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Lardo: tall people deserve to be chopped off at the knees to bring them down to our level

Bitty: violent

Bitty: but agreed

Jack: :(

Bitty: i’m sorry, honey, i’m a short person first and a loyal boyfriend next

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[Nursey pours heated broth into the cup of the Stanley Cup] Dex: Now what are you doing? Nursey: My previous tests of the Cup’s legitimacy proved inconclusive. As you are no doubt aware, the metal composition of cutlery can have an effect on food’s flavor. That’s why caviar is best enjoyed with spoons made of bone or porcelain rather than steel. This is a far cry from a spoon, of course, but the same essential principles apply. Dex: So you think you’ll be able to taste if that’s the real trophy. Nursey, nodding: Mmm, needs a moment.

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All of you are wrong about which character would love chappell roan except for me. Eric bittle WOULD shake his ass to Hot To Go and he'd make everyone else in the haus do it too

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you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

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I don't think we appreciate this conversation enough.

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starting my hockey card haul videos for @tradetobest by going “hi y’all” because i think im funny

#im gay and into hockey and suddenly i think myself eric bittle #dee this is your fault #n e ways #shout out to my boy bitty #omgcp #omg check please #also let it be said that the dopamine rush i receive from opening hockey cards is unparalleled

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2.2 / 1.10 / 2.14

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straight friend groups be like: *blonde girl* *chad* *the funny one* *kyle* *brunette girl* *frat boy*

gay friend groups be like: *passive aggressive food YouTuber* *canadian NHL star* *harvard law student with a pornstache* *tiny unbeatable beer pong champion* *frat star slash science nerd with a 4.0 GPA* *loud and emotional 6′4″ econ major* *overexcited goalie* *ginger bob the builder* *nursey*

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their fourth grade kid comes back from school one evening and tells them they’re supposed to write down a family recipe and bring it to class to make a book. bitty is vibrating out of his skin, but kiddo turns towards jack and asks, “papa, what do you put in your morning smoothie?”

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I know I know… Bitty would have loved Cowboy Carter. But also. Maybe. Bitty would have LOVED Chappell Roan. Just like. Okay. Picture him teaching the Falconers “Hot to Go” for a tiktok. Tater would be getting all the letters wrong but with such enthusiasm. Jack would be trying to make the best G with his arms. Picture it.

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check please and nothing is different except it’s a Tim Horton’s instead of Annie’s

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Jack seems like the kind of person that would get lost in a resort town and while everyone’s looking for him he’s just hanging out at the candle shop thoroughly enjoying watching the employees dip and carve wax. 

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do you think Jack ever stopped and accepted the fact that his parents were the milf dilf dream of every bi kids or he just lives in denial like that

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Miss Congeniality (2000) dir. Donald Petrie

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its not like i forget bitty’s from the south but sometimes that boy will say something like “fixing to throw them out” and then i Remember

#im aware that i read and i project my ‘standard american’ accent onto the characters’ dialogue #but sometimes bitty will say fixin’ and im like #yeah that boy is Southern #and i should read him as such #i should also read jack more quebec-like #anYways #eric bitty bittle #omgcp #omg check please #check please

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Another digital commission for the Year Two Kickstarter! Bitty and Jack enjoying a rainy day at Jack’s place. They are very happy (sleepy?) boys. Thanks for the awesome request, VG!!

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The drinks at the Falcs Family BBQ were very strong and there are so many people who need to know about Eric Richard Bittle.