chadderbox13

[chadderbox13]

Schaint Patrick’sh Day Schenannigans

“Oh crap,” I thought as I laid in bed with my 9-year-old last night. She has a collection of Care Bears, and wanted to sleep with ‘Lucky.’ I said, “oh, because tomorrow is St. Patrick’s Day?” To which she replied, “oh no! We didn’t set up a leprechaun trap!” Uh-oh…here it is about 9:00 the night before St. Patrick’s Day. She has not breathed a word about a leprechaun trap since last year. I guess my wife and I either thought she was over it, or completely dropped the ball. Probably option two.

A couple of years ago, I had the talk with my son, who is now 12 about leprechauns, bunnies, and magical elves. I guess since that talk happened, I’ve kind of let my guard down? I forget that she is still hanging on to that belief…that last nugget of innocence. How much longer will that last? My guess is not long. The reason, I think she already has thoughts because her older brother doesn’t get as excited to see Santa or the Easter Bunny anymore, yet she’s still holding on. Once she fully understands, that’s it…that part of her childhood is gone. That chapter of parenting is gone. And I’m afraid I even shoved her more toward closing that chapter on this St. Patrick’s Day.

Oddly enough, and luckily for me, my daughter went to her closet, and miraculously pulled out the trap she made for the leprechaun last year. She then took her Lucky Care Bear, and let it camp out by the trap she sat by the front door. She also wrote the leprechaun a note that said, “do not take the Care Bare, or else!” I wasn’t sure if I should laugh or be scared. What would happen if the bear disappeared…better yet, what will happen to dad when she realizes we may have blown St. Patrick’s Day morning?

As soon as my wife woke up, we began working on a plan. Every year, we had gotten the kids chocolate coins covered in gold foil and gold nugget chewing gum from Hobby Lobby. Hobby Lobby isn’t open at 6:00 in the morning, so we had to think fast. I beelined it to Walgreens, hoping to find what I needed. I looked at two aisles of candy, and nothing. Then I found some gold wrapped Ferro Rocher, and I thought maybe that could work? While my mind, and the clock was racing, a Walgreen’s employee walked by, and I asked if he had seen any golden coins. He sent me to the Easter aisle, and showed me some. I was quite relieved. There were gold coins, but also green, and other pastel colors in a bag. My thought was we could get away with the green and gold, and then I could just eat the pastel colors…or give them to my son. I got home all excited that we had coins. I bought three packs of them, thinking we could separate the green and gold. Instead, we decided to just leave them packed, and put them by the leprechaun trap. We finished setting up with a few decorations, and some green food coloring in the toilet (don’t ask).

Once my daughter woke up, she came in and saw the leprechaun trap, including poor Lucky the Care Bear inside the trap, with one of his legs sticking out of the hole in the top. Tricky leprechaun. She seemed to be pleased to find the chocolate coins, and the extra Ferro Roche I picked up as a sort of apology for forgetting. I fixed her breakfast, including green milk, and thought we had pulled this off…possibly for the last time? After breakfast, she opened her bag of chocolate coins. She walked over to me and said, “Hey dad, these coins say Happy Easter?!” Ugh the details!!! She then went to brush her teeth. When she came out, I told her that I had a theory. Since she left the leprechaun a threatening note, he must’ve  been a little extra mischievous, and left you Easter candy as a joke?? It’s the best I could do in the time I had, and in reality, how much time do I have? Was this the last year to pull of such shenanigans? I guess we’ll wait and see what next year brings. Just lucky I still get to do this for a little while longer.

[chadderbox13]

How do You Like Your Eggs??

If you’ve ever seen the 2001 blockbuster ‘Pearl Harbor,’ I want you to imagine the 40 minute scene in which the Japanese pull off their sneak attack at the Hawaiian naval base. These 40 minutes are filled with explosions, dramatic music, screaming, gunfire, and a sense of complete chaos. This is a movie, but it’s based on a true event, so you have to think how chaotic the actual attack was. But I don’t want you to think of the actual attack. I want you to visualize the 40 minutes that the Michael Bay directed film flashing on the big screen. I distinctly remember one scene, where the camera followed one of the bombs down from the plane, and hit a ship. From a filmmaker’s perspective, it was a fantastic shot. I also remember seeing several sailors (actors) being blown away from that ship. Or the scene where two men are hanging from a bosun’s chair, and you see a torpedo race underwater toward the ship in which they were hanging. Those are just a few of the images that movie burned into my brain. It’s a good movie. I like it a lot. My son, who was ten at the time, loves history, especially World War II. During the winter months of the COVID-19 pandemic, I showed ‘Pearl Harbor’ to him. He loved it! It also had a profound effect on him, that I didn’t expect. But it helped put one of his life’s biggest struggles into a visual for me.

My son lives with anxiety, specifically, social and separation anxiety. What’s that, you may ask? Well, we all have anxiety. It’s what helps keep us safe. You’ve heard of the fight or flight mechanism in our brain? If approached by a big black bear in the woods, your instincts kick in, without you knowing it. You’re either going to stay and fight that bear, or try to run. Side note, you should never run from a bear, but I digress. Some people have more anxiety than they need, and left untreated, it can become debilitating. If you, or someone you know has anxiety, you get it. Full disclosure, I do not have an anxiety problem. I will never understand what it’s like to live with an anxiety disorder, but I appreciate it, because I live with an anxiety disorder in my house. In the middle of the night one night, my son was having a panic attack. Why? Hard to say. He probably wouldn’t even be able to tell you. Something was making him anxious. Something that was probably silly to you or me, but in his mind, it was consuming him, and he couldn’t shake it. He sat there on the floor, with angry tears pouring down, and screaming at me. I stayed there and rubbed his back, and gently talked him through it. Again, I have never had a panic attack, but I’ve seen them. They are scary to watch, and I can’t imagine how scary they must be to the person on the receiving end...much less be a child. The next day, I asked him if he could explain what he was feeling during the panic attack. He looked up at me, and simply said, “It feel like the attack on Pearl Harbor.” I started to understand more because he painted that picture in my head. It was chaos. People screaming, explosions, some running toward the carnage, ready to help. I started to see a glimpse into his brain during a panic attack. That helps tremendously. Because the next time he has one, I can refer to that movie, and guide him to another scene in the movie....one of the funny ones that will then take his mind off the mayhem of the attack...hopefully. 

