birdofpreyblog

[birdofpreyblog]

Em,home alone..

If anything has come out of all this is the sheer ingenuity of people creating memes to do with the current situation...think probably we’ve all had some sent to us and laughed and laughed..

People can make me despair but they can make me laugh too.

The police have been told to calm down as some were taking the idea of lock down to extremes..stopping people walking their dog etc ( we are allowed exercise...)

There has been alarm raised re this subject..and rightly so..we don’t ,and hopefully never will,live in a police state..

Life goes on regardless of illness..people need to replace things,to go to a shop for whatever..we need to look at beauty not be cowered indoors like prisoners .

Just my thoughts...

[birdofpreyblog]

Em,home alone...

Who knew I would reach a stage in my life where I eked out housework? I have done my bedroom but will save the spare room for another long long day..

I know I’m not alone in this...we are all looking for stuff to do around the home aren’t we? This enforced lockdown will either make our homes uber clean or will drive us to drink.

I have eaten the Easter egg I had here..and am eyeing up a packet of biscuits..I’m not hungry,just bored. 

I wish I had the forethought to have got in 10 ltrs of paint that way I could have least have redone all my rooms...and emerged feeling virtuous..but no....I will just emerge fatter and in a state of drunkeness..ha ha..suppose it could be worse...

Its the sheer boredom I think that will be our collective downfall...and this from someone that is used to being alone! 

So,here I am today...unable to see my grandchildren...or children....just me and the dog...

Could be worse..could be no dog..

[birdofpreyblog]

Em,home alone..

the world seems an alien place now doesn’t it? Queues in the supermarkets..one in,on out,queues to pick up meds,queues to try and go online to access the very limited benefit system here..

Self isolation and social distancing and conflicting advice from Govt who frankly seem unable to work out who is ordering ventilators,protection clothing for front line health workers or just how the average worker can wait until June for any money to filter through..

At the moment we can go out for exercise once a day although,again,this advice is fraught with conflicting view points..

And someone just told me that Boris Johnson said this will be for 6 mths...

Seriously???

No work,no contact with those you love,no freedoms,no decent advice other than wash your hands ( and hands up who’s hands are sore from washing? )

And all the while  I think firsty what the hell IS this virus and where will this end?

[birdofpreyblog]

Day..? Em,home alone.

So we have now entered lock down...or more truthfully some have entered lock down...the advice is as ever ridiculous...

We have had since Jan to plan this..we watched China struggle with this outbreak and sat back and (presumably ) didn’t think it would come here...

We sat back and watched Italy..and Spain and France and all of bloody Europe presumably thinking the 21 miles of water that is the English Channel and which lies between us and “them “ would protect us...ffs

The lack of coherent planning,the chaotic advice given,the lack of masks etc for front line drs and nurses is a national shame..and one replicated in almost all countries..

Maybe when the world gets back to normal..if it gets back to normal..the ordinary person on the street will demand more from their self serving politicians that have for decades taken money out of social systems to line their own pockets. Maybe we will suddenly remember we are all human beings ....that disease sees no colour or creed or religion...we are all one to the corona virus..

[birdofpreyblog]

Day Dunno...Em,home alone.

The weather has been very lovely today but I’m having a bad flare up of emphysema and so have started the rescue pack of steroids and antibiotics which state be very careful in the sun whilst taking these..yeah..this is England..we love the sun and so have been careful out in the garden but still went out there.

Have decided to not grow so many flowers this year and instead grow veg in pots..my garden isn’t that large ...

The shops over here continue to be swamped by panic buyers and think perhaps its wise to have something growing...

Can’t believe all thats going on..part of me things so much of this is hype but part of me thinks its a terrible situation for the world to be in..guess only time will tell.

Sybil the dog has continued not understanding the process of extracting the treats from the ball I got her...at this rate I will be eating them....then her...haha

[birdofpreyblog]

Day...well,it kinda blends into one doesn’t it? Em,home alone:

Its Mother’s Day here..and everyone has been told not to see their mums...my daughter came round with what she called a rescue isolation box full of lovely stuff like magazines,books,bubble bath,bird seed,an Easter egg,a plant and some strawberries..she had flowers delivered yesterday.

