ardent-apostasy

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the Columbia University arrests are worse than they seem. They're arresting protesting students for trespassing. It goes without saying students cannot meaningfully "trespass" in the common areas of a university they attend. So Columbia University has suspended all student protestors from their institution, in the process revoking their access to housing, their belongings, and most crucially damaging their academic futures. We are witnessing full scale silencing and removal of anyone of conscience from the next generation of academia.

#i am so fucking proud of all these students #and i am so fucking disgusted by the ruling class

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Colonizers write about flowers. I tell you about children throwing rocks at Israeli tanks seconds before becoming daisies. I want to be like those poets who care about the moon. Palestinians don’t see the moon from jail cells and prisons. It’s so beautiful, the moon. They’re so beautiful, the flowers.

— Noor Hindi, from “Fuck Your Lecture on Craft, My People Are Dying,” DEAR GOD. DEAR BONES. DEAR YELLOW.

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#so here for this and so proud of them

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hey google (but fuck google though) how to do rebellious shit (because you are fucking angry) but not hurt anyone

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kid is extremely annoying

i think "wow, they're extremely annoying"

i think "hey, you were like that as a kid too" and have compassion

i realize "you fantasize about killing your younger self" which makes me question if enabling the behavior is truly productive

i realize "ok wait fuck my brain is actually a toxic chemical dump"

nothing productive has occurred in this train of thought. nonetheless, it shall recur tomorrow.

#ariel being a problematic bitch

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like you are literally making fun of boycotters. i am literally boycotting. where is this middle ground you speak of???

h o w am i meant to believe that our opinions are "not even that different" when yours is "no one should take sides" and i own a kufiya and go to protests. like i sure as hell ain't a good activist but i certainly don't believe we should all just stay out of it. so like. no. we are not the same actually.

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h o w am i meant to believe that our opinions are "not even that different" when yours is "no one should take sides" and i own a kufiya and go to protests. like i sure as hell ain't a good activist but i certainly don't believe we should all just stay out of it. so like. no. we are not the same actually.

#things i'll never say (to my family because i'm a coward)

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cannot believe I'm being both-sides-ed with "but jesus loves everyone". i cannot fucking do this

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like, i'm not a zuko & ozai situation, you know? my parents don't want to burn the world to the ground. i'd say they'd never lay hands on my either, but then again, spanking was a thing, actually, oops. either way, they've never been abusive. they've never done anything i can point at and say "yeah, that's evil".

and like. of course that's how it is! we're humans. most of the bad shit that happens in this world doesn't stem from someone twirling their mustache and cackling. so much pain comes from people confident in their goodness. of course there's no proof they're irredeemable, because they're not.

and maybe that's the hard part. the knowledge that maybe, they could be better. that in a universe a hair to the right, they wouldn't have been like this. that maybe, maybe it's on me a little bit that they haven't changed for the better. maybe it's on me for not arguing well enough or often enough. maybe they are not my responsibility, but maybe there is -- was -- something i could do to change things.

ANYWAYS this is what happens when i visit my parents apparently lmao

the thing about being raised fundie/evangelical and being an apostate now is i will never trust my own mind or my own beliefs. i will always hate my parents for what they made me (and i will always love them because how can i not?) and i always hate myself, too.

and i will never really know what to do with that.

#exvangelical #ex christian #ex fundie #apostate #religious deconstruction #religious trauma

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the thing about being raised fundie/evangelical and being an apostate now is i will never trust my own mind or my own beliefs. i will always hate my parents for what they made me (and i will always love them because how can i not?) and i always hate myself, too.

and i will never really know what to do with that.

#exvangelical #ex christian #ex fundie #apostate #religious deconstruction #religious trauma

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CANADA AND THE USA NOT BEING AT WAR DESPITE HAVING ONE IN FUCKING 1776 IS NOT PROOF THAT ISRAEL AND PALESTINE SHOULD BE ABLE TO JUST GET ALONG

i would say i'm about to throw hands but y'all know that in person i am a fucking coward so

#i hate it here.

