crimeronan

[crimeronan]

Amity after she arrives to check if Hunter succeeded: "You two are getting married?!"

Luz, for the exact same logic: "Oh right, we need to get married too!"

*Amity faints*

FJSJDDH. i know the point of this is the lumity hilarity but i'm also thinking about, like:

vee: you can't marry more than one person here, luz. you're gonna have to pick one of them :(

luz: what. why NOT. that's STUPID. what if there are MULTIPLE PEOPLE I WOULD LIKE TO VISIT IF THEY'RE UNCONSCIOUS IN THE HOSPITAL...????

vee: ......oh wow. masha is about to have SO MUCH FUN radicalizing you.

#you cant look at masha and tell me thats not someone who's been campaigning for ethical non-monogamy acceptance since like age 13 #replies #toh #princess luz au #princess luz au worst timeline #shitty idiot repression gang #lumity #vee noceda

[crimeronan]

A comedic bit for AU in which Camila doesn't adopt Vee - the Basilisks escaped together to Gravesfiled, and one day Vee drops by Camila's house (maybe they are neighbors, maybe Vee volunteers at Camila's clinic, etc) and no she is not imagining the smell and that person on the couch with Camila's daughter (who she heard of but never saw a good enough picture) is exactly who she thinks he is :)

i'm so sorry. my first thought in response to this was that vee makes Very Nasty Faces at hunter, but doesn't blow her cover, & then after she leaves, hunter is like "wtf was that girl's problem," and camila can't come up with any answer except to privately be like. idk. maybe she is.... homophobic....?

#pretty gay the way you were sitting on camila's couch hunter. nothing else about you warrants suspicion in any way #replies #toh #princess luz au #camila noceda #hunter toh #vee noceda #though i suppose technically she's not a noceda here.

[crimeronan]

I am cackling at all the previous asks and your answers. The AU you’ve created has reunited so many messed up people it’s amazing. Hi besties!!

i truly have just spent all of today shitposting and horror-posting and horror-shitposting. god bless u all for being creative and silly and willing to indulge this nonsense.

#replies #hello besties indeed

[crimeronan]

thinking about worst timeline AU luz and hunter navigating the human world again. currently half-shitpost half-earnestly pondering luz trying to figure out how tf human social structures work, and how humans create their families, and how people establish rights of kin to one another, because she has some perfectly reasonable neuroses about losing her family members. & then she works herself into a panic like "hunter, if one of us is unconscious in the hospital then the other won't be able to visit or make any decisions or get any information unless we're legally related and sign a bunch of paperwork about it. hunter the human world is evil and trying to tear us apart and all human laws are stupid forever. you HAVE to marry me."

camila, overhearing all this from the kitchen, about to have a heart attack: MIJA. YOU ARE SEVENTEEN.

hunter, raising his hand, already seeing some mild issues with this plan: forget her being seventeen. i don't have a legal identity?????

#'don't i need a legal identity to even get admitted to a human hospital' 'no actually. it helps to have one to get married though' #if it's a timeline where vee is there then vee is like luz. do you even know what human marriage is FOR #and luz is like YES. FOR BEING ABLE TO SEE SOMEONE WHEN THEYRE UNCONSCIOUS IN THE HOSPITAL. WHY DO YOU ALL THINK I'M CRAZY #toh #princess luz au #princess luz au worst timeline #horrible mindscape trauma pals #camila noceda

[crimeronan]

The tragedy of Hunter needing to stand still in his GG uniform next to Luz while she threatened the Blights, instead of joining Eber up on the rafters and munching popcorn 🍿.

LMAO. the part of hunter that isn't monitoring luz's emotional state is 100% going "man, i gotta suss out how amity feels about all this. i don't know whether to tell her about this when we're both in a good mood or when i Really need to ruin her day."