My son  knocked at the sitting room window and handed me flowers and cards  and my other son put a card through the door...

And this isolation malarky is hard. Hard to have to think this could be for over 12 wks...my money is on way longer..hard for many up and down the country..hard to keep apart from the dearest things to you..your children.

So,in a bid to take my mind of this I cleaned down the patio and repotted some seedlings and sat for a while in the sun. I am so grateful for having a garden.

Life goes on...and so does Covid 19...still,I’m a tough old bird and hate being beaten..so let’s see who blinks first huh?

[birdofpreyblog]

Day Three of Em,alone

managed to walk the dog who continues to be the most stupid canine ever. I got her a licking mat yesterday courtesy of Amazon and spread dog peanut butter over it..the idea obviously is that she licks it off...after about ten minutes of trying to work out exactly what was needed she finally got the hang on it..

The weather is being slightly kinder so schlepped around the garden in search of something to take my mind off the fact I will only have the garden to schlep around in soon...maybe the dog and I are meant for each other?

And so because I think it will be announced on Monday that people like me with an underlying health issue should remain completely isolated from the outside world I rationed myself to pulling a few weeds out ..might well have months ahead and frankly I need something to focus on.

The shops continue to be raided by panic buyers leaving very little there for others...wtf...loo rolls are a thing of the past although quite why they had reached the status of gold is beyond me.

My son came round with a poster for my window informing people I belong to the vulnerable group ( and who knew I would ever write those words?) and I am singled out as “one of those poor sods who would shuffle off their mortal coil should anyone so much as sneeze their way”....makes me feel quite important in a decrepit way.

The young Amazon man that delivered Sybil’s mat also delivered the scalpel blades I need to paper cut designs...neither spoke the others language too well but we both used sign language to communicate..

He needed  a signature for said blades but said my date of birth would do...frankly I would have rather chanced it against C 19 than tell a complete stranger the year I was born..and given I only needed to be over 21 and am looking at least 4 times that you would have thought he could have just guessed it..anyway I used my fingers to display the abysmal amount of years I am..he gave me the thumbs up,I gave him the thumbs up...he walked to his van ,I opened the front door,we waved at each other and did the thumbs up..

It was the highlight of my day...and perhaps the state of things to come... 

[birdofpreyblog]

Day Two...Em,alone..

So,after ( belatedly ) looking at Govt website re self isolating  within the vulnerable group it seems I can go and walk the dog as long as I stay 6ft away from people..good news for me,the dog and no doubt the other people!

Yesterday I threw a ball in the garden for Sybil my very beautiful but oh so stupid Lurcher to retrieve..she looks at it ,wanders over to where it is and sits..leaving me to actually retrieve it...seemed pointless after about 4 minutes ..

I had got her a ball in which you push dog biscuits..its meant to make them work for it thus not only stimulating their minds but also cleaning their teeth at the same time.

She sniffed at it,looked at me and laid down unable to work out how to handle it..

I smothered it in sardine paste,in peanut butter..in anything I found in order to give her a clue....

Nothing.

Got up this morning,came downstairs to the smell of sardines and peanut butter..and the dog still unable to suss out exactly what was needed to get the biscuits.

Anyway,have stretched my legs today..and am now back wondering what to do. 

Its not like I do shit loads anyway..but I find myself bored beyond words in this official semi imposed isolation..its suddenly like I now WANT to go out because I’ve been told not to..

Think this will hit us all in the coming weeks...and make us feel strangely rebellious in spite of seeing the sense in it all...

[birdofpreyblog]

Day One of isolation: Em,Home Alone

I have COPD so am in the vulnerable group told to stay indoors and have no contact with anyone for at least 12 weeks!

Twelve weeks...

