bouquet-of-delusions

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currently trembling in the dark crying in my room vomiting on the floor screaming into the void wishing i was dead and 3ft under the ground

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Reading Circe after The song of Achilles is so satisfying and relieving because Odysseus says that he saw Achilles and Patroclus together in the Underworld anyways I'm not crying

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i don't rate books based on character development and plot holes. if it made me bawl my eyes out and search up its fanarts at 3 am it's a 5/5

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-Madeline Miller, The Song of Achilles

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do you call it 'soulmate' or 'I could recognize him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world.'

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"your teens are about" "your 20s are about" there's no schedule babes

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Thinking about them again

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On grief and loss

1. Glennon Doyle Melton, Love Warrior/ 2. Andrew Garfield interview/ 3. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix/ 4. Jamie Anderson/ 5. Fleabag/ 6. Anne Carson, Glass, irony and god / 7. Brokeback Mountain/ 8. Jandy Nelson, The Sky Is Everywhere/ 9. John Banville, The Sea/ 10. Wandavision

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the thing about brokeback mountain is that Ennis wanted to survive but Jack wanted to live. and can you blame them? you can't blame either of them

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BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN — 2005, dir. Ang Lee

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i don’t care about straight actors playing queer people in media all i care about is if theyre going to put their whole pussy into it. tom hardy of course ive had gay sex im an actor. keanu reeves and river phoenix going to gay clubs in seattle and making out in public. heath ledger almost breaking jake gyllenhal’s nose because he kissed him too hard. when will actors do this again. 

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Me before episode 8: I hope they don't try make David too likeable

Neil and Craig: ok but what if we made him worse

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*david monologuing for 5 minutes about how he eats people and worships cordyceps and believes ellie (a 14 year old) is his only intellectual equal and 100% equipped to help him lead his weird fucked up village thing*

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David telling Ellie he used to be a teacher before the outbreak...

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“if you follow us to town—”

ellie:

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I think there’s something so deeply and intimately and morbidly true about The Last of Us’s primary thesis which is that humanity’s fatal flaw, in that very Shakespearian way, is that we are destined to care too much about one another so much so that we discard the collective entirely. like we have such a capacity to love the human race and humanity as a whole, to grow our communities and govern cities how we know best and foster such connection with the masses which we are part of, but it’s overtaken by our capacity to love even just a single other person. like one human can come into your life that creates such an intrinsic and passionate love in you— or maybe two people or a family’s worth or any small number— and you suddenly would burn entire villages down just to keep them safe.

joel doesn’t blink twice murdering to find ellie. he doesn’t look back when he decides to do what he does at the hospital later on. he has no remorse about any of it it, because this one girl has grown to mean more to him than any possible greater good could ever mean. and it’s reciprocal. ellie would— and does— do anything she can to help him, save him, protect him, and, eventually, to avenge him. because that’s what you do when you love someone. not when you love people. when you love someone.

and it’s selfish, in a way??? because we love these people and would do so much for them because they mean more to us than other strangers do. it’s exactly like an iteration of the trolley problem, actually. one track has your daughter on it and one track has fifty people. don’t even try telling me you wouldn’t go onto track B if it meant saving your daughter and her puppy dog eyes from the whimpering and pain and fear. The Last of Us says yes, you would. I would. we all would. and like yeah that is our greatest weakness, that we have such a unique ability to love a handful of people so deeply that our compassion towards community and strangers and the bigger collective starts to slip from view. but goddamn what a fucking great fatal flaw it is to have. we are all going to die and the world will burn because we loved another person too much.