fruitydoomerboy

[fruitydoomerboy]

the only thing worse than the mlm struggle of having a crush on a straight guy is the trans mlm struggle of having a crush on a straight guy who sees you as a girl

[fruitydoomerboy]

I was wondering what I could do to be more masculine as a FTM pre-T and I finally found some good tips that I hope maybe will help you too

Be swift as a coursing river

With all the force of a great typhoon

All the strength of a raging fire

Mysterious as the dark side of the moon

[fruitydoomerboy]

tfbw has a chokehold on me

[fruitydoomerboy]

“You have to cheat. Ask for as many extensions on papers as you possibly can. Pretend your computer is broken. Use your charm if you have any. If you’re going to cry, don’t wait until you’re out of the room–do it where the people in power can see you. Eat the same food every day if you can’t think of anything else to make. Put other things ahead of taking a shower, even if your mom said you have to take a shower every two days. Sometimes people won’t notice you’re cheating but even if they do and are annoyed you might still get by. My mom goes to workshops for people with ASD and then gives me the really long printouts that go along with them. The printouts tell me to sit down and make a list of everything I have to do. When I am anxious, as I have been this year, it’s hard to think about these things so I hold on to the printouts out of guilt but don’t actually read them. Then my mom finds them and gets upset that I haven’t read them and says that I’m not ready to live on my own. But I am ready to live on my own. Badly. Just like I can hold down a full-time job. Badly. Just like I am getting my homework done. Badly. And I forget to balance my checkbook, which none of my non-disabled friends do because you can get it online, and my mom says, “Well it’s different for you because they would be able to do it if they needed to, but you wouldn’t, so you have to do it.” Theoretically I understand this is true, but my checkbook remains unbalanced. Which is bad. And I feel bad. I do! At this rate I’ll never be able to go to college. But I do go to college. At this rate I’ll never be able to have any friends. But I do have friends. I just don’t do everything right with them all the time. For people whose lives are controlled by executive dysfunction, I firmly believe the difference between getting stuff done and not getting stuff done is not caring about doing things right. You cannot always make a list all the time and be early for everything. You just can’t. Hopefully you’re good-looking or funny or you remind someone of their niece. Exploit all opportunities. Do not do what people who are not disabled tell you to do (unless you want to, of course). All too often I find myself waiting for the day when I can do shit properly, which more or less amounts to waiting until I’m not disabled anymore. Then I can feel good enough to deserve everything I want. Well my cure is slow in arriving, so I’m just going to do everything I want now, if that’s okay with you.”

—

from I’m Somewhere Else, “Max is a Miracle”

The best advice I’ve heard on how to get through college with a developmental disability when there are zero accommodations for executive dysfunction. You can’t let anyone else try to live your life for you, and you cannot worry about “doing things right”. Also: none of the things described here as “cheating” are ACTUALLY cheating.

[fruitydoomerboy]

I existed in my mom before she was even born

Her eggs were developing while she existed in her mother's womb

I've been with my mom her whole life

I was there when she first learned to ride a bike

When she had her first heartbreak

Married my dad

My mom doesn't like many things about herself

In fact, she hates many things about herself

Including me

Because I was always there with her

And i think the hate she had for herself creeped into me

And so every time she saw me

She was a reflection of her self hatred

[fruitydoomerboy]

does anyone else feel they were robbed a boyhood? i wanted to play footboll with other boys, stay up super late and secretly talk about the girls we like at sleepovers, ride out bikes around during summer. Eating chips as we watch movies we're not supposed to. but i never got that. all i got was being a lonely fat girl who's too masculine and weird for either group

[fruitydoomerboy]

“what if people transition and then regret it?” ok. let’s do that with everything. no more straight marriages until the heterosexual divorce rate is below the detransition rates

[fruitydoomerboy]

i wish there were more than 24 hours in a day and beverages were $1 and growing up didn’t hurt so much

[fruitydoomerboy]

Things that make me irrationally angry because I’m overstimulated

Birds (why are they so loud?)

Tight clothing

Mouth noises

Hot (hot drinks, hot weather, just hot)

Vagueness

Someone accidentally touching me

Someone intentionally touching me

Itchy (why am I itchy?)

People talking loudly

My legs feeling trapped

God I could keep going.. part 1?

[fruitydoomerboy]

being autistic and transgender/transsexual is a strange experience for me. i know that i have gender dysphoria, especially relating to my body, but because i have almost no sense of social gender roles (beyond the very basic black-and-white stereotypes that i have been taught about blue for boys and pink for girls, etc.) i don't really care too much about the way i am perceived.

i also don't have much of a sense of what it is that makes me a boy rather than a girl, i just know that it made me angry and upset to the point of many meltdowns to be called a girl. and i don't like being called "she", that upsets me. it just feels wrong.

my feelings about this are something i always wish to put into words better, but there don't seem to be any words that adequately describe the lack of feelings i have.

i grew up thinking i was a girl because that's what i was told. i didn't really have many feelings about gender until i started slightly understanding that there was even a difference there. and even then it was only the physical body parts that made me upset at first.

i think that my trauma and abuse growing up are what mainly make me feel horrible about being called a girl and "she". because i associate being called that with that period of time and it all feels tangled in my head. a new name and pronouns and everything makes me feel like i can be a different person now and get away from it (at least on the outside). it's still all there in my head but it feels like a completely different lifetime.