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Girls will be like yeah so basically Taylor swift has eradicated all attempts at creativity in favor of seamlessly merging her IDENTITY to PRODUCT and I will give accolades where accolades are due. She has been very successful at this probably the most successful person on earth at this and all it cost her is her soul. And it DID cost a soul. You could make a graph between amount of streams and quality of work and see so clearly the inverse relationship materialize before your eyes. She was not born a hack but embraced the life of a hack when she realized she would be more popular with platitudes and dialing back on oversharing and being less messy. If you replace personhood with producthood you lose your humanity but your album sales go fuuuucking crazy. I can make overtures at understanding this by reminding myself she was crucified for being a person for years and years and she has been very vocal about it doing a heavy number on her psyche. Maybe when that happens to you as a teenager the trade off seems less revolting. Getting rid of something you’re mocked for having anyway and in return you are richer and more famous than anyone has any right to be. But then I scratch my head. And go but surely you see that this is a deal with the devil. Surely with the contract laid out in front of you. You gnaw your lip. You hesitate. You follow the letter of the law but skirt the spirit of it for brief shining moments. And when she’s so publicly had misogynistic vitriol levied at her. So often for so long. IS it misogynistic for your criticisms to boil down to “she’s not likable enough for me”? At what dollar amount does a millionaire going on billionaire become a public object rather than a person? Does the fact that she’s slowly revoked access to herself change this? Is it more or less human to orchestrate your life so that paparazzi only sees you on planned outings where you look impeccable and have a message to send and you are Taylor Swift The Brand after you’ve been scarred by years of being Taylor swift the young woman in the tail end of the aughts and the 2010s ripped to shreds scrutinized for every choice and smile and dress and man? Is there a passable essay in the title Taylor Swift Doesn’t Owe You Authenticity. Maybe! but doesn’t she as an artist work at a job where she’s supposed to produce. Art? It sounds like I’m asking for ballads but I’m really not I’m asking for a song that is good. Im asking for a cruel summer which is irreplicable but surely the minds behind it can produce something more than snow on the fucking beach? Or am I overestimating the continued talent of a woman who is the platonic ideal of a target shopper? Is it misogynistic to believe the platonic ideal of a target shopper can’t create with a soul? How to talk about the fall off of Taylor swift in a woman honoring way?

five minutes later. You can’t spell awesome without ME!

#this is so real skdnnfkdk #(except that i'm a me! hater) #it's so... i want her to heal #i want her to do legit therapy instead of just using the psych ward aesthetic #but she has made it clear that “[i] don't gotta pray for [her]” #and at the end of the day these are -- as she said -- her choices. hers and hers alone to make. #so i feel sad about what she's lost in the pursuit of fame and i feel sad about what she's lost to misogyny #but then i also know she chose the pop star route. i know that right now she is in a position of power #so that sadness doesn't trump my frustration #idk i can't really listen to her music atp bc it all just brings up complicated feelings #anyways. ramble over. #taylor swift (critical) #<- bc i don't want to clog the acc tag #(but then again tumblr filtering is...sigh)

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got asked to pray for is***l today "because they're being attacked". and like yeah i don't ever celebrate civ casualties but. first of all, i do not pray anymore, thanks. (i thought that was pretty obvious, even if i haven't come right out and said "fuck xtianity" to their face.) second of all. "they're being attacked" they've been doing the attacking for 7 goddamn months. if we're praying for anyone getting attacked, where the fuck have we been for the last 7 months? 6 months? 5 months? 4 months? okay fine at least for last month??

#things i'll never say (to my family because i'm a coward) #<- that might end up being a new tag ngl #fp #<- do not want to clog the actual clog w my personal drama

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for those of you in canada, i'd like to direct your attention to the house of commons petition e-4922, which aims to block taxpayer dollars from going to charities that are funnelling money into the ongoing palestenian genocide.

it just opened yesterday and is a little over 1100 signatures, and the closing date is august 8th. this IS a house of commons petition and cant be signed by noncitizens, so share it around so canadians can see and sign it

#free palestine

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GLOBAL STRIKE ON APRIL 15

"The terrorist Israeli occupation, after half a year, is still insisting on entering Rafah, which is the last city that still contains most of the population of the Gaza Strip.

80% of the Gaza Strip is destroyed and suffers from continuous military invasions, the movement of the Israeli army, besieging hospitals, commit massacres, destroy and blow up residential neighborhoods. And besieging the population and starving them.

The terrorist occupation is committing these crimes in front of the world, and is trying to have more time to destroy the hopes of the displaced to return and kill them with hunger and disease, and make the world get used to what is happening in Gaza and reduce media coverage and solidarity with Palestine, in addition to causing more destruction and strengthening the presence of the Israeli terrorists in Gaza in preparation for stealing the land.

Be smarter than them, and do not leave us to be killed and forgotten. *April 15 is a day of global strike*.. No schools, no movement, no work, no electronic payment, no gas stations. Make more noise and disturb the peace of terrorist politicians in America and IsraHell.

In the picture, me after half a year of documenting the genocide and surviving it daily without being sure of surviving the next day, and I will not stop until this genocide ends and I sit in the middle of my city feeling safe while I help my people rebuild Gaza."

Here's what to do:

Don't go to school or work (if you can)

Protest (if you can)

Do not shop anywhere

Do not use your credit card or use any money

Wear green, red, white and black clothes to show solidarity. Wear a badge, a keffiyeh, or anything that signifies your solidarity

Boost posts about Palestine, flood the media

Boycott!

#free palestine

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#what the fuck even #free palestine #like. so you agree it IS genocide #but it's totally not your fault #ffs

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them: GASP! olivia rodrigo is humping at concert! SHE'S ALTERING THE KIDS' BRAIN CHEMISTRY NOOOO

me, a grown ass adult: o wut? i... oh you mean the Glute Bridges To Help Stabilize Your Loose Ligaments By Strengthening Your Hamstrings To Reduce Pain From Knee Hypermobility???

#olivia rodrigo #guts tour #ariel is aroace and hypermobile and turns out this impacts her perception of reality. #(anyways why is anyone shocked when she's not uwu kids friendly. homegirl broke out with I STILL FUCKING LOVE YOU. bffr)