adhdsleepdeprivedstudent

[adhdsleepdeprivedstudent]

this is so important. those of us w adhd know how difficult routines can be to maintain and i discovered that not letting it be The End of The World anytime i can’t keep a routine, it really helped me actually build routines that i *could* keep. i found things that worked for me by trial and error over a long period of time and when something stopped working i had to learn to not beat myself up but to change my perspective from “Im a Complete Failure” to “Oh I Get to Try New Things! I’m a Routine Collector!”

i feel like no one really wants to hear that sleep/exercise/nutrition/hydration are major factors in treating mental health issues bc we’ve all talked to that person who thinks your depression would be cured by one good session of goat yoga or whatever but unfortunately they do help and i’m chronically annoyed about it

[adhdsleepdeprivedstudent]

hate it when I'm doing things I really want to do and I encounter the tiniest speedbump in the process and my brain goes "I shan't!" and fucks off for a month at a time to avoid those speedbumps.

[adhdsleepdeprivedstudent]

being diagnosed with something later in life is like. oh. so this is why i was lost. this is why i was hurt. this is why i was hated. this is the piece i knew was missing, but couldn’t name. now that name has been granted. and you sit in the doctor’s office chair. you stare at the insurance code. you wonder what could have been, had you known earlier. you wonder and wonder and wonder.

[adhdsleepdeprivedstudent]

holy fuck it’s been a minute since i posted!

almost 1600 days as a matter of fact aka almost 4 and a half years. my last post was early december of 2019, so like 3 months before life as we knew it ended.

tldr at the end!

this blog was largely based around the adhd experience in school, so some school updates!

i was a senior in 2020 so i “graduated” that may and my entire first year and a half of college was 100% online so that was certainly…interesting. second semester of sophomore year they reintroduced a couple of in person classes, mainly ones where zoom was impractical to use, such as my ASL classes. so i was one of the first students back on campus and that was cool but also horrible and extremely stressful and difficult to navigate. i was already struggling with my grades but that just made it worse. i started failing classes left and right, and basically failed my entire junior year first semester. second semester junior year i had just completely given up but was still taking classes to please other people, i enjoyed the actual learning between my two degrees but i just couldn’t keep up with school and everything else in my life. and then this last fall i had signed up for classes two weeks into the semester bc i was originally planning to take the semester off so i was extremely behind….and then two weeks after that i found out i had to move to a different state and ended up having to drop my classes anyways.

that break really forced me to slow down not just in school but all aspects of life. i got “settled” about halfway through october just to have to spend about 50-60% of the next 5 months traveling to and from home and my new state for many reasons. as it stands currently, unless i wish to pay out of state tuition i have to wait until about february or march of 2025 before i can get enrolled in a local university.

HOWEVER, i have decided and am actively looking into EMT schools for the summer and am currently looking for a second job in order to save up for that and im extremely excited about it! ill finish those degrees later lmao.

now, for the not school related life update that will show yall just why i was gone!

as many of yall may know i was diagnosed with adhd at 16, so in 2018, and had just been figuring a bit of it out when i started this blog. i was working and going to school and dealing with a lot at home but it was manageable for awhile. junior year was stressful and then i got extremely sick right around when i stopped posting so i had ended up taking some time off from content in order to focus on that. then covid hit and my life completely crumbled. i was already in online school so i didn’t have to slow down or wait for my school to figure stuff out and was able to finish business as usual. i was living at the time, with my grandparents, mom, sisters, and brother in one house, so it was always chaotic but being stuck in the house became a nightmare. lots and lots of family drama came from that and we were all stuck there because of how at risk both my grandparents and mom were.

the summer rolls around and i end up finally able to leave the house and get another job. it was a shit job but it got me out of the house so that was worth it. my “best friend” and i had been searching for apartments together so id needed to save money and was actively buying things and scheduling tours until she told me with less than a weeks notice that she was moving states and shortly after that basically quit acknowledging my existence. between family stuff, struggling with the start of college online, and then that i was not doing well mentally. i was lucky enough to have a couple friends that saw this and made sure to constantly keep checking on me and getting me out of the house more and more.

