emilytaubenfeld

[emilytaubenfeld]

[emilytaubenfeld]

hmmm

[emilytaubenfeld]

She literally got a drink of water and then walked over to my boots and spit the water in them.

[emilytaubenfeld]

you think you want me to shut up? i have to listen to myself even when im not talking

[emilytaubenfeld]

Literally every episode of My Cat from Hell

[emilytaubenfeld]

If your butt crack went horizontally instead of vertically it would make clapping noises when running up the stairs.

[emilytaubenfeld]

the prettiest nintendo console ever was the pink ds lite and theyve never topped that aesthetic and likely never will

[emilytaubenfeld]

Just heard a customer two aisles over go “Hey, I think this is that special glass that doesn’t shatter when you drop it” followed by the sound of shattering glass. I hate retail.

[emilytaubenfeld]

life was simpler when we were kids and thought the name bob was the funniest possible thing in the world

[emilytaubenfeld]

Men can’t write horror because they’re too focused on all the gross ways they can dehumanize women.

[emilytaubenfeld]

My heart

[emilytaubenfeld]

[picks up an alligator and kisses it]

[emilytaubenfeld]

Remember to drink water babes

[emilytaubenfeld]

[emilytaubenfeld]

also, I want to say that in my humble lesbian opinion… 

subarus that look like this?? fuck that. that isn’t a Subaru!!!

but… subies like this?? 

HELL YEAH BABY!!! THAT IS A GREAT CAR FOR DRIVING AROUND YOUR WIFE AND PETS AND GOING CAMPING!!!

[emilytaubenfeld]

It took my new cat a while to realise that kissing the top of her head was a gesture of affection, but I think she’s finally got it.

The downside is that she now thinks the best way to signal that she wants cuddles is to come charging at me and mash the top of her head against my face. It’s like a very affectionate punch in the mouth.

[emilytaubenfeld]

I saw a nurse practitioner today and told her how BAD I always feel and she ordered a lot of tests they took like All my blood and she also figured out I have like. No viatamin D in my body. Apparently my viatiamin D levels are at like 10% of what they should be so that’s probably why I’m always so tired and sad!!!!!!