erensmoodygf - Tumblr blog

erensmoodygf · 7 months

Text

I’m a very unserious person but nothing was funny reading this chapter. Like I’m glad I read it sitting down. I need to heal from this 😭

my love, mine all mine

actor!eren x f!reader

**part of my method acting series

content: HEAVVVYYYYY ANGST. does contain one part where a man is being icky/hitting on a girl in a gross way. viewer discretion advised. protect your peace.

an: ok yall. chapter is named after a mitski song we know it's not good. don't hang me at the stake now.

songs mentioned: my love, mine all mine by mitski

previous part linked here

“This is disgusting.” you mutter, as Armin leans over and takes a picture from what might literally be the worst angle ever.

Connie Springer, human menace, has been sleeping on your shoulder for a majority of the flight to Seattle. And drooling on your hair in the process. You make a mental note to kick his ass when he wakes up for being responsible for the globbed up hair you'll have when you see Eren again.

“He’s been sleeping for almost the entire flight. And he slept all day before the engagement too.” Armin murmurs, flicking the picture in between his fingers as he waits for it to develop.

“Typical.” you respond, readjusting so his head falls on your shoulder more comfortably.

You lean your head against his as he continues to snore against your shoulder, the desperation, the anticipation of what you’re going to do sitting heavy in your head. You’ve run through it a hundred times, the words stringing together in your head.

You’re staying with Eren for the weekend. His birthday falls at the end, but he’s too busy to see you guys, so you’ll take him out the day after.

After making ten very aggressive phone calls to the Seattle Aquarium and throwing a nice amount of money their way, they agreed to close off the aquarium for the weekend, so that you and Eren could have it all to yourself.

So that you could drag him there after he was finished on set and lie down flat on the cold floors to just watch the fish swim above you. So no one else is there when you tell Eren that you still love him, so you’re both surrounded in your own little fishbowl. So that he understands you never did stop loving him. That you won’t ever.

You pause. The guilt sits deep in your stomach, eats at the smallest parts of your conscience and corrupts it. The desperation, the anticipation - it sits heavy in your mind. But the doubt, the guilt, and the anxiety does too.

You either get to have Eren forever or you lose him for good. Because Eren is dating another girl and it comes down to something really simple.

If he likes her more or you.

“You okay?”

You look over at Armin and his perceptive blue eyes are peering into yours, his forehead scrunched up near his hairline.

“I-I have a dilemma, Armin.”

“Do tell.” he responds, propping his elbow against the armrest and leaning his cheek on his hand.

“I….I want to do something. But it could hurt someone.”

He frowns, squinting his eyes at you in confusion.

“I feel a certain type of way. And I want to tell someone. But being honest means I could hurt someone else. Sh-should I still do it?” you ask, cracking your knuckles between your fingers.

“Will it hurt you if you won’t say it?” Armin asks.

Yes.

It’ll hurt you if Eren goes on thinking that you don’t love him the way you do. That walking away from him wasn’t the biggest mistake of your life. That him pulling away kills you, because all you want to do is keep him close.

You can’t keep it all in, regardless of what the outcome will be. And for all it’s worth, you have the feeling that when you’ll see him, it’ll get the better of you, that it’ll be a matter of when you tell him, not if.

“Yes. I-I don’t think I can keep it in Armin. I’ve been sitting on it for a while.”

He brings his hand down on yours and squeezes. And then his blue eyes are shimmering, in the pale fluorescents of the plane lights, and you can’t help but smile back. It’s surging through you - the want, the need, the love you hold for him.

And there’s only three more hours till you’re there.

“I can’t believe you’re finally telling Eren you still love him.” he asks, so nonchalantly as he slides the picture of you and Connie, fully developed, into his wallet as he turns back to you.

“Am-am I that obvious?”

“I mean. You feel a type of certain way? We’re going to see Eren? It wasn’t that hard to piece together.”

“No. You’re just perceptive.”

Armin brings his hand down on yours again, squeezing hard, as he smiles at you - so bright and cheery that it makes you excited.

“God, ‘Min. Why are you so excited? You’re kind of supporting me being a homewrecker right now.”

“I-I don’t know. Hyla, I’m sure she’s great and all, but I just don’t think she fares up well to what Eren needs. Not like you do.”

You can feel your cheeks burning at his admission, the compliment and the implication solidifying in your mind. That Armin, Eren’s best friend, thinks it should be you. That you’re good for him. He’s quiet for a few minutes, sliding through the pictures of Jean and Mikasa - the one’s she posted of Jean and her hugging on the ground, minutes after he proposed. Equipped with a caption, that brings you to tears.

the one place i’ll always find myself returning. jeanboy, it’s you and me always.

“What do you think love is, Y/N?”

“That’s such a loaded question to ask me on a dingy ass flight to Seattle, Armin.” you deadpan.

“No, no. Just think. What is it?”

You rack your brain, long and hard. And they all come to mind - your parents, Falco and Colt, Eren, Jean and Mikasa, Levi and Hange.

Levi and Hange. The love letters Levi wrote to Hange, that he gave you when you wrote invisible string for the vow renewal. Maybe the first time you figured out what love might mean. That it was sharing every little part of yourself and every feeling you’ve had - ecstatic, overwhelmed, happy, sad, bored, and soft.

“Knowing each other. Love is knowing each other, Armin. And-he’s pulling away. I-I don’t want him to leave because there’s still so much more of him I-I don’t know yet. I could have a lifetime and it still wouldn’t be enough.” you murmur.

He smiles, leaning his head against yours, as he talks again, his soft voice murmuring into your hair.

“Eren’s known one thing since he met you. And it’s that he wants you around, wants to know more of you, that you’re the best person he’s met. He picked you to be his co-star, called you almost everyday he wasn’t with you, ran into my room and talked to me what it was like to kiss you after you guys wrote New Year’s day, you’re just it for-”

“Wait, what? He did what?”

“Huh? What part?”

“The New Year’s Day thing. You-you knew that we kissed?”

“Yeah. He told me and Marco, like fully woke us up. Said that you guys were practicing the kiss after you wrote the song and that we both needed to kiss someone immediately so we could understand how he felt.”

You snort.

“I don’t remember it being that way. I like totally froze up when he kissed me the first time. We-we had to do it a few times to get it right.”

“Well, it’s always been you for Eren. I bet you could aim wrong and he’d still come and talk about how kissing you is divine.”

“Divine?”

He freezes up, eyes wide, as he realizes his choice of words.

“Armin. Did Eren say kissing me was divine?”

“No. No- we don’t talk about that stuff. It’s- long story, you-you don’t want to know.”

“No. No, now you have to tell me. We’ve known each other forever, it’s-it’s not weird. Quit being all shy.”

“Y/N.”

“Armin! Please. We-I want to know. Please, I won’t tell him and I won’t think much of it.”

“Okay, well. When I started dating Annie, you and Eren had already been together for like a year. And I wanted…to know how to…”

“To?”

“Have sex.” he murmurs.

You bite down on your lip to avoid laughing and he turns his face, cheeks glowing pink, as he whispers profanities at you.

“You’re so rude. I’m not talking about this.”

“No, no! Armin, you’re just so cute.”

“Quit calling me cute.”

“Sorry! It’s just. You and Eren are so sweet, you’re like brothers. Giggling like little high schoolers about sex.”

“We were highschoolers. And you’re acting like you and Mikasa are any different.”

“Yeah! But you guys know we do that, I just never thought you and Eren talked about this stuff. So what did he say?”

“No. This is breaking bro code. I’m not telling you.”

“Armin! Please! You brought it up now it’s going to bother me forever. And-and you and me. We’re cool like that. We can talk about sex because we’re two grown adults.”

“Y/N.” he responds, in a warning tone.

“Pretty please! I’ve always wondered what Eren thinks about me because he-he’s so reserved and-and it’ll help me. When I tell him, to-to know how he felt about me. Help me not back out.”

“You’re annoying. You-you can’t just use that against me to get me to tell you.”

“Fine. You’re right. I’m sorry.”

He groans, leaning his head against the chair, and clenches his jaw. And then Armin’s turning his head, voice all quiet as he whispers.

“You tell another soul and I will kill you.”

“Okay, okay. I promise ‘Min.”

“I-I asked him about it. Because Annie and I were going to….I wanted to make it special. And-and I’m not the type to really, really take initiative when Annie does it first but I-I wanted to.”

“Uh huh.”

“And then I asked him, like. What it’s supposed to feel like. Having sex for the first time. Because, I mean. Isn’t it awkward? And I had heard it hurts for the girl so-”

“I’m trying not to like bite down on my own hand right now. You’re like a little angel.” you coo.

“Shut up. Anyways, Eren said that the first time he-he felt bad. Because it did hurt you and that he just held you after till you felt better. But the second time, he said it was like nothing he ever felt before. That he understood why people do a bunch of stupid shit when they’re in love because it feels divine.”

You swallow hard.

“Armin. He-”

“You’re it for him. I hope I got that through your head. Now just go tell him. And quit making me tell you secrets, you’re breaking every sacred code I have as a man right now.”

“Okay, okay. Sorry, I didn’t mean to mess with your divine brotherhood.”

He flicks the top of your head as you link your arm with his and squeeze hard. And flutter your eyes shut, with him on your mind.

“Connie.”

You reach forward and shake his shoulder, as aggressively as you can, in the back of the car.

“Connie.”

He’s slumped over against the window, fast asleep, despite the fact that he slept nearly the entire way here.

“CONNIE.”

“Huh?”

His eyes flutter open, deeply filled with sleep as he registers where he is, holding his hand out to grab you.

“Con. We’re here. And why the fuck are you so tired?”

“Shhh.” he responds, pressing his finger to your lips as he tumbles out of the car, leaning the majority of his body weight on you as you both walk towards the house.

Not Eren’s house, the one you stayed at when Ricky locked you out, but the townhouse on set since Connie needed to be back as soon as possible. You switch positions with Armin, him taking the responsibility of lugging Connie, as you both walk up to the door.

You nervously reach up to brush the tangles out of your hair and rub the tiredness out of your eyes as you knock on the door, putting on your best smile.

Eren.

Or not. The door swings open and a short girl answers, a bored look on her face and a martini glass secured in her hand. Despite the cold weather, she’s dressed up in a mini skirt and her hair is all clipped up in rollers - clearly from a makeup team by the way they’re placed.

“Can I help you?”

“Um. I’m Y/N.”

“Okay?”

“I mean. We’re here to bring Connie back. He-he’s supposed to start filming again today. And we’re visiting for Eren’s birthday.”

“Oh. Okay fine.”

She swings the door open as you and Armin hold Connie upright, loose greetings falling out of his mouth as he waves at the twenty people that are in the room, their names falling out of his mouth. They’re all lounging around on the sofas and in the kitchen, heads pushed together in their own conversations or on their phones.

“Connie. We-where are you supposed to go?”

“Uh. Right. We-we can just go to my room.”

He drags you and Armin up the stairs, even more people crowding the area, as you shuffle past and make your way up. Connie shoves you both into his room, the two of you falling on his sofa, as you watch him shut himself in the bathroom immediately.

“Should we try to find Eren maybe? I think Connie’s like sick or something.” you whisper.

“Yeah. But it might take a while, there’s like sixty people in here.”

“I don’t understand how anyone lives here. Lana and Eren staying in a house off set makes way more sense now.” you respond, as Armin pulls you up and you drag yourself through the halls.

You both amble down, observing the mess all around, as you read the names on the doors. You’re both holding hands, hard, so you don’t lose each other in the bustle of people and the sweat hanging in the air. And nearly six paces down, you find the door with Eren’s name scribbled across the door. Armin lightly knocks as you both peek your heads in, to find Hyla - fast asleep in his bed.

You swallow hard, pushing hard on Armin’s hand, as you both quietly shut the door behind you and walk back down the hallway.

She’s sleeping in his bed.

“Let’s just see if anyone knows where he is, yeah?”

You nod and both push down the hallway again to the crowded room you entered in, nervously watching the swarm of people in front of you and nitpicking on which one to ask. Despite the chill in the Seattle air outside, the inside here is sweltering - the mix of people certainly being a fire hazard and responsible for the itching warmth in the room.

One of the girls, lazily leaning over the counter, beckons for the two of you to join her, which you awkwardly accept.

“Who are you guys?”

“I’m Armin. And this is Y/N. We’re friends of Eren’s, we were looking for him. Is he around?”

“Ah. Eren and Lana are probably busy with the Bear.” she says, turning her shoulder and snickering with the people around them.

The bear?

“Well. We’re going to his birthday dinner tonight. You guys can see him then, the bus leaves at like six.” she mutters, shuffling off to the other side of the house and walking away.

“Okay. Thanks.” you respond, awkwardly rubbing your hands against your arms and turning to Armin.

Right on cue, loud music starts blaring overhead and you and Armin instinctively reach to cover your ears, Armin signaling that the two of you should just go outside. You both leave the sticky, hot room and walk out, kicking the rocks as the music blares on inside.

“God. Levi would have an aneurysm if we ever did something like that to the townhouse.” you mutter.

“I think I had an aneurysm standing in there.”

“What should we do?”

“It’s only four thirty. Let’s just…walk and get coffee. It’ll be six by the time that we’re back and we can meet him at dinner.”

“Okay. Sure.”

Two hours later and you’re seated at the most awkward table, in the history of awkward tables. Maybe even more awkward than the thought of the Thirteenth Disciple of Jesus, Ryomen Sukuna, being at the Last Supper.

You and Armin are across from the two empty seats - because Lana and Eren are late. Armin’s stuck next to a weirdly rowdy crowd of people, with Connie at the center, who suddenly has a random burst of energy and has been screaming for a better part of the last hour. And on your left, you’re stuck next to Hyla and Myka, who are way too inquisitive for your liking.

“So like. Can I ask you a question?” Myka asks, leaning into your space.

You shake the glass of water in your hands, perspiration leaking down your elbow, as you give her a nod. You nervously twiddle with the straw in your mouth, biting it into oblivion as she starts talking.

“So. I listened to dorothea. And then I listened to lacy. And I was just wondering what happened between you and Historia? Because your song was really sweet but she makes you look like a bitch.”

You swallow hard.

“Ah. I don’t know, we used to be really close when we were younger and filming Attack on Titan together and stuff. I think we just grew apart. And-you know. Songs are more about their meanings, I-I don’t think lacy is about me and dorothea isn’t necessarily about her.”

“Okay but like. What actually happened? Don’t like beat around the bush.” Hyla states, her tone biting as she swirls her own straw through her glass.

It’s the first time you’ve ever heard her talk, with your own ears. Seen her with your own eyes and interacted with her in the flesh.

She’s scary. Freakishly high cheekbones, slicked back hair, and siren like eyes that pull back to her hairline. A pointed nose, a sharp jaw - and unlike Lana, there are no soft features, no soft expressions to offset the harshness on her face.

“She obviously doesn’t like you. And honestly, it’s fucked that she projects onto you so hard. If she wants to be successful, she should just work harder.” Myka states.

“Historia’s busy, Myka. Got other things on her mind.” she states, making a snipping motion with her fingers.

“Sorry, what?” you ask.

“Oh, you know. Scissoring. Because she’s gay.” Hyla states, the ice in her glass clinking against the straw.

You freeze. And swallow hard to think hard on what to say next.

A topic that you don’t personally broach, and never have, but one people can’t seem to stop talking about.

Maybe you’ve had your suspicions. And you push them down and let Historia be. The longing glances at Ymir when she was putting on her harnesses, the way they were attached at the hip - entirely different than the way you and Mikasa were and more like how you and Eren were.

People suspected. It was a hot topic of conversation, especially after Lacy dropped and the people thought the lyrics were…homoerotic. People were stuck trying to figure out if Historia wanted to be you or date you.

You don’t comment on that. She’s entitled to whatever she is and trying to figure it out for her does her no service.

“So what are you going to order?” Myka asks, leaning over to look at the menu.

“Probably the spicy brisket ramen?”

“Ugh. Ramen has so much sodium. That’s how you get fat arms.” she mutters, flipping her eyes through her own menu.

You swallow hard as you shove your face into your own menu this time, probably drawing blood on Armin’s ankle by the way you’re jamming your leg on his foot. He lifts his own menu as well, the two of you whispering behind them.

“This is what my worst nightmares look like.” you whisper.

“If he doesn’t show up in five minutes, we’re leaving.” Armin responds, giving you a nod.

You both drop your menus to find Hyla staring at you two weird, which you two return with less than peachy smiles and lift your glasses to drink together. And right on cue, Eren and Lana are speed walking to the table from the entrance of the restaurant, absorbed in their own conversation.

Lana takes the seat across from Armin and Eren takes the one across from yours - Lana’s eyes bulging out of her head when she sees the two of you while Eren’s too absorbed in the conversation he’s having with Hyla.

“Ok, I’m here. Quit whining.” he says, leaning his hand against the back of Hyla’s chair.

“Only you would be late to your birthday dinner, Eren.” she responds, giving him a smile as she leans forward to kiss his cheek.

“My birthday is tomorrow, so technically, I’m early.” he responds.

Lana elbows Eren in the side, which he rolls his eyes at before turning his head back to Hyla, who's pointing at the menu.

“Eren.” Lana repeats.

“Huh? What?”

He lifts Lana’s drink on instinct and takes a sip, putting it down as he glares at her.

“It’s non-alcoholic. Calm down, Lana.”

“No. Eren.” she responds, grating her teeth as she gestures her eyes over to you.

And then Eren looks over, his eyes bulging out of his head this time when he sees you. Except his shock goes farther than Lana’s because when he moves his hand off Hyla’s shoulder, he accidentally knocks his glass across the table, the cold liquid drenching the front of your shirt and your skirt.

“Jesus, Eren. What the fuck is wrong with you?” Myka asks, snickering as she looks down at you.

Armin’s quick to respond, yanking his jacket off and placing it on your lap, drying the wetness on your legs as Eren stares at the two of you and then immediately turns to look at Lana.

“Y/N. Armin. What are you guys doing here?” he asks, jaw clenched against his skull.

“They’re surprising you for your birthday. Such sweet childhood friends you have.” Hyla says, giving the two of you a sickly sweet smile.

“Um. I-I’m going to go to the bathroom, my clothes are really wet.” you mutter, beckoning Armin to stay as you quickly speed walk to the bathroom with his jacket wrapped around you.

