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An alternate dimension me

Everyone has had this thought sometime in their life; I wonder what alternate universe me is like? Usually that version is a more successful version of ourselves, what we would strive to be, if we were more_____________. What stops us from going to that place? From achieving what we could only dream of achieving? Fear. That’s it. I’ve seen this alternate dimension me. In my eyes, when I look in the mirror and see myself staring at that other person in the mirror. It’s all in the eyes. I haven’t listened for so long: every morning staring at those eyes. Screaming for me to wake up, to change before it was too late, to just give a damn… I finally did that in October. I got a gym membership at 24 hr fitness and started going to gym. I started out slow, going on the elliptical for ten minutes. Then 15, 20, now 30 minutes at a time. I started weight lifting and going consecutive days in a row. Then I stopped going for a bit. I invited my friend Rare who was trying to get back to his prime. He invited another friend, then another. We go to the gym as a squad now, 5-6 days out of the week at 5am. We keep each other accountable at the gym. If we clang weights or fuck up on our form we owe push ups. If we eat shit outside of the gym we give each other a hard time and make sure the others know. I guess we are accountabilibuddies. We have set goals to lose 15 lbs by June. All this came about because I started going to gym and reached out to someone. They grabbed my hand and pulled me forward. I will never forget that you pulled me along kicking and screaming, Rare. That man in the mirror smiles at me from time to time letting me know that I'm on the way to becoming that alternate me, hopefully I can reach that goal with my accountabilibuddies backing me up.

[bertomx]

SDCC is really exercise in disguise

#get fit #newme2015 #sdcc2015

[bertomx]

SDCC is exercise in disguise

Yesterday the missus and I strolled through the SDCC free events held near and around the Gaslamp quarter of Downtown San Diego.

Got to do a lot of things yesterday. I got to play the new Rainbow Six: Siege, which was fan'freakin'tastic! Got to play it in team mode which was really great, my teams name was Team Balls-Istics; which I came up with by the way.

Got to try out the new AC: Syndicate, which was utter garbage. The gameplay was un-intuitive, controls were clunky, graphics were last gen. This game franchise was sooo good once upon a time but has fallen from grace since AC IV came out. This new game wishes it was Batman sooo bad. The main character even has a grappling hook very reminiscent of the Caped Crusaders. Although it was an Alpha build the game I don’t believe it was polished enough to show attendees.

Was able to try the new Sony Project Morpheus and was blown away by how intuitive the controls were and how immersive the gameplay was. I’m really excited to see where this new tech will bring Sony. I hope they learn from their past mistakes with the Sony Move and come out with a slew of top notch games right from the gate. Because this is literally a game changer.

Hung out at the Nintendo Lounge and got my streetpass filled many times over, the missus bought the new X-men Days of Future Past Rogue Cut on Blu Ray for 20 bucks, and got some nice time spent with the missus, which we rarely have together.

All of that being said my calves are going to EXPLODE! They are so sore from all that walking I did yesterday. I even had a Foam roller put to them before bed and I was almost in tears because it hurt so much. I would hate to see what they would have been like had I not started exercising when I did.

I walked nearly 5 miles in the span of 4 hours. I saw a ton of overweight people sweating buckets going up hills and walking around looking like death. I was one of them albeit hopefully looking in better condition.

SDCC is really a marathon for nerds in disguise. So much walking is done at the con but you’re nerding out about every single thing along the way that you forget about all the walking and the pain your body is in. That is, until you sit down for a breather and you curse the gods for having muscles build up lactic acid in the first place. No badge, no problem so much to see and do for free that your body will both love and hate you for the sunlight that you are exposing your pasty white skin to as well as the stress you are putting your body through to get to said free events.

The best kind of exercise is the exercise that is disguised to your body as fun. My calves hate me due to my deception but I know my heart is grateful. Walk on people.

#sdcc2015 #projectmorpheus #ps4 #RainbowSix #assassin's creed #nerdist

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SDCC 2015

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Twenty-one days begins a habit!!!

#newme2015 #greatfriends

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So far so good but there is more work to be done.

#newme2015 #yougottabelieve #progress

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The Magic of Belief

Belief can be linked to the most horrifying of human action and also the most beautiful. Today I find myself on the latter of that spectrum.

There is a line from a fantastic anime called Tenga Toppen Gurren Lagen (spelling?) from a character called Kamina (I think?) in which he’s speaking to the main character who has low self esteem and doesn’t believe he can accomplish the task set before him. It goes like this, I believe:

“Don’t believe in yourself, you’ll fail! Believe in the ME that believes in YOU!”