and then we moved. my mom, sisters and i started looking for a new place to live winter of 2020. my health had also taken a serious toll. i couldn’t even sit up in bed without feeling dizzy and was fainting regularly and had to quit my job because it got so bad. january 6th i got a call from my dr to go to the er immediately after she got some lab results back (i watched the capitol riot live on tv in the waiting room!) and was hospitalized for a few days after that. i got released and that next day we toured a house and it ended up being the one we bought.

within a month we were moving into the new house, school was kicking my ass, and i was still struggling physically and it had taken an even bigger toll on my mental health.

at the end of my freshman year i got a puppy and he and my friend genuinely saved my life. that summer, our family dog passed extremely unexpectedly and i had to pay all the vet bills for that and it really damaged my finances. my brother moved in and my life got worse again. and then we rescued a 3 week old kitten and couple months later i started another job. and then quit that job because my health was declining once again.

spring of the next year my sister and i got a job at the same place, and life seemed to start to steady minus my failing every class i took and my mental and physical health continuing to decline.

by fall of that year, after a lot of struggling throughout the family and a lot of other issues, we collectively agreed we had no choice but to send my brother rehab. he went, got out, immediately relapsed and we decided he had to go live with his biological father. i was thrilled because my brother genuinely abused me and then i adopted another kitten for my birthday that year.

this situation led my mother and his father to reconnecting and a month later they were engaged, they got married about 6 months later and had a long distance marriage of my mom traveling back and forth between him and my brother and the rest of the family.

about 4 months later my best friend moved states and it really sucked. and then another couple months passed and we found out that despite my working 60+ hours a week on top of school, i wasn’t going to be able to make ends meet anymore as we lost one source of income that had been what we needed to make ends meet each month.

so we moved my sisters into our grandparents house again since they wanted to stay in that state to finish school as they had less than a year left, i packed my stuff and my pets and after months of wondering what i was going to do a room at the house my moms husband/his parents and family/my brother opened up and my brothers grandparents were gracious enough to let me move in without having to pay rent. apparently i was a better option than the alternative. my mom conintued to split her time between here and back home.

i unexpectedly had to make a trip with my best friend back home as an old friend had passed and we wanted to attend the funeral so we went home for a couple days. a week later i was back home once again for thanksgiving and birthdays during which i was present at the mall for black friday shopping w mom and grandma and experienced a mass shooting. and then thought my sister was shopping at the same mall w her boyfriend and damn near was running back in while on the phone with them when he corrected her and told me they were at the other mall……not at all traumatizing. and again three weeks later for christmas. january i was job searching and got a job early february…just to have to, you guessed it, make another emergency trip home! my sister had gotten into a snowboarding accident so we flew my mom back there that day and the next day my sister stopped breathing because she was medically overdosed so that was a very traumatic call to get. my best friend flew me back home about a week after her accident to help out, god bless him for buying the plane tickets and my boss for hiring me and immediately letting me leave town!

while back home, my other sister got engaged, and a month later we went on a family vacation. i’m now back at my new house again, planning my next trip back home for my sisters wedding in less than a month, and a second trip later in that same month for their graduation.

seriously, bless my boss for being so insanely understanding and flexible.

throughout all this time my grandpa has had a handful of major health scares so that’s been a constant concern. but they are moving out here after my sisters graduate! and my sister that isn’t getting married is going to school in another state, and the one getting married will obviously be moving in with her soon to be husband.

hopefully i’ll have a second job by early june, and will be able to save enough to start EMT classes by august.

i don’t know how i would’ve made it through the last few years without the friends i have. they’re genuinely the best people i know. and of course my dog and cats, my babies, the reason i get out of bed.

so, if you read that far, first of all, congratulations bc that was a lot! and second, if you think that was bad, just know i was only scratching the surface! yay me…

tldr: life has actually sucked so insanely bad the last 4.5 years and it is from the combined effort of a miracle from God and a couple of ridiculous lot stubborn friend and my pets (and multiple therapists! sandra, natasha, kennedy if you see this, you the real ones!) that i’m still here.

#i forgot to add that i was diagnosed w bipolar and cptsd/ptsd😄

[adhdsleepdeprivedstudent]

that ADHD feel when ur trying to get back into a productive mindset after taking a break from work like

[adhdsleepdeprivedstudent]

Me whenever I start something new (job/relationship/hobby..)

