cheyspace - Tumblr blog

cheyspace · 4 years

Text

Autointerview

Why are you doing this interview?

I have to do it for class.

I want to explore my mind.

What do you want to explore?

My emotions.

Philosophy.

I want to explore different techniques to better my dark room experience.

I want to explore different techniques to better my photography experience.

What do you love about the dark room?

Photography is a science, as well as an art. I fascinates me seeing the phenomena of dark room chemistry at work.

The dark room is a safe space for me, meditative. I become fully present and aware.

How would you like to realize the exploration of being in the dark room?

I have been thinking about this project for a few weeks now. Mythical creatures drawn into photographed woods.

I have been thinking about replicating the dark room aesthetic via digital work.

Where are there woods around here?

I am not sure, I can likely just look it up. I just don't want to be in the city anymore.

Why not?

It is not conducive to my life goal of love and happiness.

IT IS A TOXIC ENVIRONMENT TO EXIST IN

I am one with earth and the city separates me from it. It separates everyone.

How do you feel?

I am on the grind right now, I don’t particularly have time to feel.

I am tired and exhausted. I just want to sleep. There is nothing more that I want than to fall sleep and not wake up until my body has rested completely.

I am growing frustrated with the way my environment functions, and therefore am growing frustrated with myself.

I love everyone so much. Even the strangers on the street, I even have love for the cops and rich people in the Comcast center. They're just so unaware of the manufactured culture that they are consuming. This consumption is destroying the earth and all people can care about is the power of money, or on the flip side, just barely making it by and therefore don't have time to care about the repercussions of mass consumption. I love everyone and I just want them to wake up, we have power in the masses.

If you could be any mythical creature, what would you be?

A nymph perhaps? I am unsure of whether I would be a water nymph or a wood nymph, but either one would allow me to prance freely with out fear of harm from another, as I could blend into my surroundings at any point. Perhaps an elf. I would be a pirate, though they are not mythical.

A pirate? They are outlaws.

I am an outlaw. I do not care to follow the rules that the government has put here. I understand that we have a privilege with our freedom of speech amendment, however this is merely an illusion of freedom.

That is quite dramatic, don’t you think?

I mean sure, but isn't capitalism quite dramatic?

How do you feel?

I feel like engaging in fisticuffs. While drunk.

I feel nothing, sometimes. Like I said, I am busy and don’t have time to feel the way I should.

I feel like transcending with the use of psychedelics to further my knowledge of this existence.

I feel lost and confused.

I feel sorry for everyone who will never have the chance to wake up and see what is actually happening outside of their phones.

Are you angry?

Anger is not conducive to my plan of love and happiness, but I am quite bitter. With myself as well as those around me. I find myself feeling peaceful and less bitter when I am in solitude. Thus the woods.

What about the government?

I want to do my part in educating new people.

I want to rise up.

They are everywhere and it is going to be very difficult to go away without them noticing.

What do you love?

Being outside.

My friends. My family.

Being in the dark room.

My stuffed dog Max, who has been my sleeping buddy since I was 2.

A breeze with the sun shining on me.

My hair in the sun.

Being in water, particularly the ocean.

My plants. I mourn the ones I have lost.

Meeting new people. I love making people happy.

I love creating music, even if it is not very good.

I love my hair in general. My head hair, my body hair. It is part of who I am.

Music. It lets me feel.

Music lets you feel?

I feel alive when I listen to music. Mostly punk, metal and other loud music.

I cry to music. I sing along loudly to music.

I feel so much but never know how to express it so music helps me find an outlet to do that.

Do you play any instruments?

No, not formally. I can tap a tambourine and beat a drum, but not much else. I love to sing.

Do you enjoy performing?

I do not perform so much as freely entertain myself without fear of others hearing and judging.

What about your performance pieces?

Those are more for my own growth and knowledge. My shaving piece and primal scream piece are both things that I recorded so that I could look back on them and acknowledge how far I have mentally grown. They're literally for me.

Are you happy?

I do not know. I am happy but there are times when I am not, and in those times I am more than just a neutral unhappy. I am a manic depressive unhappy. I want to try and use my work to regain my mindful state of existing, where I was not so unhappy.

