antl5r

[antl5r]

private    &    selective  tenth rendition of the doctor , from  the media   d.octor w.ho  , adored by darian. studying  themes  such  as :   loneliness   , the need for adventure ,  survival  , found  family  , wanderlust ,  living too long  ,  loss , rebirth  ,  broken  promises  ,   &   new  beginnings. this blog is extremely anti m.offat.

adored  by   darian   (  27  ,  she/they  ,  pst  )   re - created may  2024. ©

#hiiiii I’ll be on Lottie soon I’m just having fun on ten #out . #sp .

[antl5r]

taps the microphone is this thing on ? who's alive here , if anyone is still active on this blog , just be aware that i have moved ten onto a fresh new blog , @timedten !

#hi i remade ten #catch me alternating between him and lottie tysm #out .

[antl5r]

FOR THE “YOU CAN KILL ME BUT DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH THEM” DYNAMICS 

❝  i only want you.  ❞

❝  i don’t need anyone else.  i just…you.  you’re all i need.  ❞

❝  listen,  i’ve lost a lot of people in my life.  i learned how to deal with it but…you’re different.  i can’t take it if it’s you.  ❞

❝  i think about anything happening to you and i— i just.  i fucking lose it.  ❞

❝  you don’t understand.  i need you safe.  not because i don’t think you can handle yourself but because i can’t focus on anything else if there’s even the smallest possibility you’re in danger.  ❞

❝  no one is ever gonna get near you again,  you hear me?  ❞

❝  i won’t let you get hurt.  i promise.  and i don’t make empty promises.  ❞

❝  turn around.  you don’t need to see this part.  ❞

❝  just give the word and i’ll kill every one of them.  ❞

❝  you can’t get all worked up every time something happens to me.  that’s just life.  you’re not always gonna be able to protect me from it.  ❞

❝  no one else understands me.  but you do.  you always do.  ❞

❝  i don’t think i’m the best person for you,  i don’t.  but i do know i’m the one that can keep you safe  ❞

❝  hey—  look at me.  it’s over.  it’s done.  we’re okay.  ❞

❝  who the fuck made you cry i’ll fucking rip their head off.  ❞ 

❝  i know you’ve always got my back.  ❞

❝  please,  let me take care of you this time.  you’re always protecting me but it tears me up inside every time you get hurt because of it.  ❞

❝  can you make everyone else just go away?  i know they mean well but i just want to be alone—  alone with you i mean.  ❞

❝  i know when you’re here,  the real monsters can’t touch me.  ❞

❝   oh,  i am one of the monsters.  but that just means i can keep all the other monsters from ever hurting you again. ❞ 

❝  if you’re gonna keep risking your life for me than you’re also gonna let me patch you up without a single complaint.  ❞

❝  we keep each other safe.  it’s my turn to protect you.  ❞

❝  i killed them for you.  i know you could’ve done it yourself,  but you shouldn’t have to.  ❞

❝   i love you because i know how capable you are.  and i show that love by making sure you don’t have to be the one to always do the hard things.  ❞

❝   i’m gonna make them regret ever even thinking about laying a hand on you.  ❞

❝  tell me what you want me to do.  i’ll do it.  whatever you want.  ❞

❝  i love you just like this.  i love you when you touch me gently like no one else ever has.  and i love you when your hands are bloody and your knuckles are bruised. ❞

❝  please,  just let me protect you.  ❞

❝  are you hurt?  did they hurt you?  ❞

❝  wait,  stop you’re bleeding.  ❞

❝  did you just wince?  where are you hurt?  ❞

❝  i need you in my life.  i’m not used to that—  needing people.  but i do need you.  ❞

❝  you make me feel things i’m not used to feeling.  ❞

❝  why do you let me close when you’re always driving everyone else away?  ❞

❝   you’re mine.  and i protect what’s mine.  ❞

❝  thank you for always being here for me.  ❞

❝  you see things in me that i didn’t even know where there.  ❞

❝  that’s enough.  let’s go home.  ❞

❝  i’m okay now.  i’m safe.  you don’t have to be angry anymore.  ❞

❝  please stop—  this is scaring me. ❞

❝  you don’t have to do this for me.  ❞

❝   hey stop— stop!  look at me.  they’re dead now.  you can stop.  ❞

❝  i have to make an example outta them so no one else tries to hurt you again.  ❞

❝  killing for you is easy.  it’s right.  it feels natural.  ❞

❝  let me do this for you.  ❞

SCENARIOS

[ ONE ]  for sender to take a bullet for receiver. 