The second you make it into the bathroom, you shut the closest stall shut and lock the door, hanging Armin’s mostly dry jacket on the ring as you survey the damage. Eren’s drink - bright blue in color - has left a big mark on the front of your white shirt, but is virtually invisible on the black pleats of your skirt.

You instinctively grab for the tissues and wipe down the front of your shirt, which only makes the stain worse. And you don’t know why - why this entire thing is so humiliating, but you can feel tears burning in your eyes and your throat itching with insurmountable heat - as the stain doesn’t lessen, the blue splotch staying.

The door swings open and you hear an immediate knock on your door, shiny black shoes visible from underneath the stall.

“Hey Tinky-Winky. You okay?” Lana whispers, her voice soft as she leans her head against the door.

“Y-yeah. Just, um. Trying to get the stain out, that’s all. I’ll just wear Armin’s jacket.”

“Okay. I-I’m waiting for you out here when you’re done, okay?”

You lift your head to the ceiling, hoping that it’ll push the flaming tears back into your eye sockets as you try to quiet your sniffles and shove Armin’s black denim jacket over your clothes. You open the door to find Lana, sweet Lana, leaning against the door with a smile on her face.

She looks different. Her cheeks are fuller and rosy pink, her short hair growing out to her shoulders. And you don’t miss the soft bags around her eyes, the tiredness sitting in her frame. She opens up her arms, which you quickly sink into, her hands in your hair.

“I missed you.”

“Yeah. I missed you too, La-La.”

She pulls back, her arms resting against your elbows as she talks.

“What are you guys doing here?”

“Surprising Eren for his birthday. We-we missed him.”

She brings her hand to your cheek, cupping your face.

“He misses you too. Lots.” she says, giving you a smile.

You give her a smile back as you wrap your arms around her neck, breathing in her sweet flowery smell, as the door swings open again, only for Eren to be leaning against the door frame. You pull back and look at him - brown hair, green eyes, and no smile - staring back at you.

“Y/N. You-you’re okay?” he asks, shutting the door behind him.

“Yeah. Hi Eren. H-happy birthday.”

He breaks a smile - the first one you’ve seen today - and opens up his arms, wrapping them around your frame as he leans down, lips close to your ear. His right hand is firm on your back and the second one is cradling the back of your head, firm around your locks of hair.

“It’s tomorrow.”

“I know that, Eren.”

“Okay, sweetheart. No need to show off.”

At the sound of your nickname, you’re only wrapping your arms around his neck harder, standing on the tips of your toes, in any attempt to be closer to him. His smooth, laundry smell, his skin soft to the touch, and his hair perfectly tousled against your hands.

“Y/N?”

“Hm, Eren?”

“As much as I like holding you, I am technically trespassing in a women’s restroom right now. I just wanted to see if you were okay.”

You pull back, nervously reaching up to tuck your hair behind your ears as you nod, giving the two of them a look.

“Okay so. I’ll go first. Lana, come out like five minutes after. Eren, give it like seven. Not ten, because the timing would be suspiciously perfect.”

Eren squints his hand at you, his forearms clutched across his chest, as he glares.

“Or we could all go back together.”

“No. No, no. That’s weird. Just wait. I-I’ll see you two out there okay.” you respond, giving the two of them a smile and a thumbs up as you push out of the door.

You nervously duck back to the table, buttoning Armin’s jacket up as you slide in next to him, squeezing his hand under the table when he gives you a questioning look. You shake your head as he gives you a nod, the two of you clear and focusing back on the dinner at hand.

“Y/N. Are you hooking up with Sukuna? He’s hot.” Myka asks, leaning into your space.

You spit your water back into your glass as you start choking on the parts that went down, Armin’s hand comforting on your back.

“Um. No, never in a million years. We’re just friends.” you respond, giving them a smile.

“The Promiscuous video was really hot. You’ve never looked better.”

You turn your head to find the guy seated between Connie and Armin leaning over, holding his hand out to you as he talks. He has short black hair and cold, steely eyes.

“Vinh.”

You place your hand in his, thrown off by the clamminess, as he smiles continuing.

“I mean. Some part of it has to be real right? That whole bit where Sukuna’s like on the floor crawling after you walk away, when he pretends to pass out when you blow him a kiss, and when you throw the water on him just to take his shirt off after...you can only fake chemistry like that to some extent.”

“Ah. I’m an actress. That’s my entire job. And the song is called Promiscuous. We-we obviously leaned into a little bit. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“That’s music to my ears then.” he says, smiling.

You know that smile. It reminds you of Ricky.

“Vinh, stop it. And Connie, you’ve had enough to fucking drink.” Eren says, glaring bullets at the two of them.

“Eren. Shut the fuck up.” Connie responds, clearly irritated with Eren. The two of them hold their eye contact, for too long, as you look at Armin.

“Connie. I will beat it out of you again if I have to.” Eren responds, which makes Connie drop his gaze. The group laughs as Eren scoffs, his knuckles white against his glass.

You’re thrown off by the sudden hostility, Eren’s demeanor entirely different from what he was in the bathroom. Granted, he was still a bit off-putting in there, but the fact that he’s…purposely picking a fight with Connie is entirely unlike him at all.

Connie gets so irritated that he storms off, leaving the table all together, as everyone murmurs what a buzzkill he is.

Connie’s always been the life of the party. Even insinuating he’s a buzzkill is downright ironic.

“So. How is filming for the movie going? Which one is this again?”

“Don’t Worry Darling.” Hyla responds, swirling her fork around her plate.

“I’m really excited to see it, you guys. I’m sure it’ll be great.”

Hyla twists her straw in between her fingers as she looks in between Lana and then you.

“Lana Banana.”

Lana curls up her nose at the term, tilting her head over to look at her.

“You’ve just been so busy lately. You’re not really looking fit for your part anymore. I think Y/N should take it. Don’t you think, Eren?”

Eren swallows hard as he looks at you, eyes flitting between you and Lana, as he stays silent. And the beat goes on for too long and no one talks, so you bite the bullet and do it for them.

“I uh. Don’t have time for that actually. Danny and Sareen lined up a four day only show in New York City for me the week of the Institute Awards. I’m supposed to close for that award show, so I-I’ll have a lot of rehearsals leading up to it.” you respond, dissolving the loaded question so Eren didn’t have to.

“Well our next movie. You should definitely join, everyone here loves you. Vinh especially.” she says, smiling.

“Oh! I-I’ll see about that.”

“Don’t you think Y/N and Vinh would be cute together, Eren? She’s clearly into that whole bad boy thing since she liked Sukuna.”

“Oh, I don’t-”

And then Eren’s leaning into her space, lips a few feet away from hers, as he smiles and tucks her hair behind her ear. And then he presses a kiss to the top of her forehead, her cheeks turning bright pink.

“Do you want to get out of here? Just you and me?”

She gives him a giddy smile as she nods, putting her hand in his, as he drags her out, arm secured around her waist. He gives Lana a look over his shoulder as he leaves, which Lana ignores as she gives you and Armin bright smiles.

You settle into the bed, Lana at your side, as you reach for your phone.

you: everything good?

armin: yeah. connie isn’t even here he like never came back. also his room smells like pop rocks LOL

you: so THIS is why he’s sleeping all the time.

armin: everything good with you?

you: yes. i’m sleeping with lana.

armin: okay. sweet dreams. don’t think about stuff too hard.

you: speaking of stuff, i don’t think i’m going to do it anymore, armin.

you: i thought that eren and hyla would be more like…me and ricky. but he actually likes her i think.

armin: yeah. i think so too, i’m sorry y/n.

you: our time just passed i guess. better to keep him around as my friend than not at all, right?

armin: it’ll pass, y/n. it-it goes away. talk to ymir. about hisu. she can help you better.

You turn on your sheets to find Lana next to you, already sprawled over the majority of the bed, and dead asleep. Her expression looks so tired, her deep breaths indicating that she’s already fully out, despite it only being five minutes since you’ve been here.

And she looks soft. Her jaw isn’t as sharp anymore, a little bit of fullness in her cheeks, but the same pointy nose.

It’s pretty. She’s pretty.

You bury your head into your own pillow as you flutter your eyes shut, trying to will away the image at dinner. Except you can feel it in your space, the thought of them together, like you’re being poked.

“Y/N.”

Poke.

“Y/N. Wake up, sleepyhead.”

You flutter your eyes open to find Eren, big green eyes staring at you, with his jacket pulled over his head as the source of the aforementioned poking. On instinct, you reach forward and make contact with his nose, which has him falling against the wall and groaning. The sound is so loud that you both look over at Lana, who is unbothered by the sound and still dead asleep.

You jump up and cup Eren’s hands in your face, fingers soft and feeling for his nose in the dark.

“Eren. What-what the fuck was that?”

“You’re asking me that? You’re the one who just punched me in the nose!” he whispers.

“Are you stupid? I’ve had like three different run-ins with people stalking my house. I-I learned self defense.” you whisper back.

His face softens and he brings his hands up to where yours are - still resting on his face - as he removes them and drags you towards the door. There’s a jacket on the desk, which he’s holding open for you and gesturing for you to put on.

“What are we doing?”

“I-Armin told me you want to take me to the aquarium the day after my birthday. But. I-I can’t. I’m busy but I still want to spend time with you so, let’s go.”

“Where? It-It’s like almost eleven. Aren’t you filming tomorrow?”

“Please? It-it’s my birthday? One hour to my birthday?”

You roll your eyes and nod which has Eren pulling the hood over your hair and carefully zipping the jacket up as he gives you a smile. The two of you tiptoeing through the townhouse as you sneak out. His hand is locked in yours, pulling you hard, as he pockets the keys to one of the cars and drives you out.

He’s driving along the roads, nearly empty, as the moon shines light on the puddles in the road. The car comes to an abrupt stop at a small house and when you get out, the breeze and the smell of salty air envelopes your nose as you march up together.

“You have a beach house?”

“Not mine. It’s a friend’s.”

You nod as the rocks crunch underneath your feet and Eren pockets his keys, shoving the brass into the door and dragging you in. The lights are open and there’s a decent amount of giggling getting louder as he pushes you through the house, a confused look on his face.

“Why are you guys still awake?”

You turn your head to find two people - a guy who can’t be much older than you holding a little boy - frosting cookies over a granite countertop.

“Eren!” the kid says, shaking his arms and leg in his hold until he’s dropped.

The boy runs over to Eren, wrapping his arms around his legs as he excitedly laughs, the sound so loud it pierces your ears. In a good way.

“Teddy. Why aren’t you sleeping, little man?” Eren asks, crouching down to pinch at his cheeks.

The other man, from before, takes your side as he responds to him, giving Eren a knowing look.

“Nightmare, Eren. I’m Landon, it’s nice to meet you.”

“Y/N.”

“Ah. The infamous Y/N. It’s very nice to meet you.” he responds, smiling as he holds his hand out for you.

“Are you here to play with me, Eren?” Teddy asks, jumping up and down against Eren’s legs.

“Not exactly. But I do have a friend I want you to meet.”

Eren looks up, a smile on his face, as he gestures for you to crouch down next to him, Teddy standing in front of the two of you.

“Teddy. This is my pretty friend, Y/N. Can you say hi?” he says, emphasizing each word slowly.

Teddy gets embarrassed when you smile at him and immediately buries his face into Eren’s shirt, the back of his neck entirely red as he nervously shakes his head against Eren.

“Teddy. Just say hi, she’s really nice.” his voice soft, coaxing Teddy to say hi again.

You smile as he turns his head, brown eyes peering into yours, as he awkwardly shuffles in Eren’s arms, his hands knotted together behind his back.

“Hi! I’m Y/N. It’s very nice to meet you.” you say, flickering your eyes quickly up to Eren who's beaming at you as he waits for Teddy’s response.

“I’m Theodore.” he responds.

“Theodore? Since when do you go by Theodore, little man? Trying to impress someone?” Eren asks, reaching forward to pinch his pink cheeks and lift him in the air, which has him giggling like no other.

You laugh as the two of them keep laughing together, leaning against the countertop where Landon’s leaning, the half frosted cookies in his hands.

“So how do you know Eren?” you ask.

“We have a mutual friend. And he keeps coming around, to play with the kid. Uninvited, mind you.”

“We’re sorry to intrude. Though, he dragged me here and I had no idea. So it’s his fault.”

“Sounds like him.” he says, dusting off his hands as he walks over to Eren, scooping Teddy out of his arms.

“Okay, Teddy. Say bye to Eren and Y/N now. It’s bedtime.”

You walk up to Eren, who’s hunching down so your faces are close to each other as you both wave bye, the silence filling up the room as you step back and away from Eren. He gives you a soft smile as he places his hands flat on your back and pushes you through the open door, the sand and ocean glimmering under the light of the full moon.

Eren swipes a guitar case and a blanket off the patio as you both discard your shoes and pad into the sand, a few feet away from where the waves are crashing. Eren hands you the case as he places the blanket flat onto the sand and lies down on it, tapping the spot next to him and beckoning you to join him.

You cross your legs and sit instead of lying down, his head a few feet away from your knees. His green eyes focused on the moon, shining above, bathing you in the pale light. You open up the case, a beautiful acoustic guitar lying in the case and start strumming aimlessly against the strings, not missing the way Eren smiles at the tune and closes his eyes.

“Can you sing me something?” he asks.

“What do you want to hear, almost birthday boy?”

“Invisible string.” he responds.

You smile as you switch the chords, fingers strumming against the strings as you quietly sing, watching Eren’s closed eyes and his soft smile. His dimples on display, the freckles underneath his eyes, his soft, soft hair.

It’s only then that it stings. That you hold all this love, all this big, real love for Eren. That at one point, you felt it together at the same time but that he’s moved long past that.

As you finish, Eren’s shooting up, swinging the strap of the guitar off of your neck and slipping it around his own. He’s tapping the ground in front of him, beckoning for you to lie down in front of him now, his fingers soft on the guitar.

“What song is it?” you ask, head turned to the side away from him and focused on the crashing of the waves, how they roll perfectly, rise and fall to crash against the sand.

“New one.”

“Hm. What’s it about?”

“Marco. He-he gave me this Maya Angelou poetry book on my birthday a few years ago, the birthday where you gifted me the vinyl. There was a quote in it that just made me think.”

“What was the quote?”

“Just like the moons and the suns, with the certainty of the tides, just like hope springing high, still I’ll rise.”

The wave rises. And it crashes. Again and again.

“Sing, Eren. I want to hear it.”

Moon, tell me if I could Send up my heart to you? So, when I die, which I must do Could it shine down here with you? 'Cause my love is mine, all mine I love, my, my, mine Nothing in the world belongs to me But my love, mine, all mine, all mine

You shuffle away from the tides to look at him, his eyes focused on the strings and his fingers plucking so softly. Eyes focused on his lips. The lips, that could end you here and now.

“The moon is blushing up there, Eren. You’re writing love songs about it.”

“The moon is my muse. I can only write songs about her.” he whispers, his hands making their way to your hair, to tuck your flyaways behind your ear.

You feel your cheeks burning, the image of Eren - seventeen and whispering in your ear about how you’re his moon, how you have a pull on him - on the forefront of your brain.

“Y/N. You-you don’t remember what it means?”

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

“This.” he responds, his fingers switching to the other side and tucking your stray hairs behind your ears.

You feel your ears burning, when you remember. The secret signals that you and Eren came up with. And the tucking the hair behind the ears, it’s- it means he wants to kiss you. You shoot up and Eren swings the guitar off, knees hiked to his chest as his green eyes look at you, expectantly.

“You-you can’t, Eren.” you whisper, the thought of dinner still in your mind.

“Why not? Do you not want to?” he asks, whispering back.

“That’s not fair to her. You can’t.”

“You-you heard me right? Nothing in the world belongs to me, except my love. And-and you're the only thing that's really mine. You-you still do, right? Belong to me?” he asks, his voice wavering.

“Eren.”

“Please. Please, I don’t want to beg. Don't make me. Do you still belong to me?”

He brings his hand up to your face, warm against your cheek, which is ice cold from the biting wind, and you lean into it. The warmth, in his hand, his eyes, his honey sweet voice.

“Yes. Yes, I do.” you whisper.

“Y/N. You- don’t get confused. You know what this means right? Us?”

You give him your best smile and nod, your fingers tingling. It means he still loves you too.

He leans forward, eyes closed as he kisses you, warm and soft. The sensation tingles all the way down to your stomach, makes your cheeks burn, and your brain prickle. And you relax, the familiarity of this, so delicate, so unchanged from the time he kissed you last that you can’t help but smile into his lips.

You lean against his shoulder and look up, at the moon above you two, his arms wrapped around you.

“Moon looks pretty tonight, doesn’t it?” you ask.

“Always has.” he responds, his lips soft in your hair as the warm tears fill your eyes.

“Happy birthday, Eren.” you whisper, pressing a kiss to his shoulder.

“Thank you, my moon.” he responds.

And you stay there, to watch the sun rise. On the two of you, together, for the last time.

Eren tucks you back into bed with Lana as the sun peaks up, though it’s a battle in itself. Because Lana’s all starfish on the bed, her limbs tangled over every open space on the bed. But Eren’s rude and he’s just flopping her around, until he makes space, pressing a kiss to your forehead before leaving.

And hours later, the sun is sinking down, with Lana nowhere to be found and Armin reading at the couch to the side.

“Hey.”

“Jesus. It’s almost sunset, you’ve been sleeping all day. Whatever Connie has is rubbing off on you.” he mutters, reaching over to hand you a water bottle.

“Sorry. I slept late because-”

Because of Eren.

You jump up and take the seat next to Armin, excitedly telling him everything that happened last night. And he’s smiling so bright, blue eyes glimmering that you’re both excitedly hugging each other and squeezing hard.

“Well. He’s been out all day, but he should be back tonight. Let’s go to dinner before we leave, yeah?”

You nod, jumping up to the bathroom to get ready, the smile on your face aching your cheeks as you reach for the toothpaste. You peek your head out the door at Armin.

“‘Min.”

“Hm?”

“Do you have toothpaste?

“There’s some in Connie’s room. Just go grab it.”

You take your toothbrush and bustle through the hallway, past the crowds of people walking through. You’re lucky you never have to mourn the frat house experience. You’re fairly certain you’re living it right now.

You swing into his room, the smell of candy overwhelming, as you push forward and open the door. Only to find Connie, leaned over the counter, fixing up three lines of white powder with a credit card.

“Connie. What are you doing?” you ask, your throat burning in your neck.

