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dirtdoesntneedluck · 5 years

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Second Futurama Script

I wrote a script for an episode of Futurama a couple month’s back, inspired by writing that first one I started a second, got stuck on where to go and have only a few weeks back finished it off. I don’t think it’s as good as the first (I don’t know if either are that good, but still) however I thought I’d share it regardless. Feel free to criticize it, all opinions are welcome, as long as it’s not a personal attack then I’m fine with it, we all have opinions on episodes of the actual show, so why should this be different?

Be warned, it’s 30 pages on Word so it’s a long read, it’s your choice, you don’t have to. For reference: Italics are description, bold is who’s talking, normal is dialogue, (Under name is the way the line is delivered).

(Disclaimer: I obviously don’t own the rights to Futurama, this is a non-profit idea and simply a writing exercise to keep me amused, so I believe it falls within fair use, please don’t sue! If you want me to take it down, I will.)

OPENING CREDITS

CAPTION: (Typing onto the screen) HELP! THEY CAUGH- (Previous text is deleted, replaced by-) NOTHING TO READ HERE. CARRY ON.

BILLBOARD CARTOON: ‘The Laughing Fish’ from ‘Batman: The Animated Series’.

EXT. PLANET EXPRESS – DAY

Low shot on the building as several ships fly overhead.

INT. LOUNGE, PLANET EXPRESS – SAME TIME

The crew, minus Farnsworth, are sat watching the TV, but not really paying attention as they do other things

ON THE TV: Morbo and Linda present the news.

MORBO

-Sending prices skyrocketing again.

LINDA

(laughs)

I’m just glad I’m rich.

(pause)

Turning to more serious news and the late night robbery of a liquor store by a swarthy Latin bandit.

Everyone perks up and turns to Bender, who shrugs.

BENDER

Nope, wasn’t me.

They’re still staring.

BENDER

What? I can’t commit every robbery. I have a lot of scams to run.

Farnsworth enters. Fry turns off the TV.

FARNSWORTH

(happy)

Horrifying and terrible news everyone! We’re all certain to be killed!

The crew cheer, it takes them a few moments to separate the tone from the words.

LEELA

Wait a second, what do you mean killed?

FARNSWORTH

That’s right, killed.

FRY

Well, I can’t complain, I did live a thousand years.

FARNSWORTH

Alternatively however it may simply be-

(happy)

Good news everybody!

(normal)

And no one will be killed at all.

Bender tuts, half way through engraving a headstone, it reads: ZOIDBERG, FISH MONSTER, UNBELOVED BY ALL.

BENDER

Make your mind up, which is it?

FARNSWORTH

It all depends on the success, or lack thereof, of your latest mission. A delivery to the warring planets of Alpha-Zeta and Beta-Omega. Two delightful little places located in the cheerfully named ‘Murder Zone’.

FRY

What bit am I supposed to understand here?

FARNSWORTH

Only that they exist a mere 100 miles apart and have been fighting over a perceived slight perhaps committed by one, or the other of them, sometime in the past. No ship has ever gone directly between the two planets, as anyone having been to either is labelled a threat by both. Luckily, however, I’ve prepared disguises for you and the ship so you can blend in on both planets.

FRY

Cool, disguises, I understood that part. Can I be a pirate?

FARNSWORTH

No.

LEELA

What are we delivering?

FARNSWORTH

Both planets are being delivered the same items, parts for there large manufacturing plants. So it’s vitally important you don’t give them the wrong package, otherwise you’ll be killed on the spot.

LEELA

(confused)

Okay?

AMY

Wait, I thought you said we’d all be killed?

FARNSWORTH

No, only Fry, Leela and Bender will be killed.

HERMES

So what about us?

FARNSWORTH

We’re all going to take Nibbler for a walk, get ice-cream and have a generally pleasant time.

Amy, Zoidberg and Hermes cheer as they exit the room with Nibbler and Farnsworth. Fry, Leela and Bender sit, annoyed.

BENDER

Well this sucks.

They continue to sit. Farnsworth pops his head back in.

FARNSWORTH

Well, what are you waiting for? I’m not paying you not to be killed.

EXT. PLANET EXPRESS SHIP – LATER

The ship idles a little way off from the twin planets of Alpha-Zeta (left) and Beta-Omega (right). A-Z seems to be covered in a thick smoke, where as B-O is incredibly clean, you can practical spot the people on the street.

INT. CARGO BAY, PLANET EXPRESS SHIP – SAME TIME

Leela, Bender and Fry stand in the middle of the room, between the sets of clothes and packages for both planets. A-Z’s are very old looking, like something from Victorian London. B-O’s look is ultra modern, all clean and sharp edges.

LEELA

Alright gang these are the disguises we’ll have to wear. Alpha-Zeta first then Beta-Omega.

Fry picks up a pair of trousers from B-O’s side, there baggy, the only item from there outfit which doesn’t seem to fit.

FRY

Look at these clothes, they sure are goofy.

LEELA

Fry, it’s not for us to judge what these people wear, besides they aren’t goofy, there just weird.

BENDER

(laughs)

Well, I’m just glad I don’t have to wear anything.

LEELA

Actually Bender, the professor said we had to re-spray you for both planets.

BENDER

(grumbles)

Fine.

Fry picks up a giant stencil and wraps it around Bender, Leela then uses spray paint to fill the gaps.

Completed the stencil comes off and Bender is now covered by a lot of light brown markings, he looks in a mirror.

BENDER

Well I still look better than you two do.

Leela and Fry have changed in the interim, it’s all drab grey’s and browns. Leela wears a flat cap that covers her hair and Fry has some raggedy fingerless gloves on. Both of them, despite the nature of there top half and shoes, are wearing very thin black trousers.

FRY

That’s for sure, this cotton is real rough.

Fry itches, quite uncomfortable.

LEELA (O.S)

Don’t forget your moustache, Fry.

