aclownnnnnnnn

[aclownnnnnnnn]

This version of me is created for you

[aclownnnnnnnn]

I'm sorry but the last ep of mr and mrs smith didn't happen to me. Fuck death

#mr and mrs smith #maya erskine #donald glover

[aclownnnnnnnn]

For once, i want to be the poem, not just the poet. I want to be admired with soothing and well constructed words, no longer be the one writing every little details about those i admire.

[aclownnnnnnnn]

You created this version of me, please don't ruin it.

#crush

[aclownnnnnnnn]

I miss you in so many different levels. That i could not describe with words.

[aclownnnnnnnn]

I don't think you'd understand how badly you broke my heart.

[aclownnnnnnnn]

I really hope i didn't push you away.

I'm queer, i know.

That doesn't make me less of a friend.

[aclownnnnnnnn]

There's too much hope put on you.

I'm sorry.

I had hope for us.

And you grow up carrying the hope of your family.

I think i burdened you.

I apologise if i caused you any discomfort.

I love you.

And i tend to hope that you loved me too.

You don't have to.

I understand that.

[aclownnnnnnnn]

I am selfish,

I'm narcissistic,

I only see the wrong in people,

Never in mine,

I only blame people,

But afterwards,

When realisation hits me,

I blame myself.

It got to the point where i stopped seeing the good in me.

I stopped believing that i deserved to be heard.

Maybe i don't.

Because i hurt people.

Thinking that's fine, because I've been hurt too.

Who's actually in the wrong?

People around me,

Or is it simply me who's goddamn selfish?

[aclownnnnnnnn]

I stopped wanting to be alive,

Because i couldn't see the better future,

Because i stopped seeing the end result,

That's supposed to entertain me, motivate me and makes me believe it's worth another day of suffering.

Because back then, I had you.

Along the way, though not close to being mine,

You were there.

And that was more than enough.

Now, we no longer breathe the same air.

We no longer cross paths,

Thus, i stopped wanting to be alive.

[aclownnnnnnnn]

The divorce is overdue.

My parents are two people hurting.

And then I got hurt too.

[aclownnnnnnnn]

You taught me loyalty. Maybe i shall crawl back to us. That didn't even happen.

[aclownnnnnnnn]

I wrote letters, poems and carved them on my forehead for you. Just so the world knows, that you are my heart and soul. Apparently,all of that wasn't enough. Not enough for you to notice me. Nor for you to accept me for who i am.

[aclownnnnnnnn]

I put a lot of hope in you, in us.

Yet, we never even cross your mind.

[aclownnnnnnnn]

My relationship with my mother is like, i hate my mom. I wish i had a different kind of mother, i hope my mother isn't the way she is but also i want to tell my mother about everything, she needs to know how my day went and I'll still call her name when I'm scared.

Complicated.

#mother #mommy issues

[aclownnnnnnnn]

Pretty sure they sent each other flowers and are trying to be lowkey about it.

[aclownnnnnnnn]

Idk wether you guys have seen this or not but!!! Medvegitova looking proud at trusokova??? My reconciled divorced mommies :^):^

#trusokova #medvegitova