greyeyedmonster-18

[greyeyedmonster-18]

(Me: your birthdays coming! its a big one, super sweet sixteen! what do you want to do? Its on a saturday and—

lorge bebe: stay inside, in bed. i dont know play video games?

me: all day?? we can have your friends—

lorge bebe: they can come they just have to wear pajamas.)

#and when all his friends get an invite to a pancake and pajamas party #also in three weeks ill have a sixteen year old??? #which is unreal

[greyeyedmonster-18]

hiiiiii. hope you're doing well. I dont mean to be rude or nosy but I saw the 'dead best friend' tag and i don't know what I'm looking for here really but I hope I'm not crossing a line here. a year ago one of my friends passed and I have never really been able to get over it. He was barely 20. the thing is he wasn't really a best friend or even that close of a friend but if I'm being honest here I always hoped somehow someday we'd get there.

i dont know why or how but somehow it keeps coming back to me. there are days I become entirely unable to function at the mere thought of it. not a week passes by without it. everything keeps rushing to me and its so exhausting and overwhelming to keep on fighting it. this this grief and the unanswered questions of what could have been - I don't like having to drag them around all over me everyday. it has been a year, everyone has moved on. i know its high time I should be able to as well. but I just cant. i don't know what to do or even how to cope with this. it is so inherently embarrassing to constantly wallow about this one guy that I thought might be my potential best friend. there were so many promises he left behind. what do I do with them? where do I keep them? i understand if you don't want to comment on this.

hello nonnieee

no worries you are not being rude or nosy and not crossing any lines. i am sorry for your loss. i also lost my best friend when I was 20 to a really freak accident—was texting her an hour before it happened—and quite hard.

grief is such a strange funny little thing.

i think theres some…notion people have that like in order to grieve big, you need to be deeply embedded in the life of the person who passed (close friend/family/etc). in reality thats not true and people impact our lives in different ways. i knew my grandfather for most of my life until he passed (i was 14?) and cant remember ever grieving or blinking, but ive had babies ive held only a handful of times before they died and i still think about them, personal connection be damned.

i wish i had better news for you. because regardless of what anyone says you dont “move on” from grief. you move forward and you carry it with you everywhere you go. Some days itll be as light as lint in your pocket, you wont even notice its there. Some days itll be a bag of bricks that youre dragging behind you and everyone notices. and you just kind of…learn how to carry it. and eventually it gets easier—never really okay, but easier.

my recommendation for you and for anyone grieving is to find space and time to sit with it. Be present with it. Ask yourself those lingering questions and mourn the fact youll never get answers. you can mourn for a relationship youll never have and a future that was lost. Thats half of the grief in addition to just missing the person. There is no need to push it aside. Lean into it. Write down those questions. Weep. Healing comes later.

wherever you are now is okay. give yourself permission.

#xoxo doctor grey #tw: grief

[greyeyedmonster-18]

(brb too lazy to sign my own name anymore so just ending convos with a single letter like im in gossip girl.

-Z)

#let the record show my government name does not start with Z #but i wish it did! #i hope all these professional fucks are ready for the shenangians to continue #happy workiversary!

[greyeyedmonster-18]

(told myself id get a new tattoo when i defended my proposal so in preparation….a POLL!

#grey polls the people #this is a democracy first #oh to clarify i already have tattoos: #collarbone #wrist #bicep #shoulder blade

[greyeyedmonster-18]

everyone's like wehhhhh why doesn't doctor house gets suuuueeed! like my man. literally every patient he sees is someone that's been trying to find a diagnosis for ages. i could live with a little medical malpractice if it were coming from someone ready to break into my home to look for allergens and not simply half heartedly listen to me before suggesting I lose weight and take ages of back and forth arguing to order a single test

[greyeyedmonster-18]

(not me looking up spoilers for the weewoo show about the KISS in season seven, only to commit the incorrect name to memory and rooting for two characters to kiss that never will)

#and this is how fanfic happens isnt it #weewoo weewoo #anyway im on season six now and angela basset has a little ponytail #jennifer love hewitt #is glowing again #but apparently!!! the culero estupido is not kissing who i thought he would #and now i have to pretend??? to be excited #about some rando character coming in? #(dont worry i will be)

[greyeyedmonster-18]

I know the numbers aren’t perfect but this is more a vibes thing than exact numbers lol.

