derealfeelz

[derealfeelz]

Thanksgiving (Kodoku’s Lilacs, The Life of a Flowstar, No. 159)

So my thanksgiving, it feels like every other year that we celebrate it, we pray to god first, thanking him, and then eat on some delicious ass dinner. We live in a state where it's pretty far from our family, so unless they are financially stable and are willing to visit, we have to eat with me, my mom, my stepdad, and my brother. Beforehand, we did go to a restaurant where, let's just day, it's high up.

When I mean high up, I'm not talking like buildings, like NYC, I'm talking like a really high elevation up! We been at this place many times, but considering with issues that I got now, I basically have to stay away from where I can fall. The food was great, there was some chicken, biscuits, I guarantee you you'd wanna go here. Outside is a beautiful sight, and I did get some pictures, imagine taking them at night tho, that'd definitely be a sight.

Sometimes, I miss seeing my family from the other state, especially since it's been last year since I visited them. Even recently, it was someone's birthday from my mom's side that I enjoyed being with last year, she's a sweetheart who took care of me. IIRC my other brother did say he wanted to move up here, but due to disagreements (I don't believe any arguments), he has to stay where he is, which I don't blame considering there's more family down there. At the end of the day, we're still in contact and we chilling, and until then, unless I don't forget to do a post tonight, goodnight!

Sincerely, Kodoku.

[derealfeelz]

A Week Before Break (Kodoku’s Lilacs, The Life of a Flowstar, No. 158)

So today, depending on if I keep a good grade, I have this week until it's winter break, and I bet it'll be depressing unless the snow comes lol. If you know me, you'd know that I don't hang out with my friends, like at all outside of school. The only time I really came out the house to see my friends was that 4th of july party, or hangout. If you really know me, you'd also know that I love the snow very much, as in an obsession with it, might as well be unhealthy lol. One of the reasons is because I don't get to see snow that much and I've only seen it a couple of times, especially when the actual snow happens and you can make snowmen, I miss 2021.

I do tend to get lonely at my house, even tho I got company over like my mom and stepdad. Aaaand with technology, plus the fact I've been using it for years, I can guarantee you that I may have fucked up my social life in a way. On the plus side, I do chill with my friends at school and they really the only people I can exactly talk to besides my parents, so that's nice. I would go on a rant about how I'll probably be lonely after school ends, but I'm not gonna get into that as I wanna be comfortable with getting the week off. Until then, see yall later because I got another post coming today!

Sincerely, Kodoku.

[derealfeelz]

It's Been A Minute (Kodoku’s Lilacs, The Life of a Flowstar, No. 157)

Hello, well this is kinda sad considering I accidentally abandoned this account, especially when I planned to post about my life everyday. To be fair, there's nothing really interesting happening other than thanksgiving happening, and even that wasn't that uneventful. It's been 198 days since my birthday and considering I'm on post 157, it's gonna be a while to get to post 198, that is if I do try to get there. I ain't gonna get into much detail tonight because I can make an extra post tomorrow to catch up with post 198 (Or 199 in that matter) Oh well, hope yall have a good night, I'll try and catch up soon!

Sincerely, Kodoku.

[derealfeelz]

Surprisingly Passed! (Kodoku’s Lilacs, The Life of a Flowstar, No. 156)

So today, as expected from my consular, I took the civics test in my 1st period, so it might've been a lil too early for me since it was still morning then. Surprisingly, it seems that it was easier than I thought despite having a lot of questions on the study guide. The only reason it was easy was because we did it on a website where it gave us 3 tries, plus a long explanation with the answer with it.

All it really had was stuff about America like history, who was the current president, what the flag means, etc.. If the system didn't work like that, I wouldn't somehow get an A on that, considering I don't have civics class. Hopefully I'll be fine as if now, since I have been getting a hell of a lot of stress, I've had nights where I just don't feel like there's points to existing, and then that feeling goes away when I wake up. Oh well, have a good night!