He turns his head and his eyes nearly boggle out of his head as he quickly swipes the powder into the sink and the excess on his hands against his pants. He’s smiling, too big, too synthetic as he grabs your hands.

“Y/N! Nothing! You- it was a joke. It’s not what it looks like, I swear.”

You swallow hard as he presses you into a hug and the dots connect, your eyes burning.

Connie’s doing drugs. It’s-it’s why he sleeps all the time and then suddenly has intense energy out of nowhere, why his nose is red, why Eren told him to stop drinking.

Eren’s words from dinner ring in your head, of how he said he beat it out of Connie, and sit in a bad way.

Eren beat Connie up for doing this?

You pull back and press your hands to Connie’s face, to take him in. His skin is burning hot to the touch and there are beads of sweat matting his forehead, his entire demeanor so anxious, so jittery and nervous that it sets you off. And all you can think of is sweet Connie, so excited and energetic doing this in his free time that it makes you eyes burn.

“Connie. Are-are you okay? Why are you doing this?”

He freezes. And at your words, his entire demeanor changes and suddenly he’s on the floor softly crying, his head in his hands. You join him on the floor and put your hand on his shoulder.

“Connie. What’s wrong?”

“I-I just wanted to be the best, Y/N. I wanted to be the lead for once, I-”

“Connie. You, you’re-”

“Do you know how fucking tired I am of all of this? I-I can’t do this anymore. You- I’m done. I have to quit, I have to-” he says, shaking in your arms as you wrap your arms around him, tears streaming down your eyes.

“He couldn’t even let me have this one thing, Y/N. Eren just had to be the best.” he spits out, his chest heaving up and down as he mutters out more words, a long list of profanities directed towards Eren.

“Connie. You- we can go. Armin and I are leaving in a few hours, you-you should come with us. We-we want to help you.”

“You don’t get it, Y/N. Wherever I go, this thing follows me. That people know my fucking name when I walk down the street, when I go to the beach, when I’m at the doctor. We’re never getting fucking out of this. This is our life now.” he responds, cheeks straight on your face.

You reach for your phone on the counter as it buzzes, Armin’s name flashing across the screen. Connie’s still lying down flat on the floor, his tears falling straight onto the floor.

“Y/N.”

“Armin.”

“Are you crying? I-I’m sure it’s a misunderstanding, let’s just go-”

“It’s Connie. Can you come here? It’s- he’s not okay.”

“Okay, okay. I’m running.”

And a few seconds later, Armin’s pushing into the bathroom and his eyes are boggling at the sight of the two of you and his face falls when you explain. And then your phone starts buzzing on the counter, the notifications constant. You lift it and scroll, eyes flitting through the letters.

mikasa: don’t panic. we’ll figure out a response, okay?

jean: call us as soon as possible okay? ill kill him next time i see him

nobara: i’ll fly out to see you. are you still in new york?

levi: Call me when you get a chance. Hope you’re okay. Hange is going to talk to him.

sukuna: On your side. Whatever you do.

“Y/N. You- there’s something you have to see.” Armin says, dragging you out and handing you his phone. He rushes back into the bathroom to Connie, as you scroll through the tab on his phone.

It’s a video of Eren and Lana, with chunky headsets and microphones in front of their faces. You recognize the backdrop immediately - one of the WBS’s most popular podcasts, called Life in Love.

You press the clip and tilt the phone, eyes focused on Eren and Lana as they start talking.

“The person that you’re most associated with, Eren, is your co-star, Y/N L/N, from Attack on Titan. Can you comment on that, on what it’s like to have your first love be something so public?” the interviewer asks.

“First love is a funny way to describe it. I-I know that a lot of people like to assume things and we’ve never really said it publicly, but we never did actually date. It was a whole thing we did together, while we were filming Attack on Titan. Method acting.”

“Can you elaborate?” the interviewer asks.

“It’s like that thing with Ricky James. I mean, we’re all actors, we’re all part of the entertainment industry. And we do things, pretend a little, to make our art feel more authentic. The reason Y/N and I act so well in Attack on Titan, and win awards from it, is because we do it outside of it too. It’s like we’re acting all the time. You can turn it on and off.”

“So are you just friends, then? I mean, Y/N has an interesting track record with her own friends, like Historia and Jean and Mikasa that many people have pointed out before. Is that something that you can corroborate? That she’s a good friend?”

“She’s a good friend of mine, we-we laugh about it sometimes. And as for the stuff about her other friends, you know. You’re in competition and if you have something you really want, you-you’ll do anything to get it. That’s something I can admire. There’s only one person who ends up on a pedestal and if you have to kick people off to get there, that’s what it is.”

You jump off the bed and rush back into the background, where Armin is crouched next to Connie, his hand on his head.

“Connie.”

“Y/N. Hey, you ok-”

“What were you saying about Eren?”

“Huh?” Connie asks, eyes deeply lidded and his breaths becoming more labored.

You put your hands on his shoulders and shake, as aggressively as you can, as the tears stream out of your eyes.

“What did you mean? What did Eren do?”

“What he always does. Put himself first. Even if I’m the thing at stake.” Connie mutters, his hands shaking in your hold.

Armin gives you a pained look as your tears flow harder, your hands still on Connie’s shaking frame.

“Y/N. Get ready. We-we should leave.” Armin says, hands on his phone as he calls the car.

“Okay. I-I need a few minutes. And we’re taking Connie with us. I-I don’t care if he gets fired or whatever, he-he’s not staying here, Armin.”

Armin presses his hands on your shoulder, squeezing hard.

“I was going to say the same thing. C-calm down, Y/N. Okay? I’ll be back in a few.”

You wait in the kitchen as Armin lugs Connie’s bag down, swirling the glass of water in your hands. Your eyes are focused on everyone in the room, a smaller group, ambling around the room.

“Hey.”

“Oh. Hi Vance.”

“It’s Vinh.” he responds, giving you a smirk.

“Sorry.”

He scoots closer to you, his hand firm on your shoulder, as he leans down, a smile spread on his face.

“So, would you ever think about doing it with me?”

“Excuse me?”

“Faking it. Except, we can do all the real things too.” he says, securing his hand around your face and leaning closer to your lips.

You push his hand off as you put space between you two.

“Why would I ever do that?”

“Don’t act like you’re above it. Eren, Ricky James. I don’t see how I’m any different. Or if you have any dignity to preserve.”

You feel your throat dry, at the impact of Eren’s words solidifying in your mind. That him saying that your relationship wasn’t real only furthers all that hate you received after you told everyone the truth about Ricky.

That you were fake. And it meant now that people were going to start doing it again - start nitpicking every little thing, your relationship with Mikasa and Jean, with Eren and use every mistake you’ve made against you.

And for guys like this, it’ll just make them think this is okay. That you’re easy, that they’re entitled to what you’ve done for others because you’ve done it before.

“It-it’s really different.” you respond, running out of the kitchen.

You quickly duck out of the room as you see Armin dragging Connie down the stairs and make your way over to help him, the itchy, dirty feeling of the interaction you just had being pushed to the back of your mind.

You and Armin lug Connie to the back seat of the car, letting him lie down flat against the seats, as Armin reaches for the last of the stuff to put into the car. Connie’s still twitching in the seat, eyes pressed shut and sweating.

You place your hands on both sides of his cheeks, the tears filling your eyes again.

“Connie. I-I think we should take you to rehab or something, you-you’re not okay.” you whisper.

He’s quiet, still shaking in your frame as he opens his eyes and looks at you. And the tiredness, the red and the pain mixed together has your heart flinching in your chest, cutting deep.

“I hate myself for it. I didn’t want to be like this. That asshole who is high when his best friends are getting engaged.”

“They won’t be mad at you, Connie. We-we understand.”

“But I don’t understand. I wanted to remember it, Jean and Mika, they-they’re special. I-I wanted to remember it.” he says, his voice cracking as the tears start spilling down his face.

“Con.”

“I hate myself for it. I really, really do.” he says, so definitively, so sure of himself that all you can do is squeeze his cheeks in your hands as he falls asleep.

You brush your fingers through his buzzed hair one last time as you step out of the car, only to see Armin and Eren arguing near the bags by the door. You walk up, which stops them all together, as they both focus their eyes on you.

“Eren. Can I talk to you?”

He tilts his head towards Armin, who's still standing there, fists clenched. You give him a nod as he walks away, rolling the rest of Connie’s bags towards the car.

“Did you want something?” he asks, eyes squinting into yours.

“Yeah. I-I want to know what happened. You and I- we.”

“Y/N.”

You reach for his arm, for his fish tattoo right above his elbow and squeeze.

“Eren. It-it’s not true, right? There’s an explanation for this? Because we-we can help you. We’re taking Connie and leaving and you should come.”

“That’s not a good idea.”

“Eren. Whatever it is, we can figure it out. Just come with me. Or if you need me to stay, I’ll do that too. We can figure out how to tell the truth about it all. I won’t leave.”

He rolls his eyes, green eyes glaring into yours as he responds.

“Y/N. What part of what I said was a lie?”

You swallow hard, the acidic feeling in your mouth burning.

“Like almost all of it? You and I were real. We loved each other. And we still do.”

He places his hands on your shoulders and squeezes, as he drawls his voice out, each word stinging more.

“Do we?” he asks, his look so harsh it stings and the tears rise to your eyes.

Yes. You do.

“Yeah. What-what about yesterday? On the beach?”

He sighs, pushing his hand through his hair as he falls out of your hold, putting space between you two.

“I asked you if you knew what it meant when I kissed you. You clearly didn’t understand what I was trying to say.”

“And what did it mean, Eren?”

“That was a one time thing. For-for fun. It didn’t mean anything like that, I-I was just thanking you for coming down all the way for my birthday.”

You pale.

“You and I spent hours talking on the beach. About-about it all and-”

“We did other things too.” he responds, his voice biting.

You feel your cheeks burn with embarrassment, the understanding registering. That you spent hours on the beach talking, but amongst that there were other things you did too. The pale purple on his neck is proof of that.

“But-but you said all that stuff before. Sang that song, called me the moon and-”

“You’ve always been into that fluff shit. We always say corny shit like that before we do stuff.”

You pale, every memory of Eren whispering soft words against your skin as he kissed you souring in your mind. Because of the insinuation that none of it was real. That he just did it because he knew you liked to hear it, not because he meant any of it.

“Excuse me?”

“You know. The whole “we’re fish together thing” and the songs and all that.”

You stare at him, at his forehead crushed up in frustration and his green eyes, cold and soulless as they stare at you. You look down at his fish tattoo, and cross your arms to cover your own, glaring back at him.

“You’re a fucking liar, Eren. You-”

“Y/N. I’m a fucking actor. My entire job is to pretend like I like you, do you really think I am so incapable of keeping the act up when the cameras turn off?”

“It doesn’t make sense. There’s no reason for you to do that.”

“There is. I want to win Best Actor in a TV Series.”

“And what does that have to do with us?”

“Levi said that this role, if I did it right, could make me the fucking best. And you-you had no experience. I had to make sure that you actually liked me so that I didn’t have to carry you in every fucking scene. So that your acting wouldn’t bring me down.”

"Eren."

"Why did I win an award for the Thank You scene? Because you actually fucking liked me, because you were able to cry and act in the scene. You're a good actor, but you were never that good."

“But what about after? You-we were together when we weren’t filming.”

“You went on your tour. Got distant. Did I ever once make any effort to talk to you when you stopped? No, I didn’t. You broke up with me on that balcony because your team wanted you to date Ricky James instead of me. Did I stop you? No. You know why? Because who you date doesn’t fucking bother me, not in the slightest.”

“You knew. We-we understood each other. That’s why we broke up, because it’s fishbowl and-”

“Who the fuck would be okay with that? Seriously, if it was all in earnest, you think I’d just let you do that?"

“Then why the fuck are you writing depressing ass songs at the Met Gala and then taking care of me after the whole thing went down?”

“Y/N. You’re so fucking naive. That’s what you have to do. I act on the screen and I make people interested in me after the fact. I write songs about you, make it seem like you’re the one who broke up with me, so that people stream the songs. So that people talk about them. So that they’re popular. And then I save you after the fact, because at the end of the day, you and I still have a show to fucking finish and I can’t exactly leave you out there in the rain, can I?”

“Eren.”

“Think about it. After you were good and fine with Ricky, did we keep talking? Did it stay the same? No. I had no interest in putting effort in after that, because I was dating another girl. And I still am by the way.”

“Eren.”

“Get it through your head. You- I had to help you. In whatever way I did. Your parents weren’t famous and you had no ins. I have to do something to offset that if you’re my co-star.”

"No part of real to you? Not even one?"

"It-it's fun to pretend sometimes. But that's all it is, Y/N. Pretending. Faking it."

You feel a hand on your shoulder, squeezing hard, and turn to find Armin, his jaw clenched against his head.

“Are you serious, Eren? How can you even say that to her?”

“It’s the truth. She should try it sometime.”

You choke back a sob, your chest heaving up and down, as Armin lets go and pushes Eren, the irritation sitting in his chest.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? Why are you doing this to Connie? To Y/N?”

“Armin. We filmed one show together when we were kids. Don’t get mad when I don’t have the same loyalty that you all feel for each other. It was fun, but I still have a career outside of it.”

“Eren. You loved Attack on Titan. And us, you-you wanted to go back to it so many times after we stopped filming and went on hiatus.”

“Yeah. Because I was in a show that was actually good. Not shitty movies that were flopping. That-that had nothing to do with you guys.”

“Eren.”

“You guys should leave. I’ve had enough.”

Eren reaches for the last bag, grabbing Armin’s polaroid camera on top before pushing the last bag into Armin’s hands. And when he extends his hand to hand Armin the camera, he pulls back at the last second and lets it fall to the ground, with a resounding crack.

All you see is red.

“Eren. What did you just do?” you ask.

“My bad. I broke it.” he spits out.

Armin swallows hard as he looks at it, the camera that’s documented every portion of your childhood, every up and down and in between for the past seven years, now broken in his hands. Levi and Hange's vow renewal, every birthday, everyone messing around in between takes and- he just broke it.

You crouch down and put a hand on Armin’s shoulder, his tears falling straight onto the floor, over the camera. And pick up the pieces with him, the jagged edges hard in your hands, as you carry them over to the car.

You look back one last time, to see Eren with his hands in his pockets, illuminated by the moonlight, you take one last look and sit in the car. And then get in the car and let your tears flow freely. You lift Connie’s head and place it in your lap as Armin puts in the directions. And on your right, your phone buzzes and you pick up.

“Hello?”

“Hi! This is the Seattle Aquarium! We just wanted to know what time you would be coming by for your friends birthday tomorrow so we can set up?”

You swallow hard and hang up, cursing the stupid aquarium and the stupid fish that got you caught up in this in the first place.

You slide to Eren's contact - the picture of you two staring back at you - and block the number. And make a mental note to get your tattoo removed.

“Hello.”

“You’ve sat idle for three months now. And I’m not letting you sit around any longer. It’s-you have to defend yourself. This-you’re better than this. They’re making a mess of you.”

“Let them. Is there really anything I could say to stop them? No and-”

“Watch the link I sent you. Quit talking back with your shit excuses and remember why you even did any of this in the first place. And then call me back when you’re thinking straight.”

The line goes flat as the notification comes, the link in your messages. You open it up, a clip of Hange’s getting their triple threat commendation. Their speech, the one that got you involved in all this shit in the first place, ringing in your ears. The only reason you wanted to be a triple threat in the first place.

To anyone watching at home, in their living room in their rundown pajamas, this is a sign to never ever give up on your dreams. Because that used to be me, and it can be you too. Never let anyone stop you from becoming the triple threat you are meant to be. To let that fire run wild and true and let people see the real you.

The media made a shit show out of you, in the three months that followed. So much so, that you don’t even show your face in public. Because it snowballs so fast, the entire drama around Don’t Worry Darling, around you and Eren and Hyla becomes the only thing people talk about.

And the narrative is simple. You're quickly written off into something you’re not. That you faked your relationship with Ricky James and Eren Jaeger for publicity, that you leached off of their fame to be famous yourself. That it’s all you care about.

Hyla goes on the record and brings up the night you and Eren shared on the beach. And quickly gives you your reputation as a home wrecker, as a people pleasing attention seeker who likes people who puff up her ego.

People like Jean and Mikasa, like Connie and Sasha - who are still famous and good for your image, but not famous enough to over shine yoU. Not like Historia, who you so quickly discarded and then opened a full on competition with when you released your records.

That at the end of the day, all you are is a small town girl from Canada, with a sick need to be at the top of the pedestal. To have people clamoring around you, praising you, because of your inferiority complex. That you're easy, that you have no feelings, that you're not even a real person.

The words churn in your mind, the thought angrily swirling with every other feeling. And the push, the support in a moment like this solidifies your plan in your mind. To let that fire run wild and true and let people see the real you.

The real you.

you’re right. i’m in.

on my first flight out. we’re going to bury this asshole in the ground.

And in the most perfect way, you’ve got the best person at your side helping you. Always known for upstanding honesty, truth, and for digging people into holes when they deserve it. For burying them with art, with carefully chosen words and songs.

