[Image ID: A flow chart with two branches. The starting point reads "does this character have problems." One branch leads to "yes" then "make them worse," while the other branch leads to "no" then "give them some." End ID.]
Thinking about Mac and how Bill very obviously had the biggest fucking crush on that man. He talks about him far more than anyone else, specifically says he'll miss him (fuck Davey and Jenny I guess???).
"he was a heartless son of a bitch...but he had a heart"????? Oh! Oh! 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
I've been having such a bad gender crisis lately. I always do once it starts to get warmer out and my family pressures me to shave and makes constant comments about the hair on my legs. Shorts and bathing suits make me feel so fucking awful and I can't tell anyone why I don't like to swim anymore because my anxiety is just out of control. It's not so much that I'm in an unsafe environment, it's that I'm terrified of change and my parents are old and barely try to empathize with my mental health issues.
I cut my hair a few years ago and it made me feel so good afterwards, but the first couple weeks were awful. Being told I looked bad. That I made a mistake. My mom frowning and saying "why did I let you do that?"
I just want so badly to be someone else entirely. I've not felt at home in my own body since I was eight or nine years old. I want so badly to do something about it but I'm also terrified because it's infinitely more difficult to be out and visibly trans, especially recently in America. It'll ruin already strained relationships with my family. They'll talk behind my back, make fun of me. They do it to other people's kids, I'm not exempt from that treatment. I think right now I'm waiting for my grandmother to die so I don't have to deal with that stress. I'm not even out as bisexual to my extended family and I've been out literally everywhere else since I was 13.
I wish it didn't have to feel so isolating. I've really enjoyed seeing other trans folks talk about their experiences and I hope y'all can continue doing so, regardless of the growing hate.