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“Autumn shows us how beautiful it is to let things go.”

— Unknown

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I want to live simply. I want to sit by the window when it rains and read books I’ll never be tested on. I want to paint because I want to, not because I’ve got something to prove. I want to listen to my body, fall asleep when the moon is high and wake up slowly, with no place to rush off to. I want not to be governed by money or clocks or any of the artificial restraints that humanity imposes on itself. I just want to be, boundless and infinite.

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every person who struggles with eating disorder issues just wants to be loved. 

there is a strong myth that the word “beautiful” is automatically understood as “something on which attention paid is” despite the fact which kind of attention it can be - a hug, a kiss in the forehead, a kind word, a warm look in the eyes, date or sex, it doesn’t matter at all because these signs of attention can be interpreted as a sign of love. 

if someone pays attention to you, does this mean that this person can love you after all? Whom and what should you be in order to attract people? The easiest answer is to be beautiful

what does it mean to be beautiful in modern times? Beautiful is someone thin, with high cheekbones and bulging clavicles, flat stomach and thigh gap, is someone who wears a small size clothing and whom a lot of compliments are given because of “perfect figure and appearance”. The easiest way to become beautiful is to fit the parameters of society because is a proven method, yes? 

because you imagine that as only as you become thin your mother, who always “advises you to lose some weight as no one is gonna even date you” and humiliates every your step, she begins to praise you, say how strong you are and to and that now you deserve better. your father finally tells you how beautiful you are. the nice boy or cute girl, on whom you have crushed for a long period of time and who haven’t noticed you, starts to spend more time with you and even ask you out someday. The life is finally great, isn’t it? Or not? Or you still feel that something is wrong?

in this way all you can do is to easily create a trap for yourself, for example, a lot of people just can use you and forget about you, you can be in abusive relationship, you can succumb to violence, you can simply get into the trouble… and it’s all just because you still hate every millimeter of your body and soul, even despite your drastically changes in appearance

people won’t start love you because you still don’t start to respect yourself, to see that you’re enough, that you don’t need to change yourself in order to be loved, that you won’t be truly loved until you love yourself. but I know, it’s hard. you just don’t understand how you can be loved just for who you are. 

that’s why there is easier way. all you need is to find an effective diet with thousands of good reviews, instal calorie counter on your phone, play sports to exhaustion,have constant dizziness and always feel cold, have dreams about “forbidden food” and wake up in a cold sweat, compare yourself to every single person and hate yourself even more, binge and starve, cry and be powerless  but in such a way you become beautiful. Beautiful = Accepted = Loved, isn’t it? 

today I’ve been officially struggling with bulimia for 6 years already. i don’t even remember how many years I’ve been struggling with it “unofficially”. and I’m still struggling with this myth. no matter how hard it is because it is worth it, I know it from my experience and, sorry, bulimia, you are fucking bitch, and I don’t want to live with you during my whole life

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what’s on your mind?

nothing but also everything

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Starry Night Over the Rhone, Vincent van Gogh.

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Caddi in uno dei miei patetici periodi di chiusura. Spesso, con gli esseri umani, buoni e cattivi, i miei sensi semplicemente si staccano, si stancano: lascio perdere. Sono educato. Faccio segno di sì. Fingo di capire, perché non voglio ferire nessuno. Questa è la debolezza che mi ha procurato più guai. Cercando di essere gentile con gli altri spesso mi ritrovo con l'anima a fettucce, ridotta ad una specie di piatto di tagliatelle spirituali. Non importa. Il mio cervello si chiude. Ascolto. Rispondo. E sono tutti troppo ottusi per rendersi conto che io non ci sono.

Charles Bukowski

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Ho mosso mille passi

senza una direzione,

soltanto per andare avanti

ma c'é sempre una canzone

a ricordarmi che mi manchi

come il sole quando piove.

cit. Michele Giorgi.

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“Chissà

se alla Luna sta bene

che la si fotografi di continuo

e le si pongano quesiti esistenziali

di cui

in fondo

nessuno si cura veramente.

Chissà se le sta bene

questo incessante fissare

senza un "come stai?"

di tanto in tanto

o almeno chiederle

se ha voglia di compagnia

stasera

o se vuole semplicemente

starsene per conto suo.

Chissà se la Luna è come un'amica

che ti ascolta senza giudicare

o come una madre

che sa sempre cosa dire

pur non parlando mai.

Chissà se al posto suo

resteresti così

in silenzio

ma sempre bellissima

o se esploderesti

in un vaffanculo immenso

verso l'universo intero

che

come un bambino

non ti lascia mai

in pace.”

-laragazzachesapevadimare

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the telling hour, timed edition available only until monday.

www.jamesreadsmerch.com

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collector’s dilemma.

which bottled world would you uncork?

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Etienne Jacob:  New Work

Etienne Jacobs, who has been featured in Cross Connect before, is a 24 year old from France working on a Masters Degree in Applied Mathematics.  He saw the work of Wavegrower and was inspired:  He wanted to do the same kind of thing.  He succeeded.  Now you see his gifs all over Tumblr, and for good reason.  While they are generative based on math, they are also extremely seductive experiences for a viewer because he has a great sense of motion and design - and he makes great vortices.  Why just black and white?  Again, being inspired by Wavegrower, he said about other colors ‘I feel like it adds nothing, it is unnecessary’.  I have to agree.  His gifs are perfect for now, as is.

You can see more of his work at Necessary Disorder

Posted by David

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Non ho più grosse pretese. Da bambina volevo conquistare il mondo, da adolescente volevo salvare il mondo, oggi vorrei solo riuscire a perdonare la bambina superba e a scuotere l'adolescente ingenua. Oggi non voglio conquistare né salvare, perché conosco meglio il mondo e capisco che non mi appartiene. Quindi mi allontano, mi dissocio, mi estraneo, e ritorno bambina, ma meno altezzosa. Nel frattempo spero, prego, come la stanchezza prega il sonno, che il mondo possa salvarsi da solo, e ritorno adolescente, ma più disillusa. Sono sempre io. È solo che a volte devo ricordarmelo scrivendo. La mia scrittura non deve conquistare, perché non vuole; non deve salvare, perché non riesce, ma almeno deve ricordarmi chi ero e chi sono, quanto mi sono disprezzata e quanto sono migliorata, e quanto ancora mi disprezzerò per aver creduto anche un solo istante di essere davvero migliorata.

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“The Lawless Energy of Teen Girls” reflects on Justine Kurland’s photo series “Girl Pictures,” shot between 1997 and 2002.