cigarettesafterr

[cigarettesafterr]

#haberneo

[cigarettesafterr]

'ahşapmış meğer ömür'

Kalp bulutlu değilse yağmur boşuna, sen yine gazelini dök mırıldanarak: Çocukluğum, hayatımdan düşen ilk yaprak..

 Haydar Ergülen, Keder Gibi Ödünç

[cigarettesafterr]

Güneş doğsun boşver, sen batışını hatırla.

[cigarettesafterr]

ayrılık diye bir şey yok. bu bizim yalanımız. sevmek var aslında, özlemek var, beklemek var. şimdi neredesin? ne yapıyorsun?

güneş çoktan doğdu. uyanmış olmalısın. saçlarını tararken beni hatırladın, değil mi? öyleyse ayrılmadık. sadece özlemliyiz ve bekliyoruz.

zamanı hatırlatan her şeyden nefret ediyorum. önce beklemekten. ömür boyunca ya bekliyor ya bekletiyor insan. ikisi de kötü, ikisi de hazin tarafı yaşantımızın.

bir çocuğun önce doğmasını bekliyorlar, sonra yürümesini, konuşmasını, büyümesini… zaman ilerliyor, bu defa para kazanmasını, kanunlara saygı göstermesini, insanları sevmesini, aldanmasını, aldatmasını bekliyorlar.

ve sonra ölümü bekleniyor insanoğlunun. ya o? ya o? insanlardan dostluk bekliyor, sevgilisinden sadakat, çocuklarından saygı ve bir parça huzur bekliyor, saadet bekliyor yaşamaktan.

zaman ilerliyor, bir gün o da ölümü bekliyor artık. aradıklarının çoğunu bulamamış, beklediklerinin çoğu gelmemiş bir insan olarak göçüp gidiyor bu dünyadan.

işte yaşamak maceramız bu. yaşarken beklemek, beklerken yaşamak ve yaşayıp beklerken ölmek!

özleme bir diyeceğim yok. o kömür kırıntıları arasında parlayan bir cam parçası. o nefes alışı sevgimizin, kavuşmalarımızın anlamı. o tek güzel yönü bekleyişlerimizin.

insanlığımız özleyişlerimizle alımlı, yaşantımız özlemlerle güzel. özlemin buruk bir tadı var, hele seni özlemenin. bir kokusu var bütün çiçeklere değişmem. bir ışığı var, bir rengi var seni özlemenin, anlatılmaz.

verdiğin bütün acılara dayanıyorsam; seni özlediğim içindir. beklemenin korkunç zehri öldürmüyorsa beni; seni özlediğim içindir. yaşıyorsam; içimde umut varsa, yine seni özlediğim içindir.

seni bunca özlemesem; bunca sevemezdim ki!

[cigarettesafterr]

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ishiwasdead                                                             i         w  ishiwasdead                                                              i         w ishiwasdead                                                               i         wishiwasdead                                                                i        wishiwasdead                                                                 i       wishiwasdead                                                                  i      wishiwasdead                                                                   i     wishiwasdead                                                                    i    wishiwasdead                                                                    i wish i was dead                                                                    i wish i was dead                                                                    i wish i was dead                                                       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                                              i wish i               was dead                                                            i wish i                 was dead                                                           i wish i                   was dead                                                          i wish i                     was dead                                                          i wish i                     was dead                                                          i wish i                     was dead                                                          i wish i                     was dead                                                          i wish i                     was dead                                                          i wish i                     was dead                                                          i wish i                     was dead                                                          i wish i     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[cigarettesafterr]

[cigarettesafterr]