Sometimes doing the most simple of things can be a trigger for anxiety. I feel unless you have experience with an anxiety disorder, you may not understand it. In fact, my wife and I run into that a lot. Sometimes my son will “act out,” and most people would say, “you need to punish that behavior.” That’s what I used to think. Until I took a spin in my son’s shoes. I realized, in children each behavior is a communication. That’s because a child’s brain cannot rationalize, or verbalize some of their feelings. Think about this way. When a baby is hungry, it cries. When it’s scared, it cries. When it’s sad, it cries. Get what I’m trying to say? Crying is the way a baby communicates, until it learns to talk, or use sign language. As the child gets older, they can begin to verbalize the way they feel, but they still can’t rationalize some of their feelings, and will instead act out...call it fight or flight. If they are in a situation, where they can’t leave, they “fight.” They’re old enough to rationalize that they can’t kick and punch (sometimes) so they do what they feel they can get away with. For my son, it was ripping papers and kicking chairs at school. At home, it’s slamming doors, and sometimes being disrespectful. Is it tolerable behavior? No. It’s not. Can he help it. No. He cannot. My wife and I had to change the way we parent, and I think it’s made us better parents. Instead of traditionally punishing him, we talk to him, we empathize with him. We relate to him. We share stories of our childhood, and let him know we understand how he’s feeling, but try to help find other ways to handle the anxiety. He cannot talk calmly to us when he’s in the moment. And we can’t talk him down if we’re yelling. So, what works in our house is we give him a few minutes alone to calm down, and when he’s ready to talk, we talk. We’ll ask him what’s happened? We talk about how he behaved, how he could’ve handled it better, and then we’ll decide what kind of punishment he may get because of his actions. It works for us, mostly. It may not work for other families. 

The reason I share this raw, personal story is because my wife and I are finding out along our journey, not everyone understands anxiety. On one hand, many simply don’t get it. On the other hand, many people do get it, because they live with it too, but they don’t talk about it...because mental illness is “taboo.” That has to change! Before I left my job as a TV journalist, I found a niche of talking about topics people often find taboo. It started with infertility. Then, infant mortality and miscarriage. Onto childhood cancer, suicide prevention, and then childhood anxiety. When I did a two part series on childhood anxiety, I interviewed a nine-year-old who lives with anxiety. He was so well spoken, and articulated exactly how he felt about anxiety during that interview. I was so proud of him for his bravery in doing the interview, but his goal was the same as mine...to educate more people on anxiety disorders. Hearing he and his family talk about his anxiety was like listening to how things are in my house. It was very eye-opening. Now that I’m no longer in TV, I no longer have a platform in which to talk about taboo topics. Until now. Starting September 1st, I am co-hosting a new podcast, called “Scrambled: The Children’s Mental Health Podcast.” 

My co-host is Nikki Shields, who is a therapist who specializes in childhood mental illness. Season One will focus on anxiety, and future seasons will focus on other mental health conditions. I am really excited by this new project. It is a very specific topic, but one I feel everyone can benefit. We’ll have episodes twice a month, and you’ll be able to interact with us on Facebook and Instagram.

You may wonder what the word “scrambled” has to do with mental health. Again, I credit my son with the idea. When he starts to get panicky, his mom and I can tell by the way he acts. One day I asked what was happening. He said he was getting anxious. I asked what it felt like, and he said his “brain feels all scrambled.” #ScrambledPodcast

#ScrambledPodcast ChildhoodMentalHealth MentalHealth

[chadderbox13]

10-4, good buddy

“Well, enjoy it while you can. Everything changes when you hit the big one-oh. Your legs start to go, candy doesn’t taste as good anymore…” this is what Bart Simpson says to his little sister, Lisa in an episode where Lisa gets ready to celebrate a birthday in Season 3 of ‘The Simpsons.’ For the past couple of years, my son has been excited about turning 10, and so I would say this line to him. Well, today is that day. August 28, 2010, my son was born. He turned 10 today. He will never again be in the single digits. I’ve shared my thoughts on the day he was born in a previous blog. You can read about that here. Now that we’re ten years into this whole parenting thing, I thought I would share ten things that I’ve learned…or am learning since becoming a dad.

1) Patience – This one seems obvious. It’s one that I’m constantly learning, but I can definitely tell you that my patience has improved since kids came along….although again, a work in progress.

2) Rolling with it – I’m a planner. I don’t think I’ve been all the rigid in the past, but when you’re in charge of other beings, your life is no longer yours. I do not like to be late, and I do like to keep a schedule, but kids make that hard.I think my new and improved “roll with it” attitude came to be after my daughter spent 8 weeks in the NICU.

3) Being transparent – This one is interesting. From the get-go, my wife and I thought it would be a wise decision to be transparent and open with our kids. Our oldest is adopted, and we’ve told him that since he was born. Because of that, we’ve been much more open with him, and his little sister than I ever thought I would be as a parent. I think being open and honest (for the most part) you build a solid trust. I’ve had conversations with both of my kids that are open and real. I share experiences I had as a child, and I tell them their mom and I would much rather them be honest with us up front. Will they get in trouble if they do something wrong? Maybe, but I tell them they will get in less trouble if they are just up front and honest. Hopefully, that stays with them as they become teenagers.  

4) It’s OK to try new things – I’ve never been all that adventurous in life, but I’m learning…sort of. I’ve done a few things that are out of the box for me. One example was taking my son camping with my father-in-law. I’m also learning how to play dolls. My daughter likes me to play with her, but I just can’t get playing with dolls thing down. While she and I have similar senses of humor, she doesn’t quite get my sarcasm when we’re playing with dolls. Apparently, I’m not that great at it. One a side note, I love being a girl dad though.

5) Each kid is different – I don’t think there is a way to parent multiple kids the same way. Each one reacts to how you parent differently. What works for one may not work the other. If you’re a new parent, the sooner you figure that out, the better. =)

6) Childhood Anxiety is real – Everyone of us has anxiety. It’s what’s in our brain that keeps us safe. We’ve all heard of the ‘fight or flight’ mechanism…THAT is anxiety. Some people just have more anxiety than others. Anxiety is one of those things, in my opinion, that is often misdiagnosed. Sometimes a child will act out, or show some sort of bad behavior. Some people think the kid is making a bad choice…but a lot of times, it’s anxiety. Kids can have a tough time expressing their feelings with words. Nervousness may come out as anger, being fidgety, or not paying attention. This is where having an open line of communication helps with your child. Understanding what is behind the child’s outburst can help move things along. Patience also helps. =) I feel so strongly about this topic, that while I was at KHQA, I did a two part series on Childhood Anxiety.

7) It’s ok not to have the last word – This one for sure is a constant work in progress. In parenting, you would think the parent has the final say, but that’s not always the case. Sometimes it’s OK to have the second to last word. 😉

8) It’s hard to keep your emotions in check when it comes to your child – this one is just beginning for me, and I anticipate it getting far worse as my kids get older. I’ve already had a couple of instances where Papa Bear comes out of hibernation to stand up for my child. This is where a good partner can also keep you in check. It also kind of goes back to anxiety. Kids with anxiety react differently to things and social situations. What is perceived as one thing, is not what others think. As a parent, we all know how hard it is to watch your child hurt.

9) Enjoy the lasts – If you follow my blog, you know this is a main theme of many of my posts. Every parent looks forward to their child’s first…first words, first steps, first day of kindergarten, etc. Not many people think of the lasts. The last time they ever crawl before they walk, the last bottle you feed them before they can hold it on their own, the last night you rock them to sleep, the last time you pick them up and put them down. Those days just happen, and you never know when it will be a last. That’s what makes it hard, but if you’re aware of potential lasts, you can plan for it, and absorb it just a little more. For example, last night I knew this was the last time my little guy would be in the single digits…so I took some extra time to appreciate that.