It’s what makes her the perfect right hand to your revenge. Historia's always had a flair for the dramatics.

next part linked here

an, again: sukuna reputation era? sorry. girls do it better. (im just kidding, he'll be part of the reputation era but our best baby girl historia will be too). there is just something so insane about them ALL using historia as a piece of evidence against y/n and then her being right at her side. also no one hang me at the stake please.

taglist:

@k0z3me @kayleegomez @yihona-san06 @bsenpai @sweetenertea @mykyoon @violetmatcha @rebeccawinters @cutiejg @bokutosthings @bookwrmm @mblrrr @wheredidmycrowngo @somethinginyoureyes7 @chilichopsticks @okaystopwhore @you-always-made-me-blush @itzmeme @firelordazulaaaa @whoami-72 @g-ghostly @intimacywithceline @erensmoodygf @cocomellxn @princess-ackerman @jaegerfiles @cacapeepee @squirrelspoetry @rui-0836 @moonmalice @invisible-mori @sofiasber @bbybeeb @timetobegone @tee4str @ttokki2 @leave-rae-alone @ec3lipsy @officialsimpp @gojojang @yookayyo @lordbugs @multiplefandomthings @iobeyfandoms @camilo-uwu @justanotherkpopstanlol @mel-star636

#I went into shock #I’ve never taken anything this seriously before #omg???#method acting #like I’m experiencing so many emotions

553 notes · View notes

erensmoodygf · 7 months

Text

Fav version of bf eren

Bf!eren headcanons

Heavily inspired from @jaegersdevil boyfriend!eren headcanons,, I got trapped binging the account and headcanons so I thought making my own would be fun😭😭😭 (ps to go read her headcanons too they’re so good)

More headcanons/masterlist

- he’s the type to stick his fingers everywhere like in ur ear and nostrils just to annoy you

- he’s very physical in the sense that he’ll throw u over his shoulder if ur refusing to get out of bed or smt or he’ll push ur head/shove u out the way with his hip if ur in his way (as a joke ofc to once again annoy u)

- he will punch any and all stuffed animals u have theres no stopping him

- he talks to animals in that high pitched voice ppl do and he pretends he doesn’t when u point it out

- his car is very much tailored to u in the passenger seat like he has spare things for u etc

- he’s lowk lowk a gymrat like hes not loud and about abt it but hes vv much committed to it

- tries to get u to go to the gym with him but he just pisses around with u easily lifting ur weights so u don’t wanna go anymore

- hes very close with his family so he tries to get along with ur family just as much like he’ll try make good conversation w them and try learn the culture or language 😭

- speaking of him learning the language he would be terrible at it but somehow so proud about it

- he cant grow facial hair but is in denial and pissy abt it bc jean specifically makes fun of him for it

#bf eren

299 notes · View notes

erensmoodygf · 7 months

Text

i want to be a sweet and friendly girl but there’s all this anxiety. and the horrors

120K notes · View notes

erensmoodygf · 7 months

Text

I have something very inappropriate to say

wedding bells

eren jaeger x reader x mikasa ackerman

modern!au

this shit…. is a dream come true!

this fic is eren + mikasa x fem!reader, if you guys would want to see some gender neutral fics just let me know in my asks inbox! i’m open to any suggestions, if you want a fic that’s specifically tailored to you whether that be race-wise, gender-wise, any disabilities, etc,. just let me know!

likes/reblogs/comments are always appreciated:D

this fic has been proofread but if i missed something just let me know!

a/n: i saw someone(who is a wedding planner) describe an instance similar to this, on reddit, and i just had to write it.

i don’t care what anyone says, eremika is my otp. on the flip side, jean’s feelings for mikasa are so cute and it makes my heart do flips.

warnings: language(most of my fics do contain language), smut; degrading, threesome, unprotected sex w/ creampie, voyeurism, cuckolding in a way?? but not really cause the reader fucks both of em so 🤨, oral(male and fem!receiving), permission needed to orgasm, slapping(slightest bit, not a huge portion of the smut)

word count: 5.3k

summary: wedding planning is a chaotic affair. some couples were very demanding, leaving no room for friendliness, the professionalism somewhat overbearing. with this couple though, there’s room to get friendly.

your legs were propped up on your desk, the eraser end of a pencil in between your teeth. your eyes were trained on your computer screen, analyzing the june month of your calendar. a knock on your door interrupted your train of thought, your legs falling back to the floor at the sound. “mrs. y/l/n, it’s your 2 o’clock appointment,” your assistant’s voice sounding from behind the door.

Keep reading

#nsfw #eren x reader x mikasa #mikasa

261 notes · View notes

erensmoodygf · 8 months

Text

Levi

#oh

6K notes · View notes

erensmoodygf · 8 months

Text

What in the backstabbing-🧍🏾‍♀️

the sound of the applause

actor!eren x f!reader

**part of my method acting series

content: pain pre cursor.

an: songs mentioned - london boy by taylor swift, golden hour by jvke, girlfriend by avril lavigne. anyways. this chapter tame af. we are starting our demonic era. and no, you are not getting an eren pov until I say so. and I have covid so I am feeling extra evil and already writing the next one.

previous part linked here

You’re twelve years old the first time that you feel it.

You have hippies to thank for the entire ordeal. In your small, small town in Canada, there’s very little tension or importance on the arts. Singing, dancing, acting - like many places around the world - fall short to the highs and lows that come with sports.

Your middle school is no exception. A school that can barely spare money to fund a dying arts department, that begrudgingly offers one generalized art class that covers the basics of painting. Except when the hippy dippy parents in town petition, file a complaint with the mayor, they’re sequestered to include arts in all sectors that sports are included in.

A law that opens doors insanely. And creates the opportunity that exposes you to it. The singer showcase at the football pep rally.

And if you have to, you guess you have to thank food poisoning as well. Because Paulina, the original girl who was supposed to sing, was missing from first period that morning and you were all too quick to offer to take her spot.

They give you that pitchy, old black microphone and let you sing your heart out to one of your favorite old songs, At Last by Etta James. And when you open your eyes, the recollection of the performance is wiped from your mind seconds after you finish, and there’s only one thing you remember. It rings so hard, the sound so loud in your eardrums that it’s all you feel. The rush of the blood, the eyes staring back at you, and your cheeks burning.

When you think back, long and hard, that’s the first time it happens. The first time you feel it. It sits with you, that resounding pressure, that digs on you to give in. The need, the want, the infatuation with the rush you’re feeling.

And the obsession with the sound of the applause.

“Y/N. Wake up.”

You aggressively push your forehead into the plush of your pillow, creating a nice symphony of groaning songs in response to Danny, who is interrupting your beauty sleep.

“How long has it been?” you murmur into the pillow, the stinging in your head and the fatigue sitting in your body telling you it couldn’t have even been an hour.

“An hour. But I just realized, the bridge didn’t come out right when I was mixing so you have to record it again.”

“Can you come back in like three years? When I have the energy?” you groan.

“Y/N. I’ll see you in five down there.” he definitively states, shuffling out of your room.

Against every fiber of your being, you pull yourself out of the bed and drag yourself down to the studio, making it a point to glare at him as you re-record the bridge of the song you wrote yesterday. You give it a few tries, messing with the octaves and inflections, until you get a shining thumbs up, and wrap yourself into the blanket left on the couch.

“You write anything new?”

“Shut the fuck up.”

You hold out your green book to Danny, opening it to the page marked, at which your producer is already wrinkling his nose. He hasn’t even read the lyrics yet, but you’re sure the title - Cry - is already setting him off.

“You didn’t even read it yet.” you respond, frowning.

“I don’t have to read it to know it’s brilliant. But you were there in that meeting last week and you know this isn’t what we can push out.” he responds, turning back to his soundboard, half-pulling his headphones back onto his ear.

“Danny. I-I just haven’t been able to write songs like that lately. This is what’s coming out.”

After nearly a year of writing music and touring, Danny and Sareen have leaned heavily into your Lover Girl branding. An affectionate term used by your fans, but now the entirety of the breadth that you work with. You’re widely known for the lovey dovey, sweet songs you write so when anything that falls outside of that mold, it isn’t stuff Danny and Sareen appreciate.

But you haven’t been able to write any of that lately. Which only makes that resoundling, crackling, heavy pressure in your head worse. Like you’re defective.

He turns around in his swivel chair, taking the little bound book you’re holding out for him, as he starts flipping through the pages. The worn down book you were gifted on your birthday years ago is filled with every mess of lyrics you’ve written, though none of them are meeting the game plan that was set weeks ago.

That announcement sent everyone on your team into a frenzy, which was so far from your initial reaction.

First of all, it was a rumor. That you were one leg away from being a triple threat. Second, if it’s true, you’re ecstatic. Enthralled and honored and every feeling in between. That you were even in the consideration for being a triple threat, let alone a few feet away from it.

No one else on your team saw it that way. Your producer, Danny, saw this as a sign that you need to be making more music and faster. The songs you make take you weeks to write at this point, no thanks to the perfectionism that comes with writing the lyrics and working out the sound. He’s set a goal for you - to write one song everyday. It makes it - that impending doom in your head - ten pounds heavier.

Your manager, Sareen, is no better. She only took this as a sign that you need to start being more vigilant. A hard-assed woman in her forties, Sareen is all about work ethic. That staying determined is the only way that you will get through this. And she’s extremely blunt when she tells you so.

Stars don’t take breaks. If you want it that badly, you have to work harder. There’s six thousand things working against you, take it as a note that you need to be running faster. That you aren’t trying hard enough. Those are equivalent to dumbbells for that rock on your head, that you’re sure is responsible for pinching all your nerves.

And it’s a matter of proving yourself. To Sareen, Danny, Eren, and everyone who watches you.

You appreciate the push. It’s extremely draining, but worth it when your song releases are so anticipated that you’re selling millions of copies before the song comes out. Have sold out stadium tours, and are shortlisted for awards nearly every time you do something.

You wake up. Get ready for the show. Memorize lines in between shows, film when you don’t have shows. Write songs on flights, produce through voice memos since you’re hardly in one place at a time.

And when you think about it all, finally being a triple threat, finally getting to hear Eren say that he told you so like you said that first night on set together, it’ll all be worth it. It’ll be over.

You can stop running. You can stroll, swim, make the music you like. So you oblige. This is part of the process, you just have to push through. There’s an end goal in sight. And being near Eren is a part of it.

“Have you ever thought about writing a song about…Ricky James?” Danny asks, swinging around in his chair as he smiles at you.

You wrinkle your nose as you throw the closest thing, an empty CD case, at Danny as he laughs back.

“Ew, Danny. That’s so not a thing.”

Ricky James, an infinite, insurmountable amount of talent, was your co-star on your last movie, Little Women. A British singer-songwriter, who virtually blew up over night.

He was nice - definitely the charismatic, flirty type of co-star. You’re positive half of it is the accent. After the two of you started doing press for Little Women, everyone was swooning over the two of you together. At how you guys had a handshake, did your famous kiss scene in one take, and how in almost every interview, he made it a point to joke that he was in love with you.

You get it. It works well for the press, gets people talking about the movie. But you could never like a guy like Ricky James. Or anyone who wasn’t Eren, for that matter.

“I know it’s not a thing. You’re all goo goo ga ga over loverboy. But it’s the same thing that we did for Little Women. He used the fact that people like to speculate to his advantage. It wouldn’t hurt to do the same.” Danny responds, shrugging.

“I already do use that to my advantage. It’s no secret that I earned my whole Lover Girl branding from writing love songs about Eren.”

“Yeah, but you know how it’s been for Eren lately. Maybe it’s not the best thing that your name is attached to him anymore? For both of you?” Danny states.

Eren’s had a rough go of it lately. After Satellite Port failed and the joke they made at the awards show last year, he’s all but resigned into what you call hiding. He said that he’s just busy, focusing on landing new roles and getting more credits under his belt. You know that he recently signed a deal with Scott Clarkson to film five movies with his studio, which is promising.

But you know Eren too well. He’s retreating, hiding in all senses of the word. From you too. The texts he used to send you - good luck before every show, a good morning even though you were on different sides of the world - have ceased all together. And the few seconds you do catch him, he seems worlds away.

And it’s not just you who has caught onto it. The last time you saw Historia, when she came to watch your show, she mentioned that she was concerned about him, that she thinks he’s being a little bit self destructive by working with Stone Studios. That Scott Clarkson is not a good idea.

Granted, Scott Clarkson is buddy buddy with John. You know that’s a touchy subject for her and made it a point to bring it up to Eren. To see if he was okay. But you were flying out for a tour and forgot to. And then he started showing up in the press again, hanging out with the cast he’s been working with, so you figured it was fine. That he’s going out again, smiling in photos.

“That-that’s not true. He’s on the come up - he’s going to be the lead in the Gatsby remake that Stone Studios is doing. I’m sure he’ll get an award for it.”

“There’s no need to get defensive. I’m just saying it doesn’t hurt to expand your horizons. Triple threats are awarded for being versatile, not sticking with what’s easy. Maybe you just need to push the boundary of what you think you can do.” he says, giving your forehead a tap.

“It kind of feels like cheating to write a song about someone that’s not him.” you murmur, looking down at the pages in your hand. Eren’s handwriting is scribbled onto the invisible string page. Hell was the journey but it brought me heaven.

“You know, Sareen’s not too keen about this relationship. And I know that Eren’s team isn’t either.” Danny states.

“Who are they to tell us who we can date?”

“It’s not about who you can date. It-it’s about the image. Tying your name to his doesn’t exactly always work in your favor, Y/N. There’s no loyalty in an industry like this. And for Eren’s case, you’ve never really helped him in that sense. When you stand together, with the success you’ve had, all they see is a failure in Eren, when he’s really not even that bad.”

“People’s comparisons aren’t my fault. And Eren’s doing fine, he-he’s okay.”

“Now, he is. But a few months ago, it was your name next to his that was dragging him down. If it comes down to triple threats and it’s between you and him, are you telling me that you would really pick him over you?”

Yes. One thousand times, yes. Though you know that’s not the answer Danny wants.

“You have to be more selfish, Y/N. And maybe that’s selfless for Eren's sake too. There isn’t room for the both of you, right now. I know you love him, but Sareen has a point. Is working this hard worth it if you don’t get what you want out of it? You and Eren have all the time in the world to be together, just focus on your career before him.”

You frown, staring at the wrinkles pressed up against his forehead.

“You can have what you want - have your cake and eat it too, write all these corny love songs about him after you make it. Stop running when you’re actually there, kid.”

You look down at the pages, the thoughts floating through your mind, as the lyrics start spilling out. For your first song that’s not about Eren.

London Boy.

You try to make a point to call Eren before releases. Key word, try.

But it doesn’t happen that way. Because Eren’s in Los Angeles and you’re in Tokyo and the time difference messes the two of you up so bad that when they surprise drop London Boy, you don’t get to warn Eren beforehand.

And when he texts you about it, you can feel the guilt creeping into your chest. Because you know he’s too nice to say what he actually thinks about it. If it were you, you’d wring Eren’s neck out for writing a song like this about his co-star he’s rumored to be dating. But Eren is Eren and he would never.

eren: “he likes my american smile?” babe, you’re canadian.

eren: i like the song. really.

you: i have dual citizenship.

you: eren. i’m so so sorry. i meant to tell you before but the time differences, we just kept missing each other. you know i don’t mean any of it, right?

you: it’s just a marketing thing danny and sareen planned. the song will be a hit if people are speculating who it’s about and stuff.

eren: i figured. you don’t have to explain yourself to me!!!!

eren: you’re a pop princess <;3

eren: and currently number one on the billboard hot 100 for the seventh time in a row!!!

You nearly throw your phone across the room at the notifications, the frustration building so hard that it’s all pouring out of your head. You can see the stack of gifts at the front of the room - candies from Falco and Colt, as well as Marco, Historia, and Reiner - for the release.

And it’s moments like this, when you’ve been running so fast and pushing so hard, that you resort to one of your worst tendencies. Because the only thing that helps you when you feel like this is being a masochist. Feeling bad only makes you want to feel worse. Like you deserve it.

So you inflict it on yourself. By reading what people say about you online.

You reach back for your phone - ignoring the messages from Armin, Bertholdt, and Levi - as you scroll to Twitter, hiding the light of the phone under your sheets as you look through the app.

You look at the trending tab. Y/N L/N, London Boy, Ricky James, Eren Jaeger, and love is dead are trending.

You press your bolded name and swipe to the recents tab, scrolling through every tweet, each one categorizing, sticking in your mind as you scroll. A mix of the good, the bad, and the ugly.

That you’re pretty. That you’re ugly. That you have no personality, that you write mediocre songs, that you’re the best actress from Attack on Titan. That you’re lucky for bagging Ricky James and Eren, that you’re too good for Eren, that you’re horrible for writing the song.

You place the phone flat on the sheets, the absence of light making your eyes sting, as the tears string out of your eyes.

You want to make your cake and eat it too.

But is it even worth it if this is how you have to get there?

You stick your hand out, swinging it in the air with Ricky as you do your handshake, and plop onto the couch. Danny and Sareen called a meeting with Ricky’s team before you guys went to the wrap party for The Proposal, which is the only thing on your calendar that you were actually looking forward to this month.

Because Annie and Armin are the leads and because you know Levi and Hange are going to be there.

“This is Michael and Nancy. They’re my talent managers.” Ricky states, pointing out the two people across from you.

“Sareen and Danny. Sareen’s my manager and Danny’s my producer.”

“Is he behind the genius of London Boy?” Ricky asks, smirking at you.

“Shut up. London Boy isn’t about you, Ricky.”

“Oh, shut up. I know I’m your muse.”

The line sits in your stomach wrong, because all you can think about is Eren. Seventeen year old Eren, shimmering green eyes on that empty set when you wrote New Year’s Day. You shake your head as Danny turns to the two of you, a smile on his face.

“We have an idea.” Danny states, a smile on his face.

You and Ricky nod as Nancy and Sareen start laying out the plan, each consecutive word twisting horribly in your stomach.

Surely they can’t be serious.

“We think that the two of you should date, as a PR move.” Sareen states, handing over a folder to you.

There’s dates listed out, public places where they want you and Ricky to meet at, and songs they want you to release about each other. All down to the slated releases, ideas for album covers, and interviews they want you to do.

“This is part of Y/N’s triple threat campaign. I think putting in this whole ruse of a relationship and writing songs about it, especially if there’s some part of it that will be drama because of Eren and Lana, it’s even better.”

“Lana?” you ask.

“She’s Ricky’s old girlfriend. They aren’t dating anymore, which is something that we should capitalize on. For the both of you. This should get Ricky into the leagues for the Album of the Year award when he releases next year.” Nancy states, flipping through the pages.

You look over at Ricky, ready to fully shut down the idea. But when you turn your head to him, he’s flipping through the pages, writing down his own ideas in the folder.

“Ricky. You’re not actually considering this, are you?” you whisper.

“You aren’t?”

“I’m dating Eren. No, I’m not considering fake dating you for the press.”

“Eren, who was seen on a date with Myka yesterday? Right.” he states bluntly, flipping through the pages.

“That’s just tabloids, Ricky. Be serious.”

“And so is this. Myka and Eren are in a movie together. You and I are musicians. You can do the same thing as him and I bet you he wouldn’t even care. And he shouldn’t, because your career comes first.” Ricky states, leaning forward on his knees to discuss more with Danny and Sareen.

You flip through the folder again, each consecutive page filled with more and more details of how they want you and Ricky to pretend. And the last page has the words bolded, little stars around them.

Y/N gets triple threat status! Ricky gets Album of the Year!

“Y/N. Have your cake and eat it too.” Danny warns, a reminder of what you’re supposed to be prioritizing.