I woke this morning feeling incredibly alone..I have grown up children, I have grandchildren ..but won’t be allowed to have them in my home. Can’t touch another human being for 12 weeks...can’t stroke my grandchildren’s heads,can’t kiss my children...

Can’t believe this is happening..and part of me ( like everyone else ,no doubt ) wonders if this isn’t hyped up by various govts..

Anyway,this entry will be the first of many I suspect..after all how much housework can you be bothered to do?

So...day 1 of Em alone...have eyed up the biscuits,have been on Amazon looking for stuff I don’t need.Have vaguely thought about cleaning out drawers,wardrobes,cupboards and dismissed this as signs of a desperation I haven’t yet reached..

Its 9.37 am.....AM.....ffs.....

Surely I can be more resourceful that this??

Time will tell...

[birdofpreyblog]

To any and all in the UK: please get out today and vote..don’t sit back and think your vote doesn’t matter..it does!

For the people hit by UC,for the special needs children who languish at home unable to access any form of education due to cuts

For the sick and the vulnerable and the poor and the forgotten,for the 95% of us that aren’t shareholders or hedge fund managers or bankers or besties with a politician

For the women like me that had their pension stolen from them and now have to wait an additional 6 yrs..stolen with No warning no matter what these liars say

For all of us that want and need and deserve a fairer society..

No matter who you vote for..please vote..

[birdofpreyblog]

Am I alone in thinking all the recent media coverage of how poor Harry feels is covering up the balls up that is Brexit??

Here’s the thing Harry...man up! Or give up the royal way of life and refuse the huge income we give you each and every year.

[birdofpreyblog]

Am I the only one that thinks that making your son dress and look identical to you, the way Jacob Rees Mogg does with his son Peter, a form of child abuse?

What the hell is THAT about??

[birdofpreyblog]

I have a real passion for a couple of things..one is bubbles..buy them for the grandchildren but really they are for me.

Another are glow sticks..love the way they suddenly come to life in front of your eyes..its a kind of magic isn’t it?

And sea shells will always float my boat..the delicate almost see through art of these lifts my heart and takes it somewhere else..

And finally,conkers...( the nuts of a Horse chetsnut tree),. When I was little they were used by small boys in a game. You drilled a small hole into one,threaded a string through it and whacked the hell out of another small boy in a game known as conkers. I have no idea why but then again I was never a small boy.

I love conkers because they are brown,round bundles of delight..they can be rubbed against your clothing until they shine..they are a wonder of nature and as an aside are meant to deter spiders..( although a friend of mine debunked this by saying he had seen a spider sit on a conker ..people like this shouldn’t be allowed to speak imo.)

So if asked what do I treasure most in life I would reply that, apart from my family, bubbles and sea shells and conkers are my treasure.

Whats yours?,

[birdofpreyblog]

On Mondays,Wednesdays and Thursdays I have my granddaughter...she is 19 mths old and part delightful ,part monster as anyone that age is.

She has such joy in things..her eyes light up,her face breaks into a goofy smile at the strangest of things and what you see is more or less what you get.

Where does that go?

When does the mask begin to take shape? When do the lies and deceit,the loss of joy,the loss of wonder..when does this start to happen?

Her wonderment at a pine cone is special. Her happiness at a falling leaf that comes to rest on her pushchair is special. Her zany attempts to talk to the dog are special.

She is special as we all are...the pity of it is we forget the small things as we grapple with the crap.

[birdofpreyblog]

Today its rained all day...and walking the dog in a sodden park I was the only lunatic out there.

Its not a large or grand park. Its not even a really interesting one..but it serves as a place for mums with small children to go and for people like me to take their dogs.

Every so often a Muntjac deer will break cover and dash across the grass usually with dogs in hot pursuit and in spring small rabbits sit and stare stupidly as I walk my Lurcher near them..they don’t seem to understand that her nature is to hunt small rabbits down..but I do and to be honest spring is an anxious time for me to dog walk. 