Leela throws Fry and identical moustache to the one she’s wearing. It’s a thick brushed early 1900’s design.

FRY

What’s this for?

LEELA

The air quality down there stinks and so does the planet, these will help us to breathe and release a blast of strawberry every few minutes.

Fry has put his moustache on. Can smell strawberry’s.

FRY

Oh, nice.

LEELA

Bender you’ll-

Bender has already equipped a stick on handlebar moustache.

BENDER

Way ahead of ya.

LEELA

Alright, that just leaves the ship.

Leela press a button on the side of the hull, which...

EXT. PLANET EXPRESS SHIP – CONTINUOUS

...sees tiny little lights pop up out of the ship. They turn on creating a hologram. In this case the ship looks like a steam punk version of itself.

It heads towards A-Z.

EXT. SIDE STREET, A-Z – A LITTLE WHILE LATER

The ship carefully lands. The buildings here are made of stone and sit very close together. There longer than they are tall.

EXT. STREETS, A-Z – A FEW MINUTES LATER

Fry carries the package as he, Leela and Bender stride on. They seem to fit in well, aside from the trousers.

Smoke hangs just over head height. It means the residents of this planet, who are quite tall, have developed a forward lean, always looking down.

FRY

I’ve never seen so much smoke.

BENDER

Then some more won’t matter.

Bender lights his cigar and puffs out yet more smoke.

LEELA

Bender, you shouldn’t be revelling in the plight of these downtrodden people, you should be trying to help them.

BENDER

I don’t see you leading the charge.

LEELA

Hey, I give to charity you know.

FRY

You do? Which one?

LEELA

How should I know?

EXT. A-Z MANAFACTURING PLANT – A FEW MINUTES LATER

A large sign hangs above the plant: APLHA-ZETA MANUFACTURING CONCERN (NOT AFFILIATED WITH MOM CORP.). Only ‘not’ is in red whereas the rest of the words are in white.

Fry, Leela and Bender wander through the area until they reach the main door, it’s oddly short.

Leela presses the call button on the intercom.

LEELA

(male voice)

Planet Express.

Its a few seconds and then the door opens, they enter.

INT. CORRIDOR, A-Z MANAFACTURING PLANT – CONTINUOUS

Leela and Fry instantly have to lean forwards like the locals. The corridor is low because they’ve no need for the extra head space. All Bender has done is shorten his legs.

FRY

I think my spine just compressed.

LEELA

Mine too. Let’s get this over quick.

BENDER

(laughing)

You guys are always proving why your the infer-

Bender walks right into a low hanging light.

BENDER

Ow!

RECEPTION ROOM – MOMENTS LATER

The trio emerge into a slightly taller area. A woman sits behind a desk, is instantly suspicious of them.

RECEPTIONIST

You’re the delivery crew?

FRY

Sure are.

RECEPTIONIST

Right.

She’s unconvinced for some reason, exits the room into the office behind it.

LEELA

(low)

What’s that about?

BENDER

Fry, you idiot!

FRY

What?

BENDER

I dunno, do I need an excuse?

The receptionist returns, false smile on her face.

RECEPTIONIST

Please enter.

Leela leads Fry and Bender into the office.

OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

The office is again slightly taller. The height of a room here defines the occupant’s social standing.

The plant manager stands behind his desk. He watches as figures approach the frosted window that separates this room from the reception area.

PLANT MANAGER

So, you’re the delivery crew?

FRY

(slightly worried)

Sure are.

PLANT MANAGER

Uh huh.

Fry steps forwards and hands over the package.

PLANT MANAGER

(suspicious)

Let’s see, shall we?

The manager opens the package, is surprised to find it’s exactly what he wanted.

PLANT MANAGER

How about that. It’s what I asked for.

BENDER

Of course it is. What were you expecting?

Bender’s comment is ignored. The manager sinks to his desk and uses the phone, an old rotary model, talks very softly into it. The figures behind the frosted glass leave.

The manager gets back up.

PLANT MANAGER

Alright then, cheerio.

EXT. MANUFACTURING PLANT – A FEW MINUTES LATER

Fry, Leela and Bender walk out of the door and back into the smoke ridden area they were before. Bender extends his legs back to normal height.

LEELA

That was odd, right?

FRY

Definitely.

BENDER

They sure didn’t trust us.

LEELA

Maybe the professor was right. We’d better be careful.

They head back towards the ship, aware that there receiving a lot of attention.

EXT. PLANET EXPRESS SHIP – LATER

The ship fly’s from A-Z and stops a safe distance away. Off goes the first holographic design, replaced by the second, the ship now looks ultra modern, sleek and clean.

INT. CARGO BAY, PLANET EXPRESS SHIP – SAME TIME

Fry and Leela have changed outfits. Again, the trousers don’t seem to fit. As for their hair it’s pushed way up to a point, like a cone.

Bender is cleaned and then re-sprayed in the same manner as before. This time he looks a little like R2-D2.

EXT. METROPOLITAN CITY, B-O – A LITTLE LATER

The ship has no trouble landing, spaces are plentiful.

STREETS – LATER

Fry, Leela and Bender wander through the city. Its inhabitants are tall like their neighbours only they stand straight, making them almost eleven foot. It’s not only their height but their gaze, everyone looks up.

FRY

I wonder what it’s like being that tall?

Bender extends his legs up, reaching the height of the people around him. Its a few seconds before he comes back down, tear in his eye.

BENDER

It’s great.

LEELA

Did you see the building up there?

He extends again, comes down crying.

BENDER

Next left.

EXT. B-O MANUFACTURING PLANT – MINUTES LATER

This place is taller than any skyscraper on earth and it’s not even the biggest building here. It has almost the same sign to the first plant: BETA-OMEGA MANUFACTURING CONCERN (NOT AFFILIATED WITH MOM CORP.).

Leela, Fry and Bender approach the door. The intercom is too high for Leela to reach.

LEELA

Bender?