10) Time does not slow down – no explanation needed…

I’ve been told from other parents that I’m in the “easy years” of parenting. I feel like when you become a parent, everyone is an expert, and has advice. However, some of that advice has stuck with me. The “easy years” is one of those. Having 10 years under my belt now, I would not consider myself an expert, but I can look back at those sleepless nights, or the many van rides I took my son on in the middle of the night because he would only fall asleep in the car. As aggravating as that seemed at the time, I would gladly trade that in for trying to explain to my kid why another kid was mean to them, or excluded them. Then I think of that sound advice, “you’re in the easy years.” No one ever said parenting would be easy…I knew that going in, but it’s what you do with those challenging times that (hopefully) leaves a lasting impression for both you and your child. 10 years in, and a lifetime to go. It may not get easier, but I’m powering on, and looking forward to the challenges ahead. It’ll be interesting to look back at this blog in 10 years, and see what else I’ve learned. =) Happy 10th birthday to the little man who made me a dad! Over and out...

[chadderbox13]

End of the road...

Everything that ends starts something new, right? Well, I’m right there. Today is my last weekday before starting a new job. I was supposed to start back in April, but the coronavirus outbreak pushed my start date back. 10 weeks. That’s how long I’ve been out of a job. I also realize that I’m a lucky one who gets to start a job in a couple of days, because so many others are still without work. It’s been a weird year. I think we can all agree. So, Monday (June 15th) starts my new career with the Salvation Army in Quincy. I’m very excited for this next chapter in my career. I’ve been involved with the Salvation Army as a volunteer for years, and I’m very passionate about what that organization does. I can’t wait to start. But starting there brings an end to something else, and that’s what’s on my mind this morning.

Starting a family was something my wife and I wanted to do when we got married, but we took a few years to just be married. When it came time to start a family, we ran into some roadblocks.  THAT caused me to be even more appreciative of being a dad. I’d like to think I would’ve been involved in my kids’ lives anyway, but when a family doesn’t come along easily, I feel you appreciate being a parent even more. My parents were very involved in my childhood, and so I am for mine too. However, part of that involvement comes to an end....today.

Friday, June 12, 2020 is my last day with “free time.” I worked an early morning schedule ever since my son was one. I had afternoons off, and the last few years, summer afternoons have been dad and kid time. We didn’t do fun, exciting things everyday, but it was nice being able to have that time with them.

I’m not looking at today being a sad day, but rather a day that I appreciate...knowing it’s the last one. We’re going to a friend’s pool, and we’ll have a great time! I’m also looking back at my extra time with them as a blessing. Not every parent gets that time.  My wife certainly hasn’t, as she’s worked a “normal” work day ever since we got married. Plus, I got 10 bonus weeks. Some of that time was homeschooling, but even that was fun...for the most part. 😉

I also get excited knowing what our new normal will be. For the last nine years, my bedtime was 7:30.  Summer was hard. The sun was still up, the kids had to be inside and bathed, and quiet, so dad could sleep. We would pull the kids inside while they were playing with the neighbors because our night was ending. We no longer have to live that way. Just the other night, my daughter and I took a bike ride around 8:15. We saw several neighbors out and about walking, riding bikes and scooters, and enjoying a nice spring evening. My 7 year old says to me, “it’s weird there are so many people out when it’s almost midnight.” 🤦‍♂️ 😂  

My son’s soccer and baseball games were also getting later. A few I had to miss because they started after I went to bed. And the ones I went to, I was so tired, I didn’t enjoy them as much because I was constantly watching the time. Now, I will enjoy them....if we ever get to play this year. 😎

As our family navigates this new path, I realize our family’s new normal will be...well...normal for the first time since this Douglas family was established in 2004. Looking forward to what’s ahead, but forever blessed that I got to spend the extra time with my kids. ❤️

[chadderbox13]

#GirlDad

At 20 weeks along, my wife and I kind of found out we were expecting a girl. I say “kind of” because the baby wasn’t laying correctly to 100% guarantee that it was a girl. I remember asking the ultrasound tech if we should “paint the room?” She said in her 20 or 30 plus years of doing this, she can’t say for sure it was a girl, but in her expert opinion, yes, she would paint the room. While I was ready to believe her, we still chose to paint the room beige...just in case. I was also very excited to be expecting a daughter. We had a son. I have an older brother, who has three boys. A girl seemed very exciting and terrifying to me. That was seven years ago. Today, our baby turns 7. I know every parent out there will tell you it’s hard to believe it’s been seven years already. If you’re not aware, my daughter had quite the entrance into the world. You can read more about that here: https://chadderbox13.tumblr.com/post/142904067597/the-day-my-daughter-was-born-through-a-dads

Growing up, I was surrounded by girls. My three cousins who are closest in age to me are all girls. As they say, your cousins are your first best friends. We always got along really well,  We would play Matchbox/Hot Wheel cars for awhile, then we would play house, so everyone stayed happy...for the most part. Then we’d go for a long bike ride, and play in a creek. We didn’t really have any gender specific boundaries. Because of that, I’ve always connected better with girls than boys. I never took a liking to sports, I don’t like to hunt and fish, and I am not very handy. Some of my best friends from high school and college were girls, and I always liked it that way. Yes, I had good friends who were guys too.  I guess I just want to get across that I always did my best to get along with everyone. I remember a time in 1st grade, I was playing with a girl who didn’t have a lot of friends. Several kids made fun of us. I didn’t care. She didn’t care, but the teacher saw what was happening. I’m still friends with her today.

I guess I tell you all of that to bring it back to the day we found out we were expecting a daughter. I was so excited because I had been around boys for most of my adult life...with my son and my nephews. The thought of a girl was very thrilling. And she has not disappointed. She’s such a good mix of “girly” and “tom-boy.” She loves taking dance class, and I love that I get to take her to dance class. Sure, the first two times I had to try recital outfits on her, I put them on backwards, only to have the dance instructor show me they were on wrong. 🤦‍♂️ She also loves basketball and soccer. It has been a shear pleasure being her coach on both these sports, and baseball, during the early years. I learned with my son that I am only able to coach through about second grade, if I’m lucky. At that point, the kids start learning actual skills they need to succeed in the sport, and I am not capable of teaching that. I am capable of teaching basic skills of the game, and keeping the other players (mostly) organized.

She also loves princesses, LOL dolls, stuffed animals, Legos, playing restaurant, playing on the playground, and singing. I love being right beside her through all of it. Every once in awhile, she likes to play salon, and I am always her first customer. 

And her sense of humor is on point. Her reactions, facial expressions, and her quick comebacks and one-liners. 😂She for sure keeps us laughing. A few other things I find very special about her. She has an incredibly infections giggle. She takes me out of my comfort zone....which is sometimes good?!? If anyone else in the family disagrees with dad, she has my back. She cannot go to bed at night without some snuggle time with dad. Just two mornings ago, I woke up in her bed, and she was holding my hand. ❤️ She has huge brown eyes, and believe me, she knows how to use them. 😉 She’s very special in more ways than one. I love being around her, I love how much she looks up to me, and I love being her daddy!

Happy 7th birthday!! ❤️

[chadderbox13]

Up a Creek...

66 degrees, partly sunny skies, and a slight breeze.  It was a Saturday afternoon, and I asked my 8 year old if he wanted to go for a bike ride? “Yeah!” he said.  So, we hit the Bill Klingner Trail in Quincy....about 3 miles to the end and back.  

