havenbsinclair

[havenbsinclair]

Hearing Julian's voice Haven inhaled, shaking her head, only stilling it once she felt Julian's hand on the back of her head. She just needed a moment to collect her thoughts, to remind herself that he was right. It would happen when it was supposed to happen; there was a reason it hadn't worked out for them yet. She knew that; and more importantly she believed it. There was no doubt in Haven's mind that felt as if it wouldn't happen for them; but the part of her that was devastated with every negative test, the more that her self conscious began to doubt that she really did believe it. Sighing as she pulled away from his chest, letting her eyes meet his she nodded. "I know.." she admitted, exhaling again before she bit her bottom lip for a second, thinking. "I'm just, there's a small part of me that wonders every time we're told no if I'm the problem." she wasn't going to speak out loud that she didn't believe it was Julian since he'd have a child of his own by now if circumstances had been different. There was no need to speak on that; after all, as quickly as those thoughts came to mind, Julian was there to reassure her it wasn't her fault just as quickly. "I say we give it a little more time.." she paused, sighing. "See what happens. Then maybe we can look into professional help if we think that's a better plan.." she hung her head for a moment, lifting it a moment later and leaning into him, pressing her forehead to his chin in an attempt to get closer to him. When he mentioned going to bed and watching a movie she nodded. "I'd like that. I've missed cuddles." she smiled, kissing his lips softly. "Though I'm leaning towards Dirty Dancing or Clueless. You know those are my go to movies." she smiled.

THE END

"Don't go there, baby." He soothed her, his hand caressing her head the moment she buried her head into his chest, the other arm wrapped around her shoulders. He was exhausted, and this let down certainly wasn't helping, but he felt worse because he knew she would blame herself for it. She would find ways to say it was her fault and he would do his hardest to prove her wrong. "We will get there one day. It isn't now, and you know why? Because I believe that the longer it takes, the better it will be. We've only been trying for a few months, we've got time." Leaning down, he pressed a kiss on the top of her head before he moved back, lifting her chin with a crooked finger. "If you feel better about having professional help, involving science with it, we can do that too. I have faith in us either way." He spoke, not meaning it as an insult, but knowing when she was at her most fertile and knowing if everything was okay from his side would perhaps help them even more. "What about we go to bed, put on a movie? I can't guarantee I'll see the entire thing but that's why you get to choose the movie." @havenbsinclair

#haven x julian #julian thread; 02

[havenbsinclair]

"Hey now, I didn't mean it like that." Haven spoke, tossing her hands up in surrender when Noah spoke that he wasn't playing anything. She knew he wasn't offended - his tone of voice had given that away alone - but she still felt the need to apologize. "You're a great dad, nothing less than that. And Nora's a great mom; I just admire that you're willing to give up everything you've ever known for your family." Though, this wasn't the first time Noah had given up parts of himself to care for those in need; he'd been one of the biggest reason Haven was who she was today because of his and Mallory's outpouring into her during Johnny's illness. "It's something to brag about, and you deserve it." she nudged her older brother with her shoulder, looking back over at him when he mentioned that he thought Nora was thankful he was home safe. "She's not the only one; we all are." she smiled, nodding. While she was thankful to have her brother home, she had a small sense of understand Nora's fears as well; while Julian wasn't chasing fires as a career she knew that there were dangers of their own that came with his job and she always felt the smallest pit in her stomach anytime it was time for him to race. Hearing Noah exclaim that them having children in the same grade would be fun, she nodded. "It would be. But we'll see." she refrained from stating how much of a struggle it had been thus far; he didn't need to know that. In true big brother fashion, Haven smiled at his question about marriage, even if he didn't really care the answer the fact he cared enough to ask would always make her smile. "I would marry him tomorrow if I could." she spoke, looking at Noah for a second. "And I think he feels the same, but he also not only has a lot of family pressure but also is a pretty traditional man. So I'm confident a proposal is coming at some point, just not sure when. I do know that I don't just want him to propose because we may be having a baby together at some point, so if you see him maybe pass that word along." @noahsinclaxr

