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Bringing this back

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ballet teacher: now if you plie enough and spot, you should be able to get around for three or more turns

me: okay......that sounds fake but okay

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Me over text: smoothly flirts

Me on the other side of the device: screaming, covering my face, blushing

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(x)

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A maintenance person came to fix some caulking in my bathroom and left me this amazing three smiley face note (that’s right, three) about Charlie. Charlie cat best cat.

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sex scenes in fanfiction be like

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u kno what sucks??? when you’re wearing all black but it’s different shades of black like one shade is faded or one shade is darker it makes me look like a sloppy grunge i am not a sloppy grunge.

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phil: *messes up slightly*

dan: THIS guy i sweaR. can't leave him to do SHIT philLIP you absolute fucking FLOP what are you doing for fucks sake you graduated university!! here fuck just let me do it for fucks sake you actual egg

someone else: *insults phil*

dan: phil is an actual angel what the fuck is wrong with you jesus christ phil trash #1 right here baby phil is a saint

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stop subjecting your husbands to kissing inanimate objects

ditl in japan x akihabara vlogmas

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phone: starts ringing from an unknown number

me: waits for it to stop while feeling very stressed

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if teenagers are ever being mean to you just pull out any miscellaneous item you have on you at the moment and make up some bullshit term to scare them

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when I'm on the phone with my mom:

me: ok

me: ok

me: ok

me: ok

me: ok

me: ok

me: ok

me: bye

me: ok

me: ok

me: ok

me: ok

me: ok

me: ok

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