Along the way, we saw a family with two boys climbing on a tree that had fallen in the creek that runs along the trail. “That looks like fun,” I thought to myself as my son and I peddled past, but “we’ve got to get to the end of the trail so we can head back home.” We took a small break at the top of a hill...mainly for me. 😉 Once the end of the trail was in sight, my son was ready to head home. I wanted to do the trail extension, through Parker Heights Park, but instead, we turned around and headed back.  On the way back, under the 12th street viaduct, my son wanted to take a break.  He yelled a couple of times to hear his voice echo under the bridge, then asked if I knew how to skip rocks? “Sure, I do,” I said.  Turns out that’s a skill I no longer possess. 🤔I showed him how to do it, only to see his rocks plunge to the bottom of the shallow creek, just like mine.  That’s when it hit me.  I’ve realized over the summer that our family seems to be constantly on the go. I’m always in a hurry to get to the next thing.  I’m very involved in my kids’ lives.  I’m constantly taking pictures and video so I can capture the moments...but I discovered recently, I don’t often take time to enjoy the moments.

Today, that changed. We were not in a hurry.  Mom and sister were at a bridal shower, and it was just he and I.  So, for the first time in recent memory, I took the time table out of my head.  I took the “rules” out of my head.  He was in his new school shoes, and a brand new pair of pants.  I warned him once just to be careful because he was in new clothes.  Then, the unthinkable happened....I let him be an 8 year old boy.

We found enough rocks to walk across to get to the other side of the creek where there were smaller rocks. He dug around the rocks, found some flat ones, one with a hole in it, one that looked like a hunk of chocolate, ones that looked like “moose turds,” bricks, all kinds of others.  He eventually taught himself how to skip the rocks. (he’s pretty good at it) He tried to teach me the proper technique. I never did get one to skip. 😒I kept checking my watch, and telling myself in my head to stop.  Just let him enjoy being an 8 year old boy.  The only electronic was my phone that I got out a few times to get some pictures and video.  He was in nature.  HE was in heaven.  In all, we spent just under an hour playing around in the creek.  Eventually, he stepped in the water, and got his new shoes soaked, and his pants wet.  Did I care?  Nope. Did he?  Nope. “Mom’s going to be mad.” he said.  “She’ll be fine,” I said.  Things wash up.  

I did have to prod him a little bit that it was almost dinner time, but we left when he was ready to leave. “This is probably the most funnest day of my life, probably,” he said just before he stepped foot first into the creek to totally soak his shoe and pant leg.  The we hopped on our bikes, and headed home.  

This was a great hour for me.  Not only is it a memory I hope my son carries with him for a lifetime, but it was such a simple thing to do with him.  Something, honestly, I used to do as a kid all the time.  I used to know how to skip a rock, I promise.  I grew up playing in creeks, and exploring the woods.  I guess we’ll just have to spend more time near a creek so I can regain that skill....and maybe work on his grammar a little. 😉

[chadderbox13]

Happy day, but kinda sad...

I may or may not have sat in my car and cried a little bit today. I wasn’t alone though. In the back seat was my 5 year old daughter. She was rather excited. One, she got to sit on her brother’s side of the van because he wasn’t with us. She was also happy because she was all sweaty from playing on the playground at preschool. She made crafts, played games with her friends, and enjoyed a nice, cold popsicle at the end of the day. To her, she’d had a great day at preschool. She is now ready to enjoy summer break because today was her last day of preschool. She has nothing to worry about for 3 solid months. In the fall, she’ll head to kindergarten.

Back in the front seat, my tear-stained Subway napkin sat on my lap as I tried to gather my composure before I drove away. My sunglasses hiding any indication of what was happening. While my daughter was excited because she had a fun day at school, I was looking at it differently because this was her LAST day of preschool. Never again will I walk her in and watch her hang up her unicorn backpack with rainbows on it. Never again will she have her wonderful teachers who taught her what she needs to know to help her excel in kindergarten. Some of her friends she’ll see again, but many she won’t see until junior high or high school, or maybe never again. And when they do meet up later in school life, will they remember each other, and the innocent way that ALL the kids were friends?

I suppose I can look at it as one adventure closed, and the excitement of what’s to come in kindergarten. I just know what happens in kindergarten, and first grade because my son is days away from wrapping up his 1st grade year. They meet new friends, they have different influences. They learn things that maybe aren’t things we do in our house. There are more questions...some of which, I’m not really prepared to answer. They start to get a little more attitude, and lose some of that innocence....I guess really, they just grow up.

The dagger cuts a little deeper because if you follow my blog, you know my daughter was born 10 and a half weeks early, and we spent 8 weeks in the NICU at St. Louis Children’s Hospital. Five. Years. Ago. How is that possible?! I remember thinking in the NICU when things started looking OK, “one day we’ll be past this. One day I’ll be walking her into kindergarten, and the NICU would be a distant memory. In fact, on this day in 2013, this was her first day in an actual crib. She got upgraded from her isolate. May 23, 2013 was a huge day! Getting moved to the crib was her first big step in knowing we would be going home soon. Here it is in 2018, and graduating preschool. It’s a huge step toward growing up. A step she has to take, even if daddy doesn’t want to. Heaven help me on the first day of kindergarten. It’s only 92 days away and counting...

[chadderbox13]

Kiss this...

“Hey dad.  Remember that picture with you and the ghost in it?” says my then 6 year old on the way to drop his sister off at daycare.  Trying really hard not to look freaked out that he had seen a ghost standing next to me in a picture, I asked, “what picture buddy?” What he was referring to was a Halloween picture of me as a kid.  I was dressed as a Smurf, my younger cousin was Casper, the Friendly Ghost, and my other cousin was Paul Stanley from the group Kiss.  

Turns out, my son wasn’t interested in the ghost in the picture at all.  He wanted to know more about the “guy with the star around his eye.” In what will likely go down as one of the bigger parenting failures of my life, I now tell you the story of how my son got super interested in Kiss.  When he asked who the person was, I told him it was a singer named Paul Stanley.  Then I told him it was a Halloween costume, and told him who was actually underneath the mask.  He kept asking questions all the way to school.  I told him him the band really wasn’t appropriate for kids, and as a matter of fact, the band kind of scared me when I was his age.  The demon, Gene Simmons, did his job, and kept me awake at night. 😜 

The questions about Kiss continued after I picked him up from school that day. It was a Friday.  The next morning, more questions.  So, I caved.  I Googled a picture of the band to show him how scary they could be to a six year old.  He LOVED it.  “Look dad!  A cat-man!”  “Uh-huh,” I answered back. 😒  What I had hoped would be a deterrent, had now turned into a desire to learn more.  Next, he wanted to hear them play.  After trying to convince him that this group may scare him as it did me a child for a good part of the day, I finally caved again. Surely Gene’s super-long tongue, and creepy stare would put an end to his curiosity?  Nope.  The lights, fire, guitars and drums were exciting to this six year old.  So we watched a couple of songs, and the boy was hooked.  After explaining what I did to his mom, she kind of shrugged it off, and said, “honestly, their songs are far less offensive than songs your hear on the radio today.” 🤔 

