calicocael

[calicocael]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[calicocael]

i remember being in hs and absolutely obsessed with harry potter, the hprp group gave me a feeling of community for the first time that wasnt based in religion, and it helped show me how fun and easy it is to hust be yourself. i really miss those days but when i check up on a few of the people i used to interact with, theyre all so happy and that makes me really happy so its okay that rowling sucks because we turned her work into something so much better than she couldve dreamed of and i think thats a really big achievement.

#hprp #hp

[calicocael]

[calicocael]

do you not ever get tired of pessimism? of hating hope? of being miserable? like yeah life is full of horrors and terrors. but it’s also full of strangers who hold the door open for for you. the color green. stained glass windows. bluegrass music. cats who butt their heads against your leg. dancing and laughing and crying.

none of that cures the agonies, but they are small acts of resistance to it. things may be shit, but life can still be good. and i know that because good things still exist. simple and small and full of hope.

[calicocael]

also,,, remember those moments of deja vu you get? and this could be what people mean about heaven and hell. trigger warning, but after those bad experiences that you didnt get to choose, you can choose to have good experiences after, and choosing not to experience anything else ever again could be sentencing yourself to hell in this way (and thats a really painful thought to have at 3am when your baby brother did that) so what if heaven is a story you can reread forever? a story you cant stop going back to if you tried? what if thats why we have to choose to be good and kind and generous and have lots of friends and hobbies and maybe thats why people being evil is so unforgivable. life isnt a video game, its the only book youll ever get to read.

one time i read that after we die our brains play all of our memories on a loop forever, and thats something that i think about a lot when i cant sleep and when i take shrooms i always get these moments of clarity where i think "ive done this all before" and what if we are supposed to be living a life we wouldnt mind living for eternity, what if this is it forever, and once we die it simply stop our ability to make new memories and so we have to make sure the memories and experiences and everything we have is worth eternity, is worth experiencing over and over and over again forever???

#existential crisis #so sorry im losing my mind #deja vu #morality #afterlife

[calicocael]

one time i read that after we die our brains play all of our memories on a loop forever, and thats something that i think about a lot when i cant sleep and when i take shrooms i always get these moments of clarity where i think "ive done this all before" and what if we are supposed to be living a life we wouldnt mind living for eternity, what if this is it forever, and once we die it simply stop our ability to make new memories and so we have to make sure the memories and experiences and everything we have is worth eternity, is worth experiencing over and over and over again forever???

#what happens when we die? #existential crisis #afterlife #only one life forever on repeat #could you be happy with the experiences you collected #could you be happy with the choices you made #if you had to keep reliving those choices those experiences for the rest of eternity #never deviating from the path you chose #a cycle #forever #♾️

[calicocael]

Joel Miller + textposts ♡

[calicocael]

[calicocael]

A lot of sentiments I see online about "just standing up for yourself" fall apart when considering that a common consequence of "standing up for yourself" is losing a key part of your current support network. It's hard to tell someone to stop being transphobic to you when you carpool with them to work, and it'll get a lot more expensive without them. Can your budget tolerate that cost, or is it the expense that stretches you too far? It's hard to tell someone that they need to be more polite to you when they're the one who helps walk you through legalese. Can you find someone else to do it for you, or are you left floundering? It's hard to tell someone to stop being sexist to you when they're the one writing your reference letter. Do you have someone else who can be your reference, or are they the only one whose letter would be accepted?

In order to be able to stand up for yourself, you need to be able to bear the potential consequence of that person leaving. You need to either have redundancy in your network, or be able to pay for what they did for you. Safety is about more than if someone will hit you.

[calicocael]

sometimes when im walking through town i see someone with a religious quote on their vehicle and i think to myself "oh is this the day ill be hatecrimed?" so far i win

[calicocael]

when i was in highschool i was one of those girlies to whom men would say "wow youre so mature for your age" and id talk to them for two days cuz the attention got me high then id get bored and ghost them

anyways one time my mom hit on a 21 year old for me when i was 17 cuz i told my big sister he was kinda cute. she got me his number and i stopped talking to him cuz he wanted to sleep with me

#mom literally was out there trying to sell me off #18th century marriage alliance #give me 8 cow for my daughters hand #no just 8 #not the full dozen #cows are expensive and daughter doesnt listen #worth 8 cow only

[calicocael]

you cant really post witty things when you have 94 followers and a few of em are dead accounts and bots

[calicocael]

Rest in Peace, Andre Braugher.

[calicocael]

It's so funny getting into heated discussions about reading preference styles with some people. I'm in a Discord group chat, and the topic of different POVs in fiction came up, and it was apparently a popular opinion in the group that multiple POVs in a book is "garbage" and "hot trash."

I kind of laughed it off as a funny quirk, then mentioned I couldn't relate because I find singular POVs to be extremely dull and a major turn-off when it comes to reading. But y'know, to each their own. Brains like what they like.

The temperature of the group chat got noticeably chillier, and I was informed curtly that several people in the group write singular POVs and I should think before I speak.

I said I know, just like they know I write multiple POVs, but they felt fine trashing that.

"Well, that's different."

"Why?"

"Because you're a fluke. No one likes reading multiple POVs."

Oh-kay. Again, I didn't want to get heated over it and again reiterated that not everyone's writing style will vibe for everyone. I then helpfully added, "It's like, y'know. I don't particularly enjoy first-person narratives, either. They feel juvenile to me, probably because they're predominant in a lot of YA lit, and it's jarring to read in adult fic. Doesn't mean it's bad; it just means I don't like it."

Anyway. I'll let you know when they're done burning me at the stake.

[calicocael]

if it tastes good, take another bite

#im the demon that encourages your worst indulgences #or the grandma who thinks your mom doesnt feed you

[calicocael]

It's my 7 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

#7 year tumblrversary #tumblr milestone

[calicocael]

You know i dont get homoerotically pinned to the wall nearly enough