gallusrostromegalus

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Today I realized its kind of a shame that @mysteryfleshpit is a national park and not another kind of protected land because you can sing "Mystery Flesh Pit National Forest" to the same tune as "Doofenschmirtz Evil Incorporated!"

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angel beast

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all seeing sphinx

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TINY WRLD (2020)

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In these parts, they say, if you are lucky when wandering the wastes between city and town, you may encounter a truly exemplary creature. Its skin, like that of the rhinoceros, plates its body in geometric folds; its feet are like four enormous sand-dollars, pleasing to the eye and rapid in their movement. Its snout is broad with the same placid strength as a great ox and its breath is heavy and warm as the same, but its eyes flash so like those of a lion at night that no traveler could believe it truly tame for long. The name of this beast? Toyota Corolla.

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It's craft day! I got three different things to drink and it's time to fuckin' party!

#BUNNI

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I was about to say, you're bodacious, but not "two of my very large and very fat cat" bodacious.

At one of my birthday parties we got talking about boob weight and ended up using our hands to compare boob weight (fully clothed it wasn't that kind of party) and we found that there were WILDLY different densities among us. The people with the largest (like G-H cup), boobs had both the heaviest and the lightest boobs compared with everyone else. So I wouldn't be shocked if yours were heavier compared to someone else's, even if they have more boob.

Yeah, density really does count for a lot.

But as I've just discovered on my mychart, the tech read the results wrong. My boobs are 1.7 KILOS each. Not 17 lbs 😂

I can only assume she was in a hurry and was like "yeah, her boobs seem pretty big on her frame, that seems right."

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they used to make smackable technology. you used to be able to hit your tv when it didn't work good.

#all the really good tools and appliances have personalities

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Approximately six years before Rangiku Matsumoto is sworn in to the Gotei-13, at 2AM, Gin's phone beeps:

🍈🍈> Heeeeeeeeey Sugar!💋🍡 🩶> …The combination of too many E's and total absence of Horny Y's concerns me. 🍈🍈> Can't bootycall you I'm hiding from the cops🤫🚓💔 🍈🍈>Anyway, is your Shiny-kami gig still hiring?🥺💸 🩶> 1. Shinigami, beloved 🩶> 2. The answer depends on how related those last two sentences are 🍈🍈> I burned the bar down!🔥🍻🔥 🩶> WTF? 🩶> On purpose? 🍈🍈> Sorta?🤷‍♀️ 🍈🍈> I mean, I definitely intended to set One Particular Guy In The Bar on fire🤏🍑😡 🩶> WTF??? 🍈🍈> But fire does this REALLY weird thing where if you panic and instead of the Mop Bucket you grab the Bucket of Jungle Juice for 10¢ Shot Night and dump it on the fire it FUCKING EXPLODES???💥💥🍶 🍇🍶🍬🍶💥💥 🩶> WTFWTFWTF??? 🍈🍈> Who knew?🤷‍♀️🌠 🩶> MOST PEOPLE????? 🍈🍈> Anyway, at least the conflagration got rid of the evidence!👍 🩶> Beloved 🩶> My Morning Star 🩶> What the hell 🍈🍈> Ain't Morningstar that guy who founded Hell? That's probably what the hell🌟😈 🍈🍈> So Y'all hiring or what💹❓ 🩶> I'm going to regret this 🩶> but there's an entrance exam next week to apply for the academy's 6 year program that MIGHT get you a job IF you graduate 🍈🍈> YIPEE!!🎊🏫🎊 🍈🍈> Are the uniforms cute?🩷 🩶> Rangiku, this is a test that most people fail the first six times they take it even after studying for years! 🩶> You NEED a backup plan!! 🍈🍈> Bestie, you WALKED IN OFF THE STREET, aced it, and graduated in a year-How hard could it be?😎🍹 🩶> Rude 🍈🍈> We both know you're the Most Cleverest Little Boy Ever, sweetie 🧠🐍 🍈🍈> AND we both know I'm God's Most Specialest Little Slut, so I've got this!💪😇💋 🩶> I hope so 🩶> I have missed you, it'll be nice to see you again 🍈🍈> WE CAN BE STUDY BUDDIES!!📚 🩶> Will you even get here in time to study? 🍈🍈> Look Outside👀 🍈🍈> Also come tell this guy to not arrest me? 🚨🆘 🩶> R A N G I K U ! ! !