#shithead. love him. #replies #toh #princess luz au #and who is that other witch #shitty idiot repression gang

[crimeronan]

as a long time cdth hennessy fan and a current asoiaf reader i am very much enjoying the venn diagram so thank you

YAY :D

#you dont want to know how much of the time spent on it was spent on simply #figuring out how to navigate and change and add stuff to the shitty little premade canva bubbles #the text and overlaps i jotted down on my phone in about 60 seconds. did not take long. #replies

[crimeronan]

sorry to keep turning your horror into comedy but like. please join me in picturing Hunter, staggering from his sickbed through the palace halls down to the portal. which is guarded. hunter tries to order the guard to let him through and Steve is like, okay. no. you are literally bleeding on the floor right now. please go lie down before i call Lilith.

hunter tries this three more times in the next week and a half. eventually steve says he’ll let hunter through as soon as he can make it across the room without leaning on his staff. this is why it takes hunter so long to find luz in the human realm.

(it would have taken even longer but amity told him to find a human library first thing. and also that if he didn’t send word after a week she was coming after him.)

i haven't thought a whole lot about Exactly what goes down after belos and luz leave, but i love this. i feel like there's probably some brief debate about whether hunter or lilith is next in the succession, but obviously hunter is Indisposed & when asked about it, is like, "I Do Not Give A Single Fuck About The Throne Right Now. I Would Sell You All To Satan For One Corn Chip" so everyone is like. okay!! lilith it is!!

meanwhile lilith is having a Complete Fucking Crisis over being suddenly in charge of the whole empire, AND is trying to pretend to have everything under control, AND is recontextualizing everything she knows about hunter. and she feels.... uh.... Kind Of Terrible. About.... The Everything

lilith who's like "i absolutely cannot let him put himself back in harm's way until he's healed, that would be unconscionable, he has been through Enough" and hunter, completely misinterpreting her motivations, being like "waow. i knew lilith hated my fucking guts but i didn't think she'd do THIS to me. amity what if you were the best friend in the whole world and killed that guy for me"

amity is concerned about hunter on her own merit, but most of her advice to him is because lilith has been transparently neurotic about the whole thing, & so amity is like Okay. Listen. I Will Talk To Him. Relax . Holy Shit

amity voice: you Have to look for human records and human news stories instead of knocking on random doors. you're gonna find answers a lot faster that way and you don't want to rouse other humans' suspicion.

hunter voice, still So Irritated: wow. there goes my plan to try to scent them like a bloodhound and aimlessly wander the streets yelling luz's name. blight. do you think i'm an idiot.

#replies #toh #princess luz au #princess luz au worst timeline #horrible mindscape trauma pals #and who is that other witch #shitty idiot repression gang #lilith clawthorne #hunter toh #steve toh

[crimeronan]

that post about unpleasant women in media made me need to make a venn diagram about cersei lannister, skyler white, and cdth hennessy. so i just learned how to use canva for the first time.

here are some reasons you might be able to hate 1 or 2 of these women without Necessarily being a misogynist. (you MUST hate male characters for the Same Exact Reasons, though.)

preemptive note: i am Aware this is imperfect and that there's more overlap and distinction than is presented here, ie cersei is arguably Also a textbook emotional abuser, cersei is also an unpleasant complainer, etc, etc, etc. just. play in this space with me. Pls.

jst. allow me to shitpost about my three favorite unpleasant women in any media ever. Observe.

#cersei lannister #skyler white #hennessy #cdth hennessy #cdth #got #asoiaf #breaking bad #*I JUST THINK THIS IS A FUNNY POST. IT IS NOT EARNEST DISCOURSE. PLEASE GOD

[crimeronan]

deeply unlikeable and unpleasant female characters are actually so important for the ecosystem and also as a good litmus test over if a person is Weird about women or not

#cersei lannister skyler white and cdth hennessy are all Wildly Unpleasant Women in Very Different Ways #u can hate 1 or even 2 of these women without necessarily being a misogynist. but if u hit a trifecta.... well. I Am Suspicious .

[crimeronan]

unavoidable that you will be the villain in someone else's story. You will be painted in an unfavorable light. You will be the irredeemable one. and all of this will happen despite how nice you might usually be or how kind or how respectful or how warm. and you will just have to move on.

