Sometimes jacking off on estrogen is like trying to jump your uncle’s 2002 Honda Civic after the fourth time it’s staled out at a red light but other times it’s like trying to jump your uncle’s 2002 Honda Civic and accidentally going red to black and next thing you know you’re supine on the pavement and your whole body is shaking
Once my friend Henry was accused of wearing wireless headphones by a substitute so she said for him to hand them over so he took them off and handed them to her. Then later on she asked him a question and he didn’t respond so she said it louder and he still didn’t respond. She asked why he was not responding and he said “I can’t understand you ma'am, you took my hearing aids.”
finding out that not only was almond not really worth using in most cases, but also that she's just not a popular character, was a more tragic reveal than any single character death
breaking mutuals with @/forgeguy don't ask me about it this is the last I'll say on the matter
🍹jackoff follow
omg did something happen :(
🦢w3nch
shut the fuck up never fucking talk to me again I'm so srs
🍹jackoff follow
kys
12 notes
🦢w3nch
i miss him so fucking much i can't fucking do this anymore
2 notes
🩻bigbarbie
this fucking meeting sucks I'm going to firebomb shipwreck cove
67 notes
👁️raspghetti
little life update I feel like I'm honestly really coming around on this prosthetic eye idk it's really starting to feel like a part of me now :') I hope I never have to lose it or anything
0 notes
🇬🇧kingofenglandofficial follow
piracy is a SCOURGE on these seas!!! EMBARRASSING!
🏴☠️iheartstealing follow
give me your stuff
☠️quarterdeckmain follow
omg I can't believe we still have piracy antis on this website to this day like this is literally the high seas piracy website go back to ye olde twitter
🩻bigbarbie
"piracy antis" girl that's the king of england
12,429 notes
⚔️forgeguy
I can't keep going like this I can't believe I did that to her I'm such a failure I should just kms like I literally don't deserve to be on this earth
⚔️forgeguy
just remembered some things. nevermind lol
⚔️forgeguy
remembered some more things and I want to die again I was so fucking wrong
4 notes
🍹jackoff follow
and when I drop the ***** aka ********* receipts then what. lol. lmao even
🦢w3nch
bitch give us a fucking vowel
🩻bigbarbie
yeah um just so everyone knows op literally shot me on isla de muerta so I'm really not interested in their receipts
🎣humblefisherman follow
what the fuck is going on on pirate ye olde tumblr
572 notes
🍹jackoff follow
everyone keeps calling me a liar they just hate to see a wench who tells it like it is
⚔️forgeguy
literal 100+ pages ye olde google doc of times op has lied
104 notes
🦑partofthecrewpartoftheship follow
you would actually not believe how much harder it is to girlblog when your fingers are turning into fucking shrimp or whatever
🦑partofthecrewpartoftheship follow
captain has it fucking easy
🦑partofthecrewpartoftheship follow
they're gonna whip me for this one lads :/
5 notes
🦢w3nch
anyone else riddled by guilt? clap if you're riddled by guilt
2 notes
🦀 follow
the second I'm free of this stupid flesh prison I'm putting a curse on this entire fucking website
🦐morehumblerfisherman follow
op what the fuck is this why do you not have an url
🦀 follow
the sea will claim you in five years. use your remaining time wisely
i cant get over the king charles portrait. they made that thing to age in his place. that painting hangs in the house of a too-friendly family you find in the post apocalyptic wasteland who inexplicably has a ready supply of fresh meat. if mario jumped into that painting he wouldn't find a charming platformer he would be flayed and hanged like a medieval criminal by an unseeable force in a droning red void. that painting is a color blindness test for people who work in IT but believe in the divine right of kings. that painting is going to weep the sequel to blood. after he dies charles is gonna crawl outta that thing like sadako.
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