Also the high school I have in mind is 4 years worth, roughly 14-17 year olds. But I’m aware the amount of years/ages can vary in different regions and that will affect the number of students as well. But this isn’t that serious so it’s fine lol

#i also misread this #but close to 5000 folks were at my high school #hello to massive public school educations! #there was probably over 1000 in my graduating class

[greyeyedmonster-18]

I challenged myself to paint at least(!) one Sirius Black art a month this year, so here is the April painting! And as I haven’t had much time in April, I made a more detailed artwork :') Well, but it was a lot of fun! I also added a close up because I really like his face in this one :)

[greyeyedmonster-18]

bring back tumblr ask culture let me. bother you with questions and statements

[greyeyedmonster-18]

i think what’s on a person’s nightstand is very telling so reblog this and put in the tags the things you have on your nightstand

#a vintage lamp from my grandmothers bedroom #a picture of me and my dead best friend #my pink hydroflask #in the drawer i have a secret stash of tajin gummy candies #and my ipad/apple pencil

[greyeyedmonster-18]

(as a greys anatomy fan, the lyric “ive seen this episode but still loved the show” is definitely about the musical episode)

#we all collectively look away #it does not exist #i do not know her

[greyeyedmonster-18]

actual criticisms of academia:

cost of education acting as class barrier

exploitation of graduate workers

colonialist past and present

ties to military industrial complex

danger of power structure entrenching and justifying orthodox views on social issues

criticisms of academia that get made:

those damn ivory tower academics are wasting money learning about things

#louder!!!!!!!!

[greyeyedmonster-18]

(if there is anything i love its a piccrew. and nose bleeds)

open tag!!! To anyone who likes to make these!

Gory Angels

Found this picrew by @alerterin and I love it

Tagging @itmeanssungod @sommerregenjuniluft @kaaaaaaarf @fxreflyes @plecotusauritus @polaroidcats @acrossfromladystardust @lupinsmoons @sunattacksthemoon @prongsfish @spookymoonie and open tag :)

#in college whenever me or my friends got a nosebleed #we would do a little photo shoot

[greyeyedmonster-18]

(riddle me this— why do so many bars have deviled eggs on the appetizer menu? what psychopath is ordering those and do they still have friends?)

#deviled eggs are for baby showers #thats it #and easter #not for a friday night #never have i ever been like #oh you know what sounds good #a hot egg bite with my beer

[greyeyedmonster-18]

A persons fanfic tells you a lot about them, i , a fanfic writer, realize in terror

#ooooh this is interesting #okay okay fun ill play too

[greyeyedmonster-18]

List of Prompts for May 2024 Marauders Rarepair Microfics

These microfics are no-commitment, no-pressure, daily prompts for those that want to have a crack at writing, want to spread some love to their rarepair (poly ships are cool too) favs, and those who enjoy writing microfics or following prompts! All rarepairs are welcome, no matter how whacky (with the exception of incest and pedophilia). Pick a prompt that inspires you to put your ships in a fun little situation and write away! Tag us and use the hashtag “#marauders rarepair microfic”.

Have fun with these prompts, get inspired to write, draw, make playlists, create mood boards, edits, collages, or anything involving your rarepairs to spread your love for them. NSFW is cool, but please make sure everything is tagged correctly and plenty of warning is provided.

Late submissions are A-okay. Feel free to interpret the prompts however you like, the theme is only there to aid if you’d like, and to make things a little more fun :)

Posting starts May 1st. Have fun creating, can’t wait to see whatever you all come up with!

#OOOOOOOOH #marauders rarepair microfic

[greyeyedmonster-18]

(“but daddy i love him” is made for rory/jess girlies.)

#i will explain no further #you just know