[ TWO ]  for receiver to take a bullet for sender. 

[ THREE ]  for sender to protect receiver and then carry them to safety. 

[ FOUR ]  for receiver to protect sender and then carry them to safety. 

[ FIVE ]  for sender to witness receiver get hurt which sends them into a violent rage.

[ SIX ]  for receiver to witness sender get hurt which sends them into a violent rage. 

[ SEVEN ]  for sender to be hurt trying to protect receiver which makes them bloodthirsty for revenge.

[ EIGHT ]   for receiver to be hurt trying to protect sender which makes them bloodthirsty for revenge.

[ NINE ]  for sender to have violently protected receiver,  so receiver kisses them to calm them down. 

[ TEN ]  for receiver to have violently protected sender,  so sender kisses them to calm them down. 

[ ELEVEN ]  for sender to carefully approach receiver in the aftermath,  gently touching them to try and bring them back to themselves. 

[ TWELVE ]  for receiver to carefully approach sender in the aftermath,  gently touching them to try and bring them back to themselves. 

[ THIRTEEN ]  sender was kidnapped,  receiver shows up to save them.  

[ FOURTEEN ]  receiver was kidnapped,  sender shows up to save them.  

[ FIFTEEN ]  sender executes a third party in front of receiver because that person hurt them. 

[ SIXTEEN ]  receiver executes a third party in front of sender because that person hurt them. 

[ SEVENTEEN ]  sender thinks they’re alone but receiver comes out of nowhere to rescue them from someone who intends to do harm/making them uncomfortable. 

[ EIGHTEEN ]   receiver thinks they’re alone but sender comes out of nowhere to rescue them from someone who intends to do harm/making them uncomfortable. 

[ NINETEEN ]  sender has been devastated by something.  receiver holds them until they calm down so they don’t do anything drastic. 

[ TWENTY ]  receiver has been devastated by something.  sender holds them until they calm down so they don’t do anything drastic. 

[ TWENTY-ONE ]  sender thought receiver died so they set out to get revenge.  receiver shows up in time to stand in front of them before they go too far.  

[ TWENTY-TWO ]  receiver thought sender died so they set out to get revenge.  sender shows up in time to stand in front of them before they go too far. 

[ TWENTY-THREE ]  sender is in a vengeful rage because of something that happened to receiver.  receiver gently approaches to calm them down saying this isn’t what they want. 

[ TWENTY-FOUR ]  receiver is in a vengeful rage because of something that happened to sender.  sender gently approaches to calm them down saying this isn’t what they want. 

[ TWENTY-FIVE ]  for sender to have receiver stand by somewhere safe where they can watch sender kill on their behalf. 

[ TWENTY-SIX ]  for receiver to have sender stand by somewhere safe where they can watch receiver kill on their behalf. 

[antl5r]

                                          Tell me when the fog will subside                                                             Please                                          Tell me when the fog will subside

#study .

[antl5r]

🐝 🐝 you're bee-utiful! pass this along to five writers to bring the sunshine in && give friendship a bloom!

#NOT THIS BEING THE FIRST THING I SEE WHEN I LOG BACK IN ON LOTTIE #UGH HI #out . #selfruin

[antl5r]

COURTNEY EATON as Lottie Matthews in YELLOWJACKETS — 2x01: Friends, Romans, Countrymen

#visage . #bby girl

[antl5r]

                 ❛            oh , yes. some seriously egregious missteps did happen tonight. but they've been happening for ages with the majority of us , so who am i to judge.            ❜             my smile was tight , the light of it not quite meeting my eyes as i fixed my sharp gaze 'pon the other woman. they'd abandoned me , all of them. not once had anyone tried to find me , see if i was alright , keep in touch. no , the moment we were rescued from those woods , i was disposable. you'd think i would be familiar with that particular sting of abandonment by now , but it still hurt. especially tonight , knowing they all had planned to have me institutionalized. again.

i let my eyes close , tempering an even breath through my nose , trying to fight back my frustrations , my grief. i knew the wilderness chose the victim tonight , not just misty's swinging needle. still , that loss didn't hurt any less with that knowledge , & neither did the other woman's dismissiveness.                 ❛            you of all people don't get to act like i'm the crazy one here , misty. none of you do. take accountability for what happened here tonight.            ❜

i falter, but only for a moment.  lottie doesn't scare me like she might with the others, so i push up my glasses at the side of my head, calculating my next words:  ❛❛  you act as if i did it on purpose, and i didn't.  ❜❜  breathless, indigant, i meet lottie's gaze with my own.  i'm defiant, ready to argue every pinpoint of the moments leading up to natalie's  ...  death.  she's dead, and yes, i suppose you could label it as my fault.  ❛❛  ——  i didn't.  ❜❜  i reiterate, taking a step forward toward lottie.  ❛❛  i expect you all to be grateful that nothing else happened.  some seriously egregious missteps happened tonight, and i won't take all of the blame.  ❜❜  ——  and that's the truth.

