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People Pleasing
What is people pleasing?
Its doing things for others and putting yourself on the back burner. I’ve never been confrontational, I don’t like making enemies. I want everyone to live in peace and respect eachother. After being in management for so long, I’ve come to realize.... people are so full of themselves and they believe the world revolves around them. The worst part... they don’t see it.
Lets start with C.... I have NEVER been written up in my entire career, since I’m a people pleaser... I tend to do whats best for everyone else, I follow the rules, I make sure I hit deadlines, I make sure my boss tells me to do something, I do it without question. It has worked for me and I hadn’t realized that it was going to bite me in the bum. Now, I hired C.... she was promising until she wasn’t. She became a pain in said bum. She ended up transferring out of my store to a nearby store where she got promoted and guess what.... she came back to my store.
I was out on maternity leave when this happened. When I got back, I was put on a development plan because my new boss.... (a whole other story.... useless and flake are words others have used to describe this person...) anyways... my new boss had interviewed my “entire” staff and they found my staff wasn’t happy. I’m getting frustrated just typing this. She came back to me after a month and said the staff has seen major improvement (I started kissing bums to make sure people were happy)
When I came back from leave, my husband took leave to stay home with the baby so I took 3 months and worked every weekend day so my other managers could have weekends off- when my husband went back to work, we didn’t know what his schedule would be like because he too, worked for the same company but didn’t write his own schedule.
I sat down with both of my managers and let them know that I wouldn’t be able to work every weekend anymore. C got mad, she didn’t tell me she was mad, she didn’t tell me anything. I didn’t find out until my boss came to me to write me up. She told me that I wasn’t writing a “fair schedule” and I wasn’t being a “team player” She didn’t ask to look at my schedule, she didn’t ask about the conversation we had. She wrote me up and that was that. Me being a people pleaser, I didn’t cause a fuss, I took it, I signed it and went on my way. But boy was I angry. No one mentioned the 3 straight months that I worked every weekend. No one mentioned that I was still working some weekends but just alternating so we had even days. Because they weren’t getting their way.... I got in trouble.
This is when I decided I wouldn’t be a people pleaser... that lasted less than 24 hours. I’m a people pleaser at heart.... I can’t help it. I don’t make waves, I don’t cause issues.....
but....
I had post partum depression, I still feel it sometimes.... it comes when I have a bad day, when the baby wont stop crying, when I don’t get enough sleep but its not as bad as it once was.
A couple weeks ago, I had a bad day. It was horrible. I woke up, I hadn’t slept well, I had been up since 4am because the baby didn’t want to sleep. I’ve been having problems with my teeth but we don’t have dental insurance start until March. I was tired, I was in pain, I got a text... from C... “can you tell me why you have me scheduled to close 3 weeks straight?” I broke down. I bawled my eyes out. I couldn’t do it anymore. I was ready to give up, quit my job, up and move, I wanted to quit life, it was too hard and I couldn’t do it anymore. My life felt like it was becoming a living hell that I didn’t want to deal with anymore.
I’m crying now, just thinking about how bad of a day it was. My husband took the kids, he went to the store so I could get a little sleep (it didn’t happen) he brought me starbucks, we took the kids and the dog on a walk to get some air and it helped. I was able to calm down, relax a bit (after some managerial words with C) and I left the conversation alone for the rest of the day.
That day... I realized what it was to be a people pleaser. Everytime you do something for someone else, you give a little bit of yourself away. When you’re not doing something to build your own self up, take time to do something you enjoy, take a moment to put yourself first.... you’re letting everyone else take your happiness.
That day... I said I’m done.... I will NOT be pushed around anymore, I will NOT put others before myself, I will NOT be the gum on the bottom of your shoe that you drag around for your own amusement. I WILL do my job, I WILL put myself first when I need to, I WILL be fair in everything I do from now on.
Yesterday, I wrote C up because my new... old boss... (long story but my boss came back and IM SO HAPPY) anyway, he told me to. He has my back. He knows whats up.
I wrote C up.... I made her cry.... It made me feel good. Thats not me. I don’t make people cry and if I do, I have NEVER felt good about it but you know what felt good? Justice. Justice for the hell she’s put me through, justice for fearing for my job every day I come to work, being able to just simply do my job when I need to.
She fights me on everything and I’m so glad I have my boss back who is in my corner fighting right along side me.
I feel like I’m back. I feel good about myself again and even though I had to do the one part of my job I hate, I have been so happy. I feel like I have a purpose again.
