blackkowl-blog

[blackkowl-blog]

Thoughts

I really had enough of people leaving me or ignoring I'm just asking why they're doing that.. Am i boring?ugly?arrogant or disgusting Why all people are fucking leaving.. I had enough of trust issues and insecurities Why no one appreciates anything i do for them No one had ever needed me and I wasn't there,but when i do.. they only remember what I didn't do for them and forget everything i had done Why did he say that he loved me when he didn't Why did he lie when he said that he cares and that he loves talking to me.

[blackkowl-blog]

My dark life

You know what sometimes i feel im really childish in my behaviors and attention seeker but no one has really cared about me,even my friends no one asks me what's happening in my life neither him,everybody looks at me like how coldhearted,lazy,irresponsible,attention seeker and always depressed but no one asks why.. Im not cold hearted at all i think but i don't show that i care to much and if i showed they won't care about me but they will reject or ignore me How long? How long will i keep hating myself I've never loved myself and i'll never be It's just that i hate everything about me.. My look,my attitude,my behavior,my way of talking,how i walk,how i choose everything in my life and the one i'll always hate *My body* I hate how i'm always weak.. I never had courage to do anything i wanted I hate everything i choose even if i'm always hesitated I'm not surprised that no one loves me.. I was never the good (daughter,friend,lover,....etc) And i don't except myself to be one day I'm always a failure to everything in my life I won't expect someone to be hurt when i die or something happens to me.. I will never be the woman i've always wanted to be just because i know myself i'll never be I've never succeeded at anything in myself I'll always be the disappointment to anyone who knows me I'm always weak and i'll always be It's a habit that i always escape from my issues Even after all that failure in my life i'm not even religious and i don't think i'll deserve heaven I don't deserve anything I was never kind,honest,patient,pretty,tolerant I deserve every hatred e in my life I'm not and i'll never be good at anything But i'm tired of crying and i'm tired of pretending that i'm always fine and that i'm always cheerful when i'm not It's a great feeling to be the last choice at every one's life even your own family.. I feel that i'm always a burden to everyone But the best advice i'll always give to myself 'everyone is going to leave me whatever how long will they stay but they will' a week,a month or even a year they will leave at the end No one will ever stay with such an ugly,insecure,fat and stupid girl with Shitty personality like me.. I was never disappointed with someone because i'd always except that they will leave eventually why the hell would they stay? And the biggest surprise that i hate my birthday well why? Because i never felt love but i'm always forgotten in it even my own family forget it well except my father but anyway he hates me so it doesn't matter if he remembered it or not I always feel pity for people who claims that they love me *i always feel it's a lie tbh* How could they love someone like me! What do u pretend to see in me that i can't You're all pathetic if u did love me I'll always be a disappointment to don't be shocked if u had figured that after a while I never meant to seek anyone's attention or make someone feel pity or sorry for me.. I'm sorry if i did I'll always be a coward...

[blackkowl-blog]

Depression

How long? How long will i keep hating myself I've never loved myself and i'll never be It's just that i hate everything about me.. My look,my attitude,my behavior,my way of talking,how i walk,how i choose everything in my life and the one i'll always hate *My body* I hate how i'm always weak.. I never had courage to do anything i wanted I hate everything i choose even if i'm always hesitated I'm not surprised that no one loves me.. I was never the good (daughter,friend,lover,....etc) And i don't except myself to be one day I'm always a failure to everything in my life I won't expect someone to be hurt when i die or something happens to me.. I will never be the woman i've always wanted to be just because i know myself i'll never be I've never succeeded at anything in myself I'll always be the disappointment to anyone who knows me I'm always weak and i'll always be It's a habit that i always escape from my issues Even after all that failure in my life i'm not even religious and i don't think i'll deserve heaven I don't deserve anything I was never kind,honest,patient,pretty,tolerant I deserve every hatred e in my life I'm not and i'll never be good at anything But i'm tired of crying and i'm tired of pretending that i'm always fine and that i'm always cheerful when i'm not It's a great feeling to be the last choice at every one's life even your own family.. I feel that i'm always a burden to everyone But the best advice i'll always give to myself 'everyone is going to leave me whatever how long will they stay but they will' a week,a month or even a year they will leave at the end No one will ever stay with such an ugly,insecure,fat and stupid girl with Shitty personality like me.. I was never disappointed with someone because i'd always except that they will leave eventually why the hell would they stay? And the biggest surprise that i hate my birthday well why? Because i never felt love but i'm always forgotten in it even my own family forget it well except my father but anyway he hates me so it doesn't matter if he remembered it or not I always feel pity for people who claims that they love me *i always feel it's a lie tbh* How could they love someone like me! What do u pretend to see in me that i can't You're all pathetic if u did love me I'll always be a disappointment to don't be shocked if u had figured that after a while I never meant to seek anyone's attention or make someone feel pity or sorry for me.. I'm sorry if i did I'll always be a coward... If you can't figure it by yourself or you will take a while to know the here i'm.. I'm no use and i'm a waste of time and you'll never find anything good inside me