brycethinksthings

[brycethinksthings]

It's been over a month since I last posted on this blog. A couple things have changed in my life. I'm no longer in a relationship, but honestly, I think that will be good for me in the long run. There was no way that was going to be healthy in the long run, and I'm better off.

I come on here to document my thoughts and my experiences. I have one that I really want to jot down, but first, a rambling preamble. When I was a kid, malls were everything. My town had two, Markland and Kokomo. Kokomo eventually shut down around the time of the housing crisis. It was mostly for fashion, and I remember there being a teacher's supply store there. My kid brain didn't really pin this one to memory because it was always the worse one. There are two things about it that I distinctly remember. There were these fountains that would shoot water into each other. I was mesmerized by this. The second thing was a train set. It was a pretty big train set. enclosed in a glass dome. You'd pay a quarter, and the set would come to life. I love train sets and miniatures, so this was always really cool to me. One of my last memories of that mall was asking my dad for a quarter so I could watch the trains. The mall was mostly closed by this point, and I remember it being empty. The sounds of the train echoed within that dying mall. Markland had a lot more to do. It changed a lot over the years, but it was always my favorite. There was (and still is) a Gamestop in there, Target, a Sears, etc etc.. At one point, there was a mini-golf course in there. I always begged my parents to go on weekends so I could walk around all the stores. After I got my first real job, I went here all the time to go to FYE. I was still living with my folks, so my income was expendable. I would go in there and blow a lot of money. I still love malls, but it's unsettling at the same time. If it's not on a busy day for the mall, it's lonely in there. Most of the stores are shuttered save for the American Eagle or Hot Topic. Covid killed them, and it hurts to see the state they're in now. It's weird to say I yearn for physical stores and paying higher prices than I would online, but I do. Maybe I just yearn for simpler times and youth.

The reason I bring this up is because I went to Half-Price Books today in search of a book. I didn't end up finding it, but while searching the sci-fi section, an older man with a cane and a veteran's cap came right up to me. He was in search of some Travis Taylor books. I half heard Skinwalker ranch and how he wrote sci-fi books, too. I remember saying alright, but the conversation didn't really continue after that. I continued looking through the store for a book and ended up on a couple Dan Simmons ones I hadn't read. I remember seeing him check out with one of those large pop-up Star Wars books. Maybe for his grandkids. I remember my eyes stinging as I was leaving the store. I will probably never see that man ever again, but his friendly demeanor really got to me. The fact that he just came right up to me and said a couple words. People like that are to be treasured. I distinctly remember having an older gentleman tell me all about Halo when I was in a book section in Florida. That has always stuck with me. I think what got to me was that he reminded me of my grandfather who passed. He, more than any other grandparent, tried to relate with me. He saw what his grandkids were into and tried to do it, too. I don't care what anyone else says. He was great. I'll always miss him. He was kind. To you, Travis Taylor fan, thank you. Those few words made my day. I wish I'd talked to you a bit more.

[brycethinksthings]

I have tried and failed several times to get a diary or journal off the ground. During college, I used an old yellow notebook as a diary. I kept up with it for about a week. I was in a deep, depressive spiral after one of my best friends left town. I was so worried I'd never see her again. I did end up seeing her again, but that summer did have a profound effect upon me, as did many summers spent in that small studio apartment. I fell off of it and felt too guilty to pick it up again. Earlier this year, I picked it up again for a whopping two entries, but within those entries, I wrote it a lot. I really bared my soul on those pages. I don't know if that's what I'll do here, but I just want a place to stick my thoughts. What spurred it this time is a mix of a couple things, but the biggest one was that I saw too much of myself in a movie. This last Saturday, 10/28/2023, Matthew Perry unfortunately passed. I was throwing my Halloween party, and my girlfriend told me. I've never been the largest Friends fan, but my parents are. They love Friends and quote it quite a bit. Whenever we move furniture, it's "pivot, PIVOT". This may be what causes me to finally sit down and watch the whole show. It's a piece of my relationship with my parents. We took a vacation to Los Angeles recently, and we did the WB backlot tour. A large portion of that tour was touring sets where Friends was filmed. I was being a moody prick at the time, but that memory is special to me. It's not visiting the sets themselves, but the smiles on my parents' faces that I'll cherish the most. Back to the topic, there's a movie streaming site I like. There's a channel always playing movies. It feels like cable which I long for. I popped in tonight, and they were playing a memorial marathon for Matthew Perry. He'd starred in a handful of films following the end of Friends, and I'd happened upon one of the last films of the night. Numb. I decided to give it a watch. I'd seen the poster, and I'd been wanting to see what his career was like beyond Friends. I don't know what it was, but something about this movie really connected with me. Matthew Perry's character, Hudson, struggles with depersonalization and depression spurred by a bad trip. He falls in love with a girl and desperately tries to cure his condition. It's billed as a romcom, but I really connected with the drama of it all. I saw myself in Hudson. I struggle with the same things, and I've had some really bad trips. Part of the reason why I've sworn off smoking or getting high. I think Matthew Perry's performance is incredible, and I wish he'd gotten more work post-Friends. The movie is cheesy, but I'm just drawn to it. I've never felt myself represented on screen like that before. What an experience to have on a Wednesday night. Thank you, Matthew Perry.