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Tell me about the dream where we pull the bodies out of the lake and dress them in warm clothes again. How it was late, and no one could sleep, the horses running until they forget that they are horses. It’s not like a tree where the roots have to end somewhere, it’s more like a song on a policeman’s radio, how we rolled up the carpet so we could dance, and the days were bright red, and every time we kissed there was another apple to slice into pieces. Look at the light through the windowpane. That means it’s noon, that means we’re inconsolable. Tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us. These, our bodies, possessed by light. Tell me we’ll never get used to it.

'Scheherazade', Richard Siken

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It wasn't the ivory caked on your face Paint - really, restoring your color (they never could get it right) It wasn't the curls set at the end of your hair Nor the carefully placed scarf that I noticed first But the hard aluminum wires binding your hands together A centerfold As if your two beautiful palms cupped so gently together (not gently enough) Could shelter us from the harm of you being gone

Every look at you Was a breath of love Grabbing your sister's hand we waited with baited breath Hanging on every flicker of light  - your eyelashes danced.

One hand on her shoulder, she was shaking - then pacing Demands for blankets to cover you: you were too cold, you were too cold One hand on her shoulder Whispers to breathe Whispers that everything is okay I wasn't breathing myself Eyes fixated on you You were so still I kept waiting, and in wait I remained; for a flinch, for a smile - for your smile It never came

Your lips weren't moving, there were no eyelash flickers, no recoil Hard aluminium wires, binding your hands So badly I wanted to: hear your voice It felt like an eternity, moments lingering, I watched for your lips to move. Any hope I had was an illusion I looked away I backed away I walked away We walked away

I let go of your sister's shoulder and that is when breath came to me (I didn't realize, like you, I was still and cold)

She retreated to find blankets I was given her daughter to hold - a life, a breathing infant body. Swelling, warm, yours -- (I could see you... you in her eyes, in her cheeks) I stood, little heart beating against mine, staring across the room at you lifeless

We went back to her house then Driving silently, I knew my place I laid her down to sleep, removed the alcohol she had been drowning (it was only this once, she said) (she said)

I closed my eyes but all I saw was you and all I felt was her daughter and the loss

The next morning we drove to the cemetery swerving "He" was drunk on two cups of vodka It was eight in the morning

I gripped her daughter's carriage I glanced at her but she was elsewhere, already I looked out the window counting down the minutes You were golden I don't understand the aluminum wires -- As if your two beautiful palms cupped so gently together (not gently enough) Could ever shelter us from the harm of you being gone

#Gracie

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#juliet landau

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