#GOD I HOPE SO #I KNOW A COUPLE PEOPLE I'M THE VILLAIN TO ALREADY & LEMME SAY. I'M DOING SOME STUFF RIGHT #eta oh wait this wasnt an affirmation post. #um yes it's okay if this happens to u and it feels bad and u can move on. i guess.

[crimeronan]

cdth hennessy pov fic my beloved <33

wife forever and ever and ever!!!

#I WILL DIE FOR CDTH HENNESSY AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME!!! #replies #cdth #hennessy

[crimeronan]

re: worst timeline princess au. i am envisioning belos dragging a shell-shocked luz thru the new england woods in the dead of night. the first sign of civilization they come to is a set of train tracks. belos is not actually 100% clear on the difference between cars and trains, and thinks you can flag down a train like it’s a taxicab. luz is in no position to correct him.

so belos steps forward confidently onto the tracks. raises his arm to hail the train. and just gets fucking bodied. fully wile e. coyote’d. the man is GONE.

luz doesn’t even understand what just happened until the entire train has passed her by. someday she will tell hunter and they will both laugh in a way that is deeply concerning to everyone in earshot. just now though, the evil 400 year old emperor has been vaporized by a passing train, and luz staggers off into the woods again.

#this ask made me make a strangled sound irl. #i mean i did establish that he ate shit and died Somehow. SO SURE. YEAH ALRIGHT #the train operator didnt notice it was a dude since belos is how he is. #damn that was a really fucked up deer.... probably had CWD. sorry little guy :((( #replies #toh #princess luz au #princess luz au worst timeline

[crimeronan]

i think my sworn duty on tumblr these days is to "yes and" all the insane offshoot AU timelines you guys come up with. however i also think it's starting to make my blog look like The Real Housewives Of The Boiling Isles.

#alador looking straight into the camera: is it time to SERVE cunt.... or BE cunt [snaps in a Z formation] #[smash cut to eda] 'alador blight is the lamest person i've ever met. why did you even cast him' #toh #princess luz au #......tangentially. today's nonsense has gotten so far beyond the usual premise though

[crimeronan]

re: Amity's conclusions in the timeline with a Baby Grimwalker Alador… I notice your mind avoided the most horrifying possible conclusion for Amity to jump to: that the purple eyes must be a recessive gene on Hunter's dad's side of the family, and her new baby brother has them because Odalia slept with fucking Belos at some point before The Murder. because SHE WOULD, WOULDN'T SHE.

FIDJFJHDHDH. JESUS CHRIST. YEAH ALRIGHT, SURE. amity is like "luz, if you're being shifty because you don't want me to know this is OUR sibling, it's fine, i already figured it out," and luz is like "wh. What."

#you guys are too much. GOD. #replies #toh #princess luz au

[crimeronan]

I know you wouldn't actually write this and I wouldn't want you too, Dykes 4ever, etc., but. As a stray idea. I felt you might appreciate. That with all the talk of early canon Alador needing to "wake up", plus his "lab" and his generally miserable home situation and his neglectful parenting… WELL. where's my mashup fic where instead of becoming a better dad Alador channels his ennui cooking super-duper illegal Wild Magic goop on the side with a cunty Hexside dropout, TOH fandom? where is it???

alador/eda is one of the funniest crackship pairings IMAGINABLE, honestly. they're so frosty to each other in canon (for damn good reason) but god i can't stop thinking about alador having his hot girl summer doing illegal bullshit with eda. odalia thinks he's having an affair and is honestly fine with that, Whatever You Need To Do To Get This Midlife Crisis Out Of Your System, Dear, but then she finds out alador has been giving eda trade secrets for free & becomes Apoplectic.

