belle-blue

[belle-blue]

Heavens... This is so stupid. But it's worth it, I guess...

I just... I grew up in love with classic fairy tales, like those from Disney... Stories that tell of the power of true love, and its ability to conquer all.

And what young girl wouldn't fall in love with that idea?

I thought that someday, a kind-hearted guy would simply appear, fall in love with me, and then take me away to anywhere where I would finally be happy.

And now, so many years later, I realize: I was so foolish, wasn't I?

I always wanted to live a great love, to BE loved. But now I can't avoid the thought: what if I am one of those people who wasn't made for this? What if I can't be loved? What if I'm not good enough? What if I'm simply not enough for anyone?

I don't deny the existence of good men, quite the contrary. I have the pride and joy to declare to the world that I was lucky enough to be raised by one of them. I know that good men, guided by principles, humility and honor exist. And that's the problem.

A true prince deserves a princess. And I fail both in personality and appearance when it comes to being one. It hurts to acknowledge this, but I need to be sensible, honest with myself. I'm not a good enough girl for any guy.

I was never very religious, but I learned over time that God makes everything happen at the right time. And heavens... How I wish there could be a right time.

My God, if you were kind enough to choose someone for me, then I'm afraid I will be ungrateful and ask for more time, I will ask you to protect and guide him in this life, because I won't be selfish enough to look for him, not while this is all that I am.

In this life, I am still too foolish. I am annoying, irritating, irritable, needy, jealous. Some days I dream too high, and on others I simply settle for the most probable. Sometimes too simple, sometimes too difficult.

I don't want to find that someone who has been waiting for me in this life, because I know that in this life, I will never be able to complete him. Because on my own I am already too incomplete.

That's why I ask, I ask with all my heart. I ask you to take care of him for me. Help him to sustain his faith without becoming dependent on it. Help him to be intelligent and successful, but without becoming arrogant or petty. May he be benevolent and wise. Let him know and enjoy a great love. Send him a kind and pure woman, capable of giving him everything I am not able to. Guide and protect him.

And, if I haven't asked too much already, help me make fewer irreversible mistakes in the next life.

Allow and help me to be better when my second chance comes.