arnericanidiot

[arnericanidiot]

the 4 types of lesbian

[arnericanidiot]

living in the suburbs is like mall. Movies. Mall again. Go to target. Go to gamestop. Back to the mall. Barnes and noble. Back to the mall. Chili’s. Back to the mall. Eat hot chip. Lie. And I’m SICK of it!!!!!

[arnericanidiot]

having a "smart"phone for me is just

*opens the clock app instead of the calculator app*

*opens the calculator instead of the clock*

[arnericanidiot]

there are two wolves inside of you. one wants to be flashy and irresistable. the other doesn’t want anyone looking at you ever again.

[arnericanidiot]

person: it was a little mistake! don’t beat yourself up about it

me:

[arnericanidiot]

the miss americana doc is basically what "the lucky one" warned us about

[arnericanidiot]

bojack horseman is leagues more intellectual about the complexities of the human experience than anything any crusty dead white political philosopher festering in the black plague ever said like im sorry but “wanting to be a good person is ingrained in us but being a better person is an incredibly difficult uphill journey especially when the factors of mental illness and trauma are added but its always worth the struggle and progress looks different on everyone” is objectively better than “humans are selfish and only wanna slaughter each other so the ends justify the means” send tweet

[arnericanidiot]

gay people meeting up for brunch look like this

[arnericanidiot]

multiplayer video games bad for health, heart, and emotional wellbeing. cut them out of ur diet.

[arnericanidiot]

i did Phineas without reference too

[arnericanidiot]

This morning at brunch the server came out and he was like "unfortunately we don't have ice right now because a server just broke a glass in it" and we were all like "no that's fine I think an element of danger at brunch is sexy and fun" and he was like no absolutely I get that but I still can't let you eat glass at my job

[arnericanidiot]

Why did aj deactivate his Tumblr?

y’all i haven’t heard this name in like 4 years, i’m scared

[arnericanidiot]

living in the countryside really strikes the fear of god into you at the most random moments. you’ll just make eye contact with a cow or stare for too long into a brook and all of a sudden you’ll think something like “these are old bones and i am merely a passing occupant” and then you have to go and put the kettle on to cope

[arnericanidiot]

timmy turner: i wish every day was easter

wanda: you want jesus to die? is that what you want timmy?

cosmo: done

[arnericanidiot]

concept

a beaded curtain, but instead of beads they’re worms on strings

[arnericanidiot]

sometimes i’m like “i should buy some orange juice! i love it i don’t know why i never have it in the house” and then i get some and i remember it’s because some kind of dormant Scurvy Prevention Instinct activates within me like a sleeper agent trained to seek and destroy, except it’s just me standing in front of the open fridge at two in the morning chugging juice straight out of the carton like a crazed citrus gremlin 

[arnericanidiot]

could u imagine if ppl talked about catholicism the same way they talked about like… indigenous ppl’s religions….