deadmomjokes

[deadmomjokes]

Nowadays it's usually a hyperrealistic baby doll with programming to make it cry and need its (provided) bottle and diaper changed, and it records your motions and interactions with it. So you fail the assignment if you're too rough with the doll, or you scream at it, or leave it alone and uncared-for for too long. Some well-funded schools will even provide you with little car seats for them, and you have to use it properly because the little sensors can tell whether it's strapped in when moving above a certain speed, and you fail if your baby isn't restrained properly when being driven. Length of assignment ranges from a weekend to a full week depending on the course.

There's also some talk among students that they program the babies to be more needy, annoying, and sensitive when you're taking the "Parenting"/sex ed class as opposed to the elective human development/babysitting certification classes. (No way to know if that's true or not, but given the american education system and its obsession with abstinence-only and lack of proper sex ed, I wouldn't be surprised.)

okay americans i gotta ask because as an European i grew up with lots of american shows and cartoons and in a lot of them there was an episode where they give the protags a doll or an egg or a bag of flour or whatever and told them pretend to be its parents or something

#america of course

[deadmomjokes]

March 21

i’m waiting. i don’t know what for— tomorrow, or the rain to fall, or to forget my name, or to remember what i’ve lost or to get used to pain, or to become pedestrian or to consume the fruits of springs that maybe wouldn’t come, or the day i might meet you.

#file under: unexpected gut punches

[deadmomjokes]

the right hairstyle for your face is the one that makes you smile when you see yourself in the mirror btw.

[deadmomjokes]

#it bothers me but i don't say anything unless i have to #like if it's going on an official form or something #otherwise i just seethe quietly to myself #the ones that really get me #are when ppl misspell it with an uncommon spelling but not the right one #because my name is p obscure in the US #and is usually spelled with just a 'y' #but mine is an 'ie' at the thend #and sometimes ppl will spell it with an 'ey'? #like why would you do that?? #that's wrong for the wrong reason and now everyone's upset

[deadmomjokes]

these are the best cards on the planet and no one can tell me otherwise

(etsy)

#omg stop #the clubs being puppydog feet for realsies!!

[deadmomjokes]

#keyboard obvs because WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND THINKS A PHONE IS EASIER????? #bro it takes me over 20 mins even with swipe keyboards to phone type something i can do in 2 mins flat on a real keyboard #phone keyboards universally suck there is no phone keyboard that is superior to a real normal-sized keyboard bro

[deadmomjokes]

i have such a love for characters who descend into madness or villainy out of deep, deep empathy. characters who fundamentally cannot cope with the cruel realities they find themselves in and blow up about it in spectacular fashion. fallen angel type characters with tears of outrage in their eyes. characters who break before they bend, and break so badly they splatter blood all over their noble ideals. every variation on it gets me so good

[deadmomjokes]

Playing volleyball

#that's not a dog playing volleyball that's winton playing keepy uppy OBVIOUSLY #(ignore me my child is back on her bluey kick)

[deadmomjokes]

"why should I get invested in shows if they'll just get canceled" I was deeply invested in Heroes (2006) and it was not canceled, it just got really terrible. I also got really invested in the sandwich I had a few weeks ago despite it only lasting like 15 minutes. You must embrace the ephemeral. You must be willing to love things that may not love you back, that might betray you, or that may die an untimely death. As the great philosopher Mr. Mitchell Lee Hedberg said "I'm not gonna stop doing something because of what happens at the end."

#oof bringing back my sorrow over Heroes #see also NBC's The Cape #it had POTENTIAL

[deadmomjokes]

[deadmomjokes]

From photosofbritain

You need a piglet parade?#cute pig

#baBEEEES #pigs

[deadmomjokes]

#thinking about that one time they brought therapy dogs to the library on campus #and the line was clear to the other side of the student center #the poor dogs were like #O.O #but doing their best to not be freaked the heck out by the thousands of hands #everyone got like 5 seconds of patting time before getting booted out the other end of the line so someone else could get a fleeting pat #i wonder if admin realized they might have A Problem after that #like no one should be that desperate for therapeutic animal contact #and yet...

[deadmomjokes]

professors who have only interacted with other academics for years: “what do you MEAN you don’t know multi-variable calculus yet??”

professors with small kids: “thank you for not putting the lab equipment in your mouths when I turn my back”

#asked a car full of adults once if anyone needed to stop and find a potty before we drove for a long time #dead silence #''how long is a long time?'' #...20 minutes :') #anyway you can tell i drive the preschool carpool

[deadmomjokes]

I wish the world worked like it did in the stardew valley universe. If I'm strapped for cash I should be able to go grab some blackberries off the nearest roadside bush and go sell them to a grocery store for a quick ten bucks. I should be able to think "huh I wanna go talk to the wizard today" and then I go talk to the wizard in his wizard tower

[deadmomjokes]

my dad is so funny because if you actually asked him point blank if he's an ally i dont think he'd know how to respond but like a year ago he was talking about when he used to sell houses in the 90s and he was like "yeah we had a gay couple come in and i had to tell one of my coworkers to stop being rude to them. then they invited me to their housewarming party, i dont know why. after that i had a bunch of gay couples come in and specifically ask for me, isnt that weird?" and he legitimately had never connected the dots

[deadmomjokes]

I am looking neither respectfully nor disrespectfully. I gaze without recognition of your form, and without understanding.

[deadmomjokes]

I have never seen an animal sleep in such a cursed way what

#the slappy noise as he flurps into place