Bender lowers himself. Leela gets on his shoulders and then holds on as he extends his legs.

Fry is left alone for a few moments, can’t quite here the conversation but it’s the same as before.

Leela and Bender come back down hugging and crying.

LEELA

Fry, it’s great up there.

The door opens.

INT. CORRIDOR, MANUFACTURING PLANT – MOMENTS LATER

This plant doesn’t look like it needs any parts, it’s almost fully automated. The crew head down the huge corridor.

RECEPTION AREA – MOMENTS LATER

Fry, Leela and Bender enter. A male receptionist sits at his desk. Looks down his nose to see them.

MALE RECEPTIONIST

You’re the delivery crew?

The tone is the same as before, the crew share a look.

LEELA

Sure are.

MALE RECEPTIONIST

A moment.

The receptionist exits into the office behind.

LEELA

So-

FRY

Yeah-

BENDER

Right-

There on the same uneasy page as the receptionist re-emerges.

MALE RECEPTIONIST

Enter, please.

OFFICE – MOMENTS LATER

A very tall room. The manager sits at his desk to make it easier for him to inspect Fry, Leela and Bender.

MANAGER

Well, it seems you’re the delivery crew.

LEELA

(strong)

Sure are.

MANAGER

All right then.

Fry walks the package over. To the tall manager it’s very small. He opens it keenly, looks stunned.

MANAGER

The supplies?

BENDER

(to Fry and Leela)

Jeez, what do these people think there getting?

MANAGER

If you’d stay there a moment.

It’s a nervous few moments as they wait. The manager speaks hush tones into the phone.

The doors open, two security guards enter. The trio gulp.

EXT. PLANET EXPRESS SHIP – LATER

The ship, normal livery, heads away from the two planets.

INT. COCKPIT, PLANET EXPRESS SHIP – SAME TIME

The cork of a champagne bottle is popped. Leela pours the drink into three separate glasses. She takes one, Fry and Bender the others. They wear two medals each, clean gold and dirty bronze.

LEELA

Heroes! Can you believe it!?

FRY

I knew that psychic wasn’t lying!

BENDER

Yet another achievement for me to add to the list.

They clink glasses, down the champagne.

Leela picks up a copy of the B-O paper, the headline reads: PACKAGE DELIVERY COMPANY DELIVERS PEACE BETWEEN PLANETS. The picture is of the crew standing with the leaders of the planets A-Z and B-O, who shake hands.

LEELA

I can’t wait until everyone knows!

FRY

Finally I can make my nephew proud of me.

BENDER

This calls for only one thing.

Fry and Leela wait to know what that is. Bender opens his compartment and takes out two more bottles of champagne.

BENDER

MORE CHAMPAGNE!

Bender shakes both bottles until the corks pop and the champagne flies out.

INT. OFFICE, MOM CORP. – LATER THAT DAY

A robot butler pours more champagne into Mom’s glass. She soaks in a bubble bath, watching a TV the size of a cinema screen. On her left is a case of dodo eggs, she picks one out, dips it in caviar and then eats it like an apple.

ON THE TV: Morbo and Linda are reporting the news.

MORBO

Surprising news just coming in from the ‘Murder Zone’, Linda?

MOM

I feel richer already.

Single on Linda, the picture from the paper beside her.

LINDA

That’s right, Morbo. It seems a package delivery crew has brokered a peace deal between warring planet’s Alpha-Zeta and Beta-Omega. This has-

MOM

(screaming)

WALT! GET ME FARNSWORTH!

WALT (O.S)

Philo or Hubert?

MOM

HUBERT!!

EXT. PLANET EXPRESS – THE NEXT DAY

The ship arrives rather sloppily into dock.

INT. LANDING BAY, PLANET EXPRESS – MOMENTS LATER

Noise can be heard before the crew comes down the stairs. All three are drunk. Eight bottles of champagne will do that to a person. Their arrival is something of a farce.

When they do focus, slightly, they find a furious Farnsworth standing waiting for them.

FRY

Good news, professor?

FARNSWORTH

No, not good news at all. The opposite in fact. Bad news.

LEELA

(laughing)

Bad news everyone?

FARNSWORTH

Yes. You’re all fired.

That sobered them a little.

BENDER

Fired?

Mom enters, bucket of water in each hand.

MOM

FIRED!

She throws the water over Fry, Leela and Bender.

READY AREA – LATER

Leela and Fry are still soaking, though drying off with towels. They sit with Bender as Mom strides angrily around the room. Farnsworth watches on.

MOM

What exactly did you numbskulls do to broker peace?

FRY

Nothing, we just delivered a package to each planet.

MOM

Nonsense, you must have done more than that?

LEELA

No, we really didn’t.

MOM

Hubert! What did you tell them to do?

FARNSWORTH

Nothing.

Mom picks up the B-O paper, rolls it to hit Farnsworth with. Unfurls it to show him to front again.

MOM

This isn’t nothing!

Farnsworth looks at the picture. With Mom stressing him he really pays attention. Something clicks.

FARNSWORTH

Which planet did you go to second?

LEELA

Beta-Omega.

FARNSWORTH

(of picture)

And this is what you wore to it?

LEELA

Yes?

FARNSWORTH

God lord! You were wearing the trousers for Alpha-Zeta on Beta-Omega!

FRY

That’s how they were laid out?

FARNSWORTH

It was?

LEELA

Yes.

FARNSWORTH

My word. With you wearing the wrong trousers on each planet, they both must have thought you were ambassadors from the other. The resulting niceness fostered an atmosphere of peace between them.

MOM

Destroying my manufacturing concerns on both.

FRY

Don’t you make, like, a billion dollars a minute anyway?

MOM

Not since you screwed everything up I don’t!

BENDER

Then just start another scam. I’ve got a great one going with-

Mom takes out a remote, points it at Bender, presses a button to shock him.

MOM

Enough!