We thought this would be a phase.  Turns out, it may not be.  The Easter Bunny brought my son a Kiss t-shirt this past year, and he wears it with pride.  Or at least he used to.  After this week, I wonder if that shirt will ever see the light of day again.  My son likes to draw, and it’s nothing for him to draw a stage with Kiss on it, and he would give it to us to hang on the fridge.  A couple of days ago, he was in art class at school, and the kids were doing water pencils.  His design...the band’s drummer, Peter Criss (that’s who I tell him it is, because that’s the drummer I know...even though he’s not with the band anymore) on stage with his drum set.  My son brought the picture home, and we praised him for what a good job he did.  Then he said, “kids made fun of me for drawing Kiss.” He said it was because of the word ‘kiss.’ I told him they didn’t understand that Kiss was a band...first graders just associate it with a kiss, and think it’s funny.  I wasn’t there when they “made fun of him,” so I don’t know to what extent.  I’m not even upset at the fact he was teased.  As bad as it is, that’s a right of passage in childhood.  Just don’t get me started on bullying. 😡The proud moment that I had was when my wife told me our son had told her what had happened.  He said he told the other kids to treat others as you would want to be treated. “How would you feel if I made fun of your favorite band?” he said.  If you follow my blog, you know that is the one quality I hope to instill in my kids.  It sounds like it may be working. 🤞 If it is, does that mean I somehow have Kiss to thank??

In the meantime, we told him not to worry about it, and it seems like it’s not bothering him.  He still listens to their songs, and sings along.  So too does his four year old sister. 😬 In fact, she was singing one of the songs at the top of her lungs as we were walking to pick up my son at school one day.  I admit, I was embarrassed, and tried to get her to sing ANYTHING else.  It didn’t work.  Oh well.  No one said anything, and if they had, who cares.  She’s four...she’s cute, and maybe we really do rock and roll all night, and party everyday.... 

[chadderbox13]

Something’s up...

I feel like something’s brewing.  I’m not sure what it is.  It may not be anything bad...it may be good.  Have you just ever had one of those feelings that the universe is trying to tell you something?  Yeah.  That’s what I got.  

I’m trying to get better at meal planning.  Last weekend, I detailed what I’d be cooking for dinner all this week.  Friday, I decided on fried chicken.  My family doesn’t eat a lot of fried foods, but every once in awhile, it’s good to indulge, right?  Fried chicken is my favorite meal that my mom used to make.  When she’d ask what I wanted for my birthday dinner, most of the time is was fried chicken, green beans, and these creamy potatoes she used to make.  So, as I was meal planning for the week, and decided on fried chicken, I decided to make green beans, and attempt the creamy potatoes.  I looked forward to that meal all week.  So there, that’s already in my head...buried somewhere in my subconscious...mom’s fried chicken.

Last night, I had a dream about my mom.  I don’t remember what the dream was, but she’s been on my mind all day because of it...maybe because I was looking forward to making my favorite meal of hers.  At lunch, my daughter and I were at Culver’s, and I got another hint of mom.  Back in junior high, I became really good friends with a boy who’s grandmother was my neighbor.  He and I became pretty tight.  Once, we attempted to make a little cops and robbers “movie”...that we swore we wouldn’t tell anyone about. (oops.  Sorry, dude!) I have a copy of it somewhere in my house on VHS.  We taped it at his aunt’s house in the St. Louis area.  Many years later, when my daughter was in the NICU at St. Louis Children’s Hospital, his aunt was the charge nurse the night my daughter was admitted.  Let me tell you, it was a sight for sore eyes, and a nice calming influence to see a familiar face in such a scary place.  A few days later, she asked if I still had the video.  I said I do...somewhere, and if I ever find it, and can copy it, I’ll send her one.

Back to today’s lunch.  My daughter and I were eating, and a Phil Collins song came on the overhead music.  It made me think back to that video because we had used a Phil Collins song on it.  The song in Culver’s wasn’t the same song, but it made me start thinking of my friend, his aunt, and that video.  Not five minutes later, I’m facing the window, and I see my friend’s grandma walk in...the one who was my neighbor growing up. It was nice to catch up with her, but it just makes me think that song played at just the right time to get those memories in my head....a little foreshadowing.

I have no idea what all of it means, if anything, but a lot of my past came back to visit me today.  It all culminated this evening as I had second helpings of my fried chicken, green beans, and creamy-ish potatoes. The meal I’d looked forward to all week.  I couldn’t help but think of mom with every bite I took. It tasted pretty close to how she used to make it...except the potatoes...that’s a work in progress 😉 So, that’s what’s on my mind.  Maybe it’s a bit of mindless jiberish, or maybe the universe is trying to tell me something.  I guess I’ll have to wait and see what that is.  I’m a big believer in everything happens for a reason, and you meet certain people at certain times for a reason.  I guess now all there is to do and wait and see.....

[chadderbox13]

Last, but certainly not least

With every “first,” there’s a last.  As a parent, most of us always look forward to the first time our kids do something.  Roll over, talk, crawl, walk.  I remember getting so excited by that with my kids.  At first, I didn’t realize that the first time they did something, was also the last time they didn’t do something. Karen Kingsbury has a book called ‘Let Me Hold You Longer.’  I’ve mentioned it before, but it’s one of those books that keeps coming up in my life.  To be honest, I’ve only read it twice in my life.  The first time, my son was only three weeks old.  Someone had given us the book after he was born.  I was rocking him to sleep, reading it.  My wife came into the room, and tears were streaming down my face. “What’s wrong?” she asked.  I told her it was the book, and she needed to take it away from me. 😭 The book is all about learning to celebrate the lasts in your kids, just as much as you celebrate the firsts.  I guess I won’t give the book away, but it’s sad...in a good way.  It just makes you think.  It’s probably my favorite children’s book because of its message.  I learned when my son was three weeks old to appreciate every step a little closer.  The second time I read it was just before I decided to give it to a friend who was having twins.  I read it to make sure it was the right book to give.  Tears down the face again...yep.  She now has that book.

So, we’ve had some firsts (and lasts) in the last couple of weeks.  The biggest (in my opinion) my son learned to ride his bike without training wheels. Just before he got it, I told him that once he learned, he’d never not know how to ride a bike again.  He was clueless as to what I was talking about, but there was Karen Kingsbury’s book telling me to take in this moment because in a few minutes, I would never walk alongside of him, hunched over, pushing a bike.  The next time we go, I’ll be riding along beside him.  A first, and a last.  Once he got it, he was pedaling way ahead of me, left the road, and went head first down a drainage ditch.  Frightening as all get out, and there was nothing I could do because it happened so fast.  After I settled him down, and looked him over, I said, “there. You’ve had your first bike crash.” I got a little giggle out of him, and he said, “I wanna get back on!” Hearing that made me swell with pride because I knew he wasn’t afraid to get back up and try it again.