“This is the time to run, Y/N. You’re almost there.” Sareen affirms, the two of them nodding as they look at you.

And by the way five of them are staring at you, big eyes filled with anticipation as they wait for your response, you know you can’t say no. That insurmountable pressure - to please, to be successful, to be the best - wins out, every time.

Danny’s produced for three different hit pop stars. Sareen’s managed some of the biggest names in the industry. And you have no idea who Nancy and Michael even are, but if they’re working with Ricky, they’ve got to be in the big leagues.

You put the folder down, giving all of them a nod, as they all erupt into cheers. Ricky leans forward to give you a kiss on the cheek, which you tell him to save for the cameras, as you take the folder and walk out.

And figure out how you’re going to tell Eren.

You head to the wrap party three hours later and any excitement you had about the event is immediately drained when you know that Eren’s going to be there and you have to talk to him about it. Break up with him.

“Y/N!”

You turn around to find Armin and Annie, the two of them wrapping their arms around you as they press kisses to your cheeks. You try to stifle the literal tears that are making their way to your eyes at the sight of them, their blue eyes the same soft ones you’ve always known.

“Annie. Armin. I’m so excited for the movie, I’m sure it’s going to be great.” you say, squeezing both of their hands.

Two of your shyest friends still, they’re both blushing at the praise as Connie and Sasha walk up. You’re wrapping your arms around all of them, as everyone else - Reiner, Mikasa, and Jean - join you.

“So Y/N. London Boy, huh?” Connie asks, smirking.

“Did you guys know that Eren is from London?” Sasha says, sarcastically.

“Oh, quit it. It’s just one of those PR things. The triple threat thing made them all go crazy.” you respond.

“We respect the hustle, Y/N.” Connie states, mock saluting you with Jean.

“There is no press better than you and Eren releasing Medicine and Dress on the same day.” Mikasa states, earning a bunch of laughter from the group.

“Oh god. Don’t remind me. Whore move, from the both of you.” Reiner says, pinching your cheek. Connie mocks the ah ah ah, from Dress, which has you all laughing.

You smack his hand off as Marco slings his hand around your shoulders, squeezing hard and smiling at you so big, in earnest, that it makes your chest hurt.

“Can you believe it? You’re so close to it, Y/N - I can feel it.” Marco says, leaning forward to press a kiss onto your cheek.

You reach up to squish the plush of his cheek as Marco mimics your movements, the two of you smiling at each other. And then you feel two warm hands on your shoulder and turn around to see Eren, soft green eyes looking into yours.

And it makes you burst into tears. Soft green eyes, albeit a little tired looking, and Eren’s hair all grown out. When did Eren grow his hair out to his Season Three length? The last time you saw him, it was so short. He looks the same. He feels far away. And that pressure in your head is resounding.

“Yeesh.” Connie says at the sight of your spilling tears, earning quiet laughs from everyone.

Eren brings his hand up to your cheek, swiping the wetness away, as he glares at Connie.

“Connie.” Eren warns, the tone in his voice threatening.

“Sorry. Just missed him, that’s all.” you respond, wiping the last of the wetness off your face as they all smile at you.

“Man, every time I see one of you, you’re crying.” Hange says from behind you, the group of you turning your heads and immediately tackling them and Levi into hugs. Eren reaches for Hange first and you go for Levi, his stupid minty smell making your tears return.

You look up at Levi, who's glaring at you, and can’t help but smile.

“Levi. You could at least pretend you’re happy to see me.”

“I am happy to see you. But not when you’re crying in public. You two are going to give me an ulcer.” he states, frowning as he glares at Eren at your side.

You look over at Eren, the end of what Hange said catching up with you.

“You cried in front of them? About what, Eren?” you ask, voice soft.

“Ah. Nothing.” Eren responds, cheeks lightly pink as he runs his hand through his hair.

You both let go of Hange and Levi as Armin and Annie take to the makeshift stage, giving a little speech about their time on the film and how grateful they are for everyone in the room for supporting them. And as they do, Eren jabs his elbow into your side.

“Ow. What gives?” you whisper.

Eren places hand on his chest, feigning shock.

“Don’t tell me you forgot our secret hand signals already?” he whispers.

Jab in the side. Meaning, you need a second to talk, away from everyone.

“As if.” you respond, giving a nod to his sign.

He gives you a smile as you both turn your heads back to Annie and Armin, who are playing the trailer on the screen now. And when they finish, the resounding noise of the claps are the last thing you and Eren hear when you go out to the balcony, the cold air surrounding you both.

You wrap your hands around your arms, which Eren picks up on too fast and suddenly he’s taking his coat off and wrapping it around you. Making a point to pull your hair out of the collar, hands focused on fixing your hair around your face.

“Eren.”

“Yes?”

“I-”

The words die on your tongue. Because here he is, the perfect green eyes you fell in love with staring at you in the lamplight of the dark, and you can’t say it. You can’t shatter his heart into pieces or be the one to let him go.

When he’s one of the only things you’ve wanted.

“I know how you feel, Y/N. You don’t have to say it.” he whispers, hands tucking your hair behind your ears before letting go.

You can feel the tears spilling out of your eyes as you frown at him, the look on his face so pained that it hurts.

“I’m guessing they don’t want you to see me, at least not for right now?” Eren asks.

You nod, aggressively wiping away the wetness on your cheeks as you reach for his hands, squeezing three times. You hate that he knows. That Danny and Sareen think he isn’t good enough for you. When you’ve always been the one who was never in the same league as him.

That Eren was the one who defended you when you were there, but no one’s letting you do it for him.

“I still love you, Eren. You-you know that?”

“I know that.” he whispers, nodding. His eyes are focused on your hands, interlocked with his. He reaches in for your bicep, fingers tracing over the fish tattoo right above your elbow.

“Fishbowl, Y/N. We’ll come back to each other when it’s time. Just don’t be a stranger.” he says.

You nod, reaching forward and wrapping your arms around him as you nearly sob into his chest, his voice soothing your hiccuping, even though you’re the one who just smashed him into pieces. And when Eren wraps his hands around your cheeks, giving you one last lingering kiss, before walking away, you can’t help but sit there in the cold, his jacket wrapped around you and letting the tears bite on your skin.

You close your phone, giving Ricky a glowing smile, as you both settle into your seats at the Institute Music Awards. The two of you officially went public earlier today, though you’re both still denying any rumors that you’re dating.

“How does Ricky compare to Eren?”

You try to hide your scoff as you answer, trying your best to stay neutral in your response to avoid becoming a headline the next day.

“I’ll always have so much love for Eren. We grew up together and really came into this hand in hand and no one could ever really take that away. And there’s no bad blood between us, we’ll always be best friends.” you respond, giving them a polite smile as you walk away and swallow hard.

You can see Eren twenty feet down, in a specially designed suit that he looks wonderful in, smiling for the cameras. He’s standing in between Hyla and Myka, since their film is premiering in a few days.

“You look green, doll.”

You turn around to find Sukuna, who you fake punch in the shoulder and glare at, before pulling him in for a hug.

“You sure you’re not talking about yourself? That’s your girl down there.”

“Jesus, Y/N. Don’t ever associate me with her again.” Sukuna mutters, rolling his eyes.

“Oh? Was it not you saying she wasn’t that bad when we were kids?” you tease, poking into the soft of his cheek.

“Well, that was before I found everything out. I’d say a prayer for your boy over there, he’s about to get himself into a gnarly mess he won’t be able to get out of.” Sukuna responds, eyes focused on Eren and Hyla posing together a few feet down.

“What do you mean?” you ask, linking your arm with his as the two of you walk down, past him. You make it a point to attempt to make eye contact with Eren, but he’s too focused on Hyla that he misses you all together.

“I just mean…he’s about to get himself involved in things he shouldn’t. And you should stay far away.” Sukuna states, giving Ricky a polite smile as he joins you at your side. Sukuna gives you one last kiss on the cheek before Ricky links his arm with yours, dragging you to your seats.

You both settle into the seats, giving Marco a big smile as he sits next to you.

“Hey. Where’s Hisu? I saw her name card here earlier but it’s not here anymore.” you whisper, as the lights start dimming ahead.

Marco winces, giving you an awkward smile as he puts his hand over yours and squeezes.

“She doesn’t want to sit with Ricky. Or you.”

“Oh.”

“Just for today, Y/N. Because of the history and all that, you-you know that.”

You shake your head, ignoring the stinging, as you give Marco a half-hearted smile, nodding.

“No yeah. I get it. I’ll talk to her soon.”

“Okay.” Marco responds, giving you a smile.

You make it a point to do your best throughout the awards show, fake whispering in Ricky’s ears every time the camera is on you two, holding hands and comparing hand sizes, letting him tuck your hair behind your ear once and a while.

And it’s all going great and peachy, until Hyla gets called on stage to perform. You crane your neck back to find Sukuna, giving him a warning glance as he rolls his eyes, making the motion that he’s choking himself.

One of the most insane things about Hyla and Sukuna’s beef? The fact that they perform and write songs about each other, that are so insanely written, that they trend for weeks.

You’re sure Hyla and Sukuna are what Danny and Sareen dream about in their free time.

Hyla gets on stage, giving everyone a soft smile as a few of the girls join her on stage, adjusting their microphones. You can feel Ricky squeezing your hand hard, his jaw clenched.

“You good?”

“The lineup. Hyla, Myka, and Lana.” he responds, glaring at the three of them.

You focus your eyes on the third girl, Lana, who is Ricky’s ex-girlfriend. The only reason he wants to fake date you. Apparently, the two of them broke up after you and Ricky started trending, her insecurities about the people’s words overruling any reassurance that Ricky could give her.

“This is my new song, it’s called Girlfriend. I hope you all like it.” Hyla says, giving a smile as the upbeat music starts.

Hey, hey, you, you

I don’t like your girlfriend

No way, no way I think you need a new one

Hey, hey, you, you I could be your girlfriend

You lean back as you observe the visuals and the line of backup dancers supporting the three of them singing, their performance extremely upbeat and punk pop star that you can’t help but tap your feet to the beat of the song.

That’s until they reach the bridge. When Hyla pulls one of the back-up dancers from the background to the front and Lana pulls Eren on stage, the two of them are seated on the makeshift chairs on the stage. Hyla’s singing around Eren, rolling her eyes at the back-up dancer.

Who's wearing the exact outfit that you wear on your tour, a sparkly, billowing pink dress. And when you take her in properly, you realize that she’s supposed to be you. The same hairstyle, eye color, skin tone. You can feel your throat dry as you watch Eren’s cheeks tinted pink on stage as Hyla sings around him, the entire audience erupting into cheers.

(Oh) In a second, you'll be wrapped around my finger

'Cause I can, 'cause I can do it better

There's no other, so when's it gonna sink in?

She's so stupid, what the hell were you thinkin'?

You feel Marco’s hand on yours, squeezing hard, as you focus in on the performance, trying to ignore the fact that the big, black camera is shining on your face and that everyone in the room is looking at you. And that millions of people must be talking about it at home. You turn back to give Levi a look and he shakes his head, mouthing don’t cry which you halfheartedly nod in response too.

Jean and Armin have switched seats with the two girls behind you, their hands on your shoulders, squeezing, as Eren and Hyla walk off stage, hand in hand past the back up dancer who’s supposed to be you - who's crying fake buckets of tears now.

And when it’s all done and over, you skip the afterparties and let Mikasa drive you home. She tucks you into your sheets, making it a point to help you wipe all your makeup off and leave a bottle of water by your bed, you sink into your sheets and do it again. Let that overwhelming, embarrassing, deep rooted hatred sink in.

And pull up Twitter. Read about how everyone hates you. Relive the most embarrassing thing that’s happened to you yet. Stare at pictures of Eren and Hyla and ignore the resounding sound of the applause the two of them received.

taglist:

@k0z3me @kayleegomez @yihona-san06 @bsenpai @sweetenertea @mykyoon @violetmatcha @rebeccawinters @cutiejg @bokutosthings @bookwrmm @mblrrr @wheredidmycrowngo @somethinginyoureyes7 @chilichopsticks @okaystopwhore @you-always-made-me-blush @itzmeme @firelordazulaaaa @whoami-72 @g-ghostly @intimacywithceline @erensmoodygf @cocomellxn @princess-ackerman @jaegerfiles @cacapeepee @squirrelspoetry @rui-0836 @moonmalice @invisible-mori @sofiasberr @bbybeeb @timetobegone @tee4str @ttokki2 @leave-rae-alone @ec3lipsy @officialsimpp @gojojang @yookayyo

pls comment on this post or any of the chapters if you want to be added to the taglist <3

297 notes · View notes

erensmoodygf · 8 months

Text

Levi who has an untitled album in his phone and it’s all pictures of you. Most are candids in which you’re caught off guard. He’s talented at taking pictures without you noticing. There’s a picture of you sleeping, another of you snuggled up against his chest, one of you belly laughing, and more. However, his favorites are the ones that are the most ordinary, the ones that you personally don’t think are all that special. In these pictures you’re doing the most mundane things like laundry, washing the dishes, watching television, engaging in your favorite hobby, etc. He thinks you look beautiful in all of them. He doesn’t believe there needs to be a reason for him to take these pictures. You simply existing is reason enough for him.

880 notes · View notes

erensmoodygf · 8 months

Text

I think this has been the sweetest thing I’ve read :”)

the softest kind of love

actor!eren x f!reader

**part of my method acting series

content: this is what we call fluff no plot. eren kissing reader every five seconds, me in my easter eggs era. eren and y/n enjoy your last days of your love struck bubble before I ruin your life.

an: you guys had me feeling like the devil incarnate after last chapter. anyways, I put that evilness away for 5k ish words before I unleash my true form again. enjoy <3

song of the chapter: invisible string!!!

previous part linked here

The second Historia walks into the room, Eren pops out of his seat, nearly running to the door to poke his head out. The hallway is empty - except for the crew members setting up the new costumes and fittings for filming next week.

No sign of you.

“You know, you could at least pretend you’re excited to see me.” Historia says, pinching Eren’s arm.

Eren gives Historia a swift hug and a kiss to the cheek before pulling back, his hands resting on her shoulders.

“You okay? How was the reception to the entire thing?”

“Good. More people are coming out. Backing me up.”

“I’m glad, Hisu. It’s nothing short of what you deserve.”

“Tell Y/N thank you, I couldn’t do it without her. Your girl has been bigger than life these days.”

He smiles, squeezing her shoulders once.

“You know. If you told me where she was, I could do it right now. Shouldn’t she be coming for the table read anyway?”

“She isn’t feeling well. She stayed out in the cold to talk to all of the fans that were lined up and then she was stuck in the airport for so long that she didn’t sleep. Levi and Hange gave her the day off to rest.”

Eren immediately runs over to his seat, directly across from Levi and Hange and gives his best smile.

“No, Eren. You can’t have the day off to hang out with Y/N.”

“I’m not going to hang out with her, Levi. Just let me take care of her, she spent two days in the airport after performing and interacting with people all weekend with Historia.”

“Eren. She’ll be fine. She just has to sleep it off.” responds Hange, the two of them scribbling through each other’s scripts.

“I’m not even in these scenes. And you owe me, Levi.” Eren says, narrowing his eyes.

Levi narrows his eyes, flitting his line of vision to the name card next to his seat, and then back to Eren. How was Levi supposed to know that Eren was all but estranged from his half brother?

“If I do this one thing for you, you can’t hold it over my head again.” Levi says, glaring at Eren.

“Thank you!”

Eren leans over the table to give them both a hug before running straight out of the room to the townhouse. Levi brings his hand up to his cheek as he grumbles under his breath.

“Is it just me or is he more touchy lately?”

“Poor, Y/N. He’s probably strangling her to death up there.” Hange responds, laughing.

After speed running through making a bowl of ramen, Eren all but runs up to your room, to find you nestled in your sheets, with a pink nose. You have your lines propped up against your sheets, your face embedded in the pages of your script.

Eren sets down the bowl and snatches your script before he leans down and presses the sweetest kiss known to man to your lips. He can feel you smiling against him, your cold hands coming up to cup his face.

“Eren. I’m kind of sick you shouldn’t-”

He rolls his eyes as he presses his lips to your palms, leaving two soft kisses on where you’re still cupping his face, before he climbs into the sheets with you.

“Tease. I’ve been waiting for a month now.”

“I’m going to get you sick. And then you’ll have to take a day off like I am.”

“I’m already taking the day off today. For you. So just try really hard to not get me sick okay?”

Eren reaches over to your nightstand, where the bowl of ramen is still steaming, and hands it to you. You give him a grateful smile - and Eren’s heart skips a beat - before cupping your hands around the bowl, the steam making your glasses fog up.

“How was it? The entire thing?” Eren whispers, his breath tickling your forehead.

“Good, Eren. They-they really believed Hisu.”

Historia had decided that she wasn’t going to be quiet about what happened with her agent. In fact, she was going to be loud about it.

And she asked for your help, because she wanted to use music to do so. Eren was immediately disapproving, not because he didn’t want Historia to do it, but because he didn’t want you to help her. It’s not that he didn’t believe in you, that he didn’t think the work was important. But what you guys were doing was the equivalent of putting a target on your back and there’s only so much he can protect you from.

You told him you had to do it, that you had to help her and he dropped all his protests and helped you both. The three of you wrote The Man in six hours and then you and Historia immediately went and performed it in New York.

Eren brings his hand up to cup your cheek, his fingers soft against your skin.

“You-you know it doesn’t usually go this way right? I-I don’t want you to-”

“Get my hopes up. I know, Eren. That’s why I’m glad it did work out for her of all people. She-she deserves her spot at the table and roles because she’s a good actress and she-

“I’m not trying to bring you down, Y/N. I-I just want you to be careful. Did you see what happened with Sukuna and Hyla? She’s basically dragging his good name through the mud. I was worried that if it didn’t go over well, they’d start coming for you. And they can be ruthless. And mean. And throw bricks through your bedroom windows and-”

You bring your hand up to Eren’s cheek, his eyes fluttering closed as he sinks into your touch.

“Is it weird having Zeke here, Eren? Does it remind you of-”

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess. Seeing him pisses me off. I like being here because it feels like home. We do other roles and movies but this is always where we come back to. It feels weird to have him intruding in on something like that, you know?”

“This is still our place, Eren. Him being here doesn’t change that.” you whisper.

