ella-es-bonita-blog
ne me quitte pas, mon chère
ella lopez
chances are i won't like you
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"Mom's so lovesick right now that I bet she doesn't even notice I'm gone," Ella managed a chuckle. "It won't be a problem - and really, I'd love to stay. I've never been out of Lima for very long in my life, so for selfish reasons, I'd love to get better acquainted with the city. But more than anything, I do just want to stay here for you, Beth,"
Ella assured her. Beth could have been living in a cardboard box at the North Pole, and Ella still would have offered to stay with her. Wherever Beth was, Ella found herself inordinately happy, and to be able to offer her support and love when she was most in need - there was really no other place Ella would have wanted to be.
The Art of Getting By
Even after the tears had stopped flowing, Beth’s chest continued to rise and fall with dry sobs. She tried to stay focused on Ella’s soothing words, not allowing her mind stray too far from what she so desperately needed to hear. Then when Ella suggested that she stayed in the city for a while, Beth looked up at her with wide eyes.
“You’d stay here?” Beth asked. Her body had stopped shaking and she was suddenly sitting very still. “Are you sure? You don’t think Santana would mind, do you? We’d better ask her first.” Beth’s mind was racing with possibilities. If she had Ella’s support then she’d only need a couple of months to get her life in order.
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Ella held Beth against her for a moment, trying her best to find the appropriate response to Beth's apprehension. "Just take it one step at a time," she reminded her gently. "You've got a college degree, so it's just a matter of applying for jobs and seeing where you get accepted," she told her reassuringly. "And I can stay out here as long as you need me to. School doesn't start for another two months for me anyway, so I'm happy to stay here and help you out. And if things get too stressful, you do know you're always welcome to come back and live with me and Mom," she stated, hoping that her words soothed the distraught girl.
She had never seen Beth so hopeless, in such a desperate state, and though it was only reasonable for any person to react this way, it only made Ella want to make things better so she could see the carefree, happy Beth she had grown to love.
The Art of Getting By
When Ella entered the room, Beth returned the picture of Shelby to it’s spot on the bedside table and then tried to regain a bit of composure. She didn’t want anyone to see her in such a state of despair. It was as though the acknowledgement of someone else made it more real. One of Beth’s biggest flaws was that she never allowed herself to feel pain of any kind. She decided that life was too short to be unhappy. But of course, everyone had to feel sad at some point in their lives, and so she decided to shut it out. Now that Ella was aware, Beth couldn’t pretend it wasn’t happening anymore, which would undoubtedly prove to be for the best.
She shuffled closer to Ella and grabbed hold of her hand. This was the first time she’d really cried over Shelby’s death. She’d shed a few tears, but nothing like this. Her tiny frame curled next to Ella as she let out months worth of pain.
“What am I supposed to do now?” Beth asked once the sobbing had finally started to subside. “There’s so much that I’m not ready to do alone. I need to find a job to pay for this place and start learning how to take care of myself…” She sat up and leaned on the headboard, pulling her knees up to her chest. “Mom put everything in my name and I still have some money from selling the bakery, but that’s not going to keep me going for long.”
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Ella watched the clock. The second hand inched slowly as it completed another minute. Ella's eyes remained glued to the clock, just as they had been for the past 47 minutes. Patience was not one of her strong suits, but as she clawed her nails into the plush fabric of the couch, she took in a heavy breath, watching the hand circle around the clock again.
For the few days that Ella had been in New York, she was adapting herself considerately to Beth's needs. There were times when Beth wanted Ella at her side, but there were also moments where Beth needed to gather her thoughts alone, and Ella was glad Beth was doing a fair job of letting her know which she preferred.
As she stood strongly by Beth's side during the funeral, she realized that she had never had the pleasure of meeting Beth's mother, and she found it a bit disheartening that she'd never have the chance now. It reminded her of just how much she and Beth had gone through in such a short amount of time.
As the clock ticked past its 51st minute, Ella finally rose, smoothing her black dress which she had not bothered to change, seeing as her clothes were in Beth's bedroom. She kicked off her heels, not realizing how tightly they had been pinching until her feet wiggled in their delightful freedom. She padded softly down toward Beth's room, peeking in quietly to make sure her friend was okay. She was surprised to find her awake, and as she watched her sob gently, she contemplated leaving her alone. But as she wrapped an arm around herself, a pitifully heartbreaking gesture, Ella's heart broke.
"Beth," she whispered, her voice thick. She sat on the edge of the bed gently, replacing Beth's arms with her own.
The Art of Getting By
The small framed picture of Shelby Corcoran trembled in Beth’s hands. During the funeral, she’d managed to keep her emotions in check. The last minute preparations and ensuring things went smoothly had provided her with a good distraction. Now is was as though that distraction had been lowered into the ground along with her mom’s coffin. There was nothing left to do. No flowers to arrange, no funeral directors to pay, no cupcakes to prepare. Nothing.
When the two girls had returned to the apartment, Beth had told Ella that she needed to lie down for a while. She’d thought that a quick nap would help to clear her head, but instead had found herself taking the picture of Shelby off the bedside table and staring at it until her vision blurred. Although her head was resting on the pillow, she had no real hope of falling asleep. She hadn’t even changed out of the deep purple dress that Shelby had insisted she wore to the funeral. It had always been her favorite. Sniffing quietly, she buried her face in the pillow and wrapped an arm tightly around her waist, as though this was the only thing holding her together.
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Little Talks | Of Monsters and Men
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Sometimes we look so much alike, it's scary
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[There's so much more Ella loves about Beth, and she considers telling her all these things, but right now doesn't feel like the appropriate time. The atmosphere is light, and they both need that right now. So she merely smiles at Beth. She wagers she knows how much she means to her, even if Ella doesn't put that into words]
I'm glad I could be here. [She squeeze's Beth's hand lightly] I'll always be here for you.
NOT PENNY'S BOAT
[Beth pulls her bottom lip between her teeth as she considers this for a moment and then nods.]
I can accept that.
I honestly can’t remember the last time I laughed this much. Even though Lost is still playing in the background, I don’t know— I knew that having you here would pull me through this.
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