LEELA

What exactly do you want from us?

MOM

To re-start that war!

LEELA

And why would we do that? Both planets are going to be much better off without it.

Mom shocks Bender again.

BENDER

Shut up, Leela!

MOM

You’re going to do it because if you don’t I’ll not only destroy this company but the lives of everyone who works here!

FRY

(shocked)

Even Scruffy?

MOM

Especially Scruffy.

Scruffy, who’s been stood just out of shot the whole time, looks very concerned.

SCRUFFY

I reckon you kids better go cause war.

He wanders off.

MOM

You have three days. Starting from two days ago.

FRY

(confused)

So we have?

MOM

ONE DAY, IDIOT!

Mom storms off.

FARNSWORTH

Okay, you heard the mean lady.

MOM (O.S)

AND SHE HEARD YOU!

FARNSWORTH

I’d better be going.

Farnsworth scurries away.

INT. FRY AND BENDER’S PLACE – LATER

Leela paces up and down the room. Fry sits nervously beside a far calmer Bender, who sips a beer.

LEELA

We are catastrophically boned.

FRY

Got that right, I don’t want to start a war.

BENDER

Why not? Plenty of money to be made from war.

LEELA

No Bender, no wars.

BENDER

Just a little one?

LEELA

No.

BENDER

Fine. Then I’ll guess we’ll just let Mom destroy our lives.

LEELA

We’re not doing that either.

FRY

Then what are we doing?

LEELA

I don’t know.

FRY

Why does Mom even want a war?

LEELA

That’s a good question. We should find out. She’s bound to have files we can steal.

BENDER

How? Mom has the best security out there?

FRY

It’d take some kind of thief to pull off that job.

BENDITO (O.S)

Perhaps I can help?

On a wire above them is BENDITO, a bending unit with a thin moustache and an eye patch covering a missing left eye. He drops down. He’s like a more suave Bender.

BENDER

Bendito! What are you doing here?

LEELA

Bender you know this bending unit?

BENDER

Are you kidding? Bendito’s my mortal enemy.

BENDITO

We’re also in the same book club.

FRY

Why are you here?

BENDITO

Bender scammed me. I came to even the score.

LEELA

Bender is this true?

BENDER

Do you even need to ask?

BENDITO

You cost me a grand total of three dollars.

From his compartment Bendito takes out the medals earned earlier.

BENDITO

These shall suffice as compensation.

FRY

Hey, those are my medals!

BENDITO

I found them in Bender’s room?

LEELA

Bender you stol-

(thinks about it)

Of course you did.

BENDITO

(handing medals to Fry)

My apologies.

BENDER

So, you gonna help us break into Mom Corp.?

BENDITO

Why should I?

BENDER

It’ll be fun.

BENDITO

I’ll do it.

INT. CAFE ACROSS FROM MOM CORP. – THAT NIGHT

Bender, Bendito, Fry and Leela occupy a window booth that looks out towards Mom’s. They plot the potential heist.

BENDITO

According to my source-

BENDER

“Source”? You mean the robot mafia?

BENDITO

(sighs)

Yes. The robot mafia.

(starting again)

According to them the system installed in the offices works on facial recognition. If we can fool them, by dressing up as Mom and her sons we’ll have a small window to hack the computer.

LEELA

How do we get in?

BENDITO

According to a different source-

BENDER

Elzar? Is it Elzar? Sometimes Elzar cooks there, you’re talking about Elzar, right? I know you know Elzar.

BENDITO

(louder sigh)

Yes, Bender. Elzar, I talked to Elzar! Any other questions?

The waitress passes by.

WAITRESS

Refill?

BENDITO

No.

A robot in the next booth turns round.

RANDOM ROBOT

What’s two times three?

BENDITO

Six.

FRY

Why does a robot need an eye patch, can’t you just replace your eye?

BENDITO

It’s a style choice.

(pauses waiting for more questions)

Any more questions?

BENDER

We’ll ask the questions here.

BENDITO

(even louder sigh)

Anyway. Elzar says there’s an express elevator exclusive to Mom. If we can convince the operator that Leela is Mom we can gain access to the penthouse.

FRY

I wanted to be Mom.

BENDITO

Leela is Mom. Bender is Larry. I’ll play Walt and Fry you’ll be Igner.

FRY

Igner?

BENDER

Larry?

LEELA

Fine with me.

BENDITO

Then it’s settled.

EXT. MOM CORP. – A LITTLE LATER

The group are now dressed as there respective characters. Leela wears sunglasses to cover her eye. Bender and Bendito are very obviously robots. Fry actually looks like Igner.

BENDER

At least if we get caught we’ll have funny mug shots.

FRY

There’s a relief.

LEELA

Will you two shut up?

BENDER

Someone’s already in character.

LEELA

What do you mean?

BENDER

Nothing, ‘Mom’.

They enter the building.

INT. FOYER, MOM CORP. – CONTINUOUS

This place is a lot busier then they were expecting. They walk as quickly as possible to the back and the waiting lift. A robot in a suit operates it.

LIFT ROBOT

Back already, Mom?

There are quick glances between each other, they’ve totally forgot to check if Mom was even out. Leela reacts fast.

LEELA

(sweet Mom)

Oh yes, uh, deary, we forgot the candies.

LIFT ROBOT

You and those candies.

The robot moves to let them into the lift, joins them.

LIFT

The doors shut. The five of them are closed in without the chance of escape, a most dangerous time. This is tempered somewhat by Bender whispering something about Leela being like Mom to Fry and Bendito, they chuckle to themselves.

Something else is said, the chuckles become laughs. Leela becomes annoyed. Turns.

LEELA

(mean Mom)

Will you knuckleheads knock that off?

Leela swings a slap that connects on the cheek of all three of them. Is oddly satisfied by it.

She turns back to see the Lift Robot minding his business.

LEELA

(sweet Mom)

Boy’s need discipline is what I always say.