You rest your head against Eren’s chest, his heart rapidly beating under your ear, as he brings his hands up to your hair. He’s messily braiding through the ends the way you taught him, his hands swiping through your tangled locks.

“We should come up with secret codes. We-we still haven’t told them all we’re dating and I-I’m not embarrassed but we should when it’s-”

“When it’s right, Eren. Maybe when we’re done filming this season, because knowing us I feel like people will catch on the second we start doing press.”

Eren nods, squeezing your shoulder once.

“That one. It means I’m here and I’ve got you.”

You take your elbow and jab it straight into his side, making Eren squirm.

“Ouch, Y/N.”

“That one means that we need a second. To talk to each other, without anyone else around.”

Eren shifts over to your side, reaching forward to secure the loose strands of your hair around your ear.

“And that one. It means I want to kiss you right now but I can’t.”

“God, Eren. We won’t even last a week without them finding out.”

You and Eren amble down six hours later to find all of them milling around in the kitchen and Armin standing there, camera in hand. His polaroids are well littered and taped to almost every wall now, barely an empty patch on the wallpaper.

You make your way over as Eren stops to talk to Armin, Jean and Miksasa giving you quick arm hugs and kisses on the cheek as you run your hand on the wall. You and Eren are smack dab in the middle - the pictures from season one and two at the forefront. Eren comes up at your side, tucking your hair behind your ear.

“Already?” you whisper.

“Can’t help it.” Eren whispers, giving you a smile.

Armin comes up behind you, slinging his arm around your shoulder and standing in between you two as you rest your head against his.

“Hey ‘Min. I just got to the end of the script, you’ve got some really big scenes this season. I thought we were going to have to put you on the death wall there for a second.”

“I’ve got a feeling that I’m going to be the victim of Levi’s insane standards this season instead of Eren.” Armin grumbles.

“Thank god. He’s ruthless.” Eren says, as he gives the both of you a pat on the shoulder before walking away.

“I heard that, brat.” Levi says, walking into the kitchen with Hange and Erwin in tow.

Armin gives Levi a sheepish smile as he walks away, finishing his season pictures. Levi beelines to your side, placing his hand flat against your forehead to check your temperature. You swat his hand off as you give him a smile, the two of you leaning against the wall to watch everyone.

Bertholdt and Sasha are fighting over a very lazily played game of Scrabble while Eren and Hange play a very intense game of ninja around Reiner and Mikasa’s cookie frosting.

“So are you guys dating?” Levi asks.

“Are you going to give me some unsolicited dad advice if I say yes?”

“Obviously. That’s part of my job description.”

You look over at him and give him a sheepish nod, confirming his suspicions. You don’t miss the way his face breaks out into a smile, which has your cheeks burning with the mushiest, sweet feeling you’ve ever felt.

Levi may not actually be your dad, but his approval means the world to you all the same.

“Good.” he says, looking over at the two of them - aggressively arguing over who won their game of Ninja.

“That’s it? Good?”

“I’ll save my unsolicited dad advice for Eren. Give him that whole ‘hurt my girl and I’ll kill you spiel’” he says.

“Spoken like a true father, Levi.”

Levi squeezes your shoulder once before tucking you into his arm, his embrace warm. He clears his throat as he talks and you swear his eyes are watering.

“Hange and I are doing a vow renewal at the end of this season. We haven’t told anyone yet because we’re just going to do a small thing in the backyard on the last day. But if you and Eren could write a song for us to do the first dance to, I’d really love it if you-”

“Shut the fuck up. You want us to write a song?”

“Language. It’s a surprise for Hange, they’re really into that whole music, serenading thing.”

“Really, Levi? You’d let us do something that important?”

“Eren is Hange’s favorite. You’re mine. And I’ll kill you if you tell anyone I admitted that out loud.”

You can feel the tears welling in your own eyes as you look over at Eren and Hange laughing near the sink and Levi smiling at you, every little part of your heart touched by the sentiment.

“Permission to say something cheesy?”

“No, Y/N.”

“I love you, Levi.”

He rolls his eyes, a deep sigh leaving his chest, before he responds.

“Yeah, yeah. Love you too, kid.”

Eren and Levi switch places, Armin pushing the two of you closer together to take the last season start polaroid.

“Okay, guys. What’s the pose this year?”

You and Eren give each other a look, before pulling up your sleeves at the same time. Armin gives you two a shocked smile as you stand to the side, pointing at each other's matching tattoos for the picture.

The second Connie catches sight of it, he immediately runs over with his camera, the bright light flashing in your face.

“This is part like ONE HUNDRED of the L/N-Jaegers. I-they have matching fucking tattoos oh my fucking god.”

You shuffle through the mess of letters Levi gave you - the ones he wrote Hange when they worked on La La Land together - to piece together the lyrics for your song. You and Eren agreed that it should definitely be a soft piano ballad, which is more their speed for this backyard vow renewal they’re having.

The letters are enough to bring tears to your eyes alone - the clear between Levi faking letters for their method acting to really falling in love with Hange crystal clear. Because he went from writing her fake prose, soft flowery poetry to sharing memories with them, about himself.

Which is saying a lot, because Levi’s like a book glued shut.

Pictures of him from when he was younger, in Centennial Park with his parents. Him working a stupid job at a yogurt shop in between roles in Los Angeles. Him trying Hange’s favorite restaurant and sending her a very scathing review back.

That’s what love is, isn’t it? Sharing every little part of yourself and every feeling you’ve had - ecstatic, overwhelmed, happy, sad, bored, and soft.

You start scribbling the broken fragments of lyrics swimming in your mind into the notebook, your hand not moving fast enough for the places your head is running.

“Time, mystical time, cutting me open than healing me fine? You’ve got a weird mind, kid.”

You look up to find Zeke peering over your shoulder, before settling into the seat at the table right across from you. You immediately drop your pencil right into the book, instinctively looking to the left.

Right. Eren already left for set.

“Ah. They’re song lyrics.”

“That’s right. You’re the singer.”

There’s a tone in his voice, one you can’t place that sends a wave of discomfort down your spine.

You’re trying your best. To give Zeke a clean slate, to not let what Eren said taint the view you had of him because you should form your own opinions. But god does he give you the shivers, his entire aura ice cold - the complete opposite of the warm, fireplace Eren reminds you of.

“I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Zeke. I’m Eren’s brother.”

“He mentioned. Welcome to the cast, I hope you’re liking it so far.”

He gives you a smile as he readjusts in the seat, sinking down into the chair.

“So what did he tell you? You’re looking at me like I’m the figment of your worst nightmares.”

“He didn’t say anything to me. You-you just caught me off guard because I was in the zone and stuff.”

“I haven’t talked to my brother in a while. But I still know him. What did he tell you?”

You swallow hard as you start gathering Levi’s letters, tucking them back neatly into their corresponding envelopes.

“Just that you guys don’t talk. Aren’t very close. It just came up once, he-he’s met my brothers before and just said you guys aren’t like that.”

“And you hate me for it?”

“No. No, I don’t hate you.”

“But he does?”

“Eren doesn’t hate you, Zeke. You just hurt his feelings, that’s all.” you respond, whispering the secrets he told you in confidence into the air.

Zeke sits back in his chair, his legs spread across the length of the seat as he gives you a smile.

You can already feel your heart sinking, irritated at yourself for even giving Zeke a sliver of information Eren wouldn’t have wanted you to mention.

“You love Eren, don’t you?”

“No, I don’t. I was just saying that because-”

“Would you believe me if I told you I had to stop talking to him? For his sake?”

“No. Who does that? He’s your brother. I can’t even imagine going a day without talking to my little brother, he’s literally my entire world.”

“Would you do it if it meant protecting him?”

He gives you a look as you ponder the question, the dilemma he just presented you with. Would you stop talking to Falco if it meant protecting him?

“Of course, I would. I love my brother. I-I’d do anything for him.”

“And I would too.” Zeke responds, giving you one last smile before walking out of the kitchen. He passes Eren on the way in, the two of them giving each other an ice cold look before Eren takes the seat next to yours. Eren pesters you about the conversation and you tell him all except for the last part.

You’re not sure if that’s something Eren should know. It would probably just piss him off more.

You watch as the makeup team takes Eren up to the top of the set, the crystal caves they made for the scene glittering in the light. You run your hand against the painted material, each sparkly crevice nearly blinding your eyes.

“They really went overboard with this one.” you murmur, walking with Mikasa.

“They got a bigger budget after last award season. I think they spent it all on this entire scene.”

You both snicker as you run to the sidelines, joining Sasha on the sides. You all sit in your respective seats as Eren, Historia, and Rod take their spots. Levi gives Eren a thumbs up from the directors chair and Eren quickly slips his shirt off, readjusting his hands into the arm restraints.

“Eren! Share the workout routine! I’ll lick those abs.” screams Connie, earning a fair amount of laughs from the cast and the crew.

You can see Eren turning red at the comment, the crew adjusting the last of the microphones and the props onto the set as Levi starts rolling the cameras. Connie leans over, whispering in your ear.

“How does it feel to see someone else living your dream?” he says, a laugh falling out of his mouth.

“What the hell are you talking about, Con’?”

“Historia and Eren are about to be the new couple of the show. I can see the edits already.” he says, poking your sides.

You swat him off, giving him the finger as you focus back on the scene as Eren and Historia start acting in the scene. Your reaction only goads Connie and Reiner on more, the two of them just trying to piss you off now.

“Look at how they look at each other, Y/N. You wish that was you, huh?”

“Shut up, Reiner. We’re literally the main couple of the show. You’d be stupid if you shipped Historia and Eren after the Thank You scene.”

“Feeling territorial over your man, Y/N?” Bertholdt says, the group of them laughing.

“Bertholdt. I thought you were above stupid shit like this.”

“You make it too easy. You’re-you’re looking a little green.” Bertholdt responds, pressing his hands to your face.

“And you’re looking gray. Like a half dead loser who gets eaten by Armin of all people at the end of the season.”

They all laugh at your response as you feel your cheeks burn with irritation, the thought of the entire thing pissing you off. You look up at Eren and Historia, the two of them sitting on the ledge as Eren gets caked in the red makeup for the scene before they start filming again. They’re both smiling, looking down at you guys.

When you make eye contact with Eren, he gives you a wave which you halfheartedly return. Which only fills Connie and Reiner with more delight, because now they’re mimicking you, all of them laughing with tears in their eyes.

“Imagine losing a two season lead to Historia.” Connie says, poking you in the sides. “Imagine being one of the only characters without a romantic interest. At least my character can get some.” you respond.

“You think they’re method acting? Looks pretty real to me, don’t you think, Y/N?” Reiner says.

You stomp off to the other side of the set, to the snack table, where you’re angrily chewing down one of the pastries when Hange walks over. You can still hear them joking over there, tears flowing out of Connie’s eyes.

“You frown any harder and you’re going to get wrinkles, kiddo.” Hange says, poking the soft of your cheek.

“Sorry.” you respond, your tone harsh.

They give you a laugh as the crew starts pulling Eren and Historia down from the ledge. Historia and Eren are wiping the makeup off each other’s faces as they laugh, chasing each other off the main set as they join the rest of them on the sidelines.

You turn to the side, angrily biting into another pastry on the snack table as you hear them giggling behind you.

“Where’s Y/N?” you hear Eren ask, as he slips his jacket back on.

“She’s moaning and groaning by the snack table.” Jean says, smacking Connie on the back.

“You guys are being mean. You’re obviously hurting her feelings by insinuating there’s something between Eren and Historia.” Mikasa says, shaking her head disapprovingly at them.

“What?” Eren responds.

“We were just joking with her and she got all mad for no reason. You and Historia just looked really romantic up there for a second and we were teasing her about it, saying you’re going to forget all about her.” Connie explains.

You can feel your cheeks burning, the entire situation mortifying as you feel your face turn red. Because them saying it is one thing but telling Eren is another. The crew starts working on getting your harnesses attached for the next scene as Eren walks over, politely asking them if he can have a second with you.

“Hi Y/N.”

“Hi Eren.” you grumble, crossing your hands across your chest.

He gives you a smile as he snakes his left hand around your waist and uses his right hand to cup your face and kiss you straight on the face. He’s pulling you closer with his hand, your cheeks burning at the sounds of them all cheering and screaming a few feet away from you. He lets go after a few seconds, his forehead resting against yours.

“What happened to telling them at the end of the season?” you whisper, a smile making its way across your lips.

“They were pissing you off. Had to set the record straight.” he responds, pressing a kiss to both of your cheeks before pulling back.

Sasha and Mikasa run over, crushing the two of you in a hug as they all excitedly squish you in their embrace, hundreds of questions falling out of their mouths.

How long have you been dating? Are you in love? Have you done it?

“Connie. You’re disgusting, you know that?” Armin says, snapping a picture of everyone crushing you in a hug.

“Guilty as charged.” Connie says, smirking.

“Connie. Bother her again and I’ll make it a point to do it in your bed.” Eren says, cupping your face in his hands as everyone laughs.

Eren joins you at the piano, two steaming cups of tea in his hand. He sets them both at the head of the piano before pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“Hey.”

“Hi. I-I think it might be done.”

“We’re sticking with invisible string?”

“Seems right, don’t you think?”

Eren leans forward to press a kiss to your cheek again before settling his hands on the keys as he starts playing the tune, your voice filling the empty air of the set.

Time, curious time

Gave me no compasses, gave me no time

Were there clues I didn’t see?

You give Eren a nod to join you on the melody as you play the notes on your side of the piano, your cheeks hurting from smiling.

And isn’t it just so pretty to think

All along there was some invisible string

Tying you to me?

Eren stops playing the keys as he leans his head against your shoulder, pressing a kiss to your shoulder before talking.

“Maybe we shouldn’t sing right now. Your voice is sounding tired, love.”

“We just did so many takes of that scene yesterday with Armin and Erwin. And then we all spent a good twenty minutes crying after we realized it was Erwin’s last scene, so I’m all spent out.”

Eren plays a loose melody on the piano as you press a kiss to the top of his head.

“Where’d you come up with invisible string, love?”

“It’s one of those old folktales, Eren. About soulmates.”

He gives you a confused look as he keeps playing, the piano singing in the air.

“Basically, when you’re born, there’s a little string tied around your pinkie and one around your soulmates. And no matter how far you are, you’ll eventually find the other end of your string and your other person because you’re tied together.”

“Do you ever think about stuff like that? About soulmates and other lives and stuff?”

“Sometimes, it can be fun. Like what we’re doing in another life, how we ended up together.”

“You think we’re together in other lives, Y/N?”

“You don’t, Eren?”

You give him a fake angry look which has him back pedaling really fast, the words spilling out of his mouth.

“I-no. Of course, we’re together. We’re meant to be together, every universe and every time-”

“I’m teasing, Eren. You don't have to think that just because I do.” you respond, smacking your fist against the piano and sending a shred of discordant notes in the air.

“Ouch, princess. You’re no musician.”

“Oh?”

He laughs, taking your closed fist off of the keys and lifting your hand to his mouth to press a kiss to your knuckles.

“We have hundreds of love stories out there, Y/N.”

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

“All the classics, of course.”

“Like? I need concrete examples, Eren.”

“There’s one where we fake-date and fall in love. And then there’s one where you somehow end up being my roommate and-”

“Roommates? That’s so fucking corny, Eren.”

“Roommates, babe. Like you somehow end up having to live with me against your will and then obviously start liking me because I’m so charming.”

“Ew, Eren. You would hate being my roommate. I’d probably piss you off by singing in the shower every morning.”

“See that’s the thing. I’d hate it at first but then it becomes super endearing to me. It’s part of the romance, falling in love with the little things.”

“Okay, Cupid. I didn’t realize you were an expert here.”

“Let’s go home, yeah? We need to wake up early for the vow renewal tomorrow.”

Eren starts packing your notebook into the bag and handing you your cup of tea as you slide around on the bench. He walks down the length of his set before realizing you’re not next to him and trails back, bending down to sit in between your legs.

“Hey. What’s up?”

You put your hand against his cheek as you look at his green eyes, round and full, staring into yours. It’s on the tip of your tongue. You love him. And you miss him when he’s not even gone.

“Nothing, Eren. I just thought about how after this week, we won’t be coming back here for another three years. When am I gonna see you?”

Eren jumps off the ground and takes his seat on the bench again, wrapping his arm around your shoulder. He presses a kiss to the top of your head before murmuring against your hair, his voice soft.

“I’ll come where you are. You can come where I am. We-we’ll see each other, okay?”

“Okay, Eren. You’re right. I-I’m just being silly.”

He leans forward to drag you up on your feet and the two of you stroll your way back to the townhouse together in the dark. And the confession still burns on the tip of your tongue.

You and Eren stay seated on the piano bench, well after you guys finish singing your song for Hange and Levi, to watch everyone from your perfect vantage point on the front of the dance floor.

Levi and Hange are still swaying in the middle, the two of them laughing into each other’s faces as Hange steps on Levi’s feet for the sixth time. Sasha and Reiner are doing some very serious tango dancing, and destroying anyone who makes it into their pathway, and Jean and Mikasa brushing noses as they softly smile into each other’s faces.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been as happy as I am right now, Eren.” you say, looking over at his green eyes.

He’s all dressed up, in a nice black suit and his hair nicely styled against his forehead. He’s wearing a pink tie, intended to match the pale pink long dress you borrowed from Mikasa.

“Why’s that?”

“I don’t know. There’s so much love in the room.”

“Connie getting seconds for the tenth time is love?”

You laugh as you lean your head on his shoulder, laughing into the fabric.

“No. But look. He has an extra plate that he’s piling onto for Sasha. Her feet have been hurting all night and instead of making her get up with him, he’s doing it for her. That’s love, Eren.”

“You always notice things I don’t, sweet girl. Tell me more.”

You smile as you place your chin up on his shoulder, pointing out each little thing in the room.

“Mikasa and Jean have been in the back corner all night. And when we were singing, Jean pressed the softest kiss to Mikasa’s cheek and her face turned all pink, even after all this time.”

Eren places his hand around the small of your back, rubbing small circles into your back as you go on.

“Armin is the most competitive Monopoly player known to man. Marco’s been sliding all his extra money to Reiner so he can stay in the game.”

“Erwin took a picture of Levi and Hange during their first dance from the back side, because he knows Levi wants the view of the picture to be Hange and not him.”