Noah let out a genuine laugh, already having had this conversation with Nora. Granted, their roles were reversed now, with Nora going back to work after a few months the baby was born and he'd be the one staying at home, taking care of the children. Yet Nora seemed to be more affected by the idea of having two under two than he was. But then again, she was the mother. She would have to carry him or her to term again. "Wow, from you Haven?" He arched an eyebrow, his voice far from offended. He knew how she meant it, but still. "Still a dad, and I'm not playing anything, but yes. A whole role swap, if we're basing it on traditional gender norms." he nodded, letting out a chuckle. "I think she's much more relieved I'm safe at home rather than running into fires." He theorised, turning his focus on her next. "Oh yeah? Would be fun if our kids would share a grade together." A pause. "I'm not going to be that guy, you know I care less about expectations and how things should be, but are you two thinking marriage too? Or are you two not into the whole marriage idea?" @havenbsinclair

#wine month; haven x noah #noah event thread; 01 #// you should use gifs of him smiling like this more often because it's beautiful!

[havenbsinclair]

Hearing River admit that this was his first real party made Haven smile while simultaneously made her eyes fill with tears. The idea of being the person to do this for River made her unbelievably happy, but in that same breath made her so unbelievably sad for him; every child deserved a party at least once in their life and to know that River had never had a family - or at least parents - that cared that much about him made her mom heart hurt for him. She wished she'd have met him sooner so she could have shown him the love that he deserved for longer than they'd been friends, but, at least she could do it now. "I'm just glad I could pull this together." she smiled, hugging him again. "It's a pretty great turn out though, right?" @riverxjackson

Haven was one person that he connected with right away. Even when he was not doing his best she was there with her son. For the few months he was working at bowling ally. A time that he didn't enjoy his job but it was work and what got his life started again. But Haven and Lake came in a bit and they became fast friends and they became like family to him. She was funny and kind, and her son was great. "Pfft" he laughed "this is so much this is my first like real birthday party in like ... ever" maybe he had some on set when he acted but that didn't really count like this. "I love it" he smiled at her he really did mean it. "This means a lot to me" he smiled at Haven. @havenbsinclair

#haven x river #river thread; 02

[havenbsinclair]

If there was one thing about Haven that other people would say about her, it's that she was not only caring, but that she'd go above and beyond for those she cared about. It had been something she'd done since she was young; giving gifts, checking on others, anything she could to show she cared. And once she was older and got the taste of party planning her own son's parties, she began to do that for her friends and family as well. It was something she enjoyed, and while there was always some sort of gratitude shown, it wasn't what she was looking for; to Haven, the only thing that was important that someone - whoever it was - had a good time. She was looking around the beach, seeing all the things that had fallen into place made Haven smile, taking it all in. She'd barely been paying attention when she heard River's voice and she smiled, giving him a hug. "Oh, this is nothing." she smiled. "Well, nothing outside of what you deserve anyways." she added, watching Lake hug him as well. "You enjoying yourself?" @riverxjackson

River was well used to spending holidays alone. This past year he still wasn't used to having people that cared and family around. So when his birthday came around he didn't expect much. He was asked to make sure he wasn't working but that was it. He had no idea what Haven had planned with Orion but he knew they both were close friends of his and would do something nice.

But he never expected a little beach party. It wasn't anything to crazy but it was just what he needed. A few pop up tents to block the sun, a bonfire and cooking out on the grill with some music playing it was amazing.

He had made some rounds to say hello, and found his way back to Haven. "You are amazing you know that" he hurried to her and gave her a hug. @havenbsinclair

#haven x river #river thread; 02

[havenbsinclair]

@HAVENBSINCLAIR just posted to instagram, and tagged someone you may know, @riverxjackson

#about haven; photo album #ft. river jackson

[havenbsinclair]

Laughing at the other's comment, Haven shook her head. "Look, I've seen how creative you are. Making boats from popsicle sticks that float is enough, but to make them from plastic cups and get them to float is something else entirely." she laughed. "If anyone can work a hot glue gun, I believe it's you." she admitted, signing Sully in on a name tag and handing it to him. "If you would rather do snacks or kitchen duty today I can do some switching but, honestly I think the kids would be happier with you crafting with them. Little Tommy even asked me today when he came in where Mr. Sully was and if he'd be back today. You're kind of a hit around here." @fredsullysullivan

