gentlymicrowavedcat

[gentlymicrowavedcat]

Me when i tell the cashier “just this”

[gentlymicrowavedcat]

you know usually I think people are exaggerating when they say "you couldn't waterboard this out of me" but um Yeah this? you couldn't waterboard this out of me

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[gentlymicrowavedcat]

What to do when you don’t like a fic: a step by step guide

Step 1:

[gentlymicrowavedcat]

okay me

[gentlymicrowavedcat]

Using tumblr is like living in a low class apartment building. You just get used to the landlord not fixing things, and then someone new moves in and you’re helpfully like “oh yeah don’t drink the tap water, it’s got stuff in it that makes you sick” and then your neighbor you’ve had forever goes “oh they took the stuff out actually” and you’re like “what? when was this?”

“like two years ago”

“you mean i could’ve been drinking the tap water all this time?”

“yeah. they gave us individual mailboxes too finally, you don’t have to dig through the communal bin anymore”

“are you for real right now?? i just redirected my mail, i didnt know”

and the new tennant is like “why did you guys even live here if it was so bad”

“we like it.”

“I kinda miss the communal mail bin tho”

[gentlymicrowavedcat]

this will be in the history books

[gentlymicrowavedcat]

I go outside regularly

[gentlymicrowavedcat]

One singular atom of fentanyl drifting gently through the breeze until it lands on a police officer's forearm, killing him instantly. Like and share to pray

[gentlymicrowavedcat]

[gentlymicrowavedcat]

hi guys theyre playing fox news in the cafeteria and theyrw running a story about how theyre putting rainbow fentanyl in lego boxes. to give to kids 😃

[gentlymicrowavedcat]

had someone ask me like “why are you guys unionizing? just cuz?” and it threw me so bad i didnt even know how to answer

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[gentlymicrowavedcat]

THEY’VE PROJECTED A LETTUCE ONTO THE HOUSES OF PARLIAMENT

[gentlymicrowavedcat]

aro t4t gay sex REBLOG if you AGREE

[gentlymicrowavedcat]

heh.... he doesn't know about .. my Instant Pounding Headache technique....! *stands up too fast* *screams in agony*

[gentlymicrowavedcat]