At first I thought what an arrogant and douchey thing to say but the main character believed in Kamina so much that he thought yeah I can do this because Kamina believes I can.

I understand this mentality at this point in my journey because I didn’t believe in myself… I knew I would fail because I had in the past. What changed? My support net changed. I put myself out there and said look I can’t do this by myself I need your help to keep me accountable. The outpouring of support from my friends and family has been extremely empowering. I CAN do this because if I fall they got me.

I’m on day twenty now, one day away from making this a habit, according to popular belief. I find myself today extremely blessed by all of the people in my life pushing me forward. Thanks fam.

[bertomx]

Like DDP said to the Undertaker, "Make me famous"

#ddpyoga #newme2015

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Those who fight further... Not me... Yet.

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Major Depression and the Joys of Tabletop RPG's

Before starting this “new me” journey I was battling major depression. I would be in bed all day on my days off, I would make excuses not to exercise, I wouldn’t go out to social gatherings, I missed shows with my improv group, which led to me being kicked out of it.

I was in a miserable place. In no way am I cured of that but I feel significantly better after starting to count my calories and exercise more often. But during that dark deep existence I found my only joy being running a Deadlands: Reloaded campaign, for a group of friends, which is a tabletop RPG run in the Savage Worlds rule set put out by pinnacle entertainment group. Available at most local gaming shops! *cheap plug*

It was a tough going trying to start up a group in a new locale but I tried it all: posting notices at my local game shop, posting on r/sandiego, pestering my co-workers constantly, even joining meet-up. But after many starts and stops due to people flaking or not being able to make the weekly commitment I found my group.

They have been a great group to play with, mostly new, and have helped bring me out of the fog. I am extremely grateful to them.

If it wasn’t for them I honestly don’t think that I would be doing this. I’ve got friends all over this mo'fo but unless you can interact with people physically it’s not the same… It’s like when you spent four hours playing four player smash bros. in your friends garage in the middle of the night screaming like maniacs and having the police called on you because neighbors thought there was a bloody murder going on. You can’t have that experience over online gaming with your friends.

Having these guys and gals play through a world and story that we have created together is really satisfying. Them playing out characters that they created, me playing as the worlds characters that they interact with… It’s like being on stage again… I get the same kind of rush that I have gotten in the past while acting.

But it’s a two way street. I get that rush they get a chance to escape their reality and play someone else, to do things that they wouldn’t ever do in real life, to socialize and laugh with a group of friends like back in the day…

If you’ve ever been curious about it give it a shot and just let go of your inhibitions and have fun with it. I promise you won’t regret it.

#tabletoprpg #deadlands #nerdlife

[bertomx]

Getting ready for that Street Fighter V... But I'm going to wait until they release a complete version before putting my money anywhere near that franchise again...

#ivebeenburnedbefore

[bertomx]

Secret goals

So my ultimate goal is to get back to my high school weight... I started at 320lbs. And have lost five of these pounds thus far. My high school weight was 230, still overweight and such, but my body handled it better.

After making this goal,which will take awhile, I have one secret goal that I've been toying with doing for the entirety of my life. As I get closer to meeting my ultimate goal I will drop hints as to what my secret goal is. Those who know me will not be surprised at all by what I plan on undertaking.

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4th of July SPECTACULAR!!!!

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Foods

I've been eating somewhat better since starting this whole shebang. Trying things that I thought would be godawful. Case in point, Greek Yogurt. This stuff was nasty, far less superior to fruit yogurt. But since I was trying to do the healthier options for food I gave it a shot thanks to a friend that swore by it. Fridge Oats... Looked pretty gross. Plain Greek Yogurt, coconut milk, steel cut oats, cinnamon, Chia seeds... Left in the fridge over night and then dressed with a fruit, (banana was my choice) nuts, (walnuts was mine) and finally a sweetener of some kind (did someone say hunny?) when ready to eat in the morning. After trying a bite, I found that it wasn't all that bad, I'm actually quite content with a bowl of it in the morning now.

[bertomx]

Sweet Sixteen

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[bertomx]

2 weeks baby!!!

I've gone two whole weeks with the exercise, eating better, and staying in my caloric intake range. There have been a few bumps during these past two weeks but I have two victories that I can confidently share. 1. I'VE LOST 5 LBS.!!! and 2. A shirt that I had stopped wearing because it had gotten too small for me actually fit comfortably again. So there's that. I've just got to continue this streak that I've got going on and build more momentum. Thank you for the support that you've shown me on my journey and I hope that your journey is going well too!