[fruitydoomerboy]

Hi everyone,

I found a helpful article about autism in teenagers. Since a lot of you are probably teens, I thought some of you might find it helpful. According to this article:

Social communication signs

As children grow into their teenage years, social communication takes on new importance. There are many nuances in developing social networks and communication – both verbal and non-verbal – that teenagers on the autism spectrum will find challenging.

A teenager on the spectrum may:

* Struggle with the nuances of conversation. For example, they may totally dominate the conversation or have trouble ‘taking it in turns’ when talking. Alternatively, they may find it difficult when the focus is on them and may struggle to answer questions about themselves.

* Be totally focused on a specific topic and want to talk about it….a LOT! They may find it difficult to talk about subjects other than those they are interested in.

* Find it hard to ‘read’ non-verbal social cues, such as body language or tone of voice. For example, a teenager on the spectrum may not realise if one of their peers is ‘paying them out’ or using sarcasm. They may also have difficultly ‘reading’ people’s faces to know if they are feeling angry or sad.

* Have trouble negotiating the unwritten rules of friendship.

* Want to dominate activities and have trouble letting others have a go.

* Prefer to hang around with children much younger than themselves, or prefer spending time with adults.

* Be rigid in following rules – both in the classroom and in social situations.

* Be confused during conversations. For example, they might take things literally or not comprehend language.

* Have trouble making and using eye contact.

* Use speech in unusual ways. For example, they may speak in a monotone, with an accent, or in a very proper and formal way or not at all.

* Find it hard to follow anything but a very simple set of instructions.

* Show a limited range of facial expressions, mismatched facial expressions, or express few emotions.

* Prefer hanging around on their own, rather than joining in with others.

* Find the concept of ‘personal space’ difficult and get physically very close to others

Behavioral signs

Teenagers on the spectrum will often display unique behaviours. These may include:

* An obsession with unusual hobbies or objects. For example, they may obsessively memorise all the facts about a popular band, but have no interest in listening to the music itself, or keep mental lists of car registration plates. Or they might collect chewing gum wrappers or insist on carrying a certain toy or object around everywhere with them, even as they get older.

* Repetitive behaviour, such as rigidly lining up their books or computer games on the shelf.

* Loving routine and getting easily upset when plans change suddenly and routines are not followed.

* Being very sensitive to sensory experiences. For example, they may refuse to wear anything ‘scratchy,’ hate loud noises or only want to eat foods with a certain texture.

* Being under-responsive to sensory experiences. For example, keeping a jumper on when it is very hot, or not reacting to pain when hurt.

* Unusual body movements, such as rocking, hand flapping, and constant finger flicking.

* Unusual noises. Your teenager might repeatedly squeal, grunt or clear their throat.

Other traits that are often associated with, or can be common co-conditions among teenagers on the spectrum include:

* Unique sleeping patterns. For example, waking up repeatedly at a certain time each night, or staying awake long after they have gone to bed.

* Regularly resisting or refusing to go to school if they feel overwhelmed, upset or confused.

* Feeling anxious or upset if they experience a new social situation or have to go somewhere new.

* Feelings of depression, which may emerge when your teenager starts to understand that some of their behaviours are unique to their peers – and that others are noticing. This can lead them to feeling ‘on the outer’.

* A sensory ‘overload’ or build-up can lead to your teenager displaying unexpected behaviour.

* The development of an eating disorder, which can emerge during times of peak stress or anxiety, such as when a teenager starts high school.

* Being disorganised. Teens on the spectrum often find it challenging to manage their increasingly complex school life, juggling study with extracurricular activity.

I hope many of you find this information helpful. I’ll leave the article down below so you all can read it for yourselves.

Autism

Teenagers

[fruitydoomerboy]

men’s thighs (crowd of hundreds of thousands applauding)

[fruitydoomerboy]

the overwhelming ana urge to constantly wrist check/touch my collar bones in public when I get anxious

[fruitydoomerboy]

[fruitydoomerboy]

EVERY FUCKING TIME

[fruitydoomerboy]

Can't wait for long sleeve season again...

[fruitydoomerboy]

never tell anyone about how you feel, they don't care and you'll regret opening up

tell people as little as possible about your past

deattach yourself from everyone as much as you can. it might hurt for a bit but you'll thank yourself for it later, they were destined to leave anyways.

they.cant.fix.you. nobody can, stop wishing for your 'prince charming' to show up and suddenly make you happy. you'll end up being left heartbroken.

when they say nice things, don't believe it, they're lying. you're worthless.