andilikestowritestuff

[andilikestowritestuff]

Intertwined

He has woven parts of him In my life To and fro Until I did not know which parts Were his And which parts Were mine.

[andilikestowritestuff]

Soul Searching

I wish I could just leave I'd like to try and breathe Fresher air Feeling the wind in my hair This plan is cliche But I know it's the only way; I can fix myself Without anyone's help. I shall say goodbye for now I'll come back, somehow. Not the same girl you knew, Always so blue. I will return Once my happiness; I earn. A journey searching for my soul, So finally I can be whole.

[andilikestowritestuff]

Long Car Rides

Other people: uh so boring

Me, a maladaptive daydreamer: oh this is a blessing let me just listen to music and stare at my window while my mind slips away into my alternate reality

[andilikestowritestuff]

We are insignificant:

One of the brightest stars in the universe, the late Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago once said “I have no illusions about myself, about my life, about leaving a legacy, or making a mark in people's lives. We are so insignificant. We are only here for a blink.” If only I had remembered this earlier then maybe I wouldn't have encountered all these problems. The problem with people (including me) is that we're all so caught up in ourselves, we always think everything in life is about us (whether we realize this or not). There are things bigger than us and if we only stopped and expanded our thoughts then maybe we wouldn't be so depressed or lonely all the time. If you invest all your thoughts to things about you, to constant worries about yourself, you'd self-destruct. Thinking that everything is about you will lead you to perilous situations. You'll feel like every threat is addressed towards you. That feeling sucks, big time. There are bigger things than ourselves, look up, look around, and think outside your own mind.

[andilikestowritestuff]

There are always two sides to a story

When I was kid, I was roaming around the aisles of books at national bookstore because my mom was in a long line for the back to school rush. A little children’s book caught my eye, it had two covers, the other one had the original Disney’s Snow White story and when I flipped it, the story re-told by the evil queen was there. Naturally, it piqued my interest, when I started reading the Evil Queen’s story, it put her out as a nice person, I couldn’t finish the story because my mother was already next to me and she wouldn’t buy me the book because she already spent sooooo much on my school supplies (okay, I’ll stop with the mom rants) (okay, just one more, I seriously begged for her to buy it for me but she seriously wouldn’t, I was devastated, I liked barbie dolls and toys but I’ve always wanted a good book, more on that story in the future, I’m done, I promise) All the way home, while I was sulking in our car, I kept wondering about who the evil queen was and what her real story was, was she really evil, or was she just misunderstood and misrepresented? 12 years have passed, I’ve turned 17 and the same thought still lingers, there are always two sides to a story, the story of Maleficent was also re-told a few years before now, it made me realize that sometimes people do bad things and seem evil because of the things that has happened in their lives, maybe this makes me sappy and weak and not fit for the “real” world, always thinking that people have reasons for the things they do, that some people are only victims of circumstance. Somewhere in the distance I hear someone telling me “Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. That kind of wishful thinking will get you trampled on. Your heart is too weak.”

I’ve already accepted my fate. I know that going into the real world and thinking that everyone is actually really nice and they are only fucked up because of the things that happened to them before will make me an easy target for people who are generally just bad, if there are actually people who are just bad because they want to be.

The thought there is always two sides to a story has caused so much trouble for me. I have issues forming solid beliefs because I listen to every possible answer to just one question. My professor for personal development once told us that “You have to fight for what you believe in, don’t let anything make you think otherwise.” I’ve been thinking about this for a long time now, but if people only listened to their own beliefs and never stopped to consider that other people’s thoughts are also relevant, than wouldn’t that just result into a never ending battle of thoughts? Can’t we all just let eachother think for ourselves. I’ve also been having this issues with people on twitter, twitter is a hodge podge of very vocal online “activists”, everyone has an opinion, but once someone has a slightly different opinion than most, everybody loses their shit, suddenly just because you had an opinion of your own that was different from theirs you’re a social outcast. What’s ironic is, the same people that fight for equality and for diversity are the same people who will shame you because you thought differently from them. Society is supposed to have different views, we can’t all just have a hive mind.

Everybody’s thoughts are valid. Okay, wait, before you batter me with questions like “so you mean no one is wrong? they can just get away with whatever they did because they have a reason?” and “this is confusing, then what can we consider bad?” Ofcourse, you have to own up to your mistakes, you can’t just get away from something horrible you did because you have a reason, basically the message of this long ass post is EMPATHY, put yourselves in other people’s shoes, walk in them, feel what they feel, understand the reasons behind their actions. For the second question, there are still wrong things, bad things in this world because not everything is so black in white, the world is a rainbow, but understand that everyone has a different perception of what is bad, what may not be hurtful to you, may be devastating to others.

Think, think, think. Observe and analyze everything. Don’t stick to just one thought. Be a universal person.

[andilikestowritestuff]

You’re not just the person I love, you’re also my friend and that is SOOOOOO much more important to me.

[andilikestowritestuff]

I'm sorry for placing such a huge burden on you. I know you don't want to hurt anyone. It must be hard not knowing what to do because one move from you could alter my world.

[andilikestowritestuff]

I freakin' cried my eyes out because I thought he was mad at me. I thought my greatest fear was going to happen. I thought I was going to lose him. It was a mixture of losing an important friend and losing the person I love. It hurt like hell. My heart felt like it was being crushed. Imagine, early in the morning and trying to hide your sobs so your family won't wake up and ask you what's wrong, thinking of him and trying to stop the tears. I guess, I never knew, that you were so much more important to me than I thought.

[andilikestowritestuff]

What a wondeful way to start the day, crying and clutching my heart due to the fact that I'm a fucking idiot.

[andilikestowritestuff]

I'm sorry

[andilikestowritestuff]

Push and Pull

Push and pull Never knowing where to stand Push and pull I only want to hold your hand Push and pull An eternal tug of war Push and pull Why can't I be close to you my star?

[andilikestowritestuff]

The tragedy

There is always tragedy In loving a star It started with Icarus Who went a little too far

I did not learn my lesson I went a little too close It was my own decision It was I who chose

I was wrong I was dumb I flied too close even if burning was the only outcome

Such a stupid little butterfly You should have never loved a star It is all your fault You had a choice to stay afar

You only wanted to be near Not asking for too much But, oh, sweet butterfly Stars burn you even with the slightest touch

[andilikestowritestuff]

You either let go and move on or love someone who doesn't like you and see them hate you in the end

[andilikestowritestuff]

Eyes don't lie

I wish I never knew The secrets of these windows With every truth I pluck from your lashes The pain inside me grows I gaze away Because then I wouldn't see The despise and annoyance Your eyes have for me Stars and butterflies were everywhere Whenever we locked looks Now all I see are daggers And sharp pointy hooks I wish I never knew The message every look conveys anger and indifference It kills me everyday

[andilikestowritestuff]

I used to be so envious of everyone, always wondering why they were so happy, never finding my happiness. I hated myself for so long. Constantly in this broken elevator, up and down and up and down and up and down, one day I felt like I was perfect the next I feel like I failed in life. My mind was a battlefiled of contradicting thoughts. Now, now, is different, one thought keeps me sane, a group of people and one special person taught me contentment. To never compare myself with others. Having them makes me the happiest person in the world. The thought of them always being there is the sunshine to my dark world. I am done comparing myself to other people. As long as I have them I am content.

[andilikestowritestuff]

Bookstores always remind me that there are good things in this world.

Vincent van Gogh (via wordpainting)

[andilikestowritestuff]

Water lilies by Claude Monet