clamchops

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I love this man.

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Some shit never changes.....

#CIRCA97

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☪ Lotus ॐ Blog ☪

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Macro photographs of butterfly wings taken by biochemist Linden Gledhill. 

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#fuckPOTS #restingHR #iWouldntWishHyperadrenergicPOTSonAnyone #HyperadrenergicPOTS #dysautonomia #autonomic dysfunction

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bored fucking with photoshop. one of my favorite quotes. #wallander

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my queen 

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I'm 23 and pretty sure I have IC too. doctors dont take me seriously. i want to cry like 24/7. :( im sorry. i live like a few hours away from pittsburgh how can u stand those roads? LOL i feel like the more stressed i get the worse my pain is and driving does that. u cray

Aw babe, I’m sorry you’re going through this. It fucking sucks. I’ve had doctors disagree over if I have IC or not for yearsssssss. I have seriously been in the room with urogynecologists and had them literally fight on the phone in front of me over my ‘case’. They say it’s one simple test and it can tell you if you have it or not...but that’s really not the case at all. I have been in an Interstitial Cystitis Study and seen over 5 specialists for those symptoms alone. I don’t mean to be a debby downer, but that shit is hard as fuck to diagnose and doctors want to give up on you easily. Don’t lose hope though.. &Yeah, that’s ironic coming from me, considering I pray to a god I don’t believe in every night that I don’t wake up in the morning; but there are people that love you and ya gotta trudge through the shit to get to the gold. What are some of your symptoms if you don’t mind my asking? I might have some things for you to talk to your doctor about?(one good thing about finding people with similar issues is advice!) Oh, and I LOVE everything about Pittsburgh.. even our crazy ass roads. My accent is wicked :{ and i most DEFINITELY am cray... more so than you could ever imagine!

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Finding notes you don't remember writing, (I just found my whole funeral plan & will that I do not recall writing out) hearing you've done things you would never do.. it's all part of living with dissociative disorder. But this note I do remember writing. I remember it vividly. I staged sippy cups and baby toys close to the door so that I would maybe not be an ideal victim. It ended up being an old woman that delivered this pizza. But it's pathetic to live like this. Rapists think it's just "20 minutes of fun" like that fuckwad Brock Turner, but the reality is that they rape your mind daily.. hourly.. in your dreams. It's never over. Once you're assaulted, it becomes your identity. This is one of the sick ways that being assaulted at age 12 continuously by multiple boys made me try to change myself. To make myself presentable at all times in case I was assaulted. It seems absurd, but I had valid reasons behind my bizarre rituals. At age 17, that ritual came into play when my cousins boyfriend at the time tried to rape me while I was completely inebriated. He took my pants off slowly while insulting me the entire time.. I was paralyzed by both fear and alcohol. "I thought you'd wear granny socks and have hairy legs." He laughed and continued to say how surprised he was by how "attractive" I was because he expected me to be 'granny' and 'hairy' for whatever reason. I couldn't help but feel relieved that I wouldn't be made fun of for my appearance AS WELL as being molested or possibly raped. I eventually got my energy back and was able to bite him, fight him off and escape. But the damage was done. And it had only proved to me that you have to be 'pretty' and 'hairless' even when you're incapacitated and are not expecting to have any sexual contact. So, I'll ask again... Why is it that I worry about my abusers judgement than the abuse itself?

#dissociative identity disorder #dissociation #rape victims

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If they don't know what you love most in life, they can't take it away.

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So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

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real Netflix and chill is like 30 minutes of “what do you want to watch” “I don’t care you choose” “no you choose”

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I can’t stand it to think my life is going so fast and I’m not really living it.

Ernest Hemingway, The Sun Also Rises (via clamchops)

#Hemingway #Ernest Hemingway #the sun also rises

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My young age does not negate the fact that I am in pain literally every second of every day.  My young age should not mean that I am denied the medications I need to be comfortable.  

Diseases do not care that you are young, they will not be easier on you because of your age.

I am not drug-seeking.  My pain is real.  I am just trying to live my life.