LIFT ROBOT

Yes, Mom.

PENTHOUSE – MOMENTS LATER

The lift opens. All bar the lift robot flood out.

LEELA

(sweet Mom)

We’ll be but a minute.

The lift door shuts. Now they’re in the clear.

FRY

So, ouch.

LEELA

I’m starting to like being Mom.

BENDER

Already got the mood swings down.

He laughs, gets slapped by Leela.

BENDER

See?

She slaps him again.

OFFICE – A MINUTE LATER

The group are in the office. Bendito searches the computer without success. Fry watches the wall of security screens.

BENDITO

Nothing yet.

LEELA

Hurry up, who knows when she’ll be back.

Leela looks around, nervous, spots Bender rifling through a filing cabinet.

LEELA

Bender, what are you doing?

BENDER

I was trying to find my warranty but all I keep coming up with are replies to letters.

LEELA

Which letters?

She walks over and picks out a letter, it’s from Alpha-Zeta, dated a hundred years ago. She finds a different one, Beta-Omega, again, a hundred years old.

LEELA

Praise to Athena. These are replies from the two planets. Mom must have sent letters to them and started the war. We could expose her totally with these. Good work, Bender.

BENDER

Even when I not trying I’m a genius.

FRY

Hey look, it’s the people we’re dressed as.

ON A SECURITY SCREEN: Mom and her sons approach the lift.

BENDER

We gotta cheese it.

LEELA

How, we’re on the top floor?

FRY

Bendito-

They turn to find Bendito has left the office already.

PENTHOUSE

Fry, Leela and Bender emerge from the office to find Bendito slowly opening one of the windows. He turns, caught.

BENDITO

Oh, hi.

(pause)

So I can explain.

MOM (O.S)

Can you?

Exiting the lift are Mom, Larry, Igner and Walt.

MOM

(to Leela)

Well, well, it’s like looking in an ugly, one eyed mirror.

BENDITO

(taking offence)

How dare you.

MOM

Quiet, Bendito.

LEELA

It’s over Mom. We found the letters.

MOM

So I started a war so each side would buy equipment from me, who gives a crap? I’ve seen war start for a lot less.

(laughs)

How exactly are you going to leave with those letters anyway?

Fry, Leela and Bender look to one another, they have no idea. Leela catches Bendito edging towards the open window, spots his escape plan, a good old fashioned rope.

LEELA

I think the real question is. How are you going to catch us?

Leela rushes Fry and Bender to the window, together with a late reacting Bendito they grab the rope and begin to slide down it.

CUT BETWEEN PENTHOUSE AND EXT. MOM CORP.

Everyone is sliding down the rope at pace, but the building is huge, there not even a quarter way down.

FRY

(getting rope burn)

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

Mom looks down from the window at them.

MOM

Idiots.

She unties the rope. It slackens.

LEELA

Um, guys.

Everyone looks as the rope passes them by.

FRY

That’s bad, right?

Everyone bar Leela starts screaming, she has to think fast.

LEELA

Everyone grab on to my legs.

They do. Leela slips through the Mom dress, still wearing her normal clothes beneath, and grabs the bottom of each side of it. It catches the air and becomes a makeshift parachute.

Mom stares at them as they float away.

MOM

What the crap? I didn’t know I could do that?

EXT. SKY – CONTINUOUS

Leela is barely clinging on to the dress, she’s being weighed down too much, it’s starting to affect the altitude.

LEELA

We’re too heavy.

FRY

(offended)

What are you trying to say?

BENDER

Wait, I have an idea.

Bender spots the roof of a building coming up. He kicks Bendito off of Leela’s leg. He drops.

BENDITO

(falling)

See you Thursday.

Bendito lands with a thud on the roof. The gang laugh as they begin to gain altitude.

EXT. PLANET EXPRESS – DAY

We whip around the building.

INT. LOUNGE, PLANET EXPRESS – SAME TIME

The whole crew sit around watching the news on TV.

MORBO

Mom stock took a dip today as letters emerged showing her to have set the war between Alpha-Zeta and Beta-Omega in motion almost a hundred years ago. However Mom stock trebled in value just hours later when war broke out between Sigma-Epsilon and Kappa-Tau.

Leela turns off the TV, disgusted.

LEELA

Typical, we stop one war just to cause another.

FRY

But at least it’s not the same war, right?

BENDER

The important thing is it’s not happening here.

FRY

Amen.

LEELA

Ugh.

CUT TO CREDITS

#Futurama #Not tall or wide

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dirtdoesntneedluck · 6 years

Text

Futurama Script

So as I previously mentioned I wrote a script for an episode of Futurama. I was supposed to post it when I posted my Simpsons script but one thing and another has prevented my doing so. Anywho I thought I’d put it up now rather than watch it sit in one of my folders. Feel free to criticize it, all opinions are welcome, as long as it’s not a personal attack then I’m fine with it, we all have opinions on episodes of the actual show, so why should this be different?

Be warned, it’s 23 pages on Word so it’s a long read, it’s your choice, you don’t have to. For reference: Italics are description, bold is who’s talking, normal is dialogue, (Under name is the way the line is delivered).

OPENING CREDITS

CAPTION: Sponsored by Antarctic Heights apartments. “They’re Going Fast!”

BILLBOARD CARTOON: ‘Itchy the Lucky Mouse in Manhattan Madness’ By Chester J. Lampwick (From ‘The Simpsons’ episode ‘The Day the Violence Died’.)

EXT. MYSTERY NEBULA

The Planet Express ship blasts away from a world orbited by two suns. The crew have just delivered a package there.

INT. COCKPIT, PLANET EXPRESS SHIP – SAME TIME

Leela inputs some coordinates and sets the ship to auto-pilot.

LEELA

Alright, let’s review our mission.

She turns round to find Fry and Bender playing snakes and ladders on the floor. Fry is four moves from the finish and two from a snake that would take him back to the start, Bender is way further back.