Sincerely, Kodoku.

[derealfeelz]

Civics Test (Kodoku’s Lilacs, The Life of a Flowstar, No. 155)

Hello, it's been nine days since I have last posted something on here. I am also +20 more days out of sync for being on track with real time and posts, so that's gonna be a while until I get there again. I don't know why I keep putting this off, but I'm on it now, so I guess I'll take my chance and talk about what I need to do today.

So today, I have a civics test for school, even tho I do not have a civics class. The reasons why are because if I don't do this, I won't graduate, and that I haven't had a civics class. Now if I were a wise dude, I would've studied it like 5 times now but so far, I only studied it once, and that was last night. Maybe real quick, I can try studying it now so I can have it on my mind, for like 5 seconds lol.

Let's hope I can get to pass this and never have a test like this again, or at least when I'm mature enough as I hate politics right now. Corruption, people hating each other for choosing a different party or president, chaos that can happen in parades, it just can't be for me. I'm usually a person that needs to take things slow and with politics updating so much, and especially with chaos, I just can't really take it. Only time I might pay attention to politics is for laws and when they change them and even then, I just don't wanna see the outside of what happens cause I hate it. Oh well, let's hope I can get back on sync with posts now, have a good day, I'll be back!

Sincerely, Kodoku.

[derealfeelz]

Looking At A New Camera (Kodoku’s Lilacs, The Life of a Flowstar, No. 154)

So recently, I've been searching for another camera and so far, I think I found my next baby in a year or two! Before I get those, I plan on getting some new lens because I wanna experiment with those before I get this camera I'm interested in. Right now, I'll talk about the camera that I do want, I'll most likely talk about the lens in next post.

So the camera that I want so badly as of now is called the Canon EOS 90D. It is a camera that is $1200 USD and I've heard that it is a very good camera. One things for sure is that it'll be a big improvement to what I currently have, the Rebel T7. There's things like 4K video, 1080p 120fps, better focus system, and a hell of alot more. I won't go into it because I'm tired right now, but once I get this camera, it'll be a camera I'll never forget.

I wonder what is it like to be in the world of photography? Will it be a fun experience where I can actually have a purpose in life, or will it be terrible and I won't exactly make a lot of money? Whatever it is, I hope in the future, the 90D will flash my future in my eyes because I see the future in that, I depend on it. Until then, hope I can get back into posting these and I hope yall have a good night!

Sincerely, Kodoku.

[derealfeelz]

Happy Halloween! (Kodoku’s Lilacs, The Life of a Flowstar, No. 153)

Today is Halloween, a "spooky" month that is a pretty cool thing for when you are young. Halloween is a cool concept tho, if you're young, you basically dress up as something like your favorite character and go with your friends to houses to get candy. I still remember my costumes like the swat team, a ninja, and even a godzilla suit back in the day, but those days were when I was young and innocent. And now, those days are over for me, and it's starting to get close to the real world, growing up.

Unfortunately, I won't be doing Halloween this year, as I didn't do it last year, mainly because I feel that I've grown a lil too old for it. Also, as much as I wanna do Halloween, growing up made me feel somewhat paranoid around my surroundings. I'm not paranoid because I'm afraid someone will kidnap me or I might lose my group/family, I've just and starting to get paranoia for no reason. Oh well, best thing I can do is reminisce the past and live the future now.

Also, sorry for the lack of posts from me, I keep forgetting this as well as have problems in real life. With my paranoia, it makes me forget really easily because I'm too focused on something that's, let's say the future. Because it won't be "Boo hoo, spooky scary skeletons, enjoy your candy", I feel it might be terrible if I don't get myself together. Also, I think I got medical problems as I keep losing balance, we went to the doctor for that and it's still happening. I know this post turned dark, but it is what it is, I just feel like I needed to vent, but other than that, hope yall have a happy halloween!

Sincerely, Kodoku.

