ashtonisrottting

[ashtonisrottting]

whenever a conversation dies down I feel 7 again, and I'm sitting on my father's right on the dining table. at every word I say he looks disgusted. uninterested. I'm not even halfway done with all I had to say, but I forget how to make sound. my father hates my voice, so I start hating it too. I can't speak if not prompted, and I'm sorry. I'm so terribly sorry this is my voice

#vent #toxic dad #i dont knoe why im like this but i hate it so much #toxic childhood #toxic father #toxic household

[ashtonisrottting]

i think i would enjoy grazing. were i a cow ...

[ashtonisrottting]

Carl Sandburg, from “Under the Harvest Moon,” in Chicago Poems

[ashtonisrottting]

[ashtonisrottting]

for my fellow psychotics who struggle with thinking someone is in their house, a method I’ve found that really works are these guys:

i put them on my front door and anytime it opens they ring. that way if i think someone has broken in or i see someone who isn’t there i can think back to if the bells have rung, and if they haven’t i can assure myself it’s not real. obviously it’s not fool proof, like if you are prone to auditory hallucinations, but it has really helped me calm down in time to avoid major psychotic breaks. it’s a real lifesaver

nonpsychotics encouraged to rb

#i really should try this #my auditory hallucinations are annoyingly inconvenient

[ashtonisrottting]

liking my mutuals' posts sloppy style

[ashtonisrottting]

When someone does something and is waiting for your reaction, but you're autistic and your face doesn't convey emotions very well :

[ashtonisrottting]

Wouldst thou like to live above averagely

[ashtonisrottting]

Vicente Aleixandre, from Sound of the War; A Longing for the Light: Selected Poems, 1979

[ashtonisrottting]

Cosmic Dance of Spiral Galaxies: Arp 238

[ashtonisrottting]

[ashtonisrottting]

the ache of nostalgia

[ashtonisrottting]

landscape practice!

[ashtonisrottting]

[ashtonisrottting]

deactivated / inactive mutuals I miss u and hope you're living your best life far away from here </3

[ashtonisrottting]

this too shall pass

[ashtonisrottting]