darlingmissmoth

[darlingmissmoth]

I always use the tools I was born with

[darlingmissmoth]

[darlingmissmoth]

[darlingmissmoth]

I stopped reading DNIs because 90% of the time they were just fucking inscrutable to me. I’d go to somebody’s page and it would be like “DNI if you’re a COSLA apologist,” so then I would Google COSLA and it was just like “Welp, either things are really heating up in the Convention of Scottish Local Authorities fandom or I still have no idea what the fuck this person is talking about.” Or “DNI if you identify as ANFO.” Okay, well, I definitely don’t identify as Ammonium Nitrate/Fuel Oil, but that’s probably not what you meant (although hey, maybe you did; I obviously don’t know enough about your views on chemical compounds to outright dispute that option).” Like, you have my blessing to hate whatever obscure fandom pairing or super niche kink group you want, but just know I am embracing ignorance on this one and will not be looking that shit up. Peace.

[darlingmissmoth]

[darlingmissmoth]

also worth noting that "abusive" doesn't actually mean "irredeemable" either.

there's a lot of people that have done things in the past that were bad, because they weren't taught any better, or they were in an overall toxic situation where EVERYONE was shitty (like a cult), or they were just at an especially low point and hurt others for it.

you don't have to forgive them. you don't have to ever speak to them again. you can be angry with them until you die if you want.

but society cannot function if we don't allow them to move on. to change their behavior and fuck off somewhere else and build meaningful relationships without bothering you again. we need a path for people to change, or nothing ever will.

[darlingmissmoth]

I see a lot of posts saying "teach boys about consent".

While that is true, a lot of parents will do that and fail to see how their own actions are the problem.

If you've spanked him, he's less likely to understand consent.

If you've forced him to sit on Santa's lap, he's less likely to understand consent.

If you've forced him to give hugs and kisses to family members, he's less likely to understand consent.

If you've grabbed him in order to force him to sit still, he's less likely to understand consent.

If you've labeled him as "too sensitive" for not wanting to be touched, he's less likely to understand consent.

If you've assumed he's okay with something because he technically allowed it even though he felt pressured, he's less likely to understand consent.

If you're only going to criticize his actions but not your own, it won't work.

[darlingmissmoth]

Lets create a house where yelling means we’re having fun. When you hear a door slam you know it was accidentally pulled with too much strength, not slammed out of anger. When there is silence, it is Contentment, not another passive aggressive fight. The dog is no longer barking to protect, he simply just wants the cats to play with him. Let’s create a safe, warm environment that makes you feel like you can breathe, not hold your breath. Let’s stomp on the eggshells we use to tip toe on. Together we will make this house into a home. And welcome all with open arms into this kind and loving space.

[darlingmissmoth]

[darlingmissmoth]

Ive said this before but swear the biggest skill to learn as an adult is how to resist high-pressure sales tactics. You do NOT have to answer questions with anything other than "Sorry I'm not interested." No matter how nice they are or no matter how many follow up questions they ask or even how agitated they get when you stand your ground. Just keep saying I'm not interested. Don't answer their questions. Don't give them an opening to try to push back on your reasons. Be a fucking brick wall of I'm not interested.

[darlingmissmoth]

The most valuable thing I learned doing a Masters degree with depression, anxiety and ADHD was to change my “things I’m bad at” list to “things I can’t do on my own.” Stop thinking of them as things I could do if I tried hard enough, and accept that I can’t accomplish them by effort and willpower alone; they’re genuine neurocognitive deficits, and if I need to do the thing, then just like a blind person reading or a mobility impaired person going up a storey in a building, I need to find a different method.

I’m “bad at” working on long-term projects without an imminent deadline or someone breathing down my neck? Okay, let’s change that: I can’t work on long-term projects without an imminent deadline and someone breathing down my neck. So let’s create an imminent deadline and recruit neck-breathers. Find a sympathetic prof who will agree that 3 weeks before the due date they expect me to show them my preliminary notes and bibliography. Get a friend I trust to block off an hour to sit with me and keep asking, “Are you working on your project?” Write a blog post about my progress. Arrange to trade papers and proofread them with another student.

Accept your limitations and learn to leverage them, instead of buying the neurotypical fairytale that they’ll go away if you just try hard enough.

[darlingmissmoth]

here is an extremely high resolution picture of a mole

[darlingmissmoth]

[darlingmissmoth]

huh? Whats that?

computer enhanxce::

its this. and according to my readings its going about its merry way

faascinating

[darlingmissmoth]

you absolutely should not read dunmesh for the yaoi, you will be disappointed. dont read it for the yuri either, i did and was sorely disappointed. read it because you have autism and you will be obsessed with this intricate and beautiful world and story and the sincere and complex picture of living with autism and food and class and above all desires, the ones we repress the ones we overindulge the ones that hurt us and the ones no one will allow us to fill

[darlingmissmoth]

i think the funniest thing about kipperlilly and riz being parallels and the narrative obviously lining up for them to go toe to toe in the presidential campaign is like… kipperlilly could plan for riz. she could meta all the rogue shit she wants and pretend to be four steps ahead like she’s ever gone on a real adventure herself.

how the fuck do you plan for kristen applebees?

[darlingmissmoth]

The spouse is getting curious about tumblr