[derealfeelz]

Skill Trades Trip  (Kodoku’s Lilacs, The Life of a Flowstar, No. 152)

Yesterday, I went on my second school trip of the year, and it was to see what professions there are. Now you probably imagine that there would be something for me that I like there, like photography, or pretty much any other job that I might like. Turns out, that really wasn't the case for me, and it confuses me because there's just so many things I can apply for, yet I'm just clueless on what to pick. I wish there was something photography related, or at least something with cameras, because pretty much, that's the only thing I'm really passionate in. If photography doesn't work, fuck it, I'll just work at my local store for the rest of my life lol (I kinda am serious about that tho, Idk what else to really do)

Day did get better tho because we went to get some fast food to eat, only then it kinda was triggering my anxiety, mostly because I don't be around this much people, especially with my parents, who aren't present. It's alright tho, the food was good and I was with my friends, so it worked out in a way. They talked about stuff like Sea Of Thieves, while I just kept quiet eating my food because Idk how to contribute in that conversation lol.

After that, we went to the park, and that made the mood a hella lot better, considering I don't exactly go to parks. I haven't went to a park for so long, it's literally been years since I even rode a swing, it was kinda nostalgic since I remember going to a park at previous places I lived in. We were just having fun with snapchat filters too lol, there's this AI filter that can generate a frame into a cartoon like look. Some were cool and some were weird, all us boys are weird, but I guess that's High School for you.

Would I go again if I wanted to? Probably if I knew there would be something photography related, I kinda knew the unfortunate would've happened, but better to find out than never. At the end of the day, we're all growing up, and we're still kids now, so I appreciated going to the park. Hopefully soon tho, I'll find something that I like, I'll still consider stocking boxes at a store tho lol. Until then, have a good one!

Sincerely, Kodoku.

[derealfeelz]

What I Think Of Tumblr (Kodoku’s Lilacs, The Life of a Flowstar, No. 151)

Tumblr seems like a nice social media app to be on, ngl. I don't go on it that much, other than to write these, but when I do, I think it has some nice aesthetics that fit my taste. The type of aesthetic I'm a big fan of is the vaporwave type, with the fiji water and the windows xp aesthetics in the most part. I'm not sure why, but I've seem to have a big attachment to that certain visual, especially the fiji ones, they make it so interesting to look at.

If I wanna be honest, maybe it's the lack of going on this app, but I don't really know what to say about it other than it's got a nice environment for aesthetics, and they have an option to write blogs, so I can write these. I know I've been into photography, but I just seem to lost interest in this app overall, and there's nothing wrong with that, considering that this blog is about my life (It could be the current *sadboy* mood saying that). I do appreciate venting and sharing my moments on here and I hope to share more, I wanna do what was intended for this. But yeah, I think Tumblr is interesting in its ways, especially with its aesthetics and all. Anyways, I hope yall have a goodnight!

Sincerely, Kodoku.

[derealfeelz]

Hats and Beanies (Kodoku’s Lilacs, The Life of a Flowstar, No. 150)

If you know me personally, there's a good chance you'd see me wear a hat outside of school, especially when it's black and orange. The hat I wear is a Yankees hat with the body black and the rest orange, cause since my mom likes the baseball team, I'd figured why not? Also, I like the combination of black and orange, I just feel that they blend in so well together. I mean, look at BO3's main menu, you're telling me that the colors don't go so well together?

Anyways, let's talk about beanies cause they're sometimes nice to wear too. It'd be a rare chance that you would see me wear one in public, but I like to wear them after cleaning myself. I think they're comfortable to wear, they feel nice when my hair is wet imo, and they sometimes help me sleep a little better. Fun fact: I'm actually wearing a beanie right now as of writing this lol.