Sully had a lot more free time on his hands now that he was retired and moved into Kisment Harbor. He did not mind it at all he liked having a real place to call home for once. Over before he didn't have a place that was on land when he wasn't married. He just was always on a ship and moving and if he had time away from the ship he have a hotel for a week or two if needed. Why he was one to give his time any place that would let him. Why he visit Next Gen a couple times a month to help out. Sometimes he just went were he was asked, sometimes he did host things. Like teaching how ships and boats worked and helping kids build toy boats for the water. "Hey!" he smiled as he walked over towards her "Ah dang who is gonna be in charge of me with glue gun?" he teased as he knew he was fine with it. Now he wasn't that crafty but he would do the best he can to help the kids out. @havenbsinclair

#haven x sully #sully thread; 01

[havenbsinclair]

Shaking her head as Julian stated he wouldn't mind, she looked up at him, scrunching her nose. "I mean, neither would I but there's a time and place for that.." she admitted, knowing that at the rate things had been going for them that it was inevitable. Feeling the way her cheeks flushed at him calling her 'his girl' would never get old - the blush could've easily been from the alcohol too, honestly - and she nodded, taking his hand. Making their way through the crowd was proving to be a task all in it's own, but after some time and some greetings to some people who stopped them along the way, hearing the click of the lock on the yacht door made Haven exhale, looking at Julian as he mentioned that whatever he had for her was in the bathroom. "It's your birthday and you're out here surprising me with stuff?" she sighed, shaking her head - though she was smiling - and taking the spiral staircase one at a time, holding on a little tighter as to not trip. Once standing outside the bathroom door she turned to look at him. "Do I need to close my eyes?"

"I mean, it could be. I'd be down." Julian snorted, never once having had the case of a 'whiskey dick'. His eyes momentarily closed at the small kiss on his nose, leaning in to gently brush it against hers. "That's my girl. Come with me." He told her, taking her by the hand so he could lead her through the crowd. Being met with plenty of interruptions, he promised each and every one of them he'd meet up with them later, letting out a breath once they were inside the yacht, locking the door behind them so no one saw it as an invitation to come in. "It's downstairs in the bathroom." He told her, gesturing towards the spiral stairs once they reached it. "After you." @havenbsinclair

#haven x julian #julian thread; 02

[havenbsinclair]

The sight of a negative test would never be something Haven would get used to, regardless of how much she'd prepared herself for the worst. With each month that passed that another negative test was presented to them, it was another month Haven spent questioning if she was the problem. She wasn't sure how she could be - this wasn't exactly the first time she would potentially fall pregnant after all - but something about wanting it so long and feeling the sting every time you were essentially told 'no'. felt like another stab to the gut. Her eyes moved from the test to Julian's hand, watching as he moved in front of her, nodding as she felt his hands on her cheeks. She was trying really hard not to lose it - he'd said it himself, it wasn't the end of the world - but something about this time had felt so right; she'd been sure this was it, that this was their month. Her eyes met Julian's again and she sighed, shaking her head as she exhaled, closing her eyes for a moment before she opened them, meeting Julian's eyes before she felt the way her bottom lip begin to quiver. Hold it together, Haven. "I love you.." she whispered, burying her head into his chest as she inhaled and exhaled, doing her best to stay calm. "I'm sorry.." @julianxhawthorne

He loved spending time with Haven, regardless of what they were doing. Just sitting silently in the car, talking about their day, nocturnal activities (though, not always), talking over text, hanging out together or with Lake. But it was the small things like these that stood high among his favourites. Just swaying to selfmade music, letting all else fade away. There was a sense of nervousness that tightened his muscles, eager to find out what results the test held. Certain that enough time had passed, he sucked in a breath when she picked up the test, nodding as they shared a look. He counted down with her, his grip around her waist tightening in anticipation and upon seeing the negative displayed in full, released his grip. A few more nods dripped from his chin, knowing it was a letdown for both of them but he wasn't going to let this ruin their day. "Okay.. Okay." He uttered, hand reaching out to the test and placing it on the counter. No reason to look at it any further as he let go of her, instead moving in front of her. "It's okay. It's not the end of the world, honey." Julian spoke softly, gently holding both sides of her face, thumbs brushing her cheeks. "I love you, I have faith." @havenbsinclair