#in half my imaginings of future canon they end up metamours eventually anyway so like. sure. why not #replies #toh #alador blight #eda clawthorne

[crimeronan]

Just saw you mention in a comment thread that Google Adsense thinks you're black and was wondering if you know how this happened. LOL

oh yeah, it's not too hard to figure out. also i can't say for SURE that it's sorted me into any particular racial category, i can just say i get a LOT of ads for african hair products & Black-owned businesses & articles about Black representation in reality television i don't watch, etc.

mainly it's just because i read a lot of the articles from the root, i semi-frequently research various aspects of african-american history for fandom discussions, and i did a LOOOOOT of research on Black hair care/styling/products when i was writing a million words of cdth hennessy POV fic.

another fun fact about my google adsense profile! i use google to research the articles i write for my job. and a lot of those articles are about precious metals, cryptocurrency, and financial issues. this means that my adsense profile Also firmly believes i'm a right-wing finance guy with money to burn, so i get ads for trump's gold coins and bibles CONSTANTLY.

one entirely reasonable way to protect your identity online is by manually turning off all tracking features, like someone with common sense.

....another is to accidentally convince google that you're a Black libertarian.

#what i'm saying is that this isn't a sign of a+ allyship so much as google cobbling together profiles based on Literally What-Fucking-Ever #i could do without the republican ads but i'm perfectly fine with all the hair care and influencer ads #it gives me a good sense of where to research if i recommend or buy irl gifts for people + i write a lot of Black women #with various natural hairstyles. so the information is in fact relevant #replies

[crimeronan]

i was about to send an ask like "hahaha half of the alt timelines for pl au are mostly just "what if More Grimwalkers" next one is camila walker. idfk" but.. im thinking about camila walker now.

au where belos got luz when she was a few years older and therefore she missed her mom and wanted to go home Extremely Bad. and belos somehow gets his way into the human realm and finds camila.

and he explains how luz was Chosen to be in the isles, and how she cant come home BUT camila can come with him. and uh camila Reacts Appropriately. by trying to Kill Him.

but belos was prepared for this. so he knocks her out. and she wakes up without a pinky finger on one hand, in her own bed.

and a few weeks later, he reintroduces Camila to luz. and even if luz is old enough to remember her mom, she isnt old enough to do the mental leaps it would take to realize whats wrong. shes still a kid.

so. belos tells the world the isles has brought them two humans.

(i know this makes me Part Of The Problem of all the more grimwalkers aus. but SSSHHH)

FJSJDJD. justice was just saying this as she drove me home, actually. "everyone keeps coming up with new grimwalker horror that i didn't even know was a possibility with grimwalker horror. because i'd never seen it done before"

this actually isn't the first time a grimwalker camila timeline has been posited. it IS a lot better than the one from a few months back, though. iirc that one was about camila fighting her way into the isles much Much sooner, but refusing to cooperate with belos, & belos straight-up killing her. and then creating a grimwalker of her for luz, who is Distraught.

love thinking about this. love camila Not Being Fucking Dead for it. and now if i can diverge a little....

i think Most of my owl house followers now have never read the dreamer trilogy by maggie stiefvater, which is my next biggest fandom by far. & also remains my favorite bookseries ever (despite some mild disappointment with certain arcs in the final book).

one of the main characters in that series had parents whose relationship was.... Not Very Functional. to put it mildly. and his mom eventually divorced his dad & abandoned the family. and his dad's response to this was to create a sweet, gentle, even-tempered stepford smiler clone of his bitch wife. with no agency. and have her raise his kids.

the problem is that this MC, alone of all of his siblings, remembers his real mom.

and knows that the mom who raised him was Wrong (TM).

and has been quite literally gaslit about this and told that he's an insane psycho cunt for his Entire Life.

also another one of the main characters (hennessy, of my blog description fame) has been essentially creating and sustaining and murdering grimwalkers of herself since she was ten. she & the main clone of herself are both main POV characters who have a Viciously codependent/messy relationship and battle for dominance over their shared identity.

so like. if anyone here has been Very Into all the grimwalker horror in this AU, and/or into all the psychological horror of luz and hunter's relationship, and would like to read some original fiction that features All Of That Shit..... WOW do i have a bookseries you'll enjoy.

#first book is call down the hawk by maggie stiefvater. #there's also a prequel series that begins with 'the raven boys' but it is MUCH lighter in tone and MUCH less heavy on grimwalker horror. #there's a bit! but the series isn't Engineered Around It like the dreamer trilogy is. u know. #replies #toh #cdth #princess luz au