Also exactly me on my first day as a fulltime comic artist

[adhdsleepdeprivedstudent]

I spent about 45 minutes last night going through 2 of these boxes and separating the marshmallows so that i could eat them as snacks. i apparently forgot that other people eat lucky charms and do in fact enjoy the marshmallows. my brother (also adhd) spent a good 5 minutes freaking out about the fact he couldn’t find the marshmallows. he is 21. i’m praying he doesn’t find out what i did😳😅

#actually adhd #adhd #adhd problems #adhd tag #adhdentertainment #adhd life #adhdlife #adhd memes #adhd is hell #adhd symptoms #attention deficit hyperactivity disorder #yaydhd

[adhdsleepdeprivedstudent]

I think what I hate most about adhd is the restlessness.

I should go to bed, I'm a bit tired but not tired enough that I'll fall asleep quickly. I kinda wanna read to occupy my mind but I also feel like dancing. Do I boot up my laptop and play a game while I bounce my legs? But I'm libel to hyperfocus and not sleep at all. And I really should go to sleep. But my body and brain wanna do stuff!

[adhdsleepdeprivedstudent]

My adhd vibe is 'know something? say something' because if i know something by golly youre gonna hear about it

[adhdsleepdeprivedstudent]

[adhdsleepdeprivedstudent]

love yourself or else I'll have to whip out the Love Yourself Hammer™ and you don't wanna have that happen

[adhdsleepdeprivedstudent]

I saw everyone on twitter tearing Emma Watson apart for saying she’s self - partnered instead of single and decided to watch her interview for British Vogue to know what the hell was she trying to say with that. I was very surprised to find a 30 minute video in which amongst other things she talks about the following:

She felt undeserving when she was appointed as UN Women goodwill ambassador and sought out Gloria Steinem to learn about feminist activism.

She thinks the criticism she received for being a white feminist was useful because it made her educate herself.

She says there’s a desperate need to reform the education system in the UK to change the way they are taught the history of how Britain has been involved in foreign affairs and how they profited from slavery.

She felt anxious about approaching 30 because there’s a lot of pressure to have a husband and a baby by then and she’s still figuring her life out.

She was so young when she was casted in Harry Potter that she doesn’t remember much of her life before it and she went to therapy to deal with her issues with fame. She used to feel very guilty for being unhappy because she thought she should enjoy fame more.

The interviewer is a transgender woman and they discuss transgender issues for a while. Emma is in regular contact with a trans child which makes the topic of trans rights emotional for her because she’s very anxious for this kid’s safety.

She talks about her role as Meg March in the new Little Women movie and defends that unlike what many people say choosing to be a wife and a mother doesn’t make Meg a less feminist character and quotes a line from the movie, “Just because my dreams are different than yours it doesn’t mean they are unimportant.”  

She wishes more people would realize she’s not Hermione Granger but also understands why they want to see that in her because Hermione is a symbol for her too.

She used to think she could never be happy without a partner and now that she has learnt to navigate that better and is genuinely happy single she’s started to think of herself as self - partnered in contrast to the time when she thought of herself as single = lonely.

Every media outlet decided to focus in an out of context quote from the three minutes she talked about her dating life when the actual interview had a lot of depth and way more important things were discussed. I’m sad and angry but not surprised.

[adhdsleepdeprivedstudent]

i fucking hate it when you touch a bad texture and then to compensate you touch a soft texture and it’s not the texture you were expecting

[adhdsleepdeprivedstudent]

i’m going to do this

just discovered a neat trick. if you make brownies but dont cut them, you can eat the whole slab and say you only ate 1 brownie

[adhdsleepdeprivedstudent]

What food group is honey what the fuck is this stuff

[adhdsleepdeprivedstudent]

[adhdsleepdeprivedstudent]

executive dysfunction is getting up to go to the bathroom but stopping halfway there because maybe i should get a shower too but if i do that i have to go back to my room and get a towel and i’m already half way there and that’s a lot of effort but i really should get a shower and then instead of making a choice i just stand there in the hallway for like five whole minutes still needing to pee