Gözlerini kapat yıldızlara. Senin olmayan parıltılar onlar. Aslında körsün bu soğuk gecede. Gözlerin yetersiz. Acizsin işte. Muhtaçsın o ışığa. Tenin seni korumak için çok da zayıf ayrıca. Giyinmek, sarınmak, sığınmak zorundasın. Zarar görür, yara alır, çabucak kanarsın. En ufak bir çizikte. Soluduğun havayı da ağaçlara borçlusun. Temiz olmalı. Karbondiyoksiti temizlemek için kendi elinle bu kadar başarılı bir makine üretemezsin. Bu kadar çok. Bu kadar uzun süre çalışacak. Onlara da bağımlısın ayrıca. Tüm bitkilere. Yemek de zorundasın. Hayvanları, otları, meyveleri, sebzeleri, balıkları, uçanı da koşanı da toprağa gömülü olanı da. Bedenin içten içe tüketiyor seni. Mecbursun dışarıya. Yoksa hasta olmaya başlıyorsun. Ölmeye. Acı çekmeye. Daha da aciz olmaya. Doğduğunda gelişimi en yarım kalmış canlılardan birisin sonuçta. Elinde düşünebildiği için önce kendine tapmayı düşünen bir beynin var, bu sayede kendini göklere çıkartmısşın. Başka da bir şeyin yok. Çürüyorsun. Çöküyorsun. Acı çekiyorsun. Hatta acı için çabalıyorsun da. ‘Aşık oldum’ diyorsun, 'umut ediyorum’ diye hülyalara dalıyorsun, 'benim olmalı’ inadıyla senin olamayacak şeyler için ederinden çok veriyorsun. Sonunda acı içinde kalıyorsun. Ellerin de boş. Duyularının tamamı zayıf. Kulakların hiçbir hayvan kadar iyi duymuyor, gözlerin hiçbir yırtıcı kadar keskin değil. Sezileri bütünüyle zayıf. Tutturmuşsun bir 'mantık’ onda da çatışmalara düşmüşsün, ortak bir payda oluşturamayıp yoruluyorsun. Kendine eziyet oluyorsun sadece. Ölüyorsun. Sadece ölüyorsun bu evrende. Diğer canlıları da peşine takıp.

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Ayrılık ; Gidenin cesareti, kalanın sabrı ile ölçülür.

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Taki...

Opmicem seni! Taki sen beni opene kadar. Sarilmicam sana! Takı beni sımsıkı sarana kadar. Cekmicem kokunu içime! Taki sen benim kokumu içine cekene kadar. Takmicam seni kafama! Taki sen beni takana kadar Gelmicem sana! Taki sen bana gelene kadar Gulmicem hallerine! Taki sen bana gulene kadar Sevmicem seni! Taki sen beni sevene kadar.

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Derin bakışlı kadın...

Senin gözlerine bakmak Yaralı bedenimle suya dalıp Canım yandikca kulaç atarcasina İyileserek derinlere cekilmeye benziyor Derin bakışlı kadın

Sen ne güzel kadinsin ki İçinde saklı hazineler dolu Cevrendekiler o kadar kor ki Farkında değiller güzelliğinin Ve ne yazık ki hiç varamicaklar Senin farkına Derin bakışlı kadın…

Dudalarim dudaklarinda islanirken Nefesim nefesimle dolup taşardı Gozlerimiz kapalıyken Kalp atislarin kulagimda cınlardı. Derin bakışlı kadın

korum göremedim gözlerini Sagirim duyamadim sesini Yaraliydim anlayamadım hislerini Derin bakışlı kadin

Yolun sonuna geldik biliyorum Sözler bitti duyuyorum Seni çok kirdim biliyorum Derin bakışlı kadın…

Gözlerim gözlerini ararken Sesim sesinde titrerken Seni bu kadar arzularken Dur deme bana Derin bakışlı kadın…

(Sessizlik)

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Kuran kursuna verin asdfgh

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Hiç iyi değilim. Anlatmak da yetmiyor. Sarılmak istiyorum. Güvenmek istiyorum artık sevilmek istiyorum. Biri saçlarımı okşasa şimdi ne güzel olurdu…

O'na sözler. ( via umutsuzgenc )

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İnanç kırıklığısınız…

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Beautiful & Errie Animated Woodland Scenes by Alexandra Dvornikova

More by the Artist Here