fuckdup4evr

[fuckdup4evr]

Knock knock

Death ya home?

Can you come pick me up?

I wanted to leave a long time ago and I been waiting so patiently for you. I’m ready when you are

[fuckdup4evr]

Love how everyone who asks me what’s wrong shortly after me telling them, tells me to “snap out of it” or “knock it off”

Like ah shit never thought of that

Instead I’ve just felt the intense desire to fuckin kill myself and that’s my mistake for feeling like that. I’m so immature and pathetic. I’m so sorry.

[fuckdup4evr]

[fuckdup4evr]

Well said

Oh shit, I’m rotting here in my room,

the fifth month of the year and I still have no strength.

If you walk past my house, you’ll recognize by my music and the weed smell that it’s me and yet I’m lying here,

still rotted here

i promise i’m going to die

Ohh yeah

i have no motivation

hello depression

[fuckdup4evr]

[fuckdup4evr]

That shit heavy

[fuckdup4evr]

Current mood: thinking about my drive home from work later with Five Degrees by lil peep on max volume and screaming every word. It’s my favorite song by him and it makes me feel less alone.

[fuckdup4evr]

I don’t even wanna talk anymore

[fuckdup4evr]

I wish I was the slightest bit confident. Just enough to hang out with people and not constantly feel like a burden, annoying, weird, or anything else. Every time I try to hype myself up to be myself around others I just end up wanting to go quiet in fear of pushing more people away. I am loneliness personified. These are the moments suicide flys around my head. Pretty much daily. The feeling of embarrassment the next day after an encounter that didn’t feel as though it went favorably is worse because it sticks in my head and I continue to hurt myself over it consistently till I once again run away to isolate where I further dwell on it. I’m terminally ill I’m realizing. This seems to be who I am and it doesn’t feel like it’s ever gonna be different for any reason. I don’t even wanna interact with anyone today. It just hurts. Maybe id feel better if i cry. Let the emotion come out. What a great idea. If only I was capable of crying like I used to when I did so again almost every day. Now I can’t get tears out at all no matter what. Feels like I’m just nursing pain inside and feel it grow and grow and grow.

When does it end?

[fuckdup4evr]

Wake me up this way 🥵🤷

[fuckdup4evr]

sext

[fuckdup4evr]

i don't fucking know how i lived this long but i did. maybe i shouldn't have.

[fuckdup4evr]

Deleted all dating apps months ago, came crawling back with just one thought continuously floating around while swiping:

Am I seriously THAT repulsive that I never get any matches? On the off chance I do, I just get ghosted after one exchange? What am I doing wrong? This is kinda pathetic to be writing but idc. Say sum. Ain’t shit you can say that I haven’t said a foot from the mirror. I just don’t understand dating. I seem to be the only one incapable of keeping any interest whatsoever and it hurts me every time I try despite how hard it is to try. I just don’t know how to give up, despite how much it hurts, I keep trying in some form. I care too much for this world.

[fuckdup4evr]

Imagine being in a nasty fight with someone close to you…..

Great now imagine that person is yourself

and it goes on everyday, for over 5 years….

Idc about winning the fight anymore.

[fuckdup4evr]

“Well you have very good insight. Good self-awareness”

-literally every therapist I’ve had

Like yea, that’s kinda the problem.

[fuckdup4evr]

I could reblog this multiple times a day. Heavy on this.

I’m so beyond tired of answering people’s “are you okay?” With a “😁yep👍🏼”

Just once I wanna respond with a “no, I hate myself, I’m dissatisfied with this world and most people, and I feel so alone and I’m miserable and suicidal pretty much daily”

[fuckdup4evr]

I’m so beyond tired of answering people’s “are you okay?” With a “😁yep👍🏼”

Just once I wanna respond with a “no, I hate myself, I’m dissatisfied with this world and most people, and I feel so alone and I’m miserable and suicidal pretty much daily”