point where i just say fuck it and die. i've been eating less, getting irritated more easily, and my mood swings have been getting worse. i feel like im pushing everyone away, but whats the point in keeping anyone in my life when i just get used and taken advantage of over and over again? whats the point in putting any more effort into a friendship or even my relationship, when i know that i might push them all away??? i dont want to ruin anything with the people in my life, but whats the fucking point anymore??? whats the point of even getting up in the morning???? there's not really anything im excited for in the morning, i get up because i have to. i don't feel like I've accomplished anything. im so over feeling like this, i don't know what to do. i feel so alone
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i hate seeing one of my childhood youtubers resort to weird content for the new generation, here's an example:
im PREGNANT with THREE ALPHA WOLVES in MINECRAFT
i just made this up but you get the gist
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I FUCKING KNEW HE WAS GAY EVERYONE CLAP IT UP LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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when im scrolling through tumblr then i realize im scrolling through tumblr
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oh btw i just post to post, not for a specific person unless stated otherwise
im in my own world fr
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crazy
man i havent been on tumblr in ages. i wasn't able to but also i didn't really need it for a good while, since i usually vent a lot on here (sorry)
until RIGHT NOWWW GIVE IT UP FOR ACE VENT NUMBER 358572894739 BECAUSE OH MY GOOOOOODDDDDD DHHUHUUUUGHHHHGHHH
i dont know what has happened to me over the past week or so, but my thoughts and urges have just gotten worse and worse for some reason, and i wish i knew what happened to me. this is the second day in a row (lost my streak) of me BAWLING in my room for no reason. maybe there is a reason and i just don't know it?? maybe these episode-like nights I've been having comes from me bottling up my feelings or whatever. this sucks, i wish i could talk to someone instead of being a loser and venting on tumblr of all places, but it is what it is. sometimes i wish someone would notice that im genuinely not feeling okay, but every time someone asks: "are you okay?" i say im fine but i automatically feel really, really stupid afterwards. i had a chance to talk about how i feel and i fucked it up. i fuck a lot of things up, i always have tbh. i feel like ive grown as a person mentally, as im not getting jealous anymore (depends), but have i really? is this just an illusion ive created to think "man i was insane back then". i wish i knew what was wrong with me, i wish i could talk to someone professionally without filtering myself. it kinda sucks that i come on here to talk about my feelings but its not like i can talk to anyone irl tbh, i just make a big deal out of things like this, people have it worse. maybe i should just say fuck it and stab myself
its okay though i have mitski to help me thug it out fr
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we won guys
for now at least but now i gotta take my url out of my bios this place is my void GET OUT
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okay no more depressing shit this is supposed to be my super silly land
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its fun to say stuff in this blog bc it feels like im talking to the void and i think thats great
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