#haven x julian #julian thread; 02

[havenbsinclair]

L'homme qui ment (1968)

#about haven; haven musings #ft. julian hawthorne #adult time tw #otp: favorite kind of high

[havenbsinclair]

"I feel like when it comes to drinks and food - especially wine - it's best to wing it. The amount of things I could've missed out on because I was playing things to safely." she shrugged, laughing slightly. While she wasn't exactly drinking much these days, maybe she could find some bottles she could gift to friends or something later on; one of the things about her real estate business wine was always needed whether for herself or for clients. "Winging it is good. Though, that section seems to be more red then white wine so maybe we should go over there." @manuelxgarcia

Manuel smiled with a nod of his head, "I'm more of a sweet wine guy," he admitted to the other. Dry wines always left him feeling like he needed to chug at least two gallons of water afterwards. Wine was not even his favorite to begin with, but he wouldn't pass up an opportunity to try something new. He never knew if he'd lose the chance to do so one day and life was far too short, even for something as simple as trying new wines. "I'm winging it, honestly," he laughed softly, "learning as I go." @havenbsinclair

#wine month; haven x manuel #manuel event thread; 01

[havenbsinclair]

"I think I'm going to pass this time." Haven shrugged, smiling as she handed the drink back to her brother. Sure, she wasn't entirely sure being sober really served any sort of a difference when it came to her journey, but, it had been a discussion that her and Julian had shred awhile ago. Only indulging in alcoholic beverages on special occasions and considering wine month was something that happened annually, there would be other times to indulge in the monthly events. Besides, she could spend time with her brother without needing to be drunk or drinking to do so; it would be a sad realization if she needed alcohol to spend time with him after all. As he stated two under two, Haven laughed, shaking her head. "There's definitely more of me that is excited for you guys than nervous; you know I love Nessie so much I can't stand it, but seriously you guys are going to have your hands full." she chuckled, looking back at her brother. "I can't say I think that's a bad idea." she nodded. "You playing Mr. Mom while she's in medical school. Remind me I need to ask her how she's feeling about that.." she sighed, smiling when Noah made the comment at least they'd have time for proper research. "You mean you don't already know what causes this, No?" she laughed, shaking her head. She was hoping that he hadn't caught onto her slip up, yet when he asked if there were pink clouds in her future she shrugged, feeling her cheeks blush. "Uh, not yet but I hope maybe soon.." @noahsinclaxr

"Hard to resist -- so are you, or are you drinking?" Noah snickered, taking a sip from his wine. Most people pegged him for a beer kind of guy, as that was what he usually indulged in at parties, but he had a love for wine, especially the pinot grigio. But he looked at it more as a treat, than something he'd drink whenever it was on hand. And as Haven was quick to mention, he was celebrating. "Two under two." He chuckled, setting down his glass on the table. "As much as I'd like to, there won't be any more for a while after this one. Gotta get Nora through medical school. At least we got time for proper research now." He wasn't beyond doing a vasectomy, he just liked to know all the facts. "But uh, making you work harder? Pink clouds in your future?" @havenbsinclair

#wine month; haven x noah #noah event thread; 01

[havenbsinclair]

Anyone that had been paying attention to Haven at all within the past hour could tell she was having a great time. Despite the fact her and Julian had agreed to be mostly sober, the glass in her hand that was nothing less than a half drank martini was proof that she was having the time of her life. Even if she didn't need alcohol to enjoy celebrating her man, at least she could say it was helping. "I'm having the best time, my love.." she spoke, leaning to kiss his cheek, the black dress she had decided on proving just why she'd picked it with how easy she could move in it. Before she had time to comment on what he could possibly have for her, he stated it wasn't what she thought and she laughed, shaking her head once she was facing him. "It's like you read my mind." she winked, kissing his nose softly. "Of course, babe. I'll always make time for you." @julianxhawthorne