This last week, my son entered first grade.  Last year, I wrote a blog about him going to kindergarten, and my daughter to pre-school.  I thought I had my emotions in check, turns out, I didn’t. 😏  You can read why here. First grade drop off wasn’t bad at all, but good ole Karen came knocking at my brain once again.  My wife and I were walking my son into his school, and I asked if he wanted to get a first day picture in front of the school’s sign.  He said no, and without even thinking I said, “this is your last first day at this school...” *cue lump in throat* “...because you’ll go to a different school next year.” We ended up getting a couple of pictures, but more importantly, that little nudge that this is another last in life, so enjoy it.

Over the last week, I’ve been inundated with lasts that have come to mind.  To be honest, that’s why I’m writing this blog...hoping it clears my head a little bit. 😉 Take some time right now and think about some of your lasts in life.  Do you remember your last first kiss?  I do.  How about the last time you got up early to see what Santa left for you?  I don’t have a clue...but I bet my parents would remember.  That’s going to make me appreciate Christmas mornings even more.  What was your last Halloween costume as a kid?  I think mine was...well, I guess I don ‘t remember. When’t the last time your kids found eggs hidden by the Easter Bunny?  The last time you buckled them into their car seat? The last time you got to walk them into their classroom.  The last time they asked you to hold them. Boy, I know that one’s coming fast.  My son is getting so big, sometimes I can’t hold him for that long.  My wife isn’t that much taller than he is, and she still holds him as much as possible, because she knows that day is coming.  

I’m now realizing this blog is a lot about my son.  I guess because he’s the oldest, and I know he’ll outgrow some of this stuff before his younger sister. Still, I’m very aware that with every first, there’s a last, and I hope I’m taking the time to appreciate it the way I need to be. 

[chadderbox13]

A Return to Innocence

One of my most prized Earthly possessions isn’t something you can touch, taste, or smell.  But you can feel it.  At least I feel it every time I come in contact with it.  They are home videos of my kids.  They only exist in a digital form, but I have them backed up with backups of backups.  

A few years ago, a good friend of mind told me he puts together annual videos of his kids for their birthdays. The videos have things the kids do through the years, etc.  So, when my son was born, another good friend made a video for me because I just let time get away from me.  Now, I do it.  I look forward to it every year.  The videos are so important in my family, that my kids will do something, and ask me to video it, and put it on their video. 😁  I’m getting ready to start my son’s 7th birthday video very, very soon.  In the meantime, I watch these things all of the time.  Most times, it’s when I’m cleaning house or folding laundry.  Today, I put them on while I started folding laundry, and then cleaned the house.  I almost went through the entire video collection.  😉 

While the videos are playing, I’m usually pretty busy with whatever chore I’m doing, but some things will catch my eye, and bring a smile to my face, or a lump in my throat.  Today, I noticed something about my kids while watching them.  I’ve already lost some of that innocence in them.  I’m very aware how quickly grow up.  That’s why I try to take a little extra time to live in the moment of whatever activity we are doing.  It’s also why I take so much video of my kids. 

My kids are two and a half years apart, and while I was watching the videos, I started noticing changes...mainly in my son, who’s older.  Some of the stuff he did in his three or four year video, he would never do now.  For example, two years ago, we took a trip to King’s Island in Cincinnati.  There was video of him riding a ride made of cars that moved around in a circle.  We just went to King’s Island earlier in June, and that ride is now “for babies,” according to him.  Well, at least I have video of him on what turned out to be his last time to ever ride that ride.

I also have video of my daughter at a preschool program.  All the kids are singing, dancing, and having fun.  I’m looking at it, and thought to myself, ‘what happens in this short amount of time?’ Where does the innocence go? I guess the easy answer is maturity.  I sat there, and watched the video of her preschool program, and thought to myself, in a matter of months, this is going to be gone.  

I’ve already noticed some things with my son.  Words like ‘silly’ have now become ‘stupid.’ ‘I don’t like this’ is now ‘hate.’ Bottom has been replaced with ‘butt.’ I’m not a fan of those words, and we change them as he says them, but he already knows other kids use them, and so it must be ok. I dread the days of when my kids get introduced to social media.  And then the time when they don’t want to be around you.  I know it’s all part of growing up, but why does it have to happen so fast?  I guess I take this as another slap in the face to enjoy the moment I’m in.  We had a family function this evening, and I had to carry my son in from the garage because he wasn’t wearing his shoes.  I actually said out loud to him as I picked him up, “whew, your days of being carried are numbered because you’re getting so big.” And then I heard what I said.  In the coming months, I’m going to lose that too.  For the last almost 7 years, if he wanted to be carried, or ride on my shoulders, his wish was granted. From here on out, which ride on the shoulders or the time I carry him in from the garage will be the last time I do that...forever.  It’s going to happen.  We all know it is, we just don’t know when.  I’ve mentioned this book in a previous blog, but it’s called ‘Let Me Love You Longer’ by Karen Kingsbury. It focuses on how parents always look forward to their child’s firsts...first steps, first words, etc. But no one focuses on when their child will do something for the last time. From the moment I read this book when my son was three weeks old, I knew then to appreciate the time I get to be their dad while they’re little.  I’ll enjoy the innocence I have left.

[chadderbox13]

Chicken Fried

“You know I like my chicken fried Cold beer on a Friday night A pair of jeans that fit just right And the radio up”

That’s how the song ‘Chicken Fried’, by Zac Brown Band starts.  It’s a catchy little number from 2008.  I think I can honestly say, this song has never made me tear up...until today.  The song is an up-tempo, toe-tapping, country music ditty that I’ve always taken to mean enjoy the simple things in life.  Back when my wife and I were doing infertility treatments, we had to travel a lot, at odd hours of the day to go to the doctor.  It seems every time we went out of town to the doctor, we heard that song on the radio.  In fact, we kind of joked that we should name our son Zac after Zac Brown Band, but we already have a Zac in the family, so we knew we wouldn’t actually do that.

The last time I *remember* hearing this song is back in 2012.  My wife and I were on our way for what would be our very last fertility treatment in Iowa City.  ‘Chicken Fried’ was four years old at this point, and wasn’t getting much radio play, like it did in 2008.  As we made our exit into Iowa City from the Highway, sure enough, the song came on the radio.  My wife and I both looked at each other and no words were spoken, but I can tell you what I (and probably she) was thinking.  ‘Oh crap.  None of these fertility treatments had ever worked in the past.  Maybe this song was “the curse.”  I think we both got a little disappointed inside.  As foolish as that sounds, when you’ve been down that road, you think of weird things...why aren’t these things working, etc.? Needless to say, the song didn’t have any effect on that treatment, and a little more than 6 months later, our daughter was born.  We also had her brother at home, so the “Chicken Fried curse” had already been broken.

