evilwizard

[evilwizard]

the wicked strike of jubjub's past

#what is that thang

[evilwizard]

the funniest dynamc between my boyfriend and i is the chef/baker divide runs so deep. experimentally my boyfriend is a genius with figuring out what flavor profiles will not just taste good together but also will be enjoyed by the specific audience he is cooking for. a recipe is not a guidebook so much as a suggestion and he will frankenstein ideas together to get exactly what he wants to happen. he also didnt know that sugar will not work properly if you dont mix it with the wet ingredients in banana bread and when i asked 'why didnt you do it in the order of the recipe' he said 'i didnt really think it mattered'. autistically i exploded his head in my mind

#it matters! baking is precision chemistry you have to calibrate the leavening reaction + oxygenation + acidity + protein denaturation + etc. #all at the same time and at high temperatures! the recipe absolutely matters

[evilwizard]

[evilwizard]

Taking acid while pregnant to awaken my fetus’s consciousness and make it psychic

[evilwizard]

me: *rolls over and goes back to sleep*

the necromancer who just spent several days constructing and performing a ritual to raise me from the dead:

[evilwizard]

"the 'power of love' trope is such an overused and cliche gimmick" i do not care i will love it always and forever. love prevails and explodes the enemy

[evilwizard]

friend server has changed our nicknames to various things you might find in a haunted house or whatnot so whenever one of us has a tough time it produces really good sentences such as “keep going you can do it creepy spider” and “terrifying shadow i hope you feel better soon” and “thank you sinister glow you’re always there for me”

[evilwizard]

Communists and anarchists will spend all day talking about abstract concepts and structures like capitalism and the state, but willfully ignore the very real, tangible curse placed upon me by the foul necromancer

[evilwizard]

yet another slam dunk for the evil wizard

I will genuinely Paypal you 12 dollars if you can prove you can send a bad luck curse to my dance teacher

one twisted ankle coming right up

#<|:^) #idk how i did that

[evilwizard]

its important to do this every time a museum or school thinks this is a good idea

[evilwizard]

im sorry man

they should add a drop of glowing purple fluid to doctor pepper. just one drop

[evilwizard]

[evilwizard]

on the one hand, extremely funny to get told “get help” by a fortune cookie, on the other, i can’t believe betterhelp has breached influencers and podcasters and started getting fortune cookies to shill for them

#welp. time to become the joker

[evilwizard]

tfw you’re an Evil Tome

[evilwizard]

extremely weird to think about the fact that the internet is a collection of physical objects, like, if i send a message to a person on another continent, there's a continuous physical path that each packet followed between each of our routers and it probably passes through an undersea cable which doesn't feel like something that should be real how did people manage that

[evilwizard]

mr beast just bought hundreds of old people skulls from a local cemetery and is having their grandchildren sip soda out of them

[evilwizard]

My boss is making me work even though theres discord channels to read like morning paper?