I once had a large and impressively vocal German Shepherd Dog..if you were a postman,a Amazon delivery man or indeed just a member of a species he considered dangerous to me ( and frankly that was everything..had the impression he was mildly paranoid about things..) who once picked up a baby rabbit in his mouth.

Horrified I shouted at him to let go ( or perhaps nearer the truth was “ffs! Let go!!”) and he dropped said bunny who ran off unharmed.

My Lurcher, a cream hound with either Deerhound or Afghan hound in her,would never have let go..hound pride would be at stake no doubt.

So she and I walked in a wet deserted park and as always I said hello to each tree as I passed it..seems polite to in my opinion. They have stood in the same spot for decades and have offered their shade and their nuts or berries and their loveliness ,their piles of leaves for small children ( and not so small ) to wade through and throw around with a delight that only this sort of thing can give you.

And perhaps all they ask back is a cheery “hello tree” as you pass by ?

Say hello to a tree today and feel good about yourself.And who knows,maybe deep within its trunk the tree will say hello back.

[birdofpreyblog]

As an older person it came as a surprise to see so many entries on Tumblr to do with DID. Adding my experience to them seems pointless in many ways..either you know about this disorder or you don’t..it is so very difficult to wrap your head around the fact you have more than one “mind” within. 

DID is endlessly shown as some kind of awful entertainment...a histrionic portrayal of someone battling their demons..often violently and often dressed up as some kind of reality..

Its not. Its an exhausting clever creative way a small child managed to survive trauma and abuse that would have made grown men throw in the towel. They did this by creating another child to take their place during what was an horrendous ordeal..and then another....and so on..

So ..because it serves no purpose I shall write here about other things..things of beauty that get overlooked by people with problems..

Its Autumn here. Red berries glow from shrubs and trees..glow and light up the world around them. Trees are in their autumnal finery..there is a tree near me that goes completely yellow..it stands next to one that goes completely red ..and they gracefully shed their wonderful leaves together..leaving piles of  their jewels laying on the green grass. They stand in a Victorian cemetery..tall stone angels watch this wondrous yearly display, and graves ,long forgotten ,are wreathed in beauty.

Isn’t nature marvellous? 

Doesn’t the sight of a lone rose blooming through the winter months feed your soul?

So,no more entries to do with DID but hopefully more to do with Soul Feeding as I feel strongly we all need this so much now..food by which we rediscover the good of the world..

[birdofpreyblog]

There appears so little love in the world. So many seem to have no time for others and this lack of sympathy seems orchestrated by both Govt and  a complicit media hell bent on showing anyone on benefits,anyone who works zero hour contracts,anyone who has been left to bring up children alone,anyone with any kind of invisible disability as feckless work shy and non deserving..

Which frankly are words I’d use for both the Govt and most of the media.

I’m not young,not radical,not part of any union,not an eco whatever,not a political person as such..but what I am is a thinking human being that tries their hardest to see through the authorised bullshit to whats laying underneath..and what’s laying underneath is a horrifying future for so many here and elsewhere.

I have three grandchildren,one at uni and two under 4..what is their future?Their right to an education already compromised by those that got it free despite almost all being able to pay.Their right to health care that should be there for all and yet is being silently and systematically sold off bit by bit and what is left is allowed to be run into the ground. Their right to a paid job that can keep them and their families and yet zero hour contracts or internships seem to be the order of the day. Their right to housing whether rented or their own but which are now both  beyond their pockets. Their right to a welfare system should they fall ill or become unemployed and which has now become a living nightmare to navigate and run by people who seem lacking in any compassion or understanding of just how desperate things are for the average person .Their right to live in a country where they are not automatically thought of as criminal,where their right to protest hasn’t been taken from them and where their right to vote still carries weight.

And all the while TVs around the land blare out rubbish designed to take people’s minds off the state of this country and to allow the corruption and lies to continue.

I am in my 6th decade...so not long to go for me..but my grandchildren? 

What of them? If this sounds depressing it is..

There has to be a better way doesn’t there? A kinder,gentler,fairer way for us all to live and grow and thrive.