#Rangiku Matsumoto #Ichimaru Gin #the trick is that Rangiku is as bad for Gin's Blood Pressure as he is for her self-esteem #rangikuposting this fine morning from the ER #I'll be fine i just fucked my back

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"I can fix him" "I can make him worse" OK well I can sit behind him and wrap my arms around his middle and comfortingly rock him side to side

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so Rangiku's Bankai is named Haineko Asama, and since Haineko means "ash cat" and Mount Asama is a volcano in Japan, does that mean her Bankai can create a pyroclastic cloud? Or does "asama" mean something else in this context?

Got in in one!

Haineko: Asama is a Bankai that creates a Vesuvius-like eruption of 1,000 °C (1,800 °F) Hot Gases and Burning Tephra and a REALLY FUCKING LOUD KABOOM. The Pyroclastic cloud can travel up to 430mph and destroys everything in it's path- opponents closer to the epicenter are the luckier ones- the sheer kinetic energy for the explosion incinerates them immediately. Those farther away may find their bodies punctured with molten shrapnel, crushed by flying boulders, or suffocated and cooked alive as they are encased in ash like the victims of Vesuvius.

It's not an easy Bankai- the energy output is catastrophic, and the longer the 'Eruption' goes on, the greater Rangiku's risk of falling into a coma or straight-up dying from expending too much energy increases. It's also not an easy Bankai to train- For a while, Rangiku wasn't 'wielding' her Bankai so much as just 'releasing' it and learning about the damage when she woke up a week later.

In the end, the ONLY person who could help her with training Asama was Yamamoto himself, because of his Literally Divine resistance to fire, and a millennium's worth of practice at dodging to deal with the rocks and ash. He had to take her out to the ass-end of nowhere in South 80 to find somewhere deserted enough to practice without mass causalities, and the practice STILL effected the weather in the rest of Soul Society. He still spent almost a month in the 4th after they returned from The Year With No Summer, getting the burns, lung damage and broken bones treated, while he waited for his pupil to wake up again.

Yamamoto is now Very Fond of Rangiku because she's the first person in a LONG time that proved to be an actual challenge for him as an opponent, was an interesting student to teach and the first person to even begin to comprehend the problems he faces as an Avatar of Destruction.

Like most Volcanoes, Rangiku spends a lot of time sleeping. Nobody who knows what she's capable of when she 'awakens' complains about her nap schedule.

#AEIWAM #An Elephant Is Warm And Mushy #Bleach #bleach fanfiction #rangiku matsumoto #Haineko #I feel like she should be allowed to go the fuck off at people you know? #See Also: Elemental Typing solidarity in the Gotei 13

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SECRET POCKET!

IN THE CHEST PIECE!

SECRET SECRET SECRET SECRET POCKEEEEEEEET!!!!

BUNNI update: makin' a space-themed body harness out of thrifted belts and purses because I can't get white leather straps or fabric for love nor money out here for some reason AND the belts and purses come pre-cut and pre-pierced! Putting a lining on the inside of some of the pieces rn, finally figured out how to do a backstitch!

#BUNNI #not the neatest zipper I've ever put in but it will stay put

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ok I need elaboration on pretty much all of those bankais that you haven't already talked about but for now i'm probably most curious about ichigo and hanataro? please, a measly few crumbs of context

The short version of Ichigo's sword situation is that he is D'artanigan to Zangetsu's Three displaced-during-the-fuckery-surrounding-his-parent's-meet-cute-slash-manslaughter-thing Musketeers. We got his dad's half-starved family Zanpakuto, The Family Ghost from his Mom's side, and a guy made in an evil instapot that wandered in here on accident and precipitated the whole enfuckening. They are untied in their goal of "Keep Ichigo Alive" but unfortunately they also have a collective IQ of Negative Four.

Reader: Gee Ichigo, why does the author let you have THREE Zanpakuto spirits?

Ichigo: That's nothing! Orihime has SIX!

Ichigo and Orihime's nonsense is connected to how The Almighty operates:)

Meanwhile, short summaries of Unohana and Byakuya's Bankai under the cut:

Minazuki is a sword primarily about the manipulation of flesh- healing injury, making better fighters by pushing the flesh to it's limits- This is a spirit that is distinctly VISCERAL in nature. It has mass. It has a very distinct body.

Unohana:

So it follows that, in order to supply injured patients with blood and drugs and new flesh and everything else, Minazuki is giving up some of her Mass. Consequently, the Stingray form of Minazuki is the SECOND one- she cannot create her elixirs and make new flesh from nothing. First she must FEED.