What is at stake in your work?

My reputation as an artist.

My morals and values as an individual.

My internal peace.

The collective consciousness’ transcendence.

What is the ambition of your work?

The collective consciousness’ transcendence.

I want to share the things that I have learned through mindfulness, spirituality, and psychedelics with those around me (the viewer), so that we can all come to a common understanding of our place on a Universal scale.

Do you think that you are ready to discuss such heavy content?

I feel that intellectually I have what it takes to bring these conversations to light. However, I am fearful that emotionally, I am not ready. My brain is so scattered, and I do not know if the things I am trying to say will be effectively communicated.

I am fearful that the viewer will not resonate with whatever it is that I create.

What are you fearful of? I am scared of being in a vulnerable position.

I am scared of being misunderstood.

Where is the vulnerability coming from?

These things are what I believe in with my whole being, and I am nervous that I will create something with my whole being, only for it to not be as impactful as I

had hoped.

Does it matter what others think?

Not so much about meeting others’ standards, but rather my own. I have no Self-

discipline and I am worried that this will hinder my ability to create.

Yes it matters what others think. The art world is extremely critical, to “better” the viewing experience. However, I do not want to care what others care. I do not want to HAVE to care what others think. My criticizing of my Self stems from the expectations set by the external critic.

How do you feel?

I feel kind of confused about the specific artistic direction that I want to go in, but I know that I have the power inside of me. I just need to channel the energy accordingly. I need to not be distracted by external forces.

How are you going to channel that energy through your artwork?

I think that I would like to explore my cloud images further. Print them large, see how they feel. Re-edit, then print. I would like to focus on the fractal elements in the image: the infinite inward and outward scaling of the same general shape.

I would like to figure out what there is to photograph in the city that will relate to my line of thinking. I want to explore color, but I am unsure of how to do this without going outside of my comfort zone. I am thinking that I could do an exploration into the inversion of lighting. This will look trippy.

Are you not worried that this will look cliche?

I have had that same thought, but I feel that if I do it with enough intention, I can execute it well.

What intentions do you have?

I am honestly not entirely sure what my intentions are just yet. I want to talk about atoms, but I also want to talk about planets and how they relate to one another. Further I want to talk about how we, as humans, relate to these things. We run into the problem of cliche again, though. How do I stay away from cliche?

I would like to use tiny speckles/flashes of light to represent these things, but HOW??

I have no idea. Perhaps I am thinking too heavily about the specifics, perhaps I just need to do it. Be present.

What in the city can you photograph that is in this realm of exploration?

Another question must be asked of whether we are going to stay in the realm of nature vs. the realm of manmade replications of nature. I low-key enjoy the idea of exploring the manmade replications. This is something I am not used to, it is definitely outside of my comfort zone.

Do you not like going outside of your comfort zone?

Not even a little bit. I am trying to learn how to do this, both personally and professionally. I do not want my presence to harm/disturb anyone, but I do need to step up and assert myself instead of watching passively.

This is related to the expectation and lack of self-discipline.

What are some things you would like to tell yourself to help gain some motivation/direction?

Remember what the goal is. Do not get distracted by the journey, stay focused on the greater picture. There may be smaller elements of the greater picture, but together they make up that greater picture. It will all work self out. Set some intention, but the Universe will guide what needs to be done. Do everything with love, bro. Just be present when you’re creating and everything will fall into place.

Stay hydrated. Do your daily rituals. Write things down. Be present. Be love.

How do you feel this interview has gone?

I feel like I’ve learned a lot about what is going on in my psyche. I have a lot to explore, and I am glad that there are things that I can explore. I think I need to do some internal work to help gain a new set of morals (self-disciple, specifically). Perhaps this can be done through my art. Pour my time and energy into my practice, and thus myself.

Do you think you have found a balance between leisure and labor?

No, honestly. There is too much of both, and thus it is throwing my internal leisure time (self care and growth) out of balance. I am not entirely sure how to get better about this. I need to focus on what I NEED, not simply what I want. I know I keep saying that, I need to get better at actually doing it.

1 note · View note