Stop giving yourself away. You deserve more and you need to put yourself first. You cannot continue to give yourself away when you have nothing left to give.
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My Husband
Lets start our first story about how my husband and I met.
There's a little backstory that will be for a later time but for now lets just focus on the great things.
Once upon a time, there was a lady who was going through an annoying divorce. She was having no luck with these so called men who were perusing her.
She had been transferred to a store an hour away from home (on a good day.... two hours on a bad day) it was a long drive. She didn’t know the area, she didn’t know anyone there. She went to work, did her thing and went home.
One of her daily tasks was to bring the deposit to the bank. One of her first days at this new store, she and the manager she was replacing went to the bank together. He was showing her where it was and introducing her to the teller. Upon arriving at the bank, she was greeted by this tall handsome blond man. They started talking and after getting to know each other, he found out she lived an incredible distance from work. He had to ask “why would you work at a store so far away?” She explained “stores in this area are how you get promoted and this is what I need to do, to further my career” Rudely, the teller said “THIS is your career??” From then on, she didn’t like him much.
As time progressed, she had gotten to know him and realized he wasn’t such a bad guy. Her superior started joking that he was sending her to the bank daily to “get them together” She laughed it off because all the employees were trying to set her up with all the cute cops who entered the store.
After a couple months of them harmlessly flirting, she walked into the office just after her boss got off the phone with the teller at the bank and said “I called in a change order... and I told him I was trying to set you guys up”
Her gut was in her throat, her jaw dropped to the floor, she was speechless!
She went into the bank, not knowing what she was going to say so she played it cool like she didn’t know. Good thing he knew what he was doing. “so your coworkers are trying to set you up huh?” She immediately blushed “yeah... they’ve been trying to set me up with cops that come in the store”
How stupid could she be!? Why would she tell him that! Oh well, it didn’t stop him. He slid the bank receipt over with his business card and his cell phone number written on the back. She had the biggest smile on her face as she took the card and walked out.
When she got back to the store, she waited until lunch and sent him a text. They started to get to know each other and he was upfront and honest.
He told her about his kids, he told her about his mother moving in with him because of health problems. He told her quickly about his baggage. He told her how much he liked her and he didn’t want to get into anything, if any of it would be an issue.
He was honest.
It only took a few weeks for him to tell her he was going to marry her someday. She thought he was full of it but couldn’t believe how straight forward he was.
They text every single day, from sunrise, to sundown.
They finally went on their first official date a couple weeks after that first text.... and that's a story for another time.
Stay tuned for the next installment of alltherealthings
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BackStory
A little bit about me so you can get to know where I come from.
I grew up moving around... a lot and before you ask.. no my parents weren’t in the Army... they were welders... yep... we moved where the work was. I’ve moved over 15 times, maybe this affected my social game... We will never know!
We finally put down roots in Washington state where I have spent the majority of my life.
I met my first husband in highschool, we became smokers, we moved across the country so he could go to school, we moved back, got married, became alcoholics, got divorced. (don't worry we will get more into that later)
I gave up on finding anyone, I met my current husband when I wasn’t looking, became a step mom, I quit smoking, got pregnant, quit drinking, had my daughter, got a bunch of promotions during that time ^^
There's obviously a bunch of stories all in there but that's the cliff notes of my life so far.
Stay tuned for the stories behind the story and all the real things.
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The begining
I started this as a way to get my thoughts onto “paper”. Growing up, I wrote A LOT and I stopped. I got too busy.... I went to school.... I got a job... I just didn't have time (those are what we call excuses). I was also with someone who made me feel horrible about myself but in a way that was “inspiring” and “constructive” .....it was nothing like that. I got to a point in my life of thinking “no one cares about my story” and “no one wants to listen to these ramblings”
I’m not doing it for you. I’m doing it for me.
I’m a people pleaser and what I’ve come to realize is... all that means is every single time I do something for someone else and I put myself last, it takes a little bit from me. My glass is almost empty and I need to refill it with things I enjoy and writing has always been that. I’ve always felt better when I wrote. It was never about creating stories or writing novels or anything like that. It’s just always felt good to tell my story. Apparently I like to talk about myself.
I don’t know exactly what I hope to get out of this, maybe its just a way for me to vent about my daily life without annoying those around me. Maybe in some weird way, it can help someone going through something I am currently going through or have already been through and obstacles I’ve overcome.
so... here we go.... these are all the real things
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