Which is why Minazuki's liquid format is acidic blood that devours anything organic. It's why Kenpachi!Unohana's bloodthirst was so bloodthirsty: she was literally starving for biomass to complete her sword's two forms and finally put her Soul in Balance.

Senbonzakura has been with the Kuchiki family for generations, passed from one head of the clan to the next in a sacred ritual that allows the Zanpakuto to bond to its new weilders and grant them the power accumulated with generations.

In the fic, Ukitake is one of a handful of people old enough to remember "Yachiru" Unohana, and until Zaraki's arrival, probably the closest to understanding her. That Unohana and Retsu both understand the horrors of the flesh he lives with every day more intimately than anyone else in his life, and it's the basis of an almost sacred friendship between them. He knows perfectly well where the emergency transfusions and drugs she creates come from, and they have a standing agreement that if he predeceases her, she is to feed his body to Minazuki so he can pay forward at least some of the debt given to him.

He will not be the first of Unohana's friends that have been willingly devoured by her sword.

Byakuya:

But for course, everything has it's cost.

Byakuya was not the head of the Kuchiki clan when his father Sojun died prematurely and make Byakuya the orphan heir apparent as an adolescent. He was not the head when he met Hisana in a grove of cherry trees in the middle of harvest, and fell in love with her He was not the head when he had a terrible row with his grandfather Ginrei and the rest of the clan elders about his elopement. He was not the head five years later, when on a cold spring morning before the plum trees had blossomed, Hisana died of a miscarriage.

One week later, when the plum trees bloomed and the cherry trees had budded, Byakuya came to his grandfather, head bowed and heart broken, and agreed to take up the mantle of Clan Head. His soul had already been torn in half, what was another half?

Everything has it's cost, and the price of Senbonzakura's power is the sacrifice of the weilder's own original Zanpakuto spirit, and by transference, the imminent death of the previous head.

He had known this day was coming, ever since his own native Zanpakuto spirit failed to awaken at the academy. At the time, he'd thought it a mercy that the poor thing wouldn't awaken and be aware of being devoured. But now, as he held the tiny, warm body of the spirit out to Senbonzakura, he could only think of the child he never got to hold.

...with Senbonzakura, at least, she'd be at rest with something beautiful that loved her.

Because Senbonzakura loves it's family, and in particular it adores Byakuya. It has, ever since Byakuya fearlessly climbed it's branches as a small boy, since he partook of the sword's fruits as a young man, and now, when Byakuya offered the most precious parts of himself to the sword with a sense of peace and profound trust. And Senbonzakura repays that trust in kind.

The sword's shikai release is the same, or at least similar for all it's wielders, but long-term friends of the family note that that is a LOT MORE blades than the sword ever summoned for Ginrei or any other head.

The Bankai is different every time. Senbonzakura is ready to give Byakuya whatever Bankai he wants immediately, but it's not until after he adopts Rukia and sees her fooling around in the family orchards when she thinks he isn't watching that he realizes the shape it should be.

It's name is "Senbonzakura: Sakura no Kaju-en" and it is beautiful and terrible.

Sakura no Kaju-en requires only that Byakuya pierce the flesh of his enemy or the terrain around him with one or more of his petal-blades. Once in the ground or embedded in flesh, the blade is transformed into a seed and an entire magical cherry tree grows from it, converting the Reishi and spiritual energy around it into its own mass. Since Byakuya is effectively wielding somewhere around 10,000 petal blades in his shikai alone, he can summon up to 10,000 devouring cherry trees, which will radically alter the landscape of battle and blossom into millions and millions of new petal-blades.

That is, unless his foe is unfortunate enough to have the blades penetrate their flesh. Then the trees will devour them as they grow. Even a truly massive opponent like Yammy can be mulched in minutes.

The trees initially blossom almost white, but as his enemies are felled and Senbonzakura drinks, the blooms grow pinker and then redder until they transform into deep crimson fruits.

It's a brutal Bankai, but a beautiful one. When Byakuya looks out upon the blooming landscape and tastes the sweet fruits of his efforts, it brings him peace to know the small, sleeping spirit he had to sacrifice is playing somewhere within, they way he saw Rukia playing in the family orchards that day.

#AEIWAM #An Elephant Is Warm And Mushy #bleach #bleach fanfic #ichigo kurosaki #retsu unohana #yachiru unohana #byakuya kuchiki #minazuki #zangetsu #senbonzakura #next-day reblog bc im proud of these

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unfortunately no eclipse photography can ever outdo the waffle house one from 2017

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