In my opinion, I like both a beanie and a hat, it just depends on the mood. I like the beanie because it's a nice feel for laying down, and I like the hat because I think it makes me look cool outside. I wish I could wear the hat to school tho, but I'd have to wait every monday, plus I gotta pay a dollar, and I'm only there for like 3 hours so no point lol. Oh well, hope yall enjoy yalls stuff, I'm gonna try and be on date with these posts again. Peace!

Sincerely, Kodoku.

[derealfeelz]

Out Of Juice Again (Kodoku’s Lilacs, The Life of a Flowstar, No. 149)

So I just looked up how many days it has been since my birthday and I'm six days behind lol. I didn't think I would be this behind, considering I've been putting so much work into doing these. I wish ideas were fast enough to appear, I still remember last night where an idea would just not pop up for some reason, so that's my excuse. I still wanna try and reach 366 days, but it sucks that I can't do one everyday like my goal. Oh well, hopefully I still can do it and I hope yall have a good day.

Sincerely, Kodoku.

[derealfeelz]

New FNAF Movie (Kodoku’s Lilacs, The Life of a Flowstar, No. 148)

So I'm pretty sure I've talked about FNAF itself before when I was talking about nostalgia. When I brought my Toy Freddy to school to play with my friends with their plushies, that's almost a decade ago when we did that, and now I'm in 12th. I still remember playing the demos on my tablet as that was the closest thing to playing the game (I didn't know pirating and I damn sure ain't doing it now lol). But the biggest memory I had was watching YouTubers play it, that's the biggest thing I remembr FNAF for.

Recently, they have a movie that's coming out really soon, and I'm not sure if I should see it or not. It has been almost a decade since the game was a thing, and I've had many, many different interests since, but it'd be nice to revisit something that I enjoyed as a child in a different manner. I hope the movie's gonna be good, they've been teasing it since (I think) the beginning of the year, it looks nice. I haven't watched the trailers really, just seen sneak peaks, but I wonder if they make reference to the purple guy, or even have Golden Freddy appear? I'm still sad to hear the news that apparently, Markiplier was gonna be on there but couldn't due to something else in the way, something like that.

Might as well use that to spend the final days of my childhood, especially when it was apart of it. I still wonder where the Toy Freddy plush I had went, it disappeared about a year ago somehow and I can't find it. Nevertheless, if the movie ain't good, it's whatever, I still would like to see in movie form anyway because life's short, might as well, you know. Let's hope the movie's good and even then, it'll be nice to see Freddy again. Until then, goodnight!

Sincerely, Kodoku.

[derealfeelz]

1st Semester Update (Kodoku’s Lilacs, The Life of a Flowstar, No. 147)

Wow, not gonna lie, I still feel like I'm at the 30th post or something like that, it doesn't feel like I'm close to 100 posts lol. I wonder what that feeling is called, I can't think of the name, I guess it's just some sort of nostalgia I'm going through. It's kinda scary too cause what if I turn into an adult and I still think I can sit around like how I am now? I better not be too lazy as an adult lol, I've heard that majority of males are lazy asf, I'll make sure to do what it means to survive in the financial, political world. Anyways, onto the post.

I think the first semester went very well, I've been chilling with my bros in class and I've been in a good status! I'm in a much comfortable situation where I feel I can manage easily, especially since it's only 3 classes. Overall, I think my 3rd period class is the most useful since it does have financial shit on it, telling us about how much money we make and we calculate it up. It kinda sucks that I don't really meet new people my age tho, there's really one kid that's new and she's cool, but I still got my bros at the end of the day.

My parents were right when they said that this was going to be the easiest grade of my entirety of school. I still wish I could've gotten photography class, but I'd be required to be sitting in school for all day, and I ain't interested in that lol. I much rather take my chance to be home, living as a child the last time because that's the best thing I can do. But yeah, everything is going well, and I hope it does next semester. Until then, have a good day!

Sincerely, Kodoku.