LEELA

(sighs)

Why is it that I’m the only one who seems to care about the jobs we’re supposed to be doing?

Fry turns around to address Leela. Whilst he talks Bender switches the normal dice to loaded ones.

FRY

Oh, I care but I just need one roll to win.

BENDER

Yeah just let him roll.

Bender laughs to himself. Fry picks up the dice.

LEELA

Alright, one roll.

Fry rolls the dice. They skip across the board and fall onto snake eyes.

BENDER

All-

The ship jumps, the dice hop and land on two’s.

FRY

Yay!

He moves the piece to the end of the board, winning.

BENDER

No fair, the universe cheated me, I want a redo.

LEELA

No redo’s, just re-views.

Leela presses a button on the ships ceiling, down comes a virtual whiteboard.

The board states: DID WE DELIVER THE PACKAGE? DID WE DO IT SAFELY? WERE THERE ANY PROBLEMS?

Bender and Fry have moved over to the whiteboard.

LEELA

Did we deliver the package?

FRY

Sure did.

LEELA

Did we do it safely?

BENDER

If you don’t count that hitchhiker we hit.

LEELA

I wouldn’t count that. Were there any problems?

FRY

No.

LEELA

Huh, we delivered a package without incident. That seems unlikely.

FRY

I’ll say, usually I break the thing before we deliver it.

BENDER

Or we end up giving it to the wrong person.

LEELA

Well, I suppose there must be more unlikely things.

FRY

Like that.

Fry points out the window to a flash of brilliant light.

EXT. MYSTERY NEBULA

The Planet Express Ship blasts towards a world orbited by two suns. The crew are heading there to deliver a package.

INT. COCKPIT, PLANET EXPRESS SHIP

Leela punches in the coordinates, sets the ship to auto-pilot.

LEELA

We should be there in five minutes. Are we ready?

She turns to find Bender and Fry on the floor playing checkers. Fry only has one piece left. Bender has all his.

FRY

Yeah, we’re ready.

LEELA

It looks like you’re playing games. I’d like us to go over the mission before we land. It’d be nice if nothing went wrong.

FRY

Yeah but what are the odds of that?

BENDER

Nine million and twelve to one, the same odds as you winning this game.

The ship skips knocking the pieces around the board, lining them up perfectly for Fry to win.

FRY

Alright!

Fry jumps the all Bender’s pieces and wins. Bender fumes.

BENDER

Stupid predestination.

EXT. PLANET WITH TWO SUNS

The ship slowly glides down onto a platform, the platform then lowers into a building.

INT. CARGO HOLD, PLANET EXPRESS SHIP

Fry and Leela have put on there space suits. Bender holds the package.

LEELA

Okay, we don’t know what to expect, so expect the unexpected.

FRY

What’s that?

LEELA

How should I know?

INT. LANDING AREA – CONTINUOUS

The cargo hold lowers. Fry, Bender and Leela wander out into the vast empty room.

BENDER

No one’s home, so we can go, right?

VOICE (O.S)

Wrong.

Bender recoils. Leela steps up.

LEELA

Who’s there?

A female entity, VOICE, materializes, stands just in front of the cargo hold.

VOICE

Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. It took our systems a moment to recognize your species.

LEELA

Oh, okay.

VOICE

You can take off your gear, we have simulated oxygen here.

Bender instantly lights a cigar.

BENDER

Way ahead of ya baby.

INT. LONG CORRIDOR

Fry and Leela have returned to there normal outfits. They and Bender follow Voice down a corridor.

FRY

So what is this place?

VOICE

From here we control time and space.

Leela scoffs.

LEELA

You control time and space from here?

VOICE

Look up.

Leela looks up, on the ceiling is written: YES.

LEELA

Impressive.

FRY

Do something else cool!

A cream pie flies from the wall and hits Fry in the face. Bender laughs.

The sprinklers come on, soak Bender’s cigar out.

BENDER

Aww crap.

LEELA

Wait, if you know what we would do, how come you didn’t know what we looked like?

VOICE

The universe is 1’s and 0’s, not pictures, let me show you.

A door appears in the wall, opens, everyone enters.

INT. UNIVERSE ROOM – CONTINUOUS

The universe room consists of a massive screen, showing only 1’s and 0’s, and an old looking computer tower, it only has a floppy disk slot.

VOICE

This is the entire universe. Past and future.

FRY

What about the present?

VOICE

The present doesn’t exist, only the past and future.

LEELA

So we’ve already done this?

VOICE

Several million times.

BENDER

Well I bet you didn’t know I’d do this!

Bender reaches into his chest compartment and pulls out, to his surprise, a note.

BENDER

What the?

The note says: I OWE YOU ONE TRUMPET. Bender screws up the note and throws it away.

LEELA

Bender, how about you just give me the package instead?

BENDER

Fine.

Bender takes the package from his compartment, hands it over to Leela, who hands it to Voice.

FRY

That’s our job done.

Voice opens the package, which contains a floppy disk.

VOICE

Would you like to see the future before you go?

Fry checks his watch, shrugs.

FRY

Nah.

LEELA

We may as well. We have nothing better to do.

FRY

Alright then.

Voice inserts the floppy. A flash of brilliant light.

EXT. PLANET EXPRESS

The roof splits, the Planet Express Ship lands inside.

INT. LANDING BAY, PLANET EXPRESS

Fry, Leela and Bender exit the ship, with food in hand.

LEELA

Look Fry, it just won’t happen.

FRY

Tell me one good reason why.

LEELA

I’ll give you two, one, it was cancelled a thousand years ago and two, apart from you no one else has heard of it.

BENDER

And now us.

FRY

Well, I’m still going to start a petition.

READY AREA – LATER

Fry and Bender are playing Scrabble, on the board is: BITE, MY, SHINY, METAL, ASS.

Leela enters.

LEELA

(to Fry)

How’s the petition going?