"Are you having a good time?" Julian uttered by her ear, an embrace from behind that happened every so often. He had more to celebrate for this year, having gained the love of his life, a bonus son and basically more happiness than he had the last time he was celebrating. "I've got something for you below decks." He uttered, taking her by the hand to turn her around. "And no, it's not what you think it is." A snicker, then a nod towards the yacht cabin. "Got a second to slip away?" @havenbsinclair

#haven x julian #julian thread; 03

[havenbsinclair]

@HAVENBSINCLAIR just posted to instagram, and tagged someone you may know, @julianxhawthorne

#about haven; photo album #ft. julian hawthorne #otp: favorite kind of high

[havenbsinclair]

Haven knew if there were a way to wish it into existence, Julian would've already done so. There was no doubt in her mind that if she wanted it as badly as she did, Julian wanted it even more. Sure, in her eyes he was already an amazing father to Lake despite the fact Lake's own father was in the picture; Julian hadn't hesitated to step up and step in whenever it was necessary. He was truly the dad he 'didn't have to be' and while sometimes it was a lot for Haven to wrap her head around, yet she knew that she didn't want to spend this part of life - or any other part of it for that matter - with anyone else. Though, her thoughts of becoming a mother were currently in the back of her mind as Julian's grip around her waist tightened as if he were terrified to lose her. She leaned into him best she could, the humming of the tune growing louder as Julian joined in, and she stopped only long enough to kiss his cheek before she continued swaying with him in the quietness of the bathroom. Sure, the 'practicing' would always be fun, but this level of intimacy was something Haven would never get tired of. The kiss on her neck brought her back to reality and she nodded, letting herself kiss him softly as she inhaled. "We probably should." she added, taking a step forward and picking up the test, leaving it face down. She looked at him, almost as if she were looking for the answer in his eyes, and then counted. "One, two, three.." before she flipped it over, revealing yet another negative test. @julianxhawthorne

"No such luck." He sighed, though his smile was still heard in his voice. If she had been able to wish it into existence, undoubtedly they would've already been sharing it with the world at this stage. Three months. He didn't mind the trying, of course he didn't. But he did feel guilty whenever she did a test it ended up negative. He knew that it hurt, and he'd try to take it away as much as he could, but he also allowed her to feel it for a moment if that was what she needed. He kept on holding on to the hope that one day it would work. That they would get there. He didn't want to suggest seeing a specialist yet, not wanting to create the idea he didn't think they could do it naturally, that she couldn't. That was the last thing he wanted. He smiled against the kiss that was pressed against his cheek, hands sliding further along her waist, his grip tightening the slightest. It didn't take him long before he recognised the tune she was humming, softly singing along with it in a bare whisper, swaying more to the rhythm of it. It was a miracle they lasted a while doing something as simple as that. After a bit though, even his curiosity got the better of him, glancing at his watch before he pressed a subtle kiss in the crook of her neck. "Shall we look?" @havenbsinclair

#haven x julian #julian thread; 01 #pregnancy mention tw

[havenbsinclair]

𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘭𝘭 -- capping at 2 (0/2) -- once capped please message if you want to reply!

Despite the fact that the place was owned by her boyfriend, Julian, Haven didn't make it out to NEXT GEN nearly as often as she planned. Something about chasing her man around the world on top of running a local business while also playing mom to her son Lake kept her busier than she'd expected - who'd figure? But today she'd decided to spend the afternoon there; a free afternoon schedule never stayed free for long in her mind and while she'd be busy, she'd rather be busy helping support Kismet Harbor and her boyfriend's business. She was standing at the table with the kids doing their homework, her eyes averting to her watch every few minutes as if she was trying to manage her time wisely, and she looked up as a shadow approached her. She was preparing to tell them she'd be with them in just a second, when the face of another volunteer greeted her. "Oh, hi!" she smiled excitedly. "I'm honestly so happy you're here. I was checking the schedule and we were looking a little slim, but if you want to help out the kids at the craft table need a little help with that hot glue gun and a supervisor."

