antony-malinowski

[antony-malinowski]

This is why I am looking forward to Italy. It's a very well deserved vacation. But despite how tired I've been, honestly life has been really chill for us lately and I'm glad that we've been able to just live our life.

You poor thing, Tony. People be wild, for real. you need a break. Both you and Seb!

#frankie

[antony-malinowski]

Antony: This is why i love you. And why you win best husband of the month every month. In an award that is exclusively chosen by me.

Seb: I can make you whatever you want.

#sebastian text

[antony-malinowski]

This is true, they're less likely to get stuck. But they might start to melt depending on your internal body temperature.

At least candles are... more of a normal shape than nutcrackers?

#cristina

[antony-malinowski]

I used to. I pretty much exclusively work in the kids ER now which is a lot easier to deal with. I was just covering for someone in the adult ER and I have regrets. But back when I worked there more often......so many horror stories.

I just think you shouldn't put sexy nutcrackers down. Long live sexy nutcracker!

Up the butt is a little extreme though, I'll admit. Do you deal with this stuff a lot?

#estelle

[antony-malinowski]

The fact that it's necessary just is terrible. Like I would hate to be in that executive office having to debate a PSA about please don't shove home decor in your body.

HomeGoods needs to start putting disclaimers on things like "not for internal use." Jesus...

#august

[antony-malinowski]

Yeah, I've seen candles. But candles are also for Christmas so I can just pretend that it's all Christmas candles and not have to think of anything else.

That was going to be my next question! I think it's definitely worse that it happened to that many people.

Ha! Oh my god... I could only imagine someone trying that with a menorah. Candles? Maybe. But not a menorah. Ouch.

#cristina

[antony-malinowski]

I don't think that I will either. But a guy can dream, right?

I'm sure. Unfortunately, I don't think you're going to get your wish though.

#aldrich

[antony-malinowski]

Probably. We still have a Christmas tree injury, deep frying a turkey injury, and New Year's firework injuries still on the board.

You know I don't work in a hospital. I just spent too much time in one. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 and you deserve every single one of those eye roll emojis for that response.

I'm sure you'll make the money back at some point though.

#cisco

[antony-malinowski]

I wish it was just butts. I think I could get used to it if it were just butts. BUT IT'S NOOOOOOOOOOOOOT.

You're not wrong! Kids get stuff stuck up their noses. It's much better than getting something out of a grown up's ass!

#thomas

[antony-malinowski]

Since I realized that all my followers after Shipwrecked weren't going away so I should try to embrace it.

I know!!!! Like I just can't imagine actually doing it. But it's SO COMMON. Like I have SOOOOOOOOOOOOO many nsfw stories that are just DUMB.

What!? Since when!? That’s actually amazing and will go follow you right now!

I’m just sitting here clenching because that sounds unnecessarily painful.

#riley

[antony-malinowski]

Yeah, you're going to have to teach me not to stab myself in the eye with that. But just let me know when you're free, my schedule is pretty wide open if you don't mind three almost year old tag alongs.

Practicing makeup is the hardest part. When I was young, I wasn’t allowed to wear any. Mascara was the hardest to figure out because the wand has to get so close to your eyeball. I’m absolutely down for a makeover night! That sounds fun as hell!

#emma

[antony-malinowski]

Antony: CAN YOU MAKE GUATEMALAN FOOD. 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Seb: Soon. I know it's coming.

Seb: Oh. Wow. Okay, you got it. No sexy surprises. What are you in the mood for food? We can start there.

#sebastian text

[antony-malinowski]

I truly do not get it. Like at all. There is nothing about this that seems like it would be pleasant.

Not all heroes wear capes. Most wear scrubs.

Also, ew. Gross thinking about nutcrackers being put in the darkest of body parts. And this is coming from someone who will casually watch The First 48 on any given day.

#nichelle

[antony-malinowski]

Yeah, I've probably seen worse than what's even on those. It's very disturbing and I seriously wish that people would stop.

I was listening to a talk show on the radio where they talked about things people ended up going to the ER for sticking in body parts (ears, noses and undercarriage orifices). It was so disturbing to hear the various items and where they were ending up.

#aldrich

[antony-malinowski]

I truly wish they would. It would make my life so much easier.

This is... a lot

They're gonna have to start locking things up at Home Goods. You know how they hide the formula and baby stuff at Target? Same ish.

#frankie

[antony-malinowski]

You clearly don't work in a hospital. The nurses have had a bet on how early in the year we'd get a holiday themed thing stuck where it shouldn't be because someone used it as a sex toy.

Unfortunately I was too kind to humanity and lost $50 in the process because I said it wouldn't happen until December 2nd.

This PSA was not on my 2023 bingo card... Dammit, Antony.

#cisco

[antony-malinowski]

THIS IS WHY I WORK WITH KIDS THOMAS. I can understand kids getting things stuck in weird places, but ADULTS SHOULD KNOW BETTER.

#thomas