BENDER

I wasn’t going to start a petition.

FRY

Yeah, leave Bender alone.

Leela rolls her eyes.

LEELA

Nevermind.

She looks in the fridge for something to eat. Professor Farnsworth enters.

FARNSWORTH

Good, you’re all here.

LEELA

What about the others?

FARNSWORTH

What others? Who are you talking about?

Leela huffs, forgets about the fridge.

FARNSWORTH

Anyway, whoever you are, you need to deliver a package to a planet in the ‘Mystery Nebula’.

BENDER

What’s so mysterious about this nebula?

FARNSWORTH

It’s a mystery dummy, that’s what!

FRY

This isn’t going to be like when we went to the fire planet and nearly froze to death is it?

LEELA

Or our trip to the ’Danger Zone’ when we got free ice cream.

FARNSWORTH

How should I know? It’s the mystery zone, a zone of infinite mystery!

(pause)

Anyway, the package is ready downstairs.

Fry, Bender and Leela look at one another as Farnsworth goes to leave but he stops short of the door, turns back.

FARNSWORTH

Remember, no one has ever come back from the Mystery nebula.

He leaves.

DIFFERENT TIME

Fry, Bender and Leela enter. Zoidberg, Amy, Hermes and Farnsworth are sat around the table.

LEELA

We’re back from the Mystery Nebula.

HERMES

Great turkey of Albuquerque, we sent you for food, we’re hungry!

ZOIDBERG

I haven’t eaten for three weeks.

LEELA

No, that was two days ago.

HERMES

Are you going to let Zoidberg starve because you can’t remember what day it is?

BENDER

I’m cool with that.

FRY

Now wait a second, Leela’s right, we did already do this. Amy you had a walrus burger.

AMY

Spleesh, no split, that’s what I ordered.

Farnsworth suddenly perks up.

FARNSWORTH

Did you say the Mystery Nebula? I told you never to go there!

LEELA

You were the one who told us to go there.

FARNSWORTH

I did? When did this happen?

LEELA

Given the information, in two days time.

FARNSWORTH

My God. You’ve seemingly stepped outside of the normal flow of time into an alternate timeline tangential to ours. This is very serious indeed.

BENDER

No it isn’t, c’mon Fry let’s go get drunk.

FARNSWORTH

No Bender! This isn’t something that can be solved by alcohol.

BENDER

(gasps)

No?

FARNSWORTH

This is something only solvable by-

INT. UNIVERSE ROOM – CONTINUOUS

Voice has just finished explaining the future to Fry, Leela and Bender.

FRY

Huh, so that’s the future, not bad.

VOICE

What about you Bender?

BENDER

Well, I was kinda hoping for more lottery numbers, eh, whatever.

Leela remains distinctly unimpressed.

VOICE

What’s wrong Leela, is it the eye infection you get?

LEELA

Though that is a concern, it’s not my main one. How on earth do you expect us live our lives we when know what’s going to happen?

VOICE

But you don’t know what will happen.

LEELA

No, wait.

(pause)

Okay, what?

VOICE

All the things I showed you will happen anyway, only you don’t know when they will.

FRY

So I might not get hit with that pie for a while?

VOICE

No, actually that happens now.

On cue Fry is hit with a pie.

FRY

Can we go now?

VOICE

You already are gone.

A flash of brilliant light.

INT. READY AREA

Fry, Bender and Leela walk up the stairs food in hand.

LEELA

We’re back with food.

Farnsworth, Amy, Zoidberg and Hermes are sat around the table, confused.

HERMES

Why are you back so early?

LEELA

What are you talking about?

FARNSWORTH

I sent you to the Mystery Nebula this very morning you blithering monkey skeletons.

FRY

No, you sent us for food?

AMY

That was two days ago, you turned up without it, saying you just came back from the Mystery Nebula. We had leftovers instead.

ZOIDBERG

You guys ate without me?

Farnsworth perks back up.

FARNSWORTH

Amy, did you just say the Mystery Nebula?

(to Fry, Leela and Bender)

I told you never to go there!

BENDER

But you said you just sent us to the Mystery whatever?

FARNSWORTH

I did? This is most troubling indeed.

FRY

Nah, I’m sure it’s fine. C’mon Bender let’s go watch some TV.

FARNSWORTH

No Fry! This isn’t something that can be solved by watching TV.

FRY

It isn’t?

FARNSWORTH

No, this is something that can only be solved with-

LEELA

(interrupting)

Does this seem awful familiar to anyone?

FRY

Hey, what’s that?

A flash of brilliant light.

FARNSWORTH’S LAB

Fry, Leela and Bender enter the lab. Farnsworth is working on something using a giant supercomputer. 1’s and 0’s flash across the screen.

FRY

Hey professor, what you working on?

FARNSWORTH

Oh this? It’s nothing important.

Bender tries to read the code.

BENDER

What’s this about a bathroom?

Farnsworth stops working, surprised at Bender’s knowledge.

FARNSWORTH

You can read this Bender, how?

BENDER

All robots can read basic binary.

FARNSWORTH

You’re a robot? How remarkable.

FRY

So all of this is words?

FARNWORTH

Not just words, but a whole story.

LEELA

A story written entirely in binary, who’d read that?

FARNSWORTH

Only a very special client, who I will need you to deliver this to very soon.

Farnsworth produces a floppy disc.

FRY

Oh wow, a floppy disc, I haven’t seen one of those in years.

LEELA

There from your time Fry, what did you use them for?

FRY

Coasters.

FARNSWORTH

Well you can’t use this one as a coaster, it has all that will ever happen on it. Even a small scratch can send the entire timeline careering off course.

BENDER

Oh boo hoo, what’s the real reason?

FARNSWORTH

Because I only have a few floppy discs left. I used to have millions of them.

BENDER

(yawning)

Yeah, that’s a great story professor.

