amazingmadcat

[amazingmadcat]

Love should not require prejudice.

I realize that I patronize the guy, sabi ng mama ko wag daw Muna ako mag tiwala masyado syempre I defended him. Maasahan mo Naman talaga sya pero, now I realize he lookdown on me and my family. Kasalanan ko din kasi sakanya ako nag vent out. Pero he keeps on calling me Bisaya , eskwating and other rude names. Yes I'm Visayan, I'm proud of it. Masisipag kaming mga Bisaya and hnd man kasing talino Ng mga Kapatid nya pero we are willing to learn and acknowledge mistakes. Totoong sa eskwaters area ako nakatira but I'm trying to pull myself out of this. Ayoko nga Dito sya lang ang pilit Ng pilit sakin na mag stay. I can handle it, I can manage to get out of this. Siguro ganun sya kasi iba nga ang lagi nya, pakiramdam nya sobrang taas nya na sobrang kawawa kami. Sobrang baba ung tingin nya sakin. Will I stay sa ganun? Na Ang baba Ng tingin sakin?

[amazingmadcat]

It's really hard to contain your feelings, Hinayaan ko yung mga araw na tinatawag mo akong walang "kwenta" hoping na I get numb and fool myself na biro lang naman yun. I have a huge respect to myself na ni bastusin ako or i-disrespect ako hnd ko hinahayaan yet I let you call me "walang kwenta" "pokpok" "b*tch" kasi mahal kita. You don't accept your mistakes and lagi mong biniblame sakin pag may fail sa ginagawa natin. you put all the responsibility sakin na dapat sayo kasi lalaki ka tapos pag nag fail sakin ang sisi pag maganda ung takbo ng plano sasabihin mo galing nang disisyon "natin". I dont know did I just have an Aron 2.0? mas malala ka pa nga ata. Lagi mo ding sinasabihan ng hindi maganda ang family ko, laging least ung sakanila mali ko din kasi nag sasabi ako sayo ng rants ko, kasalanan ko din kasi hnd mo pa nga sila nakikilala nag sasabi pa ako ng masama sayo. Mahal kita pero love alone isn't enough, love should be synchronized, we should learn from each other not hate one another. I'm starting to realize things,I dont want this kind of relationship. Not this kind of life,ayoko ma-stuck sa taong walang makitang maganda sa ibang tao, laging nakakasisi, hindi makita yung importance ko and yung pinaparamdam sakin na wala akong halaga. Sana matapos na to.

[amazingmadcat]

I miss the old me, The one who has the freedom to go alone and window shopping at the mall, The girl who eat-healthy and do exercise every day to look good. I miss the me who always has pampering days yun bang bawal kang mag madali sa CR kasi Ang sarap mag babad at mag relax with all the beauty products na you bought with your own money. I miss the days when I go to coffee shops alone sipping coffee and just watch the busy people come and go. I miss the old me the I loved, yung taong hindi nag hahanap nang validation sa iba that I am enough. I miss the old me na hindi nagagalit sa ibang babae pag maganda sila kasi I will not worry if may bf akong sasabihin na "panalo Yun ah" I miss my old self na my opinion alone is enough walang kokontra at walang magsasabing "mali ka naman eh" "mali diskarte mo". I miss the old me who won't be told na "walang kwenta" or hindi papayag na sabihan nun. I miss the old me who enjoys life and just won't worry that my boyfriend might look for another beautiful girl because I ain't beautiful. I miss my old self so much. I'm too tired to hold everyone, to drag them out of their misery pero ako nalulunod sa sarili kong lungkot. I'm trying my best yet I am underappreciated that I should make a lot of effort that yung simpleng " wow Ang galing mo Mahal" is marinig ko pa, yung "Mahal Ang ganda mo" Ang hirap pang marinig. I always long for a slow love, someone that is consistent and always make effort to make me happy. Love shouldn't be hard right? Yes love a lot of effort but if they won't even give you the bare minimum then maybe you need to think about it. I don't want to settle to something I'm the only one who is giving. I am struggling yet I still give a hand to help, but me struggling even in a simple mobile game tapos Hindi ako matulongan I think it made a big difference. I'm willing to cross ocean for someone who can't cross a puddle for me. Now I'm thinking. There's a lot of redflags yet I choose to accept it, yes I accept it blindly hoping that he'll change.

