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“It’s just british culture at this point to call each other a nonce”

-George Memeulous

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Just a little Adore Delano appreciation post

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Twitter : bulletsxrevenge

Instagram : jetblackiero

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Bad parenting includes:

-Physically harming your child for any reason. No, it doesn’t work the way you think it does. No, your child doesn’t deserve it. You’re just an immature sadist who doesn’t know anything about conflict resolution and you certainly don’t know anything about having/raising another human being. Physical abuse encompasses hitting, shoving soap or vinegar down their throat, rough grabbing, etc. Instead of acting like a toddler, try talking to your kid.

-Punishing your child for not doing their homework. The modern education system’s stupidly unfair for a majority of people, especially compared to how it was decades ago. Plus there are several reasons for why your child isn’t doing well in school that doesn’t relate to them being lazy. They could be getting bullied. They could have one or several undiagnosed mental or physical illnesses. You might be an abusive parent which makes your child unable to focus on anything but escaping reality ‘cause you’ve made your household a stressful environment. Instead of jumping to conclusions about your child’s own shortcomings, try having an open dialogue with them like a responsible parent.

-Taking your child’s internet-accessing electronics as a punishment for disobedience/failure to conform to your or society’s expectations. You know what doesn’t help a person succeed in life? Depriving them of a means of escapism, communicating with others, obtaining unlimited information, and working on personal projects/projects that are vital to their career path. Most people need the internet to function in the modern world, and you have no idea how helpful internet access/access to technology is for those with mental health problems. Instead of tackling a possible symptom of a problem, tackle its source.

-Taking away your child’s privacy “for their own good/protection.” You don’t actually care about the physical and mental well-being of your child when you go through their devices, take away their locks/doors/curtains, read their diaries, and monitor their activity obsessively. You only make your child more distrustful of you and more unsafe in their own home. If you actually cared about your child, you’d give them space. If they want to talk about something that’s bugging them, they’ll come to you.

-Depriving your child of sleep and getting mad at them when they don’t perform well in their daily life. It doesn’t matter that they have to get up early for school. Teenagers’ circadian rhythms/melatonin levels aren’t the same as adults, and even if that weren’t the case, it’s COMMON SENSE that a full night of sleep is vital for your health. Either a) be understanding towards your child’s irritability and ineptitude at school/work/whatever, or b) work around their obligations and let them get uninterrupted sleep. Societal responsibilities are NOT more important than your child’s well-being.

-Blaming your child for their mental disabilities, depriving them of means to control their mental disabilities/not accommodating their special needs, or claiming they’re pretending/exaggerating. You have no right to say your child’s thoughts and feelings are invalid based on your own narrow-minded assumptions about reality and the human body. Do research before forcing your unfounded beliefs on your child, or even better, actually listen to your kid when they say they have a problem. And don’t give them your half-assed presumptuous diagnosis, especially if said diagnosis makes claims about your child being egocentric/a psychopath.

-Telling your child they can’t pursue their dreams because their dreams are apparently not as financially secure as more traditional jobs. You can’t expect every person on earth to be satisfied with an exhausting/creatively uninspiring/9 to 5 job. If you weren’t prepared to take care of your kid financially/offer emotional support during a time in which they’re pursuing their dream jobs, then why did you have kids in the first place? You don’t know the best career path for them, THEY do. Saying no to ambitions you deem “impossible to reach” or “unwise” just means that when your child is old and on their deathbed, they’ll have infinitely more regrets about not doing the things they really wanted than if they’d done what they loved decades ago. Money is a stupid human construct and while it’s necessary for survival, having an independent, large income ISN’T (this assumes you have enough resources to care for your child, which you SHOULD already have.)

-Telling your child their negative feelings towards you are unfounded. You’re not a god, and if you claim to be anything close to infallible, then you’re a narcissist. Listen to your child’s criticisms. Be open to change. You don’t know everything just ‘cause you’re their parent/an adult.

-Purposely having multiple individual kids when you can’t financially/emotionally support each and every one of them. (Not that this needs to be said, but I’m not referring to having multiple kids in one birth, I’m referring to many, purposeful births). You’re not allowed to just have as many kids as you want without thinking about the long-term consequences. These are actual human beings you’re choosing to care for, each with their own wants and needs. If you create an environment where there’s not enough money/food/space for every member of your family, then reconsider having kids. (Of course it’s a different matter if the lack of finances is unplanned.) It doesn’t matter that society pressures you into it. It’s still your choice. (in the words of adults everywhere, “if your friends told you to jump off a cliff, would you?”)

-Forcing your religion onto your child when they disagree with it. Your view on spirituality isn’t special; your beliefs are one of several in existence, and trying to indoctrinate your child into believing the same things as you either won’t work or will create a toxic belief founded on fear of judgment/punishment instead of something genuine.

-Convincing your child that you’re the only one who actually cares about them and that they wouldn’t survive in the outside world without you. I don’t know if you understand the concept of friendship, romance, or just basic human sympathy, but I guarantee you’re not the only person who’d care about your child. Blood relatives are drops in an ocean of billions of humans, humans ranging from strangers who can provide helpful services to friends who would probably be willing to lend money/housing/etc if the people they cared about needed it. If you’ve somehow convinced yourself you’re the only person in the world who’ll be there for your kid when they need help, then you’re probably not.

-Mocking your child’s appearance (too fat, too skinny, etc). Teenagers are already struggling with body image issues and the last thing they need is for their parents to point out flaws. It doesn’t matter that you didn’t mean anything when you made your comments, it still makes an impression, and even if you do mean it, your subjective perception isn’t objective truth.

-Threatening to kick your child out. YOU chose to have a kid. YOU chose to take full responsibility of their physical and mental health. You have absolutely no right to threaten them with homelessness just ‘cause they’re different/disobedient. If you can’t recognize that, then you’re unfit to be a parent. Either try to fix the situation without forcing your own child out of their home, or get professional help to manage it.

In short:

-You don’t know how to care for your child just ‘cause you created them.

-You don’t know how to care for your child just ‘cause you’re older.

-You’re a flawed human being like everyone else, and odds are your (older) child knows more about what they need to live a happy, fulfilling life than you do.

-Good intentions don’t make you a good parent. Good actions do.

-No one asked to be born. Children don’t owe you affection/obedience for bringing them into this world.

-Empathizing with your child/appealing to their empathy and capacity to learn is the best form of parenting.

~Sincerely, a victim of parental abuse.