#closed . #v. turn pain into healing. #horrorfyer #q .

[antl5r]

🌺 send this to ten blogs you think are wonderful 🌺 !!! smooches u and lottie's forehead.

#YOU'RE SWEET ZANDIE D'AWWWW TYSM #out . #roseguided

[antl5r]

yellowjackets (2021-present) cr. ashley lyle & bart nickerson / the collected prose works, 'dracula', bram stoker / hymn to pan, aleister crowley / the mystical rose: selected poems translated by ellen doré watson, 'nigredo', adélia prado / the lives of the heart, 'three foxes by the edge of the field at twilight', jane hirshfield / lore, alexandra bracken / self portrait as the last wounded stag, gavin yuan gao

#aesthetic . #study . #visage . #blood /

[antl5r]

🌺 send this to ten blogs you think are wonderful 🌺 rattling the bars of my enclosure I ADORE U

#NO YOU!!!!!! this made my day Tysm awwww #out . #kwsatz

[antl5r]

“ i thought you of all people would understand . ”

                 ❛            of course i understand , paul .. of course i do. i miss you , too.            ❜             he was so frustrating sometimes , i hated it when we argued , though truth be told that was incredibly rare , & this barely counted as a fight. sorrowful hues turned upward to fix on my best friend , stretching my hands out to grasp his fingers in mine , offering them a gentle squeeze.                 ❛            i'm sorry .. for being so distant. after laura lee , & the doomcoming mess , i just .. i've been too stuck in my own head.            ❜

for the first time in weeks , we were actually not hungry , that bear i'd killed finally being enough to postpone that dreaded starvation looming on the horizon. everyone else was still eating , jackie currently sulking outside , tension high after she'd fought with shauna & discredited me. my throat bobbed gently , setting my half - eaten meal aside to draw myself in closer to paul again , resting my head on his shoulder with a quiet sigh.                 ❛            i'm here , though. talk to me , how are you doing ? you're not hungry anymore , right ? are you okay ?            ❜

@kwsatz

#closed . #starter . #meme . #ic . #q . #kwsatz #v. into the wilderness.

[antl5r]

im extremely devout but nobody can figure out what im worshipping

#study .

[antl5r]

La Flor (Mariano Llinás, 2018) ‘Fourth Episode’

#aesthetic . #long post /

[antl5r]

shout out to lottie going out during the hunting competition with only a single knife , found nothing , just tripped with visions the entire time & almost died

#she's iconic 0 survival skills i love her #out .

[antl5r]

                 ❛            it's not .. a vision , it's .. more of a feeling , i guess.            ❜             it was like i could feel whispers in the air , tickling the back of my mind with words i couldn't understand. it kept making my breathing catch , the pressure of rising anxiety weighing on my chest so hard it was almost suffocating. my brows creased , rising from my seat on the edge of the cabin's porch , wringing my gloved hands together as i peered out across the vast expanse of untouched snow.

tongue wetting my lips , i glanced back toward misty , my features still sore , still swollen , but my lips were set into a hard , nervous line.                 ❛            have you seen coach ? i don't like that he hasn't been around for a couple days.            ❜

❛❛  tell me  ——  tell me what you see, lottie.  ❜❜

@antl5r, starter.

#closed . #horrorfyer #v. into the wilderness.

[antl5r]

                 ❛            is it ? you're saying i should be thankful ?            ❜             i liked to think i was a patient person , especially when it came to my former friends , but misty's entitlement always seemed to dig under my skin. my bracelets jingled as i took a couple thoughtful steps toward the other woman , clasping my hands together gently as i studied her , a hard line settling across my lips.

                 ❛            because from where i'm standing .. under your supposed care , natalie almost died. forgive me for not finding gratitude in that.            ❜

❛❛  ahem  —— i think a thank you is in order for this, yes?  ❜❜

@antl5r, starter.

#the girls are fighting :(((( #closed . #v. turn pain into healing. #horrorfyer

[antl5r]

i still think my s1 theory revolving around misty & van being sleeper agents for lottie's modern day cult was iconic , & i'm forever bitter that it wasn't true.

#slams my fist down EVERYONE abandoned her and i hate it #out .