FARNSWORTH

It’s the greatest story you dope, it’s the story of all existence. Now all of you need to leave while I write the sexiest parts.

The trio leave, grumbling. Fry tries to glimpse the screen to see the sexy parts, despite not being able to read them.

EXT. THE MYSTERY NEBULA

The Planet Express Ship hurtles through space.

INT. COCKPIT, PLANET EXPRESS SHIP – SAME TIME

Leela is using a chalkboard to run through the parameters of the mission: 1. LAND SAFELY 2. BE NICE 3. DELIVER THE PACKAGE.

LEELA

With these steps we will ensure a successful mission.

She looks to Fry and Bender, who are playing cards only half listening.

LEELA

Are you guys listening?

FRY

Sure but the Professor said we’ve already been here, so why worry?

Leela scowls having already explained.

LEELA

He’s only sending us back because we messed up the first time. It was probably one of you guys.

BENDER

One of us? Impossible, as a robot I don’t make mistakes.

FRY

Alright Bender let’s see them.

Bender lays out a queen high flush, laughs. Fry sighs, reveals a royal flush, not realizing he’s won.

LEELA

Fry you won?

FRY

I did? Whoo!

BENDER

Crappy fate.

LOADING BAY - LATER

Fry and Leela have put on space suits, Bender holds the package.

LEELA

Here goes.

Leela presses a button that lowers the loading bay.

LANDING BAY – CONTINUOUS

The crew find VOICE is already waiting for them.

VOICE

Hello there.

LONG CORRIDOR

Leela and Fry are back in there normal clothes. Bender smokes a cigar as Voice leads them down a long corridor.

LEELA

So we’ve been here before?

VOICE

Millions of times.

LEELA

Oh, I meant recently?

Voice stops.

VOICE

Recently?

LEELA

The Professor said there was a problem, we had to come back.

VOICE

Ah finally, the versions of you with the correct disc.

FRY

Versions of us?

VOICE

Let me show you.

UNIVERSE ROOM – LATER

Voice is stood by the old tower, the crew across from her.

VOICE

The last time you came here and delivered the disc the data was corrupted, unfortunately as I live outside of time I’ve had to wait until you finally arrived with a new copy.

BENDER

So that means what? We’ve been doing the same things again and again?

VOICE

Precisely, but with this new disc time will smooth out and your mission will be successful first time.

Voice puts the disc in the computer, it boots up and then sends an infinite amount of ones and zeroes up on the screen.

FRY

So how did the disc break anyway?

VOICE

I’m glad you’ve asked, let me explain.

The numbers move rapidly until they become a clear image.

FARNSWORTH’S LAB – PREVIOUS TIMELINE

Leela enters the room.

LEELA

(to Fry and Bender)

I can’t believe those guys didn’t want their food. Well, no use in letting it go to waste.

She enters further and finds Bender and Fry have eaten almost all of it already.

Fry puts down his drink.

LEELA

Fry!

Leela is annoyed she didn’t get any of the food but Fry looks at his drink and gets a different impression.

FRY

Sorry Leela.

(pause)

Bender hand me a coaster.

Bender extends his arm out, misses three actual coasters and picks up the floppy disc.

BENDER

Here you go buddy.

He puts it down in front of Fry who immediately places his drink on it, the force is such that it splashes the disc.

Leela sighs, having not been understood.

The pictures return the 1’s and 0’s.

UNIVERSE ROOM

Fry looks around nervously. Voice having explained to the crew what we’ve been able to see.

FRY

So it was my fault?

VOICE

Yes, this time.

LEELA

So how did we escape the time loop?

VOICE

You must have taken the advice the professor gave you.

LEELA

But he didn’t give us any advice?

VOICE

Not that you remember, speaking of which.

A flash brilliant light.

EXT. PLANET EXPRESS

The bay doors open and the planet express ship flies gently in.

INT. LANDING BAY – MOMENTS LATER

Fry, Leela and Bender walk out of the ship, carrying food.

FRY

And that’s why it was the greatest show.

LEELA

Well it doesn’t sound very good.

BENDER

Not enough robots if you ask me.

READY AREA

Zoidberg, Hermes and Amy are sat around the table waiting. Fry, Leela and Bender walk up the stairs with the food.

HERMES

Finally! I’m as hungry as a humming bird.

ZOIDBERG

And I, as hungry as a big fat lobster so I am.

FRY

Sorry Zoidberg they didn’t have your order.

ZOIDBERG

Awww.

Fry wipes away some food from his mouth, they begin putting the rest on the table.

Farnsworth enters carrying a floppy disc.

FARNSWORTH

Good news everyone! I’ve finally finished writing the story of the entire universe.

There are congratulations from the group.

FARNSWORTH

Yes, I’ve done it again. Fry, Leela, Bender you’ll have to deliver it to the Mystery Nebula.

FRY

Where’s that?

Farnsworth points north.

FARNSWORTH

A billion light years that way. It should take about a day to get there.

LEELA

Sounds easy.

BENDER

Too easy. What’s the catch old man?

FARNSWORTH

Oh there’s no catch.

FRY

Phew.

FARNSWORTH

But if you make one mistake you’ll be trapped in an infinite loop unable to ever escape.

FRY

Ever?

FARNSWORTH

You’ll only get one chance to break the cycle, by coming back here and writing a reality in which you aren’t trapped, then taking it to the Mystery Nebula.

LEELA

But what if we’ve already done that? How would we know?

FARNSWORTH

You wouldn’t but delivering the disc safely will ensure that you don’t have to go back again, if you already have been there before, again.

FRY

What?

FARNSWORTH

Just deliver the disc and be careful with it!

INT. COCKPIT, PLANET EXPRESS SHIP

Leela presses a button on the ships ceiling, down comes a virtual white board.

The board states: DID WE DELIVER THE PACKAGE? DID WE DO IT SAFELY? WHERE THERE ANY PROBLEMS?

Bender and Fry have moved over to the whiteboard.