cassie-lmao

[cassie-lmao]

me: i think i'm a pretty cool and loveable, kind person with so much kindness, power and strenght. i wholeheartedly believe i am loveab-

someone: yeah i love you so much

me: WHAT... DID YOU... SAY? NO YOU SHOULDN'T NO PLEASE STAY AWAY FROM ME YOU ARE LYING LEAVE ME ALONE STAY AWAY I PROBABLY MANIPULATED YOU INTO THINKING THIS LEAVE YOU ARE GOING TO LEAVE ANYWAY IF I LET YOU IN YOU ONLY LOVE THE IDEA OF ME BUT ONCE I OPEN UP YOU'LL LEAVE LIKE EVERYONE DID

[cassie-lmao]

i do wonder that when i meet new people and they are talking to me do they think "damn this person must have been abused so much" or do they think im just like that for no reason

[cassie-lmao]

the feeling when you finally detach and see how painfully mediocre that person is is so bittersweet

first, you'll realize just how much better you are than them and the fact that they seemed so special and unique all because of your love towards them. you'll realize they are not even your type anymore not appearance nor personality wise.

second, you'll remember how terribly you've been treated, by this mediocre ass person who can't even compare to you objectively speaking, and you allowed it all to happen because of your love towards them. for some reason, you saw something in them back then that hooked you in so hard it chained you to them.

it's rough.

[cassie-lmao]

"and i dont talk shit about you on the internet" except that i really don't. i only tell what you did to me and how it made me feel, if you think it's "shittalking" then you indirectly agree with me that the stuff i say you did are in fact terrible. except all of it is true so if you don't like it you should step your shit up and work on yourself to do better than that.

[cassie-lmao]

i love how most people i know regard me as one of the funniest mfs they know so everyone assumes i look like a happy, bubbly, easygoing person who smiles and laughs a lot but in reality i crack all those jokes and snarky remarks while looking at you like

:|

[cassie-lmao]

i will never EVER fall in love with the potential of people.

what do you mean they abused me then discarded me like i never meant anything for them and we haven't talked in months and i despise the fucking rat they are but girl i would kill to get that version of them that i saw that much potential in. like... i don't want it to be them but i also want it to be them so bad. its so fucking hard to get over it and let it go

[cassie-lmao]

they were the "i can't do this, i can't accept your love"

i was the "please tell me how can i love you in the correct way to make you feel safe. please tell me how you feel so i can understand you. i can't lose you."

[cassie-lmao]

it should go like

you do me wrong, you apologize, i forgive you

and not

you do me wrong, you get mad because i'm mad, you leave me, you convince yourself i was the reason you left so it was actually me who left you, you label me as a toxic and manipulative ex, you start impulse dating, you even go back to your previous ex, you realize you were mistaken with me, you apologize, i laugh at you

because i wont forgive you if you do it this way.

[cassie-lmao]

the biggest lesson i learned is to stay far away from people who would drastically go out of their way to provoke you into talking to them but they are just unable to tell you that they want you to talk to them or reach out first and start the talking.

[cassie-lmao]

the phrase you will never hear me saying ever again would be "we can be friends if you can accept that i have feelings for you even though you dont" like girl shut your bitch ass up never do that to yourself ever again😂

[cassie-lmao]

me when someone wants to talk to me about mental health or any of my special interests: *i trap them in an unskippable cutscene that lasts 1-2 hours*

me when someone wants to talk to me about something else because i literally don't know what to say: "yeah" "uh huh" "i get it" "what?" "i see" "really?" "is that so?" "thats cool"

[cassie-lmao]

when i started healing i slowly internalized that i'm nearly not as angry and frustrated as i thought myself to be

im actually a goofy lil fella who likes to do her silly lil hobbies and send walls of text messages to her friends about her hyperfixations

[cassie-lmao]

how the "delulu is the solulu" girls look at me after i tell them that one time when i was like 11 and our elderly neighbor came to our fence to talk with my mom and i convinced myself that i must have done something terrible and that its going to be about me so i locked myself in the bathroom with a knife to k!ll mys3lf in case my mom's tone is angry when she says my name after she came back inside the house.

narrator: the elderly neighbor was only asking about the carrot prices in the store nearby.

[cassie-lmao]

my tragedy? i am equipped with the best tools to heal others. yet, i, simply put, am not able to heal myself.

[cassie-lmao]

childhood is "i can't wait to be an adult to have my own money and buy as much cheese as i want oh i love cheese"

adulthood is "god damn the inflation why did cheese get so expensive i will never financially recover from this purchase"

[cassie-lmao]

a day in my life:

in the morning: i want to watch my comfort show but i have to leave home for work

at work: oh i really want to go home watch my comfort show

leaving work: finally i can go home and watch my comfort show

at home, making dinner: oh this is going to be so tasty while im watching my comfort show

watching my comfort show: ahahaha oh fuck yeahhhhh

[cassie-lmao]

girl you are not missing that emotionally abusive person you only confuse the trauma with "missing them" and the reason you cant stop thinking about them is because you are traumatized but it's easier to accept that you miss them than accepting that you gave them enough power and control over you to completely destroy you