So, this morning (Mother’s Day) I fire up my iPhone to listen to some tunes as I get into the shower.  Usually, I’m in the shower long enough for two to three songs to play.  I hit play, a song starts, and I get in the shower.  I got my hair all lathered up, and the second song plays...you guessed it, ‘Chicken Fried.’ Out of the thousands of songs in my collection, this song pops up...on Mother’s Day.  I instantly flashed back to early morning trips to St. Louis...hoping, praying that “this one” would work out.  Then, this part of the song pops up: 

“Cold beer on a Friday night A pair of jeans that fit just right And the radio up Well I've seen the sunrise See the love in my woman's eyes Feel the touch of a precious child And know a mother's love“

Those last two lines is when I lost it.  OK, I didn’t really lose it, but my heart swelled thinking back to those trips when I’d look in the rearview mirror at an empty back seat.  These days I look in the back seat to two beautiful faces, and the general kid funk that fills a mini-van.  The lyrics kept flowing:

“And its funny how it's the little things in life that mean the most Not where you live, what you drive or the price tag on your clothes There's no dollar sign on a piece of mind; this I've come to know So if you agree have a drink with me Raise your glasses for a toast To a little bit of chicken fried“

So on this Mother’s Day, I say to enjoy the day.  Don’t sweat the small stuff, and just be thankful for what’s in your life.  As always, when it comes to infertile couples who may be reading this.  I’ve been there.  I know what Mother’s Day and Father’s Day feels like when you don’t have a child, but want one so badly. Hopefully that changes for you soon.  As a side note, I lost my mom back in 2013.  Today, I also celebrate her, and the man she helped create.  I also celebrate my wife and the mom she is.  While my wife gets to pick the food for today, my favorite thing my mom used to make was fried chicken.  We’re not going to have it today (even though my wife said we could...I want her to have her day) we’ll have it sometime this week, and spend a little bit of time chicken fried.  Happy Mother’s Day!!

[chadderbox13]

An Inconvenient Truth

It may have been an accident.  I guess there’s no real way to tell, but it’s still incredibly annoying.  Wednesday night, my wife called me when she was just leaving work.  Her front window had been shattered.  She had to park on the street after her lunch break, and here it was just before 5:00, and no window.  I told her to call police to file a police report in case we needed it for insurance.  The police officer looked in the car, and didn’t see a rock or anything else inside the car to show whether this was intentional or not.  Nothing was missing from inside, so it doesn’t appear to be a smash and grab…we don’t even keep valuable stuff in the car anyway. The officer thought it may be one of the BB gun attacks that have been happening for the past couple of weeks.  Maybe something flew off a car and hit the window, and the driver didn’t even know what happened. Regardless, it’s caused some minor headaches at my house over the last few days.

My daughter had soccer practice that night, and my wife was going to stay with my son.  That all changed when this happened.  I quickly loaded both kids in the car, hit a drive thru, and off to soccer practice we went.  By the time we got home, it was getting close to bedtime.  Instead of the normal routine, I was instead on my way to Walmart to get plastic and duct tape to “fix” the window. Luckily, we were able to make things work using our other car, but it was still an annoying inconvenience.

The minor inconveniences grew when others had to be affected.  Sunday, my wife’s birthday, we spent part of *her* day figuring out how we could get another car while our car went into the shop.  Our plan ended up like this: we dropped our kids off at my mother-in-law’s, while my wife and I drove to Hannibal to get my dad’s other car.  In the grand scheme of things, this were very minor inconveniences…both my dad and mother-in-law will tell you, this was not a big deal, and they were not inconvenienced one bit. 

Monday was more headaches.  My dad came up to help get the kids ready because my wife had to be at work early.  I took my daughter to daycare in my dad’s truck. He took my son to school in his other car...the same one we borrowed from him on Sunday.  Then afterwards, we had to switch cars again so he could have his truck back.  In the meantime, my son’s car seat had to be taken out of our car so my daughter could use it in my dad’s truck.  My dad has a booster seat in his truck for my son, but had to transfer it to his other car to take him to school.  Just a lot of minor headaches.

The reason I bring this up is what it did to our plans, no matter how minor.  I felt bad my wife had to spend part of her birthday dealing with this.  If it was just a mistake, it’s a little easier to swallow…if it was intentional…vandalism, that’s a different story.   If you follow my blogs, you know I firmly believe in the saying, ‘treat people as you would want to be treated.’ Regardless of whether this was intentional or not, I see the police reports everyday, and there has been a rash of windows broken out by BB guns.  So I know I’m not alone in the inconvenience that is getting a car repaired. Show some respect for people and their belongings.  For one possible brief moment of fun by shattering a glass with a BB Gun, know that you’ve cause a lot of headaches for a lot of people.  Put yourself in the shoes of the car owners. I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t want to deal with what many have had to deal with over the last few weeks.

[chadderbox13]

Courtside

Six years ago today, I found myself on the stand in the courtroom.  The attorney sat at his table and fired questions my way.  The courtroom was packed with family members.  My parents, my brother and his wife, my in-laws, wife’s grandparents, her siblings, and others.  Just before I took the stand, my wife was in the “hot seat.”  It was such a nerve-wracking experience.  Even though we were in court for a joyous occasion, it was still pretty unsettling to be in that chair.   I was pretty sure I knew the answers to any of the questions either attorney would fire my way, but what if I fumbled.  What if I said something wrong...what if the judge sitting behind the bench saw something we didn’t and didn’t rule in our favor.  While I can’t say for sure, but I think the judge had a smile on his face the whole time.  I learned later that days like this in court are days that make judges smile because there’s usually a happy ending.  On this day, March 28th, 2011, all the legal i’s were dotted and t’s were crossed and we legally adopted our son. 

We got our son the day he was born.  He was just a few minutes old when my wife picked him up and fed him for the first time.  We were able to stay in the hospital with him for a couple of days until he was ready to come home.  It just took seven months to legally get everything done.  According to the law, we were now able to treat our son as if we had given birth to him.  Again, we’d had him since birth, but what a sigh of relief. I’ve blogged about the day my son was born.  You can read that here.

Looking back on it now, I wish we would’ve done a better job documenting that day.  It’s a fun one to re-live, but I’d like to be able to show him what it was like that day.  It was such an emotional day.  There was such a large group of people there supporting us...supporting him.  

We have a couple of pictures, but as I’ve grown as a father, I’ve learned to do a better job of documenting things. 

He and I, along with my step-father-in-law went to a St. Louis Blues hockey game for the first time over the weekend.  My Mother-in-law told her husband to make sure and take a picture.  He said, “I’m going with Chad...I’m sure there will be documentation on it.”  THAT’S what I love.  Knowing I’m going to be there with a camera.  I also know it’s important to put the camera down, and enjoy the moment too....it is a hard balance though. 😉

Just yesterday, I was making breakfast in the break room, and a story caught my attention on Good Morning America.  A new mom had adopted her daughter earlier this month, and she documented it beautifully.  Take a look at what she did by clicking here.  I wish I’d had thought of that.  It probably doesn’t get more perfect than that.

As far as his Adoption Day, we always celebrate it.  Usually, it’s dinner out at a place of his choosing.  The first couple of years my wife and I picked some of our favorite restaurants...now he gets to pick.  This is a day that we celebrate, not like a birthday, but acknowledge that it is a big deal.  Some adoptive families celebrate a “Gotcha Day.” For us, our Gotcha Day is also the day he was born.  But we also want to show him the importance of what a miracle he is to our entire family.  It’s not just his parents or his little sister.  It’s the entire extended family.  He made me a dad...something I often wondered would ever happen.  He made my wife a mom.  He made our parents grandparents again. My brother and his wife became an aunt and uncle for the first time...my wife’s siblings became aunts and uncles again...he joined a huge group of cousins...the list goes on. 

