crispybanditexpertalien

[crispybanditexpertalien]

do you love the color of the sky: abridged version

[crispybanditexpertalien]

[crispybanditexpertalien]

the fucking line delivery of this

[crispybanditexpertalien]

[crispybanditexpertalien]

Ranger, about to try a 1v1 contested wisdom check against a Literal God:

"I am powered by sparrows and spite."

#very relatable

[crispybanditexpertalien]

Cast iron phone

Cast iron phone case

Cast iron phone case OtterBox

Cast iron phone case Android

Phone sigils

Phone sigils fae

Faeries keep stealing phone

Gun license New Jersey

[crispybanditexpertalien]

Please, for the love of god, leave me CLEAR INSTRUCTIONS!!! If you think it’s implied, I promise you that to me it is not. If you give me poorly worded or vague directions I’m gonna spend half an hour stressing over the potential different ways to interpret them and either become paralyzed with indecision or inevitably interpret them the least correct way possible

[crispybanditexpertalien]

[crispybanditexpertalien]

Humans have finally managed to land on Mars, only to find a locked safe buried in the Martian soil. The key is apparently on Earth, but no one knows where.

[crispybanditexpertalien]

executive dysfunction is legitimately physically uncomfortable. i’ll be trapped between two things, weirdly caught on how-much-time-it-might-take-me. i take hours worried im going to take hours doing things. i’ll sit on the floor for the entire day, caught up in the middle of not-doing the chores i actually do want to be doing.

& the amount of mental energy that goes into it. & the legitimate amount of anger and discomfort and self-hate. is not “being lazy”.  it’d be a lot less work if i didn’t have to fight myself to just get up and do it. 

i just need you to understand it’s not effortless. it’s never effortless. it’s not “okay let me just get up and finally start doing this.” it’s more like. i am slamming my foot on the pedal but the car is in neutral and nothing is moving. it’s more like shouting instructions into a dying telephone. it’s more like being trapped in a small electric box, and someone who hates me is administering shocks. 

im trying. im trying. please help me get up.

[crispybanditexpertalien]

Lmao you’re an adult, you shouldn’t be using the word squick. Use trigger. Use your grown up adult words to explain how you feel instead of leaning on a cutesy uwu term that no one outside of tumblr uses. It’s embarrassing.

Idek if this is serious or ironic honestly

#I have learned a new word! #It's a word I may actually use too!

[crispybanditexpertalien]

[crispybanditexpertalien]

[crispybanditexpertalien]

bitches will have the scared disorder and be like why am i so scared

[crispybanditexpertalien]

family gathering. playing monopoly. getting close to the end. 12 year old turns to 8 year old brother and says it’s time to become esteemed colleagues. i say what? he says esteemed colleagues. they merge their money and assets and beat me at monopoly

[crispybanditexpertalien]

pokemon art challenge: draw your fave pokemon with your eyes closed i’ll start

[crispybanditexpertalien]

reblog to give somebody a fucking hug because we are all struggling to get through it. solidarity in this tough ass world.