[amazingmadcat]

I miss going outside alone, mas madami akong nasasabi sa ibang tao kesa sa mga taong Kilala ko

“Sometimes, it’s easier to tell a stranger something very personal. It`s like there’s less risk, opening yourself up to someone who doesn’t know you.”

— Linwood Barclay

[amazingmadcat]

Sobrang true

totoo nga na tumblr pa din yung babalikan ko kapag medyo mabigat yung pakiramdam ko. 

[amazingmadcat]

Tonight as I lay to sleep, I hope the Lord may hear the words I fail to tell and the prayers I refuse to pray. My heart is aching my Lord to all the battles I hold to speak.

[amazingmadcat]

Can the universe show me the people who could love me on the days I can't love myself?

[amazingmadcat]

And I think you love him enough old self 😊 you did your best

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I wish I could go back in time where I can appreciate you more, during those times that you are here pag sinabi ko " papa may sakit ako dala ka fries" and another minute dito k n may food na dala. Can I ask for the time to go back so I can be less toxic gf ? I guess not, I have appreciate you more, If I have loved you more baka hindi mo ako iniwan

[amazingmadcat]

There were sudden change of patterns and attitudes rn 🤣 good thing I know how to deal with this. Bahala na si Lord, ayoko naman ipilit sarili ko

[amazingmadcat]

Hi Tumblr, I'm back for good 🤣 I think this will help ❤️ especially, as I don't want to bother people anymore

[amazingmadcat]

Owww I fall apart

[amazingmadcat]

Hello Tumblr I missed you

[amazingmadcat]

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I wish I could go back in time where I can appreciate you more, during those times that you are here pag sinabi ko " papa may sakit ako dala ka fries" and another minute dito k n may food na dala. Can I ask for the time to go back so I can be less toxic gf ? I guess not, I have appreciate you more, If I have loved you more baka hindi mo ako iniwan

[amazingmadcat]

I don't know, my instinct were telling me you are talking or flirting with somebody. is it because we have different time ? You made me special but secretly flirting with other people? Why? Am I not enough?

[amazingmadcat]

I thinks some people just don't know how to change. Of course they are aware of what they are doing! It just that, maybe they know how to switch off their conscience botton. Good luck to them.

[amazingmadcat]

I don't know how tell if I can give the same love that I have given before

[amazingmadcat]

To Aron,

Sinisisi parin Kita, sinisisi pa din Kita sa mga aninong iniwan mo. Sa mga sandaling mag Isa ako naiisip ko na masaya Sana ako ngaun Kung hnd mo ako iniwan. Hindi ko kailangan labanan ung sakit Kasi kahit anong oras pwede Kita puntahan at pawiin iyon. Sinisisi pa din Kita Alam mo ba? Kasi Kung hindi ka umalis hindi ko mararanasang masaktan Ng paulit ulit sa mga maling lalaki na lumalapit sakin. Kasi Alam mong sayo lang umiikot ang mundo ko. Sinisisi pa din Kita, kasi hnd na kayang magtiwala Ng puso ko. Hnd na kayang magmahal Ng buo ang puso ko, na kahit anong gawin nila hnd na matutupok ng parehong apoy Ang damdamin ko. Perpekto ang pagmamahal na meron Tayo noon? Pero bakit mo piniling iwan ako? Bakit piniling saktan ako. Pwede bang umalis nlng ako sa posisyon ko? Kalimutan ka? Bumuo ng bagong buhay at magmahal ulit? Pero pano? Kung nang pagaalis mo dinala mo Ang pag asa Ng umagang magmahal ulit?