“And Levi and Hange, they’ve been swinging in the middle of the dance floor since we stopped singing and the orchestra started playing. Which was like forty-five minutes ago. They-they’ve been talking this entire time, never running out of things to say to each other, with the biggest smiles on their faces.”

Eren looks over at you, the soft, sweet look in your eyes as you look at everyone in the room and it makes his heart melt.

“Levi and Hange are really in love, aren’t they?” Eren asks, drawing his eyes that give away too much from you.

“The softest kind of love. I-I’ve never seen two people so in sync before. I feel like every time I look at Levi when he’s with Hange, he looks like he’s never been more at peace.”

And Eren can see it - the way Levi’s shoulders are relaxed, the smile on his usually blank face, and the wrinkles near his eyes.

And when he looks over, all he can see is it on your face too. The marks of love. Full, pink cheeks - which he’s sure is from the makeup Mikasa helped you with. The softest, most excited smile on your face as you scan the room, only pointing out more and more of the tiny little signs of love he’d never even see on his own.

“I love you.”

You look over at Eren, his green eyes gentle and heartfelt as he takes your hand and squeezes three times.

“Eren, you-”

“I love you. The three squeezes - that’s what they’ve always meant.” he whispers, his hand warm in yours as me mimics the motion you’ve done a hundred times.

You can feel the tears stinging in your eyes as you bring your hand up to his cheek, memorizing the way he looks, bathed in the golden lights strung from the ceiling to the end of the backyard.

“There’s love in the room. And it’s right here between you and me.” you whisper, before Eren closes the space between you and leaves the warmest, softest kiss against your lip - so deep you can feel it tingling all over your skin.

The softest kind of love.

taglist:

pls comment on this post or any of the chapters if you want to be added to the taglist <3

#fic got me in my feelings ngl #what a feel good chapter #actor eren

353 notes · View notes

erensmoodygf · 8 months

Text

Wdym their relationship is falling off the bone 😭

historic wins

actor!eren x f!reader

**part of my method acting series

content: mentions of implied SA/uncomfortable agent, nothing else too serious. reader has anxiety before performing, eren being sick in love, baddie moment

an: when I tell you writing this chapter took ten years of my life, it really did. i literally had the worst day ever regardless BUT i regurgitated out and i can't tell if i hate it bc my mood is bad or bc its actually bad if its bad let all just collectively close our eyes please bc it ACTUALLY gave me a tension headache FDSFDSF

previous chapter

You knock on the door, the stress sitting on your shoulders, as you hear rustling behind the frame. When it swings open, you’re met with Marco and Reiner answering the doors, the two of them swiftly pulling you in and slamming the door shut behind you.

“Did anyone see you when you came in?” Reiner asks, his hand still pulling you up the stairs.

“No. Was-is there someone there or-”

“Paparazzi. They’ve been swarming since yesterday, we've barely been able to leave as it is.” Marco responds.

They drag you up the stairs and both push open the first white door open. You’re met with five pairs of eyes staring you down. Eren, Connie, Mikasa, Ymir, and Historia - who looks downright horrible.

You figured it was bad. You had seen the headlines on your way down - saying Historia was canceled, her trending on Twitter, her socials getting blocked. And you always thought that situations like this were sensationalized when you weren't famous, something horrible to go through. But it’s worse than you expected.

She looks sick.

Her complexion is pale green, her eyes rimmed red, and her hair is tangled into such a mess at the top of her head that it’s making your stomach turn. The Historia you know - glimmering blue eyes, soft blow-dried hair - is no comparison to the downright ghost you’re looking at now. And the worst part of it all is her expression. Broken. Defeated. Crushed.

You walk forward, opening your arms for her to sink into, and she immediately breaks out into sobs. She’s crying into your shoulder, her salty tears making a home against your skin and her cries so loud they're giving you goosebumps. You can see the rest of them behind you - Mikasa and Ymir sharing a knowing look - as Historia lets go and crawls back into the middle of her bed.

You take a seat next to Eren on the floor, the two of you crisscrossed against her pale pink walls. He links his hand with yours as you plop your head onto his shoulder.

“Is that everyone?”

“Yeah, Hisu. The rest of them couldn’t get off and Levi and Hange are on their way now.” Ymir responds, her hands making small circles into her back.

“Okay. I-I appreciate you coming, even when everyone hates me right now.”

“We could never hate you, Hisu. Ever.” Eren responds the tone definitive, angry, and firm. It only occurs to you now that you’ve never really seen Eren like this - his shoulders tensed up, the look in his eyes burning hot instead of softly warm.

“I know, I just-”

“No one could ever make us change our mind about you, Historia. The shit they’re saying doesn’t even sound like you. Why would you randomly fire your agent when you’ve literally loved him for years?” Reiner responds.

Historia’s face pales at the mention of her agent, the reaction catching all of you off guard. Eren pulls his arm around your shoulder as you both slump farther down the wall, the anticipation, the anxiety of what Historia’s about to say so palpable it makes your throat dry.

“I did fire my agent.” Historia chokes out.

You remember her agent well, from when you met him at the season two premiere. He was a tall guy, with chocolate brown hair and a fair amount of wrinkles. He couldn’t be much older than your own parents, but he was always the biggest supporter of Historia. The first person in line to brag about her, about how amazing her career has been, how many credits she has for how old she is.

“Why?” Connie asks.

Historia takes a deep breath, her head in her hands and her voice shaky as she starts explaining.

“I was set to act in Endless Love, that big movie being produced at the end of winter. I had gotten the lead role and I found out on my birthday, while I was still filming that limited series. I-I threw a big party to celebrate the fact that I was turning eighteen, that I was getting my dream roles, that my work was finally coming to fruition and-”

She pauses, leaning back on her bed as she screeches it out of her voice. And what she says hangs in the air, making your head feel like solid metal.

“The party ended and he was…congratulating me on everything. And I told him that I appreciated everything he had done for me, how far he had helped me come. And when-when I said that, he said…if I was really grateful, I’d give him a kiss.”

You pause, the implication sticking in your mind. Eren had hinted it to you before. That people in the industry take advantage, that they’re so powerful, so successful that it makes them feel entitled, deserving of whatever it is they please.

“I fired him. He went on Twitter, made a few tweets about my character when the news broke and you know how he is. They’re-they’re dragging my name through the mud. Calling me spoiled, that I paid to get the roles that I had, calling me names, sending me death threats and I-”

“You don’t have to worry about that. Levi and Hange will be here any minute and you know they’ve had their fair share of this. Hange especially and they’ll know what to do and-” Ymir starts.

“This is career-ruining. I didn’t do anything- anything at fucking all and my career is over if I tell the truth. I have to stay quiet, put my head down, and take it all if I still want to do this and I do.”

You all sit quietly, head down as she pants, the words angrily spilling out of her mouth. The words hang in the air, the silence deafening. Because what do you even say to that?

Can you really compromise your own feelings for the sake of your career? Your art?

“Okay, Historia. Let’s talk, just us, okay?”

You all turn your heads to find Levi and Hange leaning against the doorframes, Erwin standing at the back too. You all stand up, Historia running first to Hange and the rest of you following suit. You and Eren reach for Levi first, squeezing him way too hard. Levi ruffles both of your hair as you look up at him, a soft smile pressed against his face.

“Okay, run off. Let us talk to Historia first, okay?”

You both nod, letting go of Levi as you walk down the hall.

“Levi?”

“Hm, Y/N?”

“I missed you.”

“Don’t be corny, brat.” Levi responds, glaring at you. You smile back and he most definitely murmurs something that sounds like I miss you too as you and Eren walk out.

The lot of you settle for milling around the kitchen, Mikasa talking Ymir down from her hill of rage in the back. You can’t help but watch Eren in the back corner, leaning against the counter with his eyes fixed on the outside.

There’s a group of stormy, angry-looking gray clouds simmering in the air above, the grass outside lush and green. It’s positively gloomy, the weather matching the storm brewing in all of your heads.

Eren flicks his eyes over at you, making a gesture for the two of you to go outside. You nod, setting down your phone as you walk over to him, the two of you sliding open the side door and walking out onto the pavement. Historia’s house opens up onto a nice green field, surrounded by lush, flowery hills.

He’s walking faster than you, his long legs carrying him to the closest slope. When the breeze picks up, it’s moving through your hair strongly and sending a shiver down your spine with it.

“Are you cold?”

“Just a little, Eren. I didn’t realize it would be this cold outside.”

He immediately shrugs off his dark green hoodie, the one you’ve seen a hundred times, and yanks it over your head. He’s placing it over your head haphazardly and you can hear him laughing at your protests.

“You know, you could have at least aimed for my head when you yanked it on me.”

“Be quiet. Let’s sit.”

He plops down onto the grass, lying flat against the flowers as you join him. You’re both watching the clouds swirl above, the blades of grass whistling in the wind against your hands.

“This is lying down, Eren.”

“Oh, shut up. Do you always have to talk back?”

You turn your head to the side, looking into his eyes.

“Maybe a little bit.”

He rolls his eyes, turning his head back to the sky. You can tell he’s more tense than usual, his jaw clenched against his skull and his eyebrows knit in irritation.

“Are you okay, Eren? You've seemed off today and-”

“Quit asking me that!”

You’re thrown off by the immediate rejection, the tone in his voice so angry it nearly makes you flinch. You can feel your skin burning - in embarrassment and humiliation for asking him something stupid-

His hand comes down on yours, squeezing three times, as he shifts over to face you. You follow suit, the two of you lying on your sides, face to face with your interlocked hands in between you.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I-I’m not mad at you. Marco and Connie, they’ve just been asking all day and I’m okay and it’s just getting tiring to-”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. I-I can never be mad at you, I just-just got frustrated for a second, but never at you.”

You lift your hand, placing it on his ice-cold cheek, and squeeze once.

“It’s okay, Eren. I know,” you whisper.

He gives you a smile, closing his eyes as he leans his head against the flowers. They’re pale yellow and you silently wonder if they’re as soft as Eren’s skin feels under your hand.

“I’m not okay, Y/N.” he whispers.

“Want to tell me about it?”

“I-I have a brother.”

“Zeke. I remember, Eren.”

“We-we don’t really get along anymore, but I loved him when I was a kid. He was always so cool - driving me around in his car to get ice cream, teaching me tricks on all the video games I used to play, and acting in all these really cool shows. But, he-he”

You place a hand on his shoulder, moving it back and forth and trying your best to comfort him into talking. Eren was always the worst with words.

“He had a scandal like this. And then he started talking to all these big producers, acting differently all of a sudden. He stopped talking to me all together after it all happened and only to my parents when he needed something. Even to this day, he’s come back from what happened but he was never the same. And I-”

“That’s not going to happen to Historia, Eren. Don’t think like that.”

He leans forward, dragging you into his embrace, as he digs his face into the crook of your neck. You bring your hands up, dragging him through the tresses of his brown hair as he squeezes harder.

“It just-I got iced out by him. I wanted to be around him, wanted to be him and he just stopped talking to me all together. I loved him so much and I-

“Eren. Historia loves you. She’s not going to ice you or any of us out from this because she’s not like that. None of us will. And maybe your brother had a reason for what he did.”

You and Eren stay like that for a few minutes, the words hanging in the air between you. You can feel your chest stinging at Eren’s words, his stress from the situation making more sense now. You curse the fact that Eren might have been dealing with something like death threats, people spewing hatred before he was old enough to even understand what it meant.

“Hey. You’re supposed to be on my side, Y/N.”

“This is being on your side. Sometimes that means being a devil's advocate a little bit, Eren.”

He rolls his eyes as he readjusts and you can’t help but stare at them. His eyes. Bottle green, with specks of darker shades in the middle. Like a clear ocean or a shiny gem, glittering even in the dull light of the clouds.

“What are you thinking, Y/N?”

“Your eyes have lots of colors, Eren. Pretty greens.”

“Pretty?”

“Pretty.”

He smiles, bringing a hand up to your cheek, his thumb tracing the shape of your lips. You can feel your body burning at the touch, at his eyes, at his smell all over you.

“Eren. What are you do-”

“Do you ever think about how we live in a fishbowl?”

“A fishbowl?”

“Like an aquarium. We’re fish on display, that everyone gets to point at and laugh at and enjoy. And then one day, when they don’t like us, they put their rods out and wring us out.”

“I guess, Eren. Why do you-”

“I like being a fish with you.”

You lean back, squinting your eyes at him.

“You like being a fish with me?”

“I just mean- that I- I like”

“You think I smell like a fish, Eren.”

“What? I didn’t say that- oh my god, I just meant that we’re two fishes swimming together and-”

“The plural of fish is fish. Not fishes.”

Eren rolls his eyes, getting up off the grass to tackle you in the grass, pinning you down by your arms to hover over you. He’s smirking at you, his lips only a few feet from yours.

“You’re annoying, Y/N. I was trying to be cute.”

“Let me go. Is this how you treat your fellow fish?”

“Shut up. We’re not fish together anymore because you’re rude.”

He gets up off of you, plopping back into the grass next to you. You’re both laughing, your cheeks hurting from smiling so hard and the blood rushing to your head.

“I’m just teasing, Eren. The whole fish thing is cute.”

“Now you’re just saying that so I’ll stop being mad at you.”

“Hey! I get what you’re saying. It’s like…we’re fish. People stare and talk and whatever and it sucks. And no one really understands what it’s like to be a fish, even when they’re staring at us through the glass, but you do. They’ll always be something between us and them, but you and I are always on the same side. We-we have each other.”

He smiles, bringing his hand back up on the back of your neck and pulling you closer to his face. When he talks, he whispers, the breath tickling your skin.

“So if you got the fish thing why were you giving me so much attitude about it?”

“I have to keep you in line, Eren. You can’t have all the cards.”

“I don’t even have one, Y/N. Not even one when it comes to you.”

He smiles, his eyes shut as he leans forward to press his lips to yours. But before he can, his phone starts buzzing behind him and he leans back, the two of you awkwardly scrambling off of each other.

The moment passed.

“Reiner. This better be something fucking good.”

“What? Okay, we’re coming back now. Oh my god.”

Eren stands up, holding out a hand to you. You place your hand in his and he nearly yanks you up, the two of you running downhill back to the house.

“What-what happened?”

“The TV awards. They announced the nominations.”

When you both run back in, Reiner and Marco immediately drag you to the center couch, next to Historia who's crying puddles and Ymir who's holding her like there’s no tomorrow.

“Hisu got a nomination. Despite this shit.” Reiner says, smiling.

You and Eren smile at each other too, piling onto Ymir and Historia, and squeezing hard. A win.

When the program starts again, you’re all staring intently at the screen, you and Eren anxiously fumbling with each other’s hands as you wait for it. They’ve announced almost all of them, except the major acting ones which are the only ones you and Eren could really be nominated for.

“Speaking of historic nominations, lead actor for hit series Attack on Titan, Eren Jaeger, has garnered three nominations - including a major six category for Actor in a Lead Role. He is the youngest person to be nominated for this award.”

You turn your head, squeezing the entire circulation out of Eren’s hand as the realization sinks in. Actor in a Lead Role. Like Eren’s lifelong dream, Actor in a Lead Role. You reach forward, tangling your arms around his neck as Reiner and Mikasa pile on too, the three of you nearly strangling him by the way you’re shaking him.

“Okay, okay let me go. You’re going to kill me before I can even go to the show and lose.”

“Shut up. You’re so winning.”

He rolls his eyes at you both keep watching the lady, announcing the costume design and casting awards.

“And finally, our record-breaking announcement. Lead actress for the hit series Attack on Titan, Y/N L/N, has broken history by being our most nominated actress in Institute history. Including nominations for the ensemble cast, she has garnered five nominations, including two major six categories for Actress in a Lead Role and Breakout Actress. She is the first non-SHWA affiliated actress and the youngest to ever do so.”

Eren drops the remote and turns to you, cupping your face in his hands and dragging your face as close as he can to his.

“Are you fucking kidding me? You-you’re insane. You just-”

He nearly leans forward, pressing your lips together for the second time in the past twenty minutes, but Marco and Mikasa cut him off before you can, the two of them jostling you from his embrace to squish you in a hug. You give Eren an apologetic look, which he shakes his head at.

They’re all squishing you so hard - Levi and Hange pressing kisses to the top of your head and Historia squeezing the life out of all of you - but all you can think about is one thing. Eren, standing a few feet away from you, smiling at you like you’re the sun.

It only occurs to you then and there.

That you’re in love with Eren Jaeger.

You guys leave on your press tour two weeks later, meeting up in New York. You have a full day of interviews for the pre-awards show the day before and then you’re all going to fly out to Los Angeles together and attend the awards.

Not only are you nominated for six awards - which you still haven’t wrapped your head around - you’re also performing at the show. Your agent had reached out to you a few days after the nominations list went out and mentioned that you were listed to perform at the show.

You hacked it out with Eren. You’d play the piano and perform New Year’s Day, the song you wrote together last year on your birthday, and be done with it. It’s the song you have the most practice working on since the rest of your songs are half-baked.

But now that you’re doing press, you barely have any time to practice - being stuck between interviews all day. You shake the thought from your head as you and Eren clip your microphone jacks to each other’s shirts before walking onto the stage and standing in view.

“My name is Eren Jaeger and I’m one of the leads of Attack on Titan.”

“My name is Y/N L/N and I’m the other lead of Attack on Titan. We’re going to be taking a Friendship Test today!”

Around halfway through the interview, the crew brings you and Eren little notepads and pens, instructing you guys to compliment each other. You scribble a few thoughts down as you and Eren stand on the stage, now facing each other.

“Okay, you first, Eren.”

Eren flips the notepad in his hands, awkwardly fumbling with his fingers when he does. When he looks up, his green eyes are awkwardly meeting yours.

“Jeez, Eren. I didn’t realize it would be this hard for you to compliment me.”

“Shut up. I was just thinking about how to start.”

“More like thinking of what to say.”

“Be quiet.”

“Okay, okay. Compliment me, Jaeger.”

He rolls his eyes, giving you a smile as he runs his eyes over the notepad. He seems much more at ease now, the awkwardness from before coming off in waves.

“Y/N. I am the most stubborn person on the planet. Which only speaks volumes about how patient, understanding, and compassionate you really are for being my best friend.”

You can feel your throat getting dry and your eyes welling with tears at literally the first sentence, taken aback by how sincere Eren’s being. The soft eyes, the one he only reserves for when he’s lying down on hills or writing songs with you on the piano are out in the flesh, and they’re making your heart pound so much you’re sweating under the lights.

