crepuscollo
velvet
cryptic, maybe unexplained thoughts
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show me all the parts of you that you do not love so i know where to begin.
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i’m probably the most understanding person you’ll ever meet.
if sheesha met a girl in uni and felt like her eyes and laugh are attractive and felt the urge to talk to her, this is not cheating. this is so fucking normal. we’re so young and we have four years of uni and 400 people to go through. ofcourse at times he will be attracted to somebody else. yk what helps with that kinda thing? getting to know them more. the more you get to know them, you will find reasons to not want them. it’s easy to be attractive and charismatic and funny and lovable. it’s not easy to replace the girl he loves, if he truly loves me. if he truly thinks that i’m everything, i don’t think the things he wants from me will change. we can grow together, i hope. growing apart has nothing to do with other people, those other people are sometimes just a factor that helps you realise your rsp isn’t fulfilling and happy anymore. so the important thing is for her to get to know her just a little bit, for his sake not for mine. to be able to get her out of his head. he’s so stubborn and he wants to be loyal so he would never admit it if this happened with him. i’m not saying that’s a bad thing but when sheesha goes into denial mode and rejects an idea, it’s really difficult to get him to consider it properly and allow it.
like i was saying, the imp thing is for him to remember why he chose me, and that i’m not replaceable. that this girl was just a small distraction that he will feel guilty about after and that i really am everyth he wants and no one could complete him the way i do.
obviously all of this goes for me as well because it kind of happened- smaller scale tho. it was just thinking i’d meet somebody in uni who id have to choose sheesha over with a lot of self control involved. or maybe even somebody like poula or anas, bec i used to be attracted to them. but nobody can come close to sheesha they just can’t. the more this happens with other guys, the more i realise hm i love sheesha.
i don’t know why i feel comfortable telling him i love him but i don’t feel comfortable telling other people that i love him. i guess with him it’s easier to say i love you than not say it and i do say it when i feel it but there’s a part of me that’s uncertain. it feels like something is missing. the thing that makes u obsessed with someone. but i feel like what makes me obsessed with someone isn’t something good, so it’s better for our rsp and me and him that i don’t feel the thing that people describe as infatuation.
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“your words are hurting and gutting the people around you and you don’t even realise it”
“you’re so fucking selfish”
“
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it feels like i never work through anything and now i’m crying over a poem about sutuationships because I NEVER WORK THROUGH ANYTHING I CARRY EVERYTHING WITH ME AT ALL TIMES I DONT KNOW HOW TO LET GO OR DEAL WITH ANYTHING I HATE MYSEKF SO MUCH AND I FUCKING HATE THE LIGHTS AND I HATE MY MOM
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it feels like i never work through anything and now i’m crying over a poem about sutuationships because I NEVER WORK THROUGH ANYTHING I CARRY EVERYTHING WITH ME AT ALL TIMES I DONT KNOW HOW TO LET GO OR DEAL WITH ANYTHING I HATE MYSEKF SO MUCH AND I FUCKING HATE THE LIGHTS AND I HATE MY MOM
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she’s so fucking obsessive and she’s an actual cumt and doesn’t fucking think of anybody other than herself and she expects everyone to put her first and for her to get the most attention and when we don’t put her first which is literally the energy she gets mad she’s literally doing that annoying ass video thing she always does
does she think she’s a blogger like she turns it on herself and starts filming
fuck i hate this
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