This day always makes me think of a quote I saw one day on Twitter:

We could very easily let March 28th be just another ordinary day because, as the court papers say, we treat him as if we gave birth to him.  His birthday is in August. This day is nothing buy extraordinary for us as we finally became a family today, and what a reason to celebrate...

[chadderbox13]

Paying it Forward...

What an interesting turn of events today, and the more I think about it, the more it bothers me.  First thing this morning, my son and I volunteered with our Cub Scout den to pick up food bags as part of the Scouting for Food initiative for the Boy Scout organization.  My son was reluctant to go at first because it was at 9:00 on a Saturday morning.  My wife and I convinced him to go because he made the commitment, and it was helping out the community.  The whole point behind Scouting for Food is to get food to a food pantry to help the less fortunate, and to teach the boys to be good citizens in the community.

I couldn’t have been more proud of my son.  He ran from door to door in the neighborhood in which we were assigned.  We rode around together scouring front porches to look for the little white bag filled with food.  When one of us would spot one, we’d stop the car, and he would sprint to the front porch, and then bag to the car.  Our pack of Cub Scouts did very well.  In all, we collected just shy of 500 items...we decided as a group to donate the food to the Horizons Food Pantry.  Boy Scouts and Cub Scouts all over town did this today, and while I don’t know the entire collection goal, it’s safe to say thousands of pieces of non-perishable food items were donated to several food pantries around town.

On the way to collect the food, I had a nice conversation with my six year old about why we were doing it.  At first he didn’t understand that some families can’t afford to have food on the table at every meal. He told me he didn’t know anyone like that, and I told him that he probably did, just didn’t know that about them.  While the event is fun for the kids...running from house to house, counting the food, and then eventually donating it...all the parents hope the kids really get why we’re doing it...to be good citizens, and when you have the chance to pay it forward, you should do it.

After I got home, My frame of mind took a sharp 180.  I saw a Facebook post that was basically anti-helping people.  I couldn’t believe what I saw! It was such a juxtaposition of my day.  Within minutes, my mind went from wonderful things to a troubled feeling.  That particular post has bothered me since I read it.  I commented on it, and the person took the post down and then unfriended me.  I’m sure this person thought nothing of it, but for me, it affected the rest of my day. It has been on my mind and in my heart all afternoon.  I’m now choosing to let it go, and focus my head and my heart on how I began my Saturday...showing my son the way I feel we should lead our lives.

[chadderbox13]

Days of Our Lives

Some days as a parent are not as fun as others.  Just like Forrest Gump would say, you never know what you’re going to get day to day. I just want to go on record as saying Valentine’s Day 2017 was one of the great ones.  You can continue reading if you wish, after all, this is a public blog, but I’m writing this one mainly for me.  I’m taking the time to write down what happened for my own pleasure. One day when I’m having a not so fun parenting day, I can look back at this blog and smile.

I only worked a half day so I could attend my daughter’s preschool Valentine’s party. One thing I remember as a child was my mom was a room mom just about every time we had a school party.  I always enjoyed that, and so now that I’m a dad, I want to do the same for my kids. Luckily, I have afternoons off anyway, so I was already set to volunteer in my son’s kindergarten class.  After the morning show, I went home to get the kids. I dropped my son off at his school first, then onto preschool.  My daughter ran across the parking lot holding my hand.  She couldn’t get into the classroom fast enough.  Once we got into the classroom, she sat on the carpet with her friends, and they did their morning routine.  I stood at the back of the room and just watched and took it all in.  I NEVER want to forget the look she kept giving me throughout the morning.  That look over her shrugged shoulder and smile on her squished up face.  She was so happy I was there.  During the party, she made her own Valentine bag, played games, and of course passed out her valentine cards…all with me in tow.

Afterwards, she and I went to get the oil changed in my wife’s car.  Some good daddy/daughter bonding time. =)

After meeting my wife for lunch, (who just took a new job, otherwise she would’ve been at the parties too) she took my daughter to daycare and I ran home to let the dog out and take him for a walk before I headed to the kindergarten party.  His party was only an hour, but filled with treats, activities, and passing out valentine cards.  I also cherish this year because I think this is the last year of not making Valentine boxes at home.  From what I’ve seen on Facebook, they can get rather extravagant, and I’m not that crafty.  My son made his box in class in the days leading up to the party.  Next year, I think that changes…

After his party, we picked up my daughter, and went to TCBY.  My son did his homework while we enjoyed frozen yogurt, then it was off to piano class.  By the time we got home and got dinner on the table, I was pretty worn out. However, the fact that I spent 90 percent of my day being a dad on this day is what it’s all about.  There will be more good days like this, and more not-so-fun days too, but I wanted to take a few minutes just to write down a memory that will be stuck in my head, and I hope it’s one that gets lodged in my kids’ heads too.

[chadderbox13]

Why can’t we be friends?

It’s supposed to be a happy time of year.  Most people enjoy Christmas, and many people I know can’t wait to put 2016 in the past.  I also understand that not everyone thinks of this time of year as happy.  Some people struggle to find happiness.  For me as a parent of young children, this time is magical.  Earlier this week, I got to watch my son and daughter open presents from Santa and enjoy the gifts that they got.  The day after Christmas, I had to return to work.  I normally work early in the morning, but part of my job is to help mentor some of the newer employees.  Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday of this week, I worked a day side shift to spend time in the field. This morning, Thursday, was my first day back on the morning show.  I knew it would be hard to get to bed, and even harder to get a good night’s sleep.  When I got up this morning for my job, I was looking forward to coming back in to see my co-workers and get people’s day started if they watched the morning show.  This day in particular, I also had to fill in for weather...so I was already facing a day of doing two people’s jobs on not a great deal of sleep.

In the middle of the show, I got a notification that someone posted on my Facebook page.  Basically, it said that I was a good reason to watch the other channel.  Obviously, initially, it hurt my feelings.  Then I let it start to slide...everyone has an opinion, right? Then my coworkers started talking about it, and the fuel was thrown on the fire.  Who takes the time and effort to say something like this to someone they don’t know.  A bully.  It’s easy to hide behind a computer screen and say whatever you want.  I’m a 40 year old man.  I have a job that puts me in the public eye, that’s fine, I can take it.  But what about the 14 year old who gets it constantly.   All for doing nothing but being themselves? For those of you who do know me, you know my mantra in life is treat people the way you would want to be treated.  That’s what was instilled in me from my parents and that’s what I’m trying to instill in my children.  That’s why I have absolutely NO patience for bullying...whether it be on social media or face to face. I also recently heard from a friend that her kindergarten daughter was getting bullied at school because she had a runny nose.  Kids told her she was gross.  Seriously?!?  A kindergartner?!?!  Maybe someone could’ve gotten her a Kleenex.  The sad thing is love comes naturally, hate is learned.  You pick up on hate and meanness by watching others.   How would you feel if someone said something mean to you?  You wouldn’t like it, so why say it to someone else...especially if it isn’t even warranted.

Back to the happy time of year...there are three days left until a New Year.  I’m not the type to make a resolution, but if you do, does it hurt to just resolve to be nicer to others???