“You’ve always been able to sense my feelings - my happiness, my frustrations, my pain - without me having to tell you. And you always, always know how to say the right thing to bring me back down to Earth from it all. You make me a better person and I love you for it.”

You can feel the tears streaming down your eyes as reach up to wipe your tears away, knowing you’re smudging the makeup your team spent hours on.

“You’re not terrible to look at either.”

He smiles into the camera on the side and you can feel the tears spilling from your eyes, your nose filling with snot.

“Eren.”

“Told you it was good.”

“Shut up. That was so sweet, I didn’t even know you knew half of those words, let alone what they mean.”

Eren reaches forward, rolling his eyes at you as he squishes your cheeks.

“I literally just called you the best person I know and you’re still being annoying?”

“Yes. It’s a full-time job.”

He turns to the camera, moving your squished face towards the camera with him.

“Do you guys see what I have to deal with? My girl is literally the most stubborn person on the planet.”

“Didn’t you call me infinitely patient five seconds ago?”

You both stand back on your marks as you wipe your tears, reaching forward to hold Eren’s hand. You squeeze three times, which he returns with another three squeezes, before you take your own notepad and read your compliment out to Eren.

“Eren. I wouldn’t be standing here if it wasn’t for you. Not only because you took a chance on me after our first screen test, but every other hiccup along the way was only something I could swallow because of you. You-your steadfast determination and belief in me is something so inspiring, so warm unlike anything else. You’ve always been a safe place for me, somewhere I can always run to when I need someone. I’m so glad we can always be fish together.”

Eren smiles at the fish line, leaning forward to crush you in a hug. You can smell the clean laundry smell on his shirt, breathing it in as you soak in Eren’s embrace around you.

“Hey Y/N.”

“Hey Eren.”

“I love you.”

“Yeah, yeah. I love you too, Eren.”

After the interview is over, you and Eren are stuck on this stage for another hour before the rest of the cast comes to do another interview. You both stay in the back, near the snack table and run through the song again.

“Eren.”

“Hm?”

“I don’t know why I got signed up to perform at this thing. I-I don’t think I’m ready to perform this song yet.”

“You are. New Year’s Day is a great song and you’re an amazing singer. Plus, the person you wrote the song about is really attractive, so that helps your case too.”

You reach forward to flick his cheek.

“Shut up. New Year’s Day is not about you.”

“I’m literally your inspiration. You literally wrote a love song about me.”

“You wish, Eren.”

“I don’t have to. I can see it written all over your face, sweetheart.”

“Sweetheart? When did you become so cocky?”

“When did you become so beautiful?”

“Eren.”

“Y/N.”

You’re both cut off by one of the crew members, a shorter, older woman standing near the table with her eyes fixed on you. She smiles when you guys both turn towards her, extending her out.

“Hi. My name is Le-”

“Leila. I remember. You helped us fix the microphone packs before we started!” you respond.

“Oh. Yes, Leila. I can’t believe you remembered that. I-I was going to ask you for a favor if that’s okay.”

“Sure. We’d love to help however we can.”

“My daughter. She’s a really, really big fan of the show. I was wondering if we could take a picture together so we could send it to her.”

You smile, gesturing to Eren to stand up with you as you take a picture with her. You and Eren are both taller than her so you put your hands around her shoulders and muster the biggest smiles you can for the picture.

“Are you sure you didn’t want us to make a video of us saying hi to her or anything? Or maybe call her if she’s free? If there’s a paper here we can sign something as well or anything you want.” you ask.

“Oh, I couldn’t impose. You guys have been so kind already and-”

“Nonsense. Eren and I are just going to sit here and I’d really love to help make her day. You work so hard day and night on these sets for us and make sure everything works by the time we get here and we really, really appreciate it.”

You and Eren end up filming a video for her daughter since she’s already asleep so you can’t call her, and you and Eren also sign a few posters for her to take home to her daughter.

“Y/N. Just so you know, you’re amazing. My daughter was so inspired when you signed yourself up to perform at the awards show after you openly talked about how nervous it makes you. You actually gave her the courage to sign up for a dance team at her school and she actually made it on the team now. My point is you’re a big inspiration to everyone and the strides you’re making for all of us don’t go unnoticed.”

She gives you both one last hug as she runs off back to the other side of the set, giving you a smile as she leaves. Eren brings his hand around your shoulder, leaning forward as he smiles at you.

“You hear that, Y/N? You’re an inspiration.”

“It’s weird to hear that, Eren. I remember being that kid watching Hange win on the screen when I was little. And if I win-”

“When. When you win.”

“If I win, it’s weird to think that I could be that for someone else.”

“You’ve always been that way. People are just noticing it now.”

“Do you have to sign yourself up to sing for the awards, by the way? Because…I never even told my agent that I had written a song. She just told me that I would be performing and then I started prepping.”

“Yeah. You have to send a demo for them to accept the performance.”

You lean back, even more confused than you were before. There’s no demo of New Year’s Day. How could they accept your performance if there’s no record of you singing it? How could they even know you wrote a song when the only person who knows you even finished it was Eren?

Eren.

“What did you do?”

“Hm?”

“You did something, Eren. What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“Eren.”

“Maybe, I took the sheet music and recorded a demo of me singing it. And convinced them that it would sound even better when you did it, because it’s your song.”

You smack him across the shoulder.

“You signed me up to sing the song? In public, on live television?”

“The song is good. You’re a phenomenal singer. And you can’t become a triple threat unless people hear you sing.”

You stand on the other side of the curtain, shiny and gold, as you readjust your dress one last time. You take a deep breath as you give a smile to Marco and Jean, who are right behind you, squeezing your arms.

“You’re good. You look great and you’re going to kill it tonight. And Eren just walked out on the carpet so he’ll be right there.” Marco says, smiling brightly at you.

You nod, giving the two of them a smile back, as you part the curtains and walk out onto the red carpet. You can feel your ankles shaking from the heels you were wearing, making sure to walk slowly so they didn’t tangle with the long, purple billowing fabric of your dress. As you turn to the right, you’re immediately blinded by the flashing lights and the sound of screaming from the photographers on the other side of the red carpet.

The lights are so blinding that you can feel yourself squinting, trying your hardest to muster a smile with your eyes closed. You can already feel the embarrassment coming on from how these pictures are going to trend later, trying to swallow the lump in your throat.

“Put these on.”

You turn to the left to see Eren, his hair messily styled to perfection. He’s holding up sunglasses, a matching pair in his hand as well. You both place them on your nose, garnering a big amount of cheers from the paparazzi as you both pose together, Eren’s hand around your waist.

“How did you know?” you whisper under your breath.

“You can barely handle Armin’s Polaroid. You get used to the flashes, but the first time it’s hard to adjust. And this is a big night, so I had to make sure I had a contingency plan.” he says.

“Always thinking ahead, huh?”

“Only for you, sweetheart.”

All you can think about is the awards, the performance, and the anxiety building in your stomach with every passing second. You force a smile as you both walk down the carpet, stopping every few seconds to take pictures and smile. At one point, Eren stands in front of you in the camera, blocking the view.

“What a picture, Eren. You really want them to get a shot of your ass?”

“No. Your dress. It’s kind of sliding off the side.”

You look down, realizing that in all the movement and sweating you’re doing under the lights, that one of the clasps keeping the fabric in place came undone. You quickly tuck the clasp back together and look up to shoot Eren a smile.

“Thanks. You just saved me from flashing everyone on the carpet.”

“That doesn’t sound too horrible, doll.”

You and Eren turn around to find Sukuna and Nobara standing at your side, the two of them wrapping their arms around you and pressing a kiss to your cheeks. Eren immediately yanks Sukuna off, his arm stiff around Sukuna’s shoulder.

“You never get less annoying, do you?” Eren asks.

“Not really, no.”

“You look really pretty, Y/N. We’re really rooting for you, we want you to win.” Nobara says, her hands squeezing yours.

“Don’t get your hopes up. These types of things are kind of a long shot, Kugi.”

“We know. Doesn’t stop me from rooting for you though.”

You smile, leaning to take a picture with her before the four of you walk off to the side, continuing your conversation.

“Where are Yuu and Maki? I haven’t seen them since they started dating and stopped responding to my texts.”

Sukuna and Nobara share an awkward look, leaning forward to whisper in your's and Eren’s ears.

“They broke up. Well, just wait. You know the mess they're in is going to find its way to the tabloids somehow.”

You and Eren cringe as you share a look, thinking about Historia’s scandal from a few weeks ago. You can’t imagine how much worse it must be when it involves the two of them. The intimate details of their relationship being on display.

“You look pretty, doll. Way more confident and self-assured than you were when I met you. It suits you.”

Eren slithers his hand around your waist, the grip firm, as he responds to Sukuna.

“She’s always been like that.”

“Okay, Eren. Pipe down. I’m not about to be swapping saliva with your girl anytime soon. Though you might want to get a move on that, everyone’s going to have their eyes on your girl by the end of the night.” Sukuna says, smirking at Eren.

“You sound disgusting, Sukuna. Like a pervert.” Nobara says, rolling her eyes at him.

“That’s what happened with Yuuta and Maki. Everyone went all gaga for Yuuta after the movie dropped. And after she sings too, Eren’s going to fight to stay afloat over here.”

“Ignore him, Eren. His neurons are decaying as we speak.” Nobara responds, giving Eren a smile.

“I’m well aware,” Eren says, giving the two of them a smile as they walk away.

As Sukuna walks away, Eren only tightens his grip on your waist, literally seething with anger as he turns to you. You can tell he’s burning, that he’s jealous or aggravated like he always is when Sukuna's around, and you put a hand on his shoulder.

“I hate that guy. So much, Y/N.”

“You know he just says that because you’re easy to piss off right?”

“Are you really taking his side?”

“I’m just saying. You give him a lot to work with when you react like that. You should try to be zen. Like a flower.”

"I'm so zen right now."

"There's a vein on your forehead that's pulsating from how hard you're clenching your jaw, Eren. You're more of a cactus than a pretty flower."

Eren rolls his eyes as he drags you into the auditorium, the two of you taking your seats at the front.

Five awards later - two of which you won - and you’re standing behind the stage ready to puke. You choked out your best acceptance speech when you won Breakout Actress, spilling tears as you spoke, and luckily enough the other award was one you and Eren won together. He carried most of your speech together, though Eren spent most of it raving about you.

Reiner’s still on stage, doing his acceptance speech for Breakout Actor and you’re ready to annihilate yourself. When you came back out after winning your award, getting ready for the performance, you received the worst news possible.

You have to play the piano while you sing. You have to play the piano while you sing because the pianist you’ve been practicing with has food poisoning.

You lie down flat on the ground, the silver dress you just put on, feeling heavy against your skin, weighing you down.

“Are you okay? Y/N, you’ll be fine, it's just a piano.”

Marco brings his hands to the side of your face, lifting your head so he can rest it on his lap. You’re totally aware of the fact that Marco’s sitting on this disgusting floor with you, in his expensive ass outfit, because you’re having a meltdown. You make a mental note to thank him for it later.

“Oh my fucking god, Y/N. Can you believe it? We’re literally breakout stars.”

You look up at Reiner, now having come off the stage with his shiny silver trophy in hand and a huge smile on his face. You give him a weak smile back, the pressure in your head only getting more intense when you realize it’s your turn. Reiner nearly cringes at the sight of you, which you ignore as you flutter your eyes shut. After the ad break, they’re going to roll out a shiny black piano you're expected to play.

“Get Eren.” Marco says and Reiner gives a swift nod. Reiner leans down to press a kiss to your cheek, whispering good luck, before he runs off into the background.

Not even thirty seconds later, you’re met with Eren, a third person now sitting on the dirty floor with you with the softest expression on his face. He’s taken both of your hands, pressing your knuckles to his lips as he presses a kiss onto them both.

“You okay?”

“The pianist. Has food poisoning. I have to play the New Year’s Day piano, Eren.”

“You have magic hands. You can do it.” he whispers.

You can feel Marco’s hands in your hair, fixing away the flyaways as you look up at him. Marco nods too and you can feel yourself feeling dizzy.

“I can’t do it. I can’t sing for the first time and play the piano. I-I can’t do this.”

"Y/N. Come on. You can do this."

You can feel the tears burning in your eyes when you meet Eren's bottle green ones, washed over in concern. And you know that it's just a piano, that it's juat a crowd, and that it's a song that you've sang a million times. But the anxiety is as big as a balloon, ready to burst into something ugly the second you walk out there under the lights.

Eren frowns as he looks over at the piano, getting rolled out onto the stage, and the crew awkwardly looking at you splayed out on the ground. They're pointing at their watches, signaling that if you're going to perform, you're going to do it now. And Eren can't let you choke, not when it's this important. So he does the only thing he can think of.

“I’ll play the piano."

You sit up and put your hands on his shoulders, squeezing hard on the fabric of his suit.

"Huh?"

"I'll sit at the bench with you. Play it for you so you can focus on singing."

“Really, Eren?” you whisper.

“Can’t do anything without me, can you?”

You lean forward and press a kiss to his cheek, his face immediately turning pink at the sensation. He holds his hand out and helps you up, his hands leaning forward to fix the folds of your dress. You both stand on the side of the curtains and you’re nearly positive you’re cutting off circulation to both Marco and Eren’s hands as you wait for your cue.

When you and Eren walk out, taking your seats on the piano bench and adjusting the microphones, you stare at the crowd. There’s a light flashing on you and Eren that’s partially obstructing your vision. You’re staring out at them - two hundred faces you don’t know and half a million watching at home.

Don’t choke. Don’t choke. Don’t choke.

It’s only then that Eren stops playing the piano, his hand on his shoulder shaking you. And then you realize now that he had started. Meaning he had played the entire intro waiting for you to sing and you didn’t. That you blanked on stage. He places his hand on your chin, lightly guiding your face to look at his.

“It's okay. Just you and me. Like we did on set okay?”

You nod and Eren starts playing the piano again. And before you know it, you’ve choked out the last lyric, and Eren’s holding your hand as you both bow on the stage. You see people cheering, standing up out of their seats as you walk off and you feel like your heart is about to burst out of your chest. When you get off into the curtains, they immediately start yank the microphones off of you two as you reach forward for Eren’s hand.

“I-I blacked out. Was it bad?”

“It was amazing. You’re amazing. You-you’re”

Eren leans forward, wrapping his hands around your neck and pressing his lips to yours. You can still feel people moving around you, setting up things for the closing part of the ceremony, but the only thing you’re paying attention to is Eren. And his lips. And the way he’s pulling you closer like he can’t get enough of you.

When you pull apart, you’re both panting, smiling at each other, foreheads pressed together.

“Thank god. If I got cock-blocked from kissing you a third time, I was actually going to commit murder.”

“You want me so bad,” you say, sarcastically.

“Obviously.”

You both smile and turn to the left, to a very smiley Marco staring at you two. And then you cringe, remembering that you and Eren are literally backstage and there are like seven people who just watched you suck face in public. Marco walks up, wrapping his arms around both of you and hugging hard.

“I love you guys.”

“Marco. Don’t-” Eren starts.

“I’m not going to tell anyone. You need time to figure out whatever is going on, without Connie and Sasha up your ass the entire time. But I’m really, really happy for you.”

“Really, Marco?” you ask, leaning into Eren’s touch.

“It’s always been you guys. You guys better not break up or else I’ll come hunt both of you down. And if I’m dead, I’ll come back to life just to haunt you guys.”

You both laugh, smiling at Marco and then each other. Levi and Mikasa call you from the other side of backstage, gesturing for you to come over to watch the video of the performance. You give Marco and Eren a smile before you run off to where they’re standing.

“Told you she liked you, Eren,” Marco says, elbowing him in the side.

“I love her,” Eren responds, watching Mikasa and Levi crush you in a hug as you all hunch over the video of you and Eren performing.

Marco smiles, giving Eren a pat on the back before he walks off to join you. Eren stays, trying to commit the memory to mind. You in a sparkly, silver dress looking at him like he's the sun.

Eren Jaeger is in love with you.

Two afterparties later and you and Eren are in a disgusting tattoo parlor down the street.

“I can’t believe you convinced me to do this, Eren.”

Eren smiles as he presses a kiss to your cheek, the two of you leaning through the little prints in the binder. You’re getting matching tattoos.

“I can be very persuasive.”

“Uh-huh. More like hypnotic. I’m half convinced you have me under some spell right now.”

“You pick what we do. Whatever you want, I’ll get it tattooed.”

“We should do something special, Eren. Like something that has significance to us.”

Eren smiles, lifting your hand to press a kiss to your knuckles again before he responds.

“Okay, okay. Let’s do fish.”

You smile, nodding at him.

“Koi fish. Like from that show, the Last Airbender. One fish is the ocean and the other one is the moon” you say.

“I call the ocean, Y/N.”

“What? I wanted to be the ocean.”

“No. That doesn’t fit.”

“Why not?”

“Because the moon pulls on the ocean. The waves in the ocean, objectively the best part, don’t exist without the moon. I’m the ocean. You’re my moon.”

You smile, leaning forward to kiss Eren before you tell the artist the design you two want. And when the two of you walk out, matching sore arms from the ink, you can’t help but wonder how you ever got so lucky in the first place.

A few years down the line, you stare at Eren's blocked contact and think back to that moment. The two of you running down the streets, bathed in dim lamplight laughing into the night. Matching tattoos, a confession on the tips of your tongues like you're two soulmates destined to be together.

You wonder where it got so fucked up between the two of you in the first place.

next part linked here

taglist: @k0z3me @kayleegomez @yihona-san06 @bsenpai @sweetenertea @mykyoon @violetmatcha @rebeccawinters @cutiejg @bokutosthings @bookwrmm @mblrrr @wheredidmycrowngo @somethinginyoureyes7 @chilichopsticks @okaystopwhore @you-always-made-me-blush @itzmeme @firelordazulaaaa @whoami-72 @g-ghostly @intimacywithceline @erensmoodygf @cocomellxn @princess-ackerman @jaegerfiles @cacapeepee @squirrelspoetry @rui-0836 @moonmalice @invisible-mori @sofiasber @bbybeeb @timetobegone @tee4str @ttokki2 @leave-rae-alone @ec3lipsy @officialsimpp

pls comment on this post or any of the chapters if you want to be added to the taglist <3

#my stomach hurts #I GASPED OUT LOUD #I stood up in the darkness w my hands on my hips in pure disbelief

430 notes · View notes