dreathexplorer

[dreathexplorer]

I really want to kill what’s inside of my head. I hate living like this day after day. Just kill me instead.

[dreathexplorer]

I don’t fit in this stupid fucking world

[dreathexplorer]

anyone else feel like theyre on the verge of insanity in an undescribable way

#🖐🏻

[dreathexplorer]

shame is so frustratingly paralyzing. like oh i'm ashamed i didn't do this thing im supposed to do and the guilt and embarrassment is cooking me from the inside out so bad that i can't face the thing or do the thing, even tho doing the thing would mitigate the hot boiling lava of shame currently giving me an ulcer

[dreathexplorer]

I want to give up. It's really really hard to keep going when all you want is to give up. I want to be done.

[dreathexplorer]

“Where do you see yourself in the future”

Bb I don’t. I do not. I do not see myself. There is no future.

[dreathexplorer]

[dreathexplorer]

i feel like i’ve lost so much of myself to this illness. this version of me is not me, it’s a twisted, deformed version of who i once was. it has taken my hobbies, my friends, my passion, my interest in life…gone it’s all gone.

[dreathexplorer]

what? yeah no i’m fine. i cope with my problems really well. imagining the reactions people would have if i killed myself is a completely normal and healthy coping mechanism.

[dreathexplorer]

google search how to stop experiencing anticipatory grief when this world has taken so much from me already

#🧎‍♀️

[dreathexplorer]

Oh that two year gap on my resume was when I was the architect of my own hell

#✍️

[dreathexplorer]

an acquaintance told me i had the subtle guardedness of someone who “learned social skills the hard way” and i’d honestly have much preferred they took out a gun and shot me

[dreathexplorer]

I feel like I can't stay strong for much longer and that scares me.

[dreathexplorer]

[dreathexplorer]

So much depression. I wish someone else could do life for me and I could stay in my bed the rest of the time I had to be alive. I just don't want to do anything. Nothing feels happy or fun, everything is a chore. I have to force myself to do anything that isn't staying in my bed. And how many times do people have to ask me what would make me happy. Nothing. I have mental illnesses, I really can't help it, I swear. I feel like nobody believes me and thinks I do this just to make things hard. I don't. I just don't feel joy.

[dreathexplorer]

If I'm going to feel this way for the rest of my live I'd rather not live at all.

[dreathexplorer]

My toxic trait is that I truly believe I could win a fight against anybody if I was mad enough. U might have the strength and size but I have pure, unfiltered rage.