[derealfeelz]

More MW3 Fun (Kodoku’s Lilacs, The Life of a Flowstar, No. 146)

So yeah, I had some more fun on the beta of the new COD. I actually hit a really sick clip today and I knew I had to show some of my friends. Basically, I was playing on that map that had apartments, and I had a shotgun whilst on a roof. I did a 360 and killed two guys, then killed a guy after and I thought it was so badass. Now it might sound average, but I don't hit clips that much and so that made feel a lil proud.

I'll admit, this is the most fun I've had with COD in a while. And that's coming from a zombies player, especially since I've played zombies like the majority of my life growing up, and I sucked at multiplayer then lol. I did play some MW2 multiplayer before, and I did have fun, so I might actually come back to COD, especially since I haven't played Fortnite in like a month or two now. Oh well, hopefully the beta is open tomorrow, and I hope yall have a good day now!

Sincerely, Kodoku.

[derealfeelz]

MW3 Beta Fun (Kodoku’s Lilacs, The Life of a Flowstar, No. 145)

So yesterday, I played me some MW3 beta since it was available for free! Apparently, according to a friend of mine, the developers delayed it because there was some glitch spots or something like that, basically listening to the fanbase. If that's true, then that's a stepup from the drama they gotten with lol. You see them adding fucking superheros to the game, this ain't that BO3 future shit lol.

Anyways, I had fun with the game and I played a couple gamemodes on there that I don't usually play. It feels like the typical COD multiplayer, but since I haven't played in a while, it felt nice doing so. From my experience, I feel it's not too different from MW2, especially with certain maps, but I can see some differences. I certainly didn't like them flying drone grenades or whatever they were lol, they too OP.

Would I buy the full game when it comes out? Most likely no, but I might come back to playing MW2 because it feels relieving playing games, especially when I basically been taking a break from Fortnite, it's been like a month since I played a battle royale match. I ain't playing Warzone tho, it's too stressing for me to really want to play it. Oh well, hope yall have a good morning, make sure to get lit on COD soon!

Sincerely, Kodoku.

[derealfeelz]

New Earbuds (Kodoku’s Lilacs, The Life of a Flowstar, No. 144)

So if you know me, you'd know that I love listening to music anywhere, including on my way to school. In order for me to listen to the stuff I want without being distracting, I got some earbuds months ago, and they're a life saver. Whenever I listen to something whilst outside my house, they help calm my anxiety and make me feel a lil more than outside my home. They help me feel like I am in the world, sometimes even outside the world, they're just something else.

Yesterday, I was gonna do the same thing, I brought my earbuds with me, and as I was gonna sit in my moms car on my way to school, I accidentally dropped my right earbud into a spot where I can't reach or see. I tried like an hour after getting out of school to reach it and it just won't reach, it somehow disappeared. I didn't let it distract me that much, I took a nap after that because I know I still have headphones for my computer.

When I woke up after my nap, it turns out my stepdad bought me some new earbuds, and I am grateful for that. The only unfortunate thing is that the earbuds came with a new voice when pairing, but I'll get used to it as there's nothing different. Hopefully I don't lose these ones now as they cost like $11, even having a $5 discount. Oh well, hope yall have a good day, listen to some vibes if you need to!

Sincerely, Kodoku.

[derealfeelz]

Plans On MW3 Open Beta (Kodoku’s Lilacs, The Life of a Flowstar, No. 143)

So today, I was gonna play on the open beta of the newest COD since a few of my friends were playing it. What I didn't realize was that I was a lil too late today, as open beta was closed when I attempted to get on. It's strange too because the date for open beta was 10/8 to 10/10, and I thought it would've been open then.

I most likely won't get the full game itself, but I heard that there's gonna be zombies on there. If you know me, then you would've known that I'm a very big zombies fan, it's really the only game mode I play when I launch COD. Hopefully there will be an open beta for the mode next time that comes around, it looks similar to Cold War tho and I felt bored playing that. Maybe it'll feel different, I doubt that, but I guess we'll have to see Until then, have a goodnight!

Sincerely, Kodoku.