#haven x open #kismetharbor.starter

[havenbsinclair]

It took Haven a moment to recognize the other, but when the realization of who he was hit her, she offered him a small smile. It wasn't too often she ran into the exes of her best friend around town, but at least Manuel was a better option than some of the others. When he mentioned that it had been awhile for him, she smiled nodding. "I'm a red wine kind of girl myself. But I don't mind either as long as they're sweeter." she admitted. "I used to have a favorite wine from out here, but honestly it's been so long since I was out here myself they probably don't sell it anymore." she shrugged. "You have a favorite or are you just out here winging it like the rest of us?" @manuelxgarcia

Manuel looked up as someone bumped into him. It didn't take him more than a split moment to recognize the woman. She had been Amerie's close friend growing up and since moving to Kismet, Manuel had seen her often. "It's not a first," he admitted to Haven, "but it's been a while." He told her with a small smile resting on his lips. "As for recommendations," he hummed, thinning his lips in the moment, "are you more of a red or white wine person?" @havenbsinclair

#wine month; haven x manuel #manuel event thread; 01

[havenbsinclair]

There was no question in Haven's mind that had ever wondered if she was cut out to be a mother. From the age of five when she'd play on the playground at recess, she'd been the first one of her friend group to volunteer to play the 'parent', doing her best to nurture her friends and be that loving parents as much as a 5 year old could to kids her own age. And while it was just pretend, it ignited something inside of Haven that never really went away. She spent more of her younger years referring to her younger brother as 'her baby' and while she'd never been the one to care for him medically when he was sick, his death had destroyed the family - of course - but there was a small part of Haven that would nearly swear that she understood her own mother's pain about losing a child, despite not being in that stage of life herself. And given how careless a lot of Haven's encounters had been, the woman was shocked that she'd not gotten pregnant long before she did with Lake; so when she actually found herself pregnant, despite the nerves, she knew that was exactly what she wanted. And she'd lived her life content with only being the mom of one child if that's what she was given, yet when the conversation with Julian had come about, the longing to grow her family - and to grow it with Julian - had been so strong she couldn't stand it. And with each month that passed that another test was negative - thankfully this would only be their third - she felt as if her world was crashing down. She was so lost in the thought of what may or may not be happening that it took Julian's voice to bring her out of her thought and she nodded, letting her smile grow as he mentioned that a boy or a girl - as long as it was part of her - would be wanted. "You say that like I can just wish it into existence, babe." she laughed, shaking her head as she felt the way her hand gripped at Julian's against her torso, her fingers outstretched on top of his hand as if longing for something to be different this time. The kiss on her neck along with the way his hands gripped at her wrists before he began swaying her made Haven sigh, and she nodded. "I know, but-" she refrained, shaking her head as she closed her eyes, not wanting to get too lost in thought. "I love you." she replied, kissing his cheek as she sighed, letting herself lean into him as she swayed with him, simultaneously humming along to the song playing in her head, trying her best to ignore the nerves that were building in her stomach.

He put a lot of question marks around his being a father. He'd never given it much thought because he had always been focused on work, charity, partying. Since Alice no one had been able to turn his head quite the way Haven did. Good things came to those who waited. Yet, when Verity had confessed she was pregnant it had changed his body chemistry. He had been terrified before, wondering if he'd end up the same way as his father, but eventually refused to treat his child the same way his father had treated his. Never would he treat them as a way to make him or his family look good. Force them into things they didn't want to do or crush their dreams so they'd fit a picture. No matter how much his parents would disapprove of such. He knew they disagreed with more than enough choices already. But the older he got, the less he was to back down. He would take the seat of CEO, but until then he was living his life the way he wanted. "You know. Boy or a girl, as long as they're from you and they're healthy, I'm happy." He spoke, honestly feeling that way. Having a son would get rid of his family pressure, but if that was the only reason he wanted a son, he shouldn't be a father. No he already truly enjoyed being with Lake, being a father figure to him and he had literally known him for as long as he knew Haven. Boy or a girl, he would be just fine. "I would like to think it is." He sighed, burying his face in her neck where he pressed a soothing kiss. "Do you need a distraction?" He asked, hands clasping around her wrists so she couldn't check her watch anymore, his arms tightly locked against her sides as he began to sway her along with him, as if small dancing. "If it's not now, it'll be later. Besides, more excuse to practice." He tried to lighten the mood, lifting his head and resting his cheek against her, meeting her gaze once more through the mirror. "I love you." @havenbsinclair

#haven x julian #julian thread; 01 #pregancy tw #death tw