blobfish-whisperer

[blobfish-whisperer]

anotha klance + smol keith roundup from the twittas for ya

[blobfish-whisperer]

voltron is a kids show for babies who are babies and like giant robots but. a year? a year to topple an empire thats dug its slicing claws into over half the known galaxy? its an impossible task made sillier by such an impossible hyperbole. a year?

keith is going to be thirty before hes walking back into that shack. lance's mom is going to get her boy back covered in scars. a map of the galaxy in pale, hairline slits over his skin. colleen holt is going to leave her latest tenure at the local grieving-widow's-support-group, sixty and tired, to find her children sitting in the kitchen. hunk's parents are going to see a man where they lost a boy. not a man of the early 20s variety, a man, with dark stubble and strength in his arms and shadows in his eyes. shiro's parents will be seeing a stranger. shake the hand of the chiseled war veteran, and feel the way the metal slides, smooth, over your skin.

i want the return to earth to be like wearing clothes that dont fit. pulled from your childhood dresser, well-worn and well-loved and impossibly small. tight around your broad adult shoulders and scarred arms. the sky is blue, and the ocean is salty, and life has gone on without you. its not a matter of "you changed, and your home didnt". quite the opposite. your parents had other children. your siblings got married. your grandparents died. your home-- and the people you left there-- changed. but you changed, too. and you and your home changed in opposite directions. your nieces and nephews dont know your face. your parents cant stop looking at the scar on your neck. your siblings ask you what happened, and there is no answer, because there is no way to say that everything happened. you lived a whole life in the stars. and they lived a whole life down here, on the ground.

[shrugs] or maybe you walked into an empty shack after twelve years

[blobfish-whisperer]

collab w @heynhay ‼️

[blobfish-whisperer]

girl get up

[blobfish-whisperer]

COLLAB ALERT @leenfiend wrote the awesome script and I drew her genius 😎 if you think THIS collab is epic you should see us run a whole klance zine👼oh speaking of, have u followed @klcosmiczine yet....? you can apply to join us right now until May 19!! :D

[blobfish-whisperer]

That blur looks awfully like two paladins we know…

But there’s only one way to find out— at 30 reblogs this illustration will be unveiled! 🚀🌟

[blobfish-whisperer]

I bet Jar Jar is fucking hung like a whale. God he can raw me anyday.

I spent like two? Three? Entire weeks with this sitting in my askbox and I just. I got nothing. What could I possibly answer? I tried all the “nope” gifs in this god forsaken website, I tried to draw what my face looks like every time I read this, I tried to find fanart of jar jar with his wang out and the universe was kind enough to me so that I couldn’t find any. I got nothing. Nada. Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. What am I gonna say? What in god’s name am I gonna say to that?!

You see, I wanna fuck general grievous. I do. I want him use all his four arms to simultaneously pull both my arms back and touch my tits as he fucks me with his mecha-schlong. I do. I wanna fuck darth Maul, pre-legs cut off or post metal legs+metal dick enhancement. I wanna lick those horns. Okay? I wanna fuck darth vader. Boy, oh, boy, I do. I wanna hear that hard breathing and wrap my legs over that dramatic cape while he force-chokes me and we do the do. Am I a weird robot-fucker? You bet your ass I am! Am I a tad too much on the horny side? Probably. Did I extrapolate my right to be horny on main? Fucking sue me. But this. THIS.

How do you want me to face my family and all the three (3) friends I have irl? How do you want me to walk into an elevator with a bunch of strangers and when an old lady says “the weather has been a little hot lately, isn’t it weird?” just to do small talk like every fucking old people I don’t know do, how do you expect me not to answer her with “y’know what’s weirder, someone at this very moment is thinking about Jar Jar Binks going balls-deep in them and I cannot talk about this to anyone and the knowledge of this? it’s eating me alive. ALIVE, ma’am, and I don’t mean this as some sick vore reference. Someone’s dreaming of those popped-up eyes, of that weird high-pitched voice screaming MEESA COMING while they’re filled up by Jar Jar Bink’s thick seed, and I’m just standing here while this very notion rots me to the core, taking all life away from me. It’s a nightmare. My entire life, a nightmare, because of an anon message from a horny jar jar fucker on tumblr. This is my floor now, ma’am, have a good day”

I leave the elevator. I probably have an appointment, but I can’t remember where, or what for. I sit down on the floor by the elevator doors. I sob for a full minute. I take the elevator back downstairs, I walk home, I collapse in bed and rub one out thinking of darth vader. I feel better.

Five minutes later, I think about this ask again, and my whole world collapses again. It’s only Tuesday. I sigh heavily and sit down to write this reply.-

Edit: a lot of this is exaggeration. Some of it is true. You get to pick what exactly.

[blobfish-whisperer]

Quick doodle

[blobfish-whisperer]

“Many people seem to think it foolish, even superstitious, to believe that the world could still change for the better. And it is true that in winter it is sometimes so bitingly cold that one is tempted to say, ‘What do I care if there is a summer; its warmth is no help to me now.’ Yes, evil often seems to surpass good. But then, in spite of us, and without our permission, there comes at last an end to the bitter frosts. One morning the wind turns, and there is a thaw. And so I must still have hope.”

— Vincent Van Gogh

[blobfish-whisperer]

one second of every episode of always sunny in philadelphia summing up how utterly, utterly fucked up it is. beautiful.

[blobfish-whisperer]

nothing just this post by @speakswords

[blobfish-whisperer]

horrible news guys…. i want to be in love

[blobfish-whisperer]

can i come be weird on your couch but you end up being super into it and then we kiss?

[blobfish-whisperer]

the only grind I respect is girls grinding against each other or something. like whatever the mortar and pestle get up to

[blobfish-whisperer]

I want you carnally and intensely but its okay dude its no big deal

[blobfish-whisperer]

whenever i'm trying to talk myself out of buying something i don't need i always hear my old russian professor's voice echoing in my head: "WHAT??? WILL YOU DIE THE RICHEST MAN IN THE GRAVEYARD?" and then i make an unwise financial decision

[